第一篇：托福寫作的評(píng)分解讀

認(rèn)識(shí)托福寫作

新托福(iBT)考試的寫作，要求考生寫兩篇文章。第一篇叫做“綜合寫作”(Integrated writing)，要求考生用三分鐘時(shí)間先讀一篇長度為230-300個(gè)單詞的學(xué)術(shù)性文章，然后用大約兩分鐘時(shí)間聽一段與閱讀內(nèi)容相關(guān)的講座錄音。再讓考生寫一篇150到225個(gè)單詞的文章，總結(jié)講座要點(diǎn)，并分析其與閱讀文章的關(guān)系。綜合寫作要求學(xué)生做到以下三點(diǎn)：第一，聽得懂；第二，記得住；第三，寫得出。第二篇作文叫“獨(dú)立寫作”(independent writing)，要求考生針對(duì)給出的題目，提出觀點(diǎn)并用論據(jù)和例子來支持和論證。基本上，考生需要做的是選擇題(do you agree or disagree…)：給你一個(gè)觀點(diǎn)，問你是否同意；或者給出兩個(gè)觀點(diǎn)或選擇，問你支持哪一個(gè)，相當(dāng)于做二選一的選擇題，考生需表明態(tài)度，然后論證自己的觀點(diǎn)。

本文將主要論述獨(dú)立寫作的備考策略。要分析其備考策略，就必須先了解它的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。了解了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，也就有了努力的方向和奮斗目標(biāo)。《托福官方指南》提供了四條評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，可以大致概括為三個(gè)方面：第一，觀點(diǎn)和論述（即有話可說）；第二，邏輯與組織（即能說清楚）；第三，詞句和語法（即能說漂亮）。因此，我們從三個(gè)方面來看看。

備考策略一： 千言萬語，提前準(zhǔn)備（有話說）

托福獨(dú)立寫作要求在30分鐘內(nèi)寫出至少300字的文章；而對(duì)于想拿到高分的考生來說，字?jǐn)?shù)接近甚至超過400往往會(huì)比較有利。俗話說，“巧婦難為無米之炊”，要想撐起300多字的文章，有足夠的寫作內(nèi)容就很重要，因此，考生需要“有話說”。從獨(dú)立寫作的話題來看，有些話題容易想到寫作內(nèi)容，便于展開，如學(xué)生該不該做兼職，小孩該不該玩電腦等，但也有些話題因?yàn)檫^于具體或者過于抽象而相對(duì)較難，如年輕人的計(jì)劃和組織能力是否很重要，讀寫能力在現(xiàn)代社會(huì)是否比過去更重要，是否每個(gè)專業(yè)的學(xué)生都該學(xué)歷史，參觀博物館是否是了解一個(gè)國家最好的辦法等。所以，從備考的角度來講，考生需要在考前熟悉獨(dú)立寫作的話題。目前托福獨(dú)立作文的題目來源主要有三個(gè)方面：1.老托福題庫中的一部分題目；2.“舊瓶裝新酒”，由老題改編的題目；3.新出的題目。所以，考生應(yīng)該在考前把老托福題庫中的185道題目（見《托福官方指南》）和新托福寫作機(jī)經(jīng)（參看新航道學(xué)員論壇）里的題目多看幾遍，如果時(shí)間充裕可以按照話題對(duì)題目進(jìn)行分類，對(duì)每個(gè)大類的話題進(jìn)行一些構(gòu)思的訓(xùn)練，總結(jié)出一些論點(diǎn)和論據(jù)。

備考策略二：唯有想清楚，才能寫清楚（說清楚）

托福寫作雖然是以測試語言能力為目的的，但是語言信息的傳遞離不開信息之間內(nèi)在邏輯的支撐。遺憾的是，跟英美等西方國家的學(xué)生相比，中國學(xué)生似乎不太重視邏輯，在這方面的訓(xùn)練也較差。沒有邏輯的語言，只能是片段的、零碎的、雜亂無章的，讀來讓人一頭霧水，不之所云。試想，如果托福作文閱卷人連自己的母語都看不懂，又怎么可能給出高分呢？常見的邏輯錯(cuò)誤包括前后不一致、句子之間過渡不順暢（出現(xiàn)跳躍斷層）等。比如：

前后不一致：If a language disappeared, then the culture would disappear.For example, McDonalds and KFC are very popular among Chinese young people, leading to the gradual loss of Chinese culture.修改: The disappearance of a language may result in the gradual loss of the culture associated with it.For example, over the past centuries, many languages of Chinese ethic minorities have disappeared as a result of the popularity of the more powerful language, Mandarin.Consequently, without language barriers, the people of these ethnic minorities were able to communicate easily with the Han Chinese, from whom they learned sophisticated farming skills and other advanced modes of production.Gradually, they have abandoned their previous ways of farming and even ways of life.句子之間不連貫：The rhythm of life is fast, but people still want to eat nutritious food.修改：In modern society, many people, especially those in metropolises are often too busy with their work that they cannot afford the time to eat a decent meal.Instead, they have to eat fast food, which is considered to be less favorable because it lacks nutrition.However, people still prefer nutritious food.值得注意的是，類似上面的邏輯問題并非個(gè)案，相反，這些錯(cuò)誤在考生的文章里屢見不鮮。因此，考生必須重視段與段之間，句與句之間的內(nèi)在邏輯，動(dòng)筆之前，務(wù)必先想清楚；只有想清楚了，才可能寫清楚，從而能保證論述前后一致(unity)和連貫流暢(coherence)。此外，初學(xué)寫作者，應(yīng)認(rèn)真學(xué)習(xí)段落展開論述的技巧，學(xué)習(xí)如何使用諸如因果、舉例、對(duì)比等寫作手段來組句成段。段落展開的基本結(jié)構(gòu)是：(論點(diǎn))……This is because(因果論

證)……For example(舉例論證)……Conversely(強(qiáng)對(duì)比論證)……這是三種最基本的論證方法。可以用其中一種，也可以用兩種或三種。上面的提示詞，對(duì)我們的寫作有引導(dǎo)的作用，有助于考生把段落的邏輯寫清楚。

備考策略三：避免錯(cuò)誤，設(shè)置亮點(diǎn)（說漂亮）

托福考試主要考察學(xué)生英語語言能力，可以說良好的語言能力是寫好托福作文的核心要素，因此，考生應(yīng)努力提高語言表達(dá)水平。古人云：“言之無文，行而不遠(yuǎn)。”說的就是語言要有文采。獨(dú)立寫作的語言，主要有兩個(gè)方面的問題：第一，語法正確；第二，詞句漂亮。

1〃語法正確

語法是語言的法則，只有詞語堆砌，沒有法則，肯定是寫不出符合英文要求的文章的。很多人為了準(zhǔn)備托福考試背了大量單詞，還準(zhǔn)備了許多所謂高級(jí)詞匯和復(fù)雜句式，遇到一些仿佛可以通過這些所謂高級(jí)表達(dá)來獲得托福寫作的高分，但是在具體運(yùn)用單詞組成句子的時(shí)候卻錯(cuò)誤頻出。這樣的問題跟語法基礎(chǔ)不好有很大關(guān)系，因此，對(duì)于很多人來講，最基本的要求就是不要犯語法錯(cuò)誤，特別是很多低級(jí)錯(cuò)誤，切不可舍本逐末。在具備一定的語法基礎(chǔ)上，多練習(xí)寫句子的能力，因?yàn)榫渥邮菍懽鞯幕締挝弧Ｒ獙W(xué)會(huì)寫出語法正確、表意清楚、語義連貫的句子。在寫句子的時(shí)候，切不可在不能保證句子正確的情況下追求所謂高級(jí)表達(dá)。英文寫作并非是簡單的所謂高級(jí)詞匯和復(fù)雜句式的替換游戲。實(shí)際上，從OG上給出的5分作文來看，文章中的高級(jí)詞匯和復(fù)雜句式并沒有我們想象的那么多，但是這樣的文章也照樣可以得到5分。可見，高分作文并不一定需要太多的高級(jí)詞匯和復(fù)雜句式，只要能表達(dá)準(zhǔn)確，言之成理就行。從這個(gè)意義上來講，寫作中應(yīng)該“不求有功，但求無過”。建議考生在平時(shí)寫完作文后，注意修改，總結(jié)錯(cuò)誤，列出清單，防止再錯(cuò)。

2〃詞句漂亮。

考生平時(shí)要多看范文，注意分析詞匯和句子的清晰度和準(zhǔn)確性，積累好的詞匯和句型。值得注意的是，托福作文考試要求多用主動(dòng)語態(tài)(active voice), 多用動(dòng)詞(verbs)和具體的詞(specific and concretewords)。因此，考生切不可受國內(nèi)錯(cuò)誤的英文寫作觀的影響，認(rèn)為只有用被動(dòng)語態(tài)、抽象名詞和復(fù)雜句式才能贏得閱卷人的青睞。實(shí)際情況是：與其復(fù)雜錯(cuò)誤，不如簡單準(zhǔn)確。可以通過下面的例子，來了解托福作文需要的語言。下面B版本是托福寫作需要的句子：

多用主動(dòng)語態(tài)：

A: In order to accomplish this, an approach of gradual transition will be adopted.→ B: We shall accomplish this by a gradual transition.多用動(dòng)詞: A: It is impossible for us to accomplish the transformation of the whole society overnight.→

B: It is impossible for us to transform the whole society overnight.多用具體詞:

A: Smoking is very unhealthy.→ B: It is generally believed that smoking can contribute to a variety of health problems, such as pneumonia, bronchitis, lung cancer, and heart disease.總之，托福作文貌似很難，其實(shí)不過是紙老虎罷了。只要了解考試要求，注意按照備考策略，熟悉題目話題，注意行文邏輯，減少語言錯(cuò)誤，設(shè)置詞句亮點(diǎn)，多加練習(xí)，勤于修改，定能笑傲考場，走向托福寫作的成功之路。

第二篇：托福寫作

Agree or disagree A university should focus more on its facilities, computers or laboratory, rather than on hiring famous teachers

Nowadays, highly education has been attached more important than before.A argue that school facilities should pay more attention than professor lecture.From my perspective, although such hardware like computer centers and science lab provide some benefits to university students, university depends on quality of stuff.Admittedly, a school equipped with great facilities is more appealing the applicants.The reason is that it can make study easier.A bright library offers such a quiet condition for knowledge absorption;a computer center provides a self-govern ways to study;a science lab make student get more practice about miracles.However, this factors become less considerate when it comes to the quality of the professors.For one thing, not only do famous teachers can impart the knowledge, but instill the angle that to solve the problem.To pass on knowledge, a human is no better than a machine or a high-tech tool.The difference lies in the

special ways to get the solutions and the potential inspiration by the former.Take my favorite teacher for example, she often shows us some different way to solve the difficulties.And then she tells us the angle to work out the problem.As for me, it was not until her explanation, that I know about the easier way to work the problem.That is something that high-tech can barely achieve.For another, universities with qualified teachers tend to have higher graduate employment.It is not hard to imagine that a teacher with connections can bring more opportunity to get internship.As an old saying goes, knowledge starts with practice.It is still true now.Students who swamped in labs, would never face the brutal fact that you need a window for people to see what you’ve got.In this way, a well-connect professor can open that for you, instead of lifeless labs.In conclusion, though facilities could promote learning, but it fail to generate more practical merits to students.Recruit more qualified teacher should be paid more attention and stress.

第三篇：托福寫作欣賞

托福寫作范文欣賞：a new university in your community

摘要：新托福考試寫作如果考生想拿高分，腦子里一定要有幾篇文章，背上幾篇范文，能以備不時(shí)只需。托福寫作是中國考生的弱項(xiàng)，只有在日常生活中多讀些范文，了解托福寫作中的邏輯思

新托福考試寫作如果考生想拿高分，腦子里一定要有幾篇文章，背上幾篇范文，能以備不時(shí)只需。托福寫作是中國考生的弱項(xiàng)，只有在日常生活中多讀些范文，了解托福寫作中的邏輯思維，才可更好的進(jìn)行鍛煉。下面我們一起欣賞這篇托福寫作范文。

這篇托福獨(dú)立寫作滿分范文的主要內(nèi)容是討論了如果政府宣布計(jì)劃興建一所新的大學(xué)，而有些人認(rèn)為你所在的社區(qū)是個(gè)建大學(xué)的好地方，那么請(qǐng)你也對(duì)比一下在你所在的社區(qū)建新大學(xué)的好處和壞處。The government has announced that it plans to build a new university.Some people think that your community would be a good place to locate the university.Compare the advantages and disadvantages of establishing a new university in your community.Use specific details in your discussion.①優(yōu)點(diǎn)：學(xué)生上學(xué)方便;促進(jìn)當(dāng)?shù)氐慕逃l(fā)展

②優(yōu)點(diǎn)：促進(jìn)當(dāng)?shù)禺a(chǎn)業(yè)發(fā)展，提供就業(yè)崗位

③缺點(diǎn)：本區(qū)很多老人，將極大影響他們的生活，其他人的生活也不再安寧

④缺點(diǎn)：交通、環(huán)境問題轉(zhuǎn)自:考試網(wǎng)-[Examw.Com]

My community is located in a quiet and small town with very

beautiful natural sceneries.The environment is very suitable for a new university.Everyone in my community would without doubt enjoy a sense of pride when informed that a new university will be built here.However, just as any other constructions, this action will bring many advantages as well as disadvantages to my community.The most essential and exciting advantage is that a new university will definitely enhance the education on all levels in my community.Usually, children living nearby a university would frequently visit or play in the university, and thus they can be unconsciously influenced by the academic environment.This influence might be more effective to them than any preach from their parents about the importance of studying.By building a new university, children in my community will develop a greater motivation for studying hard.Moreover, with a university located nearby, all the primary schools, middle schools will have a greater sense of competition.The teachers may encourage the students to work harder to get a university degree, since it would be very embarrassing that the students of their own community could not be admitted by the new university.Besides, a new university in my community will boom the local economy.As we all know, universities are always surrounded by a wide range of stores, restaurants and markets which provide services to the students and faculty.Thus it is very likely that the new university will

encourage the local residents to offer their services around the school.As a result, more people will be employed and the employment rate which bothers the government for years might eventually drop.However, with closer examination, the disadvantages of building a new university in my community could also be formidable.Since my community is far from the city, most of its residents are seniors.Even for the younger people living here, they prefer a quiet environment and are afraid of any major changes made to their lives.Therefore, the attention brought by a new university might be unbearable to these local people.To be specific, traffic will no doubt increase in the near future.With more cars and people on the roads, it is possible that the local environmental quality will decrease.If the air is no more clean, our community might lose its strongest attraction.Then current residents might feel quite reluctant to live here in the future.In sum, the advantages of building a new university in my community seems very promising, yet we have to consider the undesirable consequences it might bring about.The government should really be cautious and take all the possible factors into consideration before making such a decision.'

我們并不主張考生死記范文，考試時(shí)如果遇到類似題目照搬上去，這并不能考察考生的寫作能力。新托福考試寫作多背一些范文，可以積累一些素材，像好的短語、詞、句等，靈活運(yùn)用。

第四篇：托福寫作

Do you agree or disagree that university should spend money on improving facilities(labs and general requirements)rather than hiring famous teachers?

Nowadays it rarely surprises us any more that there are relatively large numbers of facilities such as labs and libraries in the campus of universities.However, hordes of people are likely to go to extremes to hold that the university should not spend that much money on improving facilities on account of the lack of fund.Perhaps there is a slice of credibility in their argument, but I, without hesitation, advocate that it’s really essential for the universities to improve facilities

Granted, it is true that by saving money from the investment of facilities, the universities may concentrate more on the development of curriculum and the welfare which is provided for the teachers and professors.The statistics from the Harvard University reveal, astonishingly, that 62.7% people suggest that the universities should not be too eager to develop the general requirements.However, they ignore the fact that these facilities provided by the universities will definitely benefit the students in more ways than one.First and foremost, what never seizes to enthrall me is that the facilities will build a great atmosphere for the people(mainly college students)to study and relax.If the university constructs a great library which stores up millions of books or more, it will surely appeal to lots of studious students and those who don’t have the opportunity to attend the university.So actually this kind of facilities benefits the whole society, so do labs and other general requirements.Also, facilities like a natatorium or a gym can provide the basic facilities for students to relax.As we all know, students suffer both from studying burden and everyday lives.They need a way to relax, and these facilities just happen to provide great opportunities to relieve and extenuate their pressure.Therefore, there is no denying that by spending money on improving facilities a university will, to a great extent, enrich the students’ knowledge and broaden their horizon and give them the chance to relax at the same time.Moreover, the reputation gained from various facilities exerts a considerable fascination on me.If a university has more facilities which can provide students with more privilege, it can surely attract more top students who want the best education.Also, a famous university with variety numbers of facilities can add to the prestige of the city, the province, even the country which it belongs to.A case concerns MIT, which is one of the most celebrated universities all over the world.It has gained a high reputation for its prominent labs and stat-of-the-art equipments which provide students with the remarkable experimental qualification.Also, it makes its city, Cambridge, better known by the people as a cosmopolitan, international and civilized conurbation.Accordingly, it is apparent that the variety of the universities will make itself more eminent, therefore making significant contribution to the prosperity of the region.In conclusion, it is true that the limitation on funding facilities will economize some manpower and material resources for a university, but in order to provide both the students andthe universities with a bright future, spending money on these general equipments should never be off the table by a university.

第五篇：了解托福評(píng)分規(guī)則!你的寫作再也不被扣分了

三立教育www.tmdps.cn

了解托福評(píng)分規(guī)則！你的寫作再也不被扣分了

為什么你的托福寫作莫名其妙被扣分? 三立在線教育托福網(wǎng)溫馨提示：這是因?yàn)槟悴涣私庠u(píng)分規(guī)則!出現(xiàn)這種情況主要是因?yàn)槲覀儧]有弄清楚托福綜合寫作的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，即其考察點(diǎn)。對(duì)寫作評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)了解不夠自然會(huì)影響到寫作的目的性以及最后的成績。

何為目的性?

海外考試的種類很多，雅思、新托福、GRE、GMAT、SAT等，每項(xiàng)考試對(duì)于寫作的要求都是不一樣的，然而很多托福考生憑主觀臆斷寫作要想拿高分就要詞匯高深、句法復(fù)雜，實(shí)際情況卻是ETS沒那么在意詞句的難度，而是最在意內(nèi)容信息傳遞的清晰度和邏輯性。當(dāng)考生不了解時(shí)，就會(huì)把功夫花錯(cuò)地方，做了過多的無用功，造成吃力不討好，成績遇到瓶頸，怎么也提高不了的情況。

為了更有針對(duì)性地拿分，我們接下來將對(duì)托福綜合寫作評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)做一個(gè)分析。

首先我們來看托福寫作的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)：

托福寫作的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)

新托福寫作考試由兩部分組成：綜合寫作和獨(dú)立寫作。

綜合寫作：考生先閱讀一篇短文，再聽一段相關(guān)內(nèi)容的講座錄音，講座的演講者直接討論短文中的觀點(diǎn)，要求考生把演講者就短文觀點(diǎn)發(fā)表的看法寫成一篇摘要。三立教育www.tmdps.cn

獨(dú)立寫作：要求考生針對(duì)某一話題發(fā)表個(gè)人的觀點(diǎn)，并用具體的理由和事例來支持自己的觀點(diǎn)。每篇作文都由兩位評(píng)分人員根據(jù)統(tǒng)一的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，在0～5分的范圍內(nèi)評(píng)分(只給整數(shù)分?jǐn)?shù))，而后取平均值，最后將這個(gè)平均值轉(zhuǎn)換為30分制。

綜合寫作評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)

1.內(nèi)容的完整性和準(zhǔn)確性。簡單地說，就是文章是否有將講座中的關(guān)鍵信息點(diǎn)完整、準(zhǔn)確地提取出來(通常情況下有三點(diǎn))，并和閱讀材料中的相關(guān)內(nèi)容有效地一一對(duì)應(yīng)。如果講座中的信息點(diǎn)有缺失，那么會(huì)有一定程度的扣分;如果只寫了有關(guān)閱讀材料的觀點(diǎn)，得1分。

2.文章的組織機(jī)構(gòu)，詞匯和語法的正確性和準(zhǔn)確性。高分的作文需要做到條理清晰，結(jié)構(gòu)連貫，用詞恰當(dāng)，能夠準(zhǔn)確地表達(dá)講座中的觀點(diǎn)與閱讀材料中的觀點(diǎn)是如何相互聯(lián)系的，只要作文中的錯(cuò)誤不至于使內(nèi)容表述出現(xiàn)誤解，一些偶爾出現(xiàn)的語言錯(cuò)誤，如單詞拼寫、單復(fù)數(shù)問題等，不會(huì)對(duì)作文成績產(chǎn)生很大影響，當(dāng)然，錯(cuò)誤肯定是越少越好的。

獨(dú)立寫作評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)

1.有效回應(yīng)題目，闡明文章主題。

一般來說，獨(dú)立寫作完全跑題的情況很少，但是很多考生在展開討論時(shí)所采用的論據(jù)，比較容易出現(xiàn)跟主題關(guān)聯(lián)性不大的情況，即局部答非所問的現(xiàn)象，從而影響了得分。三立教育www.tmdps.cn

2.邏輯條理清楚，論證充分展開。

這一點(diǎn)的關(guān)鍵在于文章論證的展開，是否提供了大量的細(xì)節(jié)和例子來支持觀點(diǎn)，而非泛泛而談地說理。比如說某位同學(xué)的英文寫作能力很強(qiáng)，我光說很強(qiáng)，很厲害，寫得很好都很表面，但是我如果說這位同學(xué)托福寫作考了29分，那么就是很細(xì)節(jié)很有說服力的論據(jù)了。

3.內(nèi)容連貫一致，銜接自然流暢。

達(dá)到內(nèi)容連貫一致的文章通常全文圍繞中心論點(diǎn)展開，而不會(huì)論據(jù)自相矛盾，也不會(huì)重復(fù)論證，有時(shí)候通過一些表示因果、先后、遞進(jìn)的關(guān)系連詞可以起到粘合劑的作用。

4.遣詞造句地道，語言駕馭嫻熟。

托福考試終究是語言考試，最終還是要考查考生的語言運(yùn)用能力，但是要注意的是，并不是要求考生通篇都用難詞偏語長句，而是要會(huì)變化著用一些美國人常用的語句把自己的想法表達(dá)清楚，所以建議考生盡量多閱讀和模仿英文原版材料，這樣寫出來的文章才能夠原汁原味。

由托福評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)可見，托福寫作能力是語言運(yùn)用的精髓與核心，對(duì)于在外國留學(xué)的中國學(xué)生，尤其是有志于進(jìn)入文商科領(lǐng)域的學(xué)生來說，“寫”是一條生命線，直接關(guān)乎課業(yè)和工作的成敗。以寫作形式提交的測試或者論文占據(jù)了GPA的極大比重，這事實(shí)上對(duì)于母語非英文的亞洲學(xué)生來說是利好的，如果沒有以書面形三立教育www.tmdps.cn

式呈現(xiàn)的作業(yè)，一般來說稍顯內(nèi)向的學(xué)生很難在激烈的英語課堂辯論中占據(jù)任何優(yōu)勢。從更深層次上來說，“寫”代表了個(gè)人內(nèi)心聲音的傾訴，展現(xiàn)了理解知識(shí)的深度和思考的結(jié)晶，鐫刻了一個(gè)人的思想由青澀到成熟的印記。而到了工作階段，對(duì)于任何與文商科有關(guān)的職業(yè)，例如律師，會(huì)計(jì)師，分析師，翻譯，記者等等來說，寫作都是最基本與核心的質(zhì)素，無論是撰寫報(bào)告，公文，信函……寫作的重要性常常為學(xué)生們所忽視，因此到了大學(xué)和工作之后往往要加倍償還。

托福考生常見問題

大部分的學(xué)生在托福寫作中所展現(xiàn)出來的英文寫作問題主要集中在以下幾點(diǎn)：

1邏輯匱乏

連貫地把一個(gè)觀點(diǎn)言之成理地表達(dá)出來，是完成任何寫作任務(wù)的第一要?jiǎng)?wù)，在英文寫作中尤其要注意兩點(diǎn)，第一，不要被辭藻的華美和句式的復(fù)雜繞進(jìn)去了，英文應(yīng)該以幾個(gè)關(guān)鍵詞為骨架，再以此為基礎(chǔ)進(jìn)行增刪修飾，所以不要文過飾非，表達(dá)片段化;第二，對(duì)于低齡學(xué)員來說，尤其要注意平行論點(diǎn)之間是否有重疊，交叉的地方，同時(shí)，要注意事實(shí)，結(jié)果和基準(zhǔn)之間是否處在一條直線上，是否在邏輯上具有一致性。

2論據(jù)意識(shí)不強(qiáng) 三立教育www.tmdps.cn

托福寫作評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)當(dāng)中對(duì)于“事實(shí)和論據(jù)”有著明確的要求，“口水話”是任何應(yīng)試型寫作的大忌。論據(jù)的積累事實(shí)上也應(yīng)該成為寫作教學(xué)的重要一環(huán)，其中理論型的論據(jù)需要教師的講解和提煉，也需要學(xué)生“思接千載，視通萬里”，不局限于單一科目，把多門學(xué)科當(dāng)中的原理和事實(shí)融入進(jìn)論點(diǎn)的闡發(fā)過程，比如心理學(xué)中的“延遲滿足”效應(yīng)，經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)里“馬太效應(yīng)”等等，都應(yīng)該是寫作可以信手拈來的材料，但是這一塊是傳統(tǒng)的寫作教學(xué)比較忽視的;而事實(shí)論據(jù)也是大有文章可做的，最可靠的是數(shù)字，對(duì)數(shù)字的敏感度的培養(yǎng)應(yīng)該從小開始，不能成為短板;其次是概括性的事實(shí)，大部分的低齡學(xué)員在抽象概括能力上需要嚴(yán)格的訓(xùn)練，在初期需要思維模型的打造，比如判定一種行為的利弊，可以借用“個(gè)人-社區(qū)-社會(huì)”的經(jīng)典分層，或者在工作類的話題上，對(duì)不同類型的職業(yè)進(jìn)行單獨(dú)分析……

最后要強(qiáng)調(diào)的是具體事例，此處必須明確的一點(diǎn)是具體事例寫作絕對(duì)不等同把個(gè)人經(jīng)歷做成流水賬，而是要加以概括，把枝枝葉葉的部分砍掉，把意識(shí)流一般的敘事套進(jìn)一個(gè)整飭的模具當(dāng)中，這個(gè)模具就是段落的大意和行文的邏輯。

3遣詞造句不地道

托福的閱卷人不知道看過多少篇以 “with the development of society”(隨著社會(huì)的發(fā)展)開頭的作文，這種毫無個(gè)人創(chuàng)建的模板化也只能保證一個(gè)更加平庸的分?jǐn)?shù)。其次，玩弄大詞，不用小詞，不區(qū)分書面語和口語，都是由于平時(shí)不閱讀，不積累，所造成的壞賬和惡果。8歲時(shí)就出版?zhèn)€人專著《飛揚(yáng)的手指》，12歲就走上TED演講臺(tái)的美國華裔神童鄒奇奇(Adora Svitak)從三歲就開始博三立教育www.tmdps.cn

覽群書，去聽一聽她的那篇名為《成年人能從孩子身上學(xué)到什么》的演講，我們或許可以知道，任何神童和奇跡的產(chǎn)生，都是“積跬步”和“積小流”的結(jié)果。

4冗余現(xiàn)象嚴(yán)重

如果我們?cè)囍岩欢沃形姆g成英文，再把這段譯文和典范的英文進(jìn)行對(duì)比，就可以發(fā)現(xiàn)大多數(shù)人的翻譯都要比典范英文長一截。這恰恰是寫作剛剛?cè)腴T，又無法達(dá)到精通程度的學(xué)生最容易遇到的問題。英文寫作的原則應(yīng)該是“l(fā)ess is more”，寫得精煉遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)好于長篇大論，如若英文寫作要從中低端邁入高端，這背后需要調(diào)動(dòng)介詞，比如“otherwise”這種介詞，80%的學(xué)生都不會(huì)用，或者害怕用;此外，把從句以合成詞的方式的呈現(xiàn)出來，用上data-driven這樣的結(jié)構(gòu)，此處不一一贅述。

綜上所述，英文寫作首先是一種審美教育。審美是任何有效語言學(xué)習(xí)的最佳入門途徑，語文課上，不少人因?yàn)椤洞航ㄔ乱埂贰敖虾稳顺跻娫拢潞文瓿跽杖恕边@樣讓人震撼的名句而愛上了這門學(xué)科，而英文的審美力量常常為模式化的教學(xué)所忽視。讀原著，是長期構(gòu)建英文寫作能力的核心所在，例如我們?nèi)绻行易x一讀愛德華·吉本的《羅馬帝國衰亡史》，會(huì)看到，羅馬帝國“囊括世上最美之疆域”，在其“古老聲威與嚴(yán)整軍容”的震懾下，敵軍不敢來犯，市民“盡享富庶生活，甚而奢華揮霍”。(The Empire “comprehended the fairest part of the earth”.Rome’s enemies were kept at bay by “ancient renown and disciplined valour”.Citizens “enjoyed and abused the advantages of 三立教育www.tmdps.cn

wealth and luxury”.)用詞之準(zhǔn)確精妙，如果不經(jīng)過長期的培養(yǎng)和學(xué)習(xí)，是無論如何也現(xiàn)想不來的。

其次，英文寫作也是一種思維訓(xùn)練。隨著學(xué)力的增長，不同等級(jí)的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)化考試對(duì)于邏輯的要求也會(huì)越來越高。從托福的角度來說，可能觀點(diǎn)行文言之成理即可，而到了SAT階段，則把明確地提煉出作者態(tài)度，謀篇布局，并對(duì)其高明之處進(jìn)行剖析的能力列入了考察范圍，光靠死記硬背，顯然是難以應(yīng)付這一階段考試的。而到了申請(qǐng)研究生的時(shí)候，GRE，GMAT和LSAT的作文考試，邏輯就成了重中之重，簡單來說，在分析題干的時(shí)候，對(duì)論斷的合理性和不合理性都應(yīng)該有所論述，并且要分析出在何種情況下和何種程度中該觀點(diǎn)為合理或者不合理，沒有訓(xùn)練過的學(xué)員，一定是在考場上最手足無措的那一群人。

我們要做的就是將托福寫作題目分類，并進(jìn)行相應(yīng)的優(yōu)化。托福作文題目的難度體現(xiàn)最主要就是在作文題目越來越抽象，越來越不容易想到理由。其實(shí)，當(dāng)面對(duì)這些題目的時(shí)候，很多人總會(huì)把自己投入一個(gè)怪圈，單純的死扣這個(gè)問題，而不是試圖將它擴(kuò)展或者細(xì)化。作文最忌諱的就是就事論事，不作任何擴(kuò)展。

最后，英文寫作也是一種品質(zhì)訓(xùn)練。寫作能力不是天生的，一定是養(yǎng)成的，任何資質(zhì)的孩子通過適當(dāng)?shù)呐嘤?xùn)和培養(yǎng)，都有可能成為一個(gè)合格的寫作者。但是，知易行難，不喜歡動(dòng)筆寫是大多數(shù)人的通病，寫作也是思路整理和思維鍛煉的過程，更是考驗(yàn)人的毅力和定力的時(shí)刻。在適當(dāng)?shù)臅r(shí)候，將寫作養(yǎng)成習(xí)慣需要借助外力，需要定期的督促和修改。注意到寫作能力的重要性，亡羊補(bǔ)牢，為時(shí)未晚，否則咱們的孩子到了國外之后，在語言上如何和外國的同齡人抗衡呢? 三立教育www.tmdps.cn

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