寫寫幫會員為你精心整理了46篇《英語小幽默》的范文，但愿對你的工作學(xué)習(xí)帶來幫助，希望你能喜歡！

篇一：英語幽默小故事

Don't Pick Up the Money on the Ground

An economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them.The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.Why not?

If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up? already.Everything that can be invented has been invented.別撿地上的錢

一位經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)教授和一名學(xué)生正在大街上行走，這時他們看到前面的人行道上躺著一張20美元面值的鈔票。學(xué)生走過去準(zhǔn)備撿，教授制止了他，告訴他別自尋煩惱。

“為什么不撿?”

“假如那是一張真20美元鈔票的話，早就有人撿走了。”

“該發(fā)明的都已經(jīng)被發(fā)明出來了。”

篇二：英語幽默小故事

The Less You Know, the More Money You Make

Theorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.Postulate 2: Time is Money.As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time.Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we have

Knowledge=Work/Money.Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.知識越少掙錢越多

定理：工程師和科學(xué)家永遠(yuǎn)應(yīng)當(dāng)比經(jīng)濟(jì)專家掙錢少。

下面是對該定理的一個嚴(yán)格的數(shù)學(xué)證明：

假設(shè)一：知識就是力量(Power)。

假設(shè)二：時間就是金錢。

每個工程師都知道：功率(Power)=。既然知識=力量，時間=金錢，我們有：知識=。求解金錢表達(dá)式，我們得到：金錢=。

因此，當(dāng)知識趨于零時，無論你做了多少功，金錢趨于無窮大。

結(jié)論：知識越少，你掙得的金錢就越多。

篇三：英語幽默小故事

They Should Be Playing at Night

A therapist, a priest and an economist go golfing.The group ahead of them is extremely slow, leading to? some frustration among the three.Their complaints are overheard, and a man from the group ahead walks over? to them.He introduces himself as an aide because the group of golfers he is with is blind!The aide thanks the three in appreciation for? their patience for the blind golfers.The priest goes, “Oh no, all my life I've preached for all to be better to my fellow man and here I am complaining about? the blind!” The therapist says, “I've been trained my whole life to help others and here I am complaining about the blind, shame on? me!” The economist says, “Oh no!They should be playing at night.”

他們本該在晚上打球

神父、心理學(xué)家和經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家三人結(jié)伴打高爾夫。前面的一組打球進(jìn)度極其緩慢，這讓三人大為惱火。他們開始抱怨，前面那組中的一人聽到抱怨聲后朝他們走了過來。他自我介紹說是前面那組球手們的助手，因?yàn)槟墙M球手都是盲人。助手感謝他們?nèi)荒托牡却Ｉ窀嘎牶竺φf：“哦，不會吧?我一輩子都在祈禱同胞們過上更美好的生活，而我卻在這里抱怨這些盲人!”心理學(xué)家也趕緊說：“我一生的信條是幫助別人，可是我卻在這里抱怨這些盲人，我真慚愧!”這時只聽經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家說：“哦，別這樣!他們本該在晚上打球的。”

篇四：英語幽默小故事

A fellow pilot flying over the Midwest heard an air-traffic controller trying to contact an airliner for normal frequency change.“Flight 354，“said the controller，“contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.“The request was repeated several times with no reply from the pilot.Finally，in exasperation the controller raised his voice.”Flight 354，Simon says contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.”The call was acknowledged with an emharrassed reply and prompt compliance.一名飛行員在中西部上空聽到地面指揮塔的指揮員在呼叫一民航調(diào)整其正常接收頻率。“354航班，”指揮塔在呼叫，“請與堪薩斯市中心135.5頻率聯(lián)系。”這一指令重復(fù)了幾次之后，竟沒得到任何回音。最后，指揮塔的指揮員顯然是被激怒了，他大聲地銳:”354航班，西蒙說速與135.5預(yù)率聯(lián)系。”這一聲顯然奏效，只聽對方慌忙地做了回答并迅速服從了指揮。”

篇五：英語幽默小故事

Even My Driver Can Answer that Question

A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give a series of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast.For the task, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place.With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on? the highly technical lectures.After several lectures, the driver commented to the economist, “You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I could deliver it myself.” The economist found this idea intriguing and decided to switch places with him at his next lecture.The driver gave the talk flawlessly.However, after the lecture, some one in the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had no idea how to even begin to answer.The driver considered it for a moment, and then replied, “That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it.”

甚至我的司機(jī)都能回答那個問題

一位著名的博弈論專家一獲得克拉克獎便開始在東北部各個知名大學(xué)展開一系列講座。為了完成這項(xiàng)任務(wù)，他租了一輛車并雇了一名司機(jī)載著他到處趕場。沒有別的事可做的司機(jī)就坐在課堂里聽專家那科技含量頗高的講座。幾場講座下來，司機(jī)對這位經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家說：“我聽了這么多次你的講座，我覺得我自己也能講了。”經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家覺得這個想法很有趣，于是決定下次作講座時他們兩個互換位置。

司機(jī)完美無瑕地完成了演講。可是當(dāng)講座結(jié)束后，聽眾中有人問了他一個技術(shù)含量相當(dāng)高的問題，他不知如何開口回答。司機(jī)沉思了一會，回答道：“這個問題太簡單了，連我的司機(jī)都能回答。”

篇六：英語幽默小故事

One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal.“Husbands are like wood fires;they go out if left unattened.”

“Does that mean,” asked the other, “that they make ashes of themselves?”

一名婦女向她最好的朋友大談雄性動物的特性：“丈夫們就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他們就會燃燒起來。”

“那是不是意味著，”另一個問道，“他們將自己燒成灰燼?”

篇七：英語幽默小故事

A naval officer fell overboard.He was rescued by a deck hand.The officer asked how he could reward him.“The best way, sir,” said the deck hand, “is to say nothing about it.If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in.”

一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何才能酬謝他。

“最好的辦法，長官，”這名水手說，“是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他們會把我扔下去的。”

篇八：英語幽默小故事

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.The wife wanted to travel around the world.The fairy waved her hand, and Boom!She had the tickets in her hand.Next, it was the husband's turn.He paused for a moment, then said shyly, “Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.”

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom!He was ninety.一對結(jié)婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。

慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現(xiàn)了。她說，由于他們是已經(jīng)結(jié)婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個愿望。

妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“??!”的一聲，她的手中出現(xiàn)了一張票。

接下來該丈夫許愿了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，“那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。”

仙女拾起了魔術(shù)棒。“??!”他變成了90歲。

篇九：英語幽默小故事

Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university.However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.“He's a good boy,” said Jack's father, “and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.”

“No, no, that's quite impossible,” replied the professor immediately.“Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!”

“Please, sir, give him another chance,” said Jack's father.“You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill.”

杰克到一所大學(xué)去學(xué)歷史。第一學(xué)期結(jié)束時，歷史課教授沒讓他及格。學(xué)校讓他退學(xué)。然而，杰克的父親決定去見教授，強(qiáng)烈要求讓杰克繼續(xù)來年的學(xué)業(yè)。

“他是個好孩子，”杰克的父親說：“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會有很大進(jìn)步，學(xué)期結(jié)束時，他一定會考好的。”

“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答。“你知道嗎?上個月我問他拿破侖什么時候死的，他都不知道。”

“先生，請?jiān)俳o他一次機(jī)會吧。”杰克的父親說：“你不知道，恐怕是因?yàn)槲覀兗覜]有訂報紙。我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道。”

篇十：英語幽默小故事

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18.So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too.This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.“How old are you?” he said.“Eighteen, sir,” said John.“But your brother was eighteen, too,” said the doctor.“Are you twins?”

“Oh, no, sir,” said John, and his face went red.“My brother is five months older than I am.”

第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開始了，約翰想?yún)④姡伤挥惺鶜q，當(dāng)時規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時，他說他已經(jīng)十八歲了。

可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆]幾天，而且也是這個軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查，這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。

“你多大了?”軍醫(yī)問。

“十八，長官。”約翰說。

“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”

約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。”

篇十一：英語幽默小故事

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend.“Shall I engrave her name on it?” the jeweler asked.The customer thought for a moment, and then said, “No-engrave it 'To my one and only love‘。That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again.”

在一家珠寶店里，一位年輕人買了一個貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面嗎?”珠寶商問道。

那名顧客想了一會兒，然后說道：“不――在上面刻’給我唯一的愛‘。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。”

篇十二：英語幽默小故事

Put Down My Shepherd Dog

Man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of

sheep.He tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.” The shepherd thinks it over;it's a big flock so he takes the bet.“973,” says the man.The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.The shepherd says, “OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal.” Man picks one up and begins to walk away.Wait, cries the shepherd, “Let me have a chance to get even.Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.” Man says sure.“You are a quantitative economist for a government think tank ,” says the shepherd.“Amazing!” responds the man, “You are exactly right!But tell me, how did you deduce that?”

Well, says the shepherd, “put down my shepherd dog and I will tell you.”

放下我的牧羊犬

有人在鄉(xiāng)間小路上偶遇一位牧羊人和一大群綿羊，他對牧羊人說：“我和你打賭，如果我猜中這群羊的數(shù)目，我得你一只羊，如猜錯，你得我100元。”牧羊人想了一會，認(rèn)為這一大群羊可不好數(shù)，于是欣然接受。“一共973只。”此人脫口說道。牧羊人聽后大為驚奇，因?yàn)閿?shù)目的確不錯。牧羊人說道：“我是個言而有信的人，拿走一只吧。”于是，此人抱起一只就想離開。

“等等，”牧羊人急忙喊道，“給我一個扳平的機(jī)會吧。如果我猜對你的職業(yè)的話，你就空手走人，我要是猜錯的話，你就再帶走一只。”此人欣然同意。“你是一位數(shù)量經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家，在政府智囊機(jī)構(gòu)工作。”牧羊人說道。“太神奇啦!”此人應(yīng)聲說道，“完全正確!可是請告訴我你是如何推論出來的呢?”

“好吧，”牧羊人說道，“先把我的牧羊犬放下來我再告訴你。”

篇十三：英語幽默小故事

Funny Words from Economists(Part One)

Economic statistics are like a bikini, what they reveal is important, what they conceal is vital.—Sir Frank Holmes

I'd rather be vaguely right than【1】 precisely wrong.—J.M.Keynes

Econometrics is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion.—Peter Kennedy

When an economist says the evidence is “mixed”, he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.—Richard Thaler

Theories are testable where they are least needed, and are not testable where they are most needed.—Charles M

——凱恩斯

anski

In the long run 【2】 , we are all dead.—J.M.Keynes

經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家妙語(一)

經(jīng)濟(jì)統(tǒng)計(jì)數(shù)據(jù)就像比基尼，暴露出的那部分固然重要，但沒暴露出的那部分才要命。

——弗蘭克·霍姆斯爵士

我寧愿稀里糊涂地正確，也不愿明明白白地錯誤。

——凱恩斯

計(jì)量經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)就是在未經(jīng)證實(shí)的假設(shè)與預(yù)料中的結(jié)論之間畫曲線的藝術(shù)。

——彼得·肯尼迪

當(dāng)經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家說證據(jù)“混亂”的時候，他或她指的是，理論是一回事而數(shù)據(jù)是另外一回事。

——理查德·泰勒

理論在最不需要的地方是可驗(yàn)證的，在最需要的地方卻得不到驗(yàn)證。

——查爾斯·曼斯基

長期而言，我們都死了。

篇十四：英語幽默小故事

It All Depends

The mathematician's child and the economist's child were in the third grade together, and one day the teacher asked, “If one man with one shovel can dig a ditch in ten days, how long would it take ten men with ten shovels to dig the same ditch?” Both children raised their hands.The teacher said to the mathematician's child, “Johnny , how long?” and little Johnny said, “One day, teacher.”

The teacher looked at the economist's child and said, “John Maynard, is that right?”

Little John Maynard said, “Teacher, it all depends.”

要看情況而定

經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家的兒子和數(shù)學(xué)家的兒子是三年級同班同學(xué)。一天，老師提出這樣的問題：“如果一個人用一把鐵鍬在10天內(nèi)挖出一條水渠，那么請問10個人拿10把鐵鍬，需要多少天才能挖好同樣的一條水渠?”兩人都舉起了手。

老師問數(shù)學(xué)家的兒子：“約翰尼，需要幾天?”小約翰尼答道：“老師，一天。”

老師看著經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家的兒子，問道：“約翰·梅納德，他說得對嗎?”

小約翰·梅納德說道：“老師，那要看情況而定。”

篇十五：英語幽默小故事

Einstein's Question

When Albert Einstein died, he met three New Zealanders in the queue outside the Pearly Gates.To pass the time , he asked what were their IQs.The first replied 190.“Wonderful,” exclaimed Einstein, “We can discuss the contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of general relativity.” The second answered 150.“Good,” said Einstein, “I look forward to discussing the role of New Zealand's nuclear-free legislation in the quest for world peace.” The third New Zealander mumbled 50.Einstein paused, and then asked, “So what is your forecast for the budget deficit next year?”(Adapted from The Economist, June 13th 1992, p.71)

愛因斯坦的困惑

愛因斯坦升天后在天國之門的外面遇到了三個排隊(duì)的新西蘭人。為了打發(fā)時間，愛因斯坦就問他們智商有多高。第一個回答說190。“太棒了，”愛因斯坦驚呼道，“我們可以討論歐內(nèi)斯特·盧瑟福對原子物理學(xué)的貢獻(xiàn)以及我的廣義相對論了。”第二個回答說150。“不錯，”愛因斯坦說，“我期待著和你討論新西蘭的無核立法對世界和平的作用。”第三個人咕噥著說是50。愛因斯坦停頓了一下，然后問道：“那么閣下預(yù)測一下明年政府的預(yù)算赤字是多少呢?”(改編自1992年6月13日的《濟(jì)學(xué)人》第71頁的文章)

篇十六：英語幽默小故事

Where Am I?

A man takes a hot air balloon ride

at a local country fair.A fierce wind suddenly picks up, causing the balloon to violently leave the fair and carry its occupant out into the countryside.The man has no idea where he is, so he brings the balloon down to five meters above ground and asks a passing wanderer, “Excuse me, sir, could you tell me where I am?”

Eyeing the man in the balloon the passer-by says, “You are in a red balloon, five meters above ground.”

The balloon's unhappy resident replies, “You must be an economist.”

How could you possibly know that? asks the passer-by.Because your answer is technically correct but absolutely useless, and the fact is I am still lost.Then you must be in management, replies the passer-by.That's right!How did you know?

You have such a good view from where you are, and yet you don't know where you are and you don't know where you are going.The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now your problem is somehow my fault!

我在哪?

一人在某地區(qū)的鄉(xiāng)村博覽會上乘坐熱氣球玩。突然一陣狂風(fēng)刮來，熱氣球被吹到了一個遠(yuǎn)離博覽會的地方，把這個人帶到了鄉(xiāng)間。他不知道自己身在何處，因此把熱氣球降到了距離地面五米的地方，詢問一個路人：“打攪一下，先生，可否告訴我我在哪里?”

路人看了看坐在熱氣球里的這個人后答道：“你在地面之上五米處的一只紅色熱氣球里。”

熱氣球里的人很不高興：“你肯定是位經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家。”

“你怎么知道?”路人問道。

“因?yàn)槟憬o出的這個答案技術(shù)上完全正確，但是毫無用處，沒有改變我迷路的事實(shí)。”

“如此說來你一定是位管理人員嘍?”路人回敬了一句。

“一點(diǎn)不錯!你怎么知道的呢?”

“你在上面的視野那么好，但是不知道自己在哪里，也不知道自己要向哪里去。事實(shí)是，你現(xiàn)在的位置和我們相遇之前的位置完全一樣，但是你卻把你的問題歸咎在我身上。”

篇十七：英語幽默小故事

Economist Poem

If you do some acrobatics

with a little mathematics

it will take you far along.If your idea's not defensible

don't make it comprehensible

or folks will find you out ,and your work will draw attention

if you only fail to mention

what the whole thing is about.If an economist you will be,you must talk of GNP

and of elasticity,of rates of substitution,of the other propensity,and marginal this, and marginal that.經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家之歌

如果你在玩花樣的時候

用上一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)數(shù)學(xué)，它將讓你顯得高深莫測。

如果你的想法不是無懈可擊

那就讓它若即若離，不然人們會揭穿你的老底;

你的工作將會引起世人的注意，只要你沒有提及

你的葫蘆里到底賣的是什么狗皮。

假如你想在將來成為一名經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家，你就必須談?wù)搰裆a(chǎn)總值

以及彈性系數(shù)，必須談?wù)撎娲剩務(wù)撈渌麅A向

以及各種邊際。

篇十八：英語幽默小故事

Where Did the Chaos Come from?

An economist, a philosopher, a biologist, and an architect were arguing about what was God's

real profession.The philosopher said, “Well, first and foremost, God is a philosopher because he created the principles by which man is to live.” “Ridiculous!” said the biologist, “Before that, God created man and woman and all living things, so clearly he was a biologist.” “Wrong,” said the architect, “Before that, he created the heavens and the earth.Before the earth, there was only complete confusion and chaos!So clearly he was an architect.” “Well,” said the economist, “where do you think the chaos came from?”

混亂來自何方?

經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家、哲學(xué)家、生物學(xué)家和建筑師討論上帝的真正職業(yè)是什么。哲學(xué)家說：“首先，上帝是位哲學(xué)家，因?yàn)樗麨槭廊硕ㄏ铝俗鋈说臉?biāo)準(zhǔn)。”“多可笑!”生物學(xué)家不以為然地說道，“在那之前上帝就創(chuàng)造出了男人、女人和世間眾生，因此很顯然他是位生物學(xué)家。”“錯!”建筑師說道，“在那之前上帝創(chuàng)造出了天和地。而在他造出地球之前，世界完全被混亂和混沌所籠罩，因此他是位建筑師。”“那么，”經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家不慌不忙地說道，“你們認(rèn)為這些混亂又是誰制造的呢?”

篇十九：英語幽默小故事

What Do Two Plus Two Equal?

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.The interviewer

calls in the mathematician and asks, “What do two plus two equal?”

The mathematician replies, “Four.” The interviewer asks, “Four, exactly?” The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says, “Yes, four, exactly.”

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question, “What do two plus two equal?” The accountant says, “On average , four—give or take ten percent, but on average, four.”

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question, “What do two plus two equal?” The economist gets up , locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says, “What do you want it to equal?”

2加2等于幾?

一位數(shù)學(xué)家、一位會計(jì)師和一位經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家申請同一份工作。面試官先把數(shù)學(xué)家叫進(jìn)了辦公室問道：“2加2等于幾?”

“等于4。”數(shù)學(xué)家答道。面試官繼續(xù)問：“不多不少恰好等于4嗎?”數(shù)學(xué)家感到不可思議，看著面試官答道：“沒錯啊，就等于4。”

接著，面試官把會計(jì)師叫了進(jìn)來，問了相同的問題：“2加2等于幾?”

“通常等于4，但上下有10%的浮動，不過通常等于4。”

最后，面試官把經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家叫了進(jìn)來，問了相同的問題：“2加2等于幾?”只見經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家站了起來，關(guān)上門，拉上了窗簾，然后坐到面試官旁邊，低聲問道：“你想讓它等于幾?”

篇二十：英語幽默小故事

Funny Words from Economists(Part Three)

If you torture the data long enough, Nature will confess.—Ronald Coase

Any observed statistical regularity will tend to【1】 collapse once pressure is placed upon it for control purposes.—Charles Goodhart

Time series regression studies give no sign of converging toward the truth.—Phillip Cagan

Given the choice between Bob Solow and an econometric model to make forecasts, I'd choose Bob Solow;but I'd rather have Bob Solow with an econometric model, than Bob Solow without one.—Paul Samuelson

Keep in mind 【2】 the three most important aspects of real data analysis: compromise, compromise, and compromise.—Edward Learner

經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家妙語(三)

如果你長時間“折磨”數(shù)據(jù)，造物主也會“坦白”的。

——羅納德·科斯

一旦承受被別人操控之壓力，任何觀察到的統(tǒng)計(jì)規(guī)律都往往潰不成軍。

——查爾斯·古德哈特

時間序列回歸分析并沒有顯示向真理收斂的跡象。

——菲利普·卡甘

如果讓我在鮑勃·索洛和計(jì)量經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)模型之間進(jìn)行選擇以對經(jīng)濟(jì)作出預(yù)測，我愿意選擇鮑勃·索洛;不過我更愿意選擇一個有計(jì)量經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)模型的鮑勃·索洛，而不是一個兩手空空的鮑勃·索洛。

——保羅·薩繆爾森

記住關(guān)于實(shí)際數(shù)據(jù)分析的最重要的三個方面：妥協(xié)、妥協(xié)、再妥協(xié)。

——愛德華·利默

篇二十一：英語幽默小故事

Funny Words from Economists(Part Four)

The four golden rules【1】 of econometrics:

1.Think brilliantly,2.Be infinitely creative,3.Be outstandingly lucky,4.Otherwise, stick to being a theorist.—David Hendry

A good empirical study requires three components:

1.A concise and sensible theoretical framework that is related to 【2】 the questions to be asked,2.Reasonably 【3】 good data, and

3.An experiment or an event or a set of circumstances that give the data a chance to answer the questions asked.In short 【4】 , the model needs to be identifiable from the data at hand.—Zvi Griliches

The purpose of studying economics is not to acquire a set of ready-made answers to economic questions, but to learn how to avoid being deceived by economists.—Joan Robinson

經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家妙語(四)

計(jì)量經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家的四條黃金法則：

一、機(jī)智地思考;

二、無限地創(chuàng)造;

三、相當(dāng)?shù)匦疫\(yùn);

四、否則，還是去當(dāng)一名理論經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家吧。

—大衛(wèi)·亨德里

一項(xiàng)好的實(shí)證研究需要以下三個要素：

一、簡潔合理且與問題密切相關(guān)的理論框架;

二、相當(dāng)好的數(shù)據(jù);

三、一次實(shí)驗(yàn)或一個事件或一系列環(huán)境，讓數(shù)據(jù)碰巧給出問題的答案。

簡言之，我們需要用手上的數(shù)據(jù)對模型進(jìn)行驗(yàn)證。

—茲維·格里利克斯

學(xué)習(xí)經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)不是為了獲得經(jīng)濟(jì)問題的一系列現(xiàn)成答案，而是為了學(xué)會如何避免被經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家蒙騙。

—瓊·羅賓遜

篇二十二：英語幽默小故事

Funny Words from Economists(Part Two)

Mathematics has no symbols for confused ideas.—George Stigler

All models are wrong but some are useful.—George Box

Far better an approximate answer to the right question, which is often vague, than an exact answer to the wrong question, which can always be made precise.—J.Tukey

In the long run, there's just another short run.—Abba Lerner

Someone once said about partisan analysts that they use economic data the way a drunkard uses a lamppost: for support rather than illumination.Or as Disraeli put it, there are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics.—Paul Krugman

經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家妙語(二)

在思想混亂的地方數(shù)學(xué)符號無用武之地。

——喬治·斯蒂格勒

所有模型都是錯誤的，不過有些是有用的。

——喬治·博克斯

對正確問題的近似答案要遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)好過對錯誤問題的精確答案，前者常常是含糊的，而后者則往往是精確的。

——約翰·圖基

長期而言，只存在著另外一個短期。

——阿巴·勒納

有人曾說，有黨派立場的分析員使用經(jīng)濟(jì)數(shù)據(jù)的方式，就和醉漢使用路燈柱的方式一樣：目的是為了獲得支持而不是闡明問題。或者正如迪斯雷利說的那樣，只有三類謊言：謊言、無恥的謊言以及統(tǒng)計(jì)數(shù)字。

篇二十三：英語幽默小故事

Q: What's brown and grey and if it fell out of a tree could kill you?

A: An econ【1】 textbook.Q: What's the difference between an economist and a Haitian deportation officer?

A: One diminishes returns, one returns Dominicans.Q: Why is economic advice so cheap?

A: Because supply always exceeds demand.Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None.If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.Q: Why do Economists provide estimates of inflation to the nearest tenth of a percent?

A: To prove they have a sense of humour 【2】.問與答

問：什么東西棕色和灰色相間，并且從樹上掉下來會砸死人?

答：經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)教科書。

問：經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家和海地遞解官員的區(qū)別是什么?

答：一個遞減收益，一個遞解多米尼加人。

問：為什么經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家的建議如此廉價?

答：因?yàn)楣┙o往往超過需求。

問：更換一只燈泡需要多少個芝加哥學(xué)派經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家?

答：一個都不要。如果燈泡需要改變的話，市場會搞定。

問：為什么經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家們向我們提供的通貨膨脹估計(jì)數(shù)據(jù)會精確到千分位?

答：為了證明他們有幽默感唄。

篇二十四：英語幽默小故事

Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion.On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, “Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?”

Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, “So, you want to switch seats?”

篇二十五：英語幽默小故事

A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world.One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed.First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that.She asked for some jam on her bread as well.Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?

篇二十六：英語幽默小故事

Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that.Here's a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.

篇二十七：英語幽默小故事

Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.I’m afraid we can’t afford one, sighed his mother.But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.How on earth did you pay for that? gasped his mother.Easy, Mum.replied Amos, I sold the television!

篇二十八：英語幽默小故事

Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, “Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.Don't trust dreams, dear.It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite.” Mother replied.“Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight,” Tom said.

篇二十九：英語幽默小故事

My husband，Michael，a bus driver，was passing a deserted bus stop when one of his passengers called out that a woman wanted to get on.He pulled up to the curb and opened the doors.我丈夫，麥克是個開大巴士的。一次當(dāng)他剛要開過一個無人上下車的車站時，一位乘客喊過有位老婦人要上車。麥克把車停靠在馬路邊，打開了車門。

After a minute，Michael saw an elderly woman with a cane crossing the street slowly.過了足有一分鐘，麥克才見到一位老太太拄著拐杖，慢騰騰地過著馬路朝車子走來。

He waited patiently as she made her way to the bus and climbed the steps.麥克襯心地等她來到汽車旁上著臺階。While she was looking in her purse for her bus pass，he began to close the doors.”Wait a minute!”she snapped.“My mother's coming.”

趁老太太打開錢包找月票的工夫，麥克欲關(guān)門，老婦人阻止道:“等一會，我媽媽還在后面呢!”

篇三十：英語幽默小故事

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.一個女孩去拜訪她的金發(fā)朋友，這個朋友最近養(yǎng)了兩只“狗”，于是女孩問道：“它們叫什么名字呀?”

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.金發(fā)朋友說，一只叫Rolex，另一只叫Timex。

Her friend said, ”Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?

女孩說：“哪有狗狗叫這個名字的。”

“HELLLOOOOOOO...” answered the blonde.“They're watch dogs!”

“那個……”金發(fā)朋友說。“他們是監(jiān)視器!”

篇三十一：英語幽默小故事

Top 9 Reasons to Study Economics

Economists are armed and dangerous: “Watch out for our invisible hands.”

Economists can supply it on demand.You can talk about money without ever having to make any.You get to say “trickle down” with a straight face.Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out.When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.If you rearrange the letters in “ECONOMICS”, you get “COMIC NOSE”.Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward , in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.學(xué)習(xí)經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)的九大理由

經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家們會武功：“小心我們的無影手。”

經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家們能夠做到有求必應(yīng)。

你可以不必掙錢而對金錢夸夸其談。

你可以開始拉著臉說“涓滴”這一術(shù)語了。

米克·賈格爾和阿諾德·施瓦辛格兩人都學(xué)過經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)，看看他們后來都成為了什么樣的人物。

站在失業(yè)隊(duì)伍里的時候，至少你會知道自己為什么失業(yè)。

假如重新安排“經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)”這個詞包含的字母，你得到的是“小丑的鼻子”。

倫理學(xué)教導(dǎo)我們堅(jiān)守德行本身即是回報，在經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)中我們得到的教導(dǎo)則是獲得回報本身即是德行。

喝醉了的時候，你可以告訴所有人你只是在體驗(yàn)邊際效用遞減規(guī)律而已。

篇三十二：英語幽默小故事

Nobel Prize in Economics

Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.Or Economics is the only field in which two people can share a Nobel Prize for saying opposing things.Specifically, Myrdal and Hayek shared one.(A rumor has it that there was a similar case in neuroscience, Golgi and Cajal, maybe economists are not so different!)

諾貝爾經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)獎

兩個持完全不同觀點(diǎn)的人都能夠獲得諾貝爾獎，這種情況只有在經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)領(lǐng)域才會發(fā)生。

或者兩個持完全不同觀點(diǎn)的人能夠分享諾貝爾獎，這種情況也只有在經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)領(lǐng)域才會發(fā)生。具體而言，繆爾達(dá)爾和哈耶克就是如此。

(有傳言稱在神經(jīng)科學(xué)領(lǐng)域也有類似情形，比如戈?duì)柤涂ü枺越?jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家也許并非那么另類。)

篇三十三：英語幽默小故事

Too Much Pressure

For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job，but now I found out the real reason：I’m tired because I’m overworked.The population of this country is 237 million.104 million are retired.That leaves 133 million to do the work.There are 85 million in school，which leaves 48 million to do the work.Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government，leaving 19 million to do the work.2.8 million are in the Armed Forces，which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.At any given time there are 188，000 people in hospitals，leaving 1，212，000 to do the work.Now，there are 1，211，998 people in prisons.That leaves just two people to do the work.You and me.And you’re sitting at the table reading jokes.壓力太大

多年以來我一直感到很疲憊，我曾經(jīng)把原因歸咎為缺乏睡眠以及來自于工作上的巨大壓力。但是，我現(xiàn)在找到了真正的原因：我感到疲倦是因?yàn)槲页?fù)荷工作。我們這個國家有2.37億人口。其中1.04億已經(jīng)退休了。還剩下1.33億在工作。有8，500萬人還在上學(xué)，工作的就剩下4，800萬。這其中還有2，900萬聯(lián)邦政府雇員，真正做事的就剩1，900萬人，又有280萬人在服兵役，就剩下1，620萬人在工作。從中再去掉各州和市政府的雇員1，480萬人，還剩下140萬人工作。但又有18.8萬人生病住院，現(xiàn)在只剩下121.2萬人工作。其中1，211，998人在坐牢。這樣僅剩下兩個人在工作，就是你和我。而你卻坐在桌邊看笑話。

篇三十四：英語趣味幽默小故事

英語幽默小故事：Midway Tactics

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, “Gigantic Sale!” and “Super Bargains!”

The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, “Prices Slashed!” and “Fantastic Discounts!”

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, “ENTRANCE”.幽默故事翻譯：中間戰(zhàn)術(shù)

三個互相爭生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。

右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：“大減價!”“特便宜!”

左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“大砍價!”“大折扣!”

中間的商人隨后準(zhǔn)備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：“入口處”。

英語幽默小故事：Very Pleased to Meet You

During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army.Joan Phillips was one of them.She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance.He said to her, “I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other.” Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.Joan went there and said to the matron, “I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys.”

“Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here,” the matron said.“Oh, that‘s all right,” answered Joan.“I‘m his sister.”

“I‘m very pleased to meet you,” the matron said, “I‘m his mother!”

幽默故事翻譯：

在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個大軍營中工作，當(dāng)然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。

一天晚上她在舞會上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對她說，“我明天就要出國，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會很高興。”瓊同意了，于是他們幾個月里一直通著信。

后來，他再沒有來信。她收到了另一個軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個部隊(duì)醫(yī)院里。

瓊到了醫(yī)院，她對護(hù)士長說，“我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯。”

“這里只有親屬可以探望病人。”護(hù)士長說。

“噢，是的，”瓊說，“我是他的妹妹。”

“很高興認(rèn)識你，”護(hù)士長說，“我是他的母親。”

英語幽默小故事：Two Soldiers

Two soldiers were in camp.The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill.George said, “have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?”

Bill said, “Yes, I have,” and he gave them to him.Then George said, “Now I haven‘t got a pen.” Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter.Then he put it in the envelope and said, “have you got a stamp, Bill?” Bill gave him one.Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, “Are you going out?”

Bill Said, “Yes, I am,” and he opened the door.George said, “Please put my letter in the box in the office, and...” He stopped.“What do you want now?” Bill said to him.George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, “What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?”

幽默故事翻譯：

軍營里有二名士兵，一個叫喬治，一個叫比爾。喬治問：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”

比爾說：“有。”然后把信紙和信封給了喬治。

喬治又說：“我還沒有筆呢。”比爾又把自己的筆給了他。喬治開始寫信。寫完后把信放進(jìn)信封里，又問：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。

這時比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：“你要出去嗎?”

比爾說：“是的。”隨即打開了門。

喬治說：“請幫我把這封信投進(jìn)辦公室的信箱里，還有...”他停住了。

“你還要什么?”比爾問。

喬治看著信封說：“你女朋友的地址是-?”

英語幽默小故事：Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18.So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too.This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.“How old are you?” he said.“Eighteen, sir,” said John.“But your brother was eighteen, too,” said the doctor.“Are you twins?”

“Oh, no, sir,” said John, and his face went red.“My brother is five months older than I am.”

幽默故事翻譯：五個月大

第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開始了，約翰想?yún)④姡伤挥惺鶜q，當(dāng)時規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時，他說他已經(jīng)十八歲了。

可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆]幾天，而且也是這個軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。

“你多大了?”軍醫(yī)問。

“十八，長官。”約翰說。

“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”

約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。”

篇三十五：趣味幽默英語小笑話

趣味幽默英語小笑話：沒把頭發(fā)全剪掉啊

Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut.But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time.While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.麥爾斯有時在上班時間去理發(fā)館理發(fā)，但這是違反辦公室規(guī)定的：職員只能利用自己的時間理發(fā)。一天，正當(dāng)麥爾斯理發(fā)時，經(jīng)理碰巧也進(jìn)來理發(fā)，而且就坐在他旁邊。

“Hello, Miles,” the manager said.“I see that you are having your hair cut in office time.”

“你好，麥爾斯，”經(jīng)理說。“我看到你在上班時間理發(fā)了。”

“Yes, sir, I am,” admitted Miles calmly.“You see, sir, it grows in office time.”

“是的，先生。正是這樣。”麥爾斯平靜地承認(rèn)了。“可先生，你看，頭發(fā)是在上班時間長的。”

“Not all of it,” said the manager at once.“Some of it grows in your own time.”

“不全都是吧，”經(jīng)理立刻說，“有一些是在你自己的時間里長的。”

“Yes, sir, that's quite true.” Answered Miles politely, “but I'm not having it all cut off.”

“對呀，先生，你說得很對。”麥爾斯禮貌地回答說，“但我并沒有把頭發(fā)全都剪掉啊。”

趣味幽默英語小笑話：以“命”抵命

The English author, Richard Savage, was once living inLondon in great poverty.In order to earn a little money he hadwritten the story of his life, but not many copies of the bookhad been sold in the shops, and Savage was living from hand tomouth.As a result of his lack of food he became very ill, but after a time, owing to the skill of the doctor who had lookedafter him, he got well again.英國作家理查德?薩維奇一度在倫敦過著貧困潦倒的生活，為了賺幾個錢，他曾寫了有關(guān)他自己生平的故事。但是這部書在書店里并沒有賣出幾本，薩維奇過著朝不保夕的日子。由于缺乏食物，他病得很厲害。后來，由于給他治療的那個醫(yī)生的高明醫(yī)術(shù)，他才又恢復(fù)了健康。

After a week or two the doctorsent a bill to Savage for his visits, but poor Savage hadn't anymoney and couldn't pay it.The doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again.But still no money came.Afterseveral weeks he sent it to him again asking for his money.Inthe end he came to Savage's house and asked him for payment, saying to Savage, “You know you owe your life to me and Iexpected some gratitude from you.”

過了一兩個星期之后，醫(yī)生給薩維奇送來了一張討要診費(fèi)的帳單，但是貧窮的薩維奇沒有錢來償付。醫(yī)生等了一個月后又送來了帳單，但仍然未索回分文。幾個星期之后，他又送來帳單要錢。最后，醫(yī)生本人來到了薩維奇的家中，對他說：“你明白，你是欠我一條命的，我希望你有所報答。”

“I agree,” said Savage, “that I owe my life to you, and toprove to you that I am not ungrateful for your work I will givemy life to you.”

“是的，”薩維奇說，“我是欠你一條命，為了向你證明我對你的診治不是不報答，我將把我的命給你。”

With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled,The life of Richard Savage.說著這番話，薩維奇遞給醫(yī)生兩卷書，名叫《理查德?薩維奇的一生》。

篇三十六：初中英語小故事_英語幽默小故事

All In the family 都在這一家

All In the family

都在這一家

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school.八十歲大的 莎莉從學(xué)校把她的成績報告卡帶回家。

Her marks were good mostly.她的成績不錯，A's and a couple of B'S.大部分都是A，還有幾個B。

However ,her teacher had written across the bottom,可是，她韻老師在卡片下方寫道：

“SALLY is a smart little girl,but she has one fault,“莎莉是個聰明的小女孩，但是她有一個毛病。

she talks too much in school.I have an idea I am going to try,她在學(xué)校太愛講話。我有一個想法我要來試試看，which I think may break her of the bad habit.”

我認(rèn)為.這個想法可能會讓她改掉這個壞習(xí)慣。”

Sally's dad signed her report card,莎莉的爸爸簽了她的學(xué)習(xí)報告卡，putting a note on the back ,并在卡片背面注記：

“Please let me know if your idea work on SALLY

“如果你的想法對莎莉很有效，請你讓我知道，because I would like to try it out on her mother.”

因?yàn)槲蚁胍阉囉迷谒龐寢屔砩稀?/p>

篇三十七：初中英語小故事_英語幽默小故事

man&satyr

a man and a satyr having struck up an acquaintance, sat down together to eat.the dabeing wintrand cold, the man put hifingerto himouse and blew opon the “what'that for, mfriend?” asked the satyr.“ mhandare so cold,” said the man, “i do it to warm the” in a little while some hot food waplaced before them, and the man, raising the dish to himouse, again blew opon it.“and what'the meaning of that, now?” said the satyr.“oh,” replied the man, “mporridge iso hot, i do it to cool it.” “nay, then,” said the satyr, “from thimoment i renounce your friendship, for i will have nothing to do with one who blowhot and cold with the same mouse.”

人與賽特 一個人與賽特偶然相識，坐在一起吃東西。正值冬季，天氣很冷，那人把手放在嘴邊哈氣。賽特問道“我的朋友，那是干嗎?”這人說“我的手太冷了，這是為了取暖”。過了一會兒，熱騰騰的食物端上來了，那人把碟子舉到嘴邊又吹了起來，賽特問“這又是干嗎?”，那人說“哦，我的粥太燙了，我把他吹涼些”。賽特說“從現(xiàn)在起，我要與你絕交，因?yàn)槲也幌牒鸵粋€反復(fù)無常的人做朋友”。

[初中英語小故事_英語幽默小故事]

篇三十八：英語幽默哲理小故事

英語幽默哲理小故事

父子二人經(jīng)過五星級飯店門口，看到一輛十分豪華的進(jìn)口轎車。

兒子不屑地對他的父親說：「坐這種車的人，肚子里一定沒有學(xué)問!」

父親則輕描淡寫地回答：說這種話的人，口袋里一定沒有錢

(注：你對事情的看法，是不是也反映出你內(nèi)心真正的態(tài)度?)

After his father five-star hotel door and saw a very luxury imported cars.Son of disdain for his father, said: “The people who take such a vehicle, necessarily Moyouxuewen stomach!”

Father answered lightly: say such things, certainly no money pocket

(Note: Your view of things, is not it also reflects the real attitude of your heart?)

Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse ,“no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen.”

“Pless ,say it again.Let me take it down.”the mouse said.“I will tell a flea what I know.”

為我所用

一頭大象對一只小老鼠說：“你無疑是我見過的'最小、最沒用的東西。”

“請?jiān)僬f一遍，讓我把它記下來。”老鼠說。“我要講給我認(rèn)識的一只跳蚤聽。

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?

Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,“School-Go slow”.老師:為什么你每天早晨都遲到?

湯姆:每當(dāng)我經(jīng)過學(xué)校的拐角處,僦看見一個牌子仩寫著“學(xué)校----慢行”.(只為成功找方法，不為失敗找理由)

篇三十九：一分鐘英語幽默小故事

Many ages had now passed away since the Phoenix had been seen in the world.At last he again appeared.Immediately al the different kinds of animals, both birds and beasts, flocked around him.Astonished at his beauty, they stared and admired, and broke out into great praise.But in a short time, the wisest and most prudent(謹(jǐn)慎的)amongst them began to look upon him with an eye of compassion, and they sighed,“O unhappy phoenix!Fate has been hard to him.He has neither mate nor friend.He will never know the pleasure of loving, or of being loved.”

篇四十：一分鐘英語幽默小故事

Christmas was coming.Mr Smith had no money to buy any presents for his children.His wife was ill and he spent a lot of money on her medicine.And the harvest was bad and all his family were going go be hungry the next spring.He was quite worried about it.“We had only a cock ,”said Mrs Smith one day.“You’d better take it to the town.Sell it there and buy some cakes and sweets for our children.”

“It’s a good idea!”the man said and caught the cock the next morning and put it into a box.It was difficult to walk on the road covered with thick snow.Two hours later he was very tied and wanted to have a rest.He put the box to the ground and sat down.“The air in the box must be close ,”the man said to himself.“I’d better let the cock walk outside for a while ,or it’ll die.”

So he put the cock to the ground.When he started again ,he couldn’t catch it any longer.“How foolish you are!”Mr Smith called out angrily.“You can herald the break of day at night but you cann’t find the way to the town in the daytime!”

篇四十一：幽默英語經(jīng)典小笑話帶翻譯

My husband was showing a box of his baby things，which had been saved for him by his mother to our five-year-old son.He took out a pair of bronzed baby shoes

mounted with an ashtray between them.”O(jiān)h, look,Chris,“he said.”These are Daddy's first walking shoes.“

一次，我丈夫拿出一個盒子給我們五歲的兒子看。這個盒子是由他母親替他收藏的他兒時的用品盒。我丈夫從盒子里取出一雙中間還夾有煙缸的古銅色的童鞋說:“噢，克瑞斯，你看，這就是爸爸學(xué)走步時穿的鞋。”

Chris stared in amazement.“Daddy,”he said，”I don't see how you ever learned to walk with that ashtray stuck between your feet.”

克瑞斯吃驚地望著那雙鞋，“爸爸，”他說:“我怎么就不知道你還學(xué)過兩腳夾煙灰缸走路呢。”

篇四十二：幽默英語經(jīng)典小笑話帶翻譯

My mother and I returned to my parent's house late one evening to find my father，my college-age brother, Steven, and my ten-year-old sister fast asleep.Mom had forgotten her house keys，so we knocked loudly, first at the back door and then the front and side doors.We yelled my father's name over and over, with no answer.The car-horn aroused the neighbors but no one at our house.有一天晚上，我和媽媽回來得很晚。我們發(fā)現(xiàn)爸爸、上大學(xué)的哥哥、十歲的弟弟都睡覺了。可是媽媽卻忘記帶鑰匙了。于是，我們就大聲地叫門。先是在前門叫，然后又跑到后門去叫，到旁門叫，都沒動靜。我們大聲地喊爸爸的名字，按汽車?yán)龋従佣急怀承蚜耍羌依锶詿o人回答。

We drove into town and phoned home, waking Steven.When we got back，he let us in.Dad was in bed，snoring，with the television on.Mom quietly switched it off.沒辦法，我們只好開車進(jìn)城，從城里往家打電話，這才叫起了哥哥斯蒂文。回家后，他給我們開了門。爸爸在床上鼾聲如雷，電視機(jī)開著。媽媽輕輕地把它關(guān)上。爸爸立刻醒來。“別關(guān)電視，”他說:“我在看呢。”

Dad woke right up.“Don't turn that off,”he said.“I'm watching it!”

篇四十三：幽默英語經(jīng)典小笑話帶翻譯

When the young waitress in the cafe in my building started waving hello every day，I was flattered.She was at least 15 years younger than I.在我工作的大樓里有間咖啡館，那兒的女招待每天見到我都向我打招呼。我因此受寵若驚。要知道她至少要比我小15歲。

One day she waved and beckoned to me.When I strolled over，she asked，“Are you single?”

有一天，她見到我后，朝我招手示意讓我過去。于是，我便走了過去。她問我，“你現(xiàn)在是單身嗎?”

Why，yes,“I replied，smiling at her broadly.“對，是單身。”我滿臉堆笑地說。

” So is my mom，”she said.”Would you like to meet her?“

“我母親也是，”她說:“你愿意不愿意見見她。”

1.幽默經(jīng)典小笑話

2.經(jīng)典幽默小笑話

3.經(jīng)典兒童小笑話

4.最新職場經(jīng)典小笑話

5.兒童經(jīng)典小笑話

6.超經(jīng)典的精品小笑話

7.冷翻人的經(jīng)典小笑話

8.八個經(jīng)典小笑話

9.爆笑的經(jīng)典小笑話

10.經(jīng)典的小笑話

篇四十四：英語幽默小故事（帶翻譯）

故事一：

Warning

Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him.I was careful to call him a few days in advance to ”warn“ him that we would be coming.When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room.”Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?“ I teased.”Are you kidding?“ he replied, ”Why else would I have bothered to clean?“

提醒

我們的兒子是密歇根州阿爾馬大學(xué)的新生，開學(xué)幾個星期之后，我和丈夫決定去看看他。我特意提前給他打電話，“提醒”他我們將光臨。但是當(dāng)我們來到宿舍時，他的房間凌亂不堪，我非常吃驚。“忘了我們要來，是吧?”我取笑他。

“開什么玩笑?“，他回答說，“要不我憑什么費(fèi)神打掃?”

故事二：

Ground Rules

One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor.Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, ”Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class.I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running.“

基本原則

位于吉拉多海角的密蘇里東南州立大學(xué)有一位我非常喜歡的老師，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在對一個新生班級講解他的基本原則時，他說：“我知道我的講課可能經(jīng)常會枯燥乏味，了無生趣，所以如果你們在上課時看表我并不介意。不過我堅(jiān)決反對你們將表在課桌上猛敲看它們是不是還在走。”

故事三：

Midway Tactics

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, ”Gigantic Sale!“ and ”Super Bargains!“

The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, ”Prices Slashed!“ and ”Fantastic Discounts!“

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ”ENTRANCE“.中間戰(zhàn)術(shù)

三個互相爭生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。

右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：“大減價!”“特便宜!”

左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“大砍價!”“大折扣!”

中間的商人隨后準(zhǔn)備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：“入口處”。

故事四：

Very Pleased to Meet You

During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army.Joan Phillips was one of them.She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance.He said to her, ”I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other.“ Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.Joan went there and said to the matron, ”I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys.“

”O(jiān)nly relatives are allowed to visit patients here,“ the matron said.”O(jiān)h, that‘s all right,“ answered Joan.”I‘m his sister.“

”I‘m very pleased to meet you,“ the matron said, ”I‘m his mother!“

在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個大軍營中工作，當(dāng)然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。

一天晚上她在舞會上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對她說，“我明天就要出國，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會很高興。”瓊同意了，于是他們幾個月里一直通著信。

后來，他再沒有來信。她收到了另一個軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個部隊(duì)醫(yī)院里。

瓊到了醫(yī)院，她對護(hù)士長說，“我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯。”

“這里只有親屬可以探望病人。”護(hù)士長說。

“噢，是的，”瓊說，“我是他的妹妹。”

“很高興認(rèn)識你，”護(hù)士長說，“我是他的母親。”

故事五：

Two Soldiers

Two soldiers were in camp.The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill.George said, ”have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?“

Bill said, ”Yes, I have,“ and he gave them to him.Then George said, ”Now I haven‘t got a pen.“ Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter.Then he put it in the envelope and said, ”have you got a stamp, Bill?“ Bill gave him one.Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, ”Are you going out?“

Bill Said, ”Yes, I am,“ and he opened the door.George said, ”Please put my letter in the box in the office, and...“ He stopped.”What do you want now?“ Bill said to him.George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, ”What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?“

軍營里有二名士兵，一個叫喬治，一個叫比爾。喬治問：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”

比爾說：“有。”然后把信紙和信封給了喬治。

喬治又說：“我還沒有筆呢。”比爾又把自己的筆給了他。喬治開始寫信。寫完后把信放進(jìn)信封里，又問：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。

這時比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：“你要出去嗎?”

比爾說：“是的。”隨即打開了門。

喬治說：“請幫我把這封信投進(jìn)辦公室的信箱里，還有...”他停住了。

“你還要什么?”比爾問。

喬治看著信封說：“你女朋友的地址是-?”

故事六：

Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18.So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too.This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.”How old are you?“ he said.”Eighteen, sir,“ said John.”But your brother was eighteen, too,“ said the doctor.”Are you twins?“

”O(jiān)h, no, sir,“ said John, and his face went red.”My brother is five months older than I am.“

大五個月

第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開始了，約翰想?yún)④姡伤挥惺鶜q，當(dāng)時規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時，他說他已經(jīng)十八歲了。

可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆]幾天，而且也是這個軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。

“你多大了?”軍醫(yī)問。

“十八，長官。”約翰說。

“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”

約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。”

故事七：

West Point

My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College.Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms.Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, ”to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point.“

One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture.They explained, ”We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point.“

父親、哥哥和我到西點(diǎn)軍校去觀看一場陸軍與波士頓大學(xué)之間的橄欖球賽。開始之前，我們到處轉(zhuǎn)了轉(zhuǎn)，碰到許多穿著整齊制服的學(xué)員。幾名游客問新兵是否愿意擺出軍姿來讓他們攝。“好讓我們的兒子知道，如果他到西點(diǎn)軍校來學(xué)習(xí)會得到什么。”

一對中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學(xué)員，問她是否愿意擺個姿勢照相。他們解釋說：“我們想讓兒子知道他沒來西點(diǎn)軍校錯過了什么。”

故事八：

Present for Girlfriend

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend.”Shall I engrave her name on it?“ the jeweler asked.The customer thought for a moment, and then said, ”No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘.That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again.“

送給女友的禮物

在一家珠寶店里，一位年輕人買了一個貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面嗎?”珠寶商問道。

那名顧客想了一會兒，然后說道：“不--在上面刻‘給我唯一的愛’。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。”

故事九：

Be Careful What You Wish For

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.The wife wanted to travel around the world.The fairy waved her hand, and Boom!She had the tickets in her hand.Next, it was the husband‘s turn.He paused for a moment, then said shyly, ”Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.“

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom!He was ninety.慎重許愿

一對結(jié)婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。

慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現(xiàn)了。她說，由于他們是已經(jīng)結(jié)婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個愿望。

妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“??!”的一聲，她的手中出現(xiàn)了一張票。

接下來該丈夫許愿了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，“那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。”

仙女拾起了魔術(shù)棒。“??!”，他變成了90歲。

故事十：

Wood Fire

One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal.”Husbands are like wood fires;they go out if left unattened.“

”Does that mean,“ asked the other, ”that they make ashes of themselves?“

森林之火

一名婦女向她最好的朋友大談雄性動物的特性：“丈夫們就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他們就會燃燒起來。”

“那是不是意味著，”另一個問道，“他們將自己燒成灰燼?”

故事十一：

Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboard.He was rescued by a deck hand.The officer asked how he could reward him.”The best way, sir,“ said the deck hand, ”is to say nothing about it.If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in.“

最好的獎賞

一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何才能酬謝他。

“最好的辦法，長官，”這名水手說，“是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他們會把我扔下去的。”

故事十二：

Napoleon Was Ill

Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university.However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.”He‘s a good boy,“ said Jack‘s father, ”and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.“

”No, no, that‘s quite impossible,“ replied the professor immediately.”Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!“

”Please, sir, give him another chance,“ said Jack‘s father.”You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill.“

拿破侖病了

杰克到一所大學(xué)去學(xué)歷史。第一學(xué)期結(jié)束時，歷史課教授沒讓他及格。學(xué)校讓他退學(xué)。然而，杰克的父親決定去見教授，強(qiáng)烈要求讓杰克繼續(xù)來年的學(xué)業(yè)。

“他是個好孩子，”杰克的父親說：“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會有很大進(jìn)步，學(xué)期結(jié)束時，他一定會考好的。”

“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答。“你知道嗎?上個月我問他拿破侖什么時候死的，他都不知道。”

“先生，請?jiān)俳o他一次機(jī)會吧。”杰克的父親說：“你不知道，恐怕是因?yàn)槲覀兗覜]有訂報紙。我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道。”

故事十三：

Real Play

When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater‘s current production and write a critique.After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: ”The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.“

逼真的戲劇

我在北達(dá)科他州立大學(xué)教戲劇入門課時，要求學(xué)生們?nèi)タ磳W(xué)校劇團(tuán)當(dāng)時的演出，并寫一篇評論。看了一場極為精彩的演出后，一名學(xué)生寫道：“這部戲劇是如此逼真，以致于我認(rèn)為我自己是坐在家里的沙發(fā)上，從電視上看到的。”

故事十四：

A Fine Match

One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor.She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops.There she bought a mousetrap.The shopkeeper said to her, ”Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse.“

The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it.She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful!When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!

勢均力敵

有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的廚房地板上竄過。她很害怕老鼠，所以她沖出屋子，搭上了公共汽車直奔商店。在那兒，她買了一只老鼠夾。店主告訴她：“放點(diǎn)奶酪在里面，很快你就會逮住那只老鼠的。”

這位女士帶著鼠夾回到家里，但她沒有在碗櫥里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因?yàn)橐呀?jīng)很晚了。于是，她就從一份雜志中剪下一幅奶酪的圖片放進(jìn)了夾子。

令人稱奇的是，這畫有奶酪的圖片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，這位女士下樓到廚房時，發(fā)現(xiàn)鼠夾里奶酪圖片旁有一張畫有老鼠的圖片!

故事十五：

Gardening Gloves

For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold.On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions.I held my hands up and said, ”Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare.“

Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm.”Happy birthday,“ he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.園藝手套

幾個月以來，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的結(jié)婚戒指，因?yàn)槲覍S金有點(diǎn)過敏。生日那天，我正在干園藝活時，丈夫問我想要什么禮物。我舉起雙手說：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的兩手都是光光的。”

那天晚上，我滿懷熱情地拆開了丈夫送的禮物。“生日快樂!”他說。我打開一看：里面包著一雙園藝手套。

篇四十五：英語幽默小故事：A Thank-you Note

Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped.In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers.”Thank you very much for your help,“ the note read.”As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets-sorry you didn't win.“

Notes:

(1)lottery n.彩票

(2)scratch v.刮

(3)reveal v.顯出

Exercises:

根據(jù)短文判斷下列句子正（T）、（F）：

① The author received a thank-you note from one of his relatives.② The author had helped one of his friends.③ In the envelope were six lottery tickets.④ The lottery tickets were given to the author as a gift.⑤ The lottery tickets had not been scratched.133.一封感謝信

有一次，我收到一封感謝信，是一個我曾幫助過的朋友寄來的。信封內(nèi)有五張彩票，都被刮過了，露出了數(shù)字。“非常感謝您的幫助，”信上寫道，“作為禮物，我給您買了些彩票----真遺憾，您沒中獎。”

練習(xí)參考答案：

①F②T③F④T⑤F

篇四十六：英語短篇幽默小故事：三只小豬

Three Little Pigs 三只小豬

Storyteller: There are three little pigs living with 講故事者：三只小豬和他們的媽媽

their mother.Ding-Ding and Dong-住在一起。丁丁和東東

Dong are brother pigs.They are very 是豬哥哥，他們很懶，他

Lazy.They eat and sleep all day.們整天吃了就睡。龍龍是

Long-Long is the youngest pig.She 最小的，她整天幫著媽媽

works all day.She helps her mother 做家務(wù)。

to do the housework.Mother pig: You have grown up.You must make 豬媽媽：你們已經(jīng)長大了，你們得

your own houses.為自己蓋間房。

Goodbye, little pigs.Build a house.再見，孩子們。去蓋間房。

Be careful of the wolf.小心狼。

Pigs: Yes, Mum.Goodbye.三只小豬：好的，媽媽。再見。

Wolf: I’m hungry.Look!Three little pigs 狼：我餓了。看，三只小豬可

for dinner.Mmm.以做我的美餐。

Sister pig: What are you doing, brothers? 豬妹妹：哥哥，你們在干什么？

Ding-Ding: I’m building a house with leaves.丁丁：我在用樹葉蓋房子。

Dong-Dong: I’m building a house with sticks.東東：我在用樹枝蓋房子。

Sister pig: But leaves aren’t strong.豬妹妹：可是樹葉不牢固。樹枝也不

And sticks aren’t strong.牢固。

Brother pigs: Yes, we know.But it’s easy.豬哥哥：我們知道。但它很容易。

What are you doing, sister? 你在干什么？

Sister pig: I’m building a house with bricks.豬妹妹：我在用磚頭蓋房子。

Brother pigs: Bricks!That’s very difficult.豬哥哥：用磚頭蓋，那太難了。

Sister pig: I know.But bricks are strong.豬妹妹：我知道，可是磚頭很堅(jiān)固。

……

Brother pigs: Oh, we’re finished.Let’s have 豬哥哥：噢，我們蓋好了。我們打

a nap.個盹吧。

Sister pig: My house is finished.My house 豬妹妹：我的房子蓋好了，我的房

is strong.很堅(jiān)固。

Wolf: Little pigs.Little pigs.Open your 狼： 小豬，小豬，快開門！

Doors!

Brother pigs: No.No.Go away.豬哥哥：不開，不開。快走開。

Wolf: This is very easy.Sticks and leaves 狼：這太容易了。樹枝和樹葉

aren’t strong.都不牢固。

Storyteller: The wolf blows the houses down.講故事者：狼吹倒了房屋。丁丁和東

Ding-Ding and Dong-Dong run 東跑到龍龍家。

to Long-Long’s house.Brother pigs: Help!Help!豬哥哥：救命!救命!

Wolf: Stop, you two pigs.狼： 站住，你這兩只小豬。

Brother pigs: Open the door, sister.The wolf 豬哥哥：妹妹，快開門。狼來了，is coming.Let me in.讓我們進(jìn)去。

Long-Long: Come in, please.Don’t worry.龍龍：快進(jìn)來。別擔(dān)心，我的My house is strong.房子很堅(jiān)固。

Wolf: Where did they go? Oh they are 狼：他們跑哪兒了？噢，他們

Here.Little pigs.Little pigs.Open 在這兒。小豬，快把門打

the door!開。

Three pigs: No.No.Go away.You bad wolf.三只小豬：不開，不開。快走開。

你這只惡狼。

Wolf: I’ll blow it down.狼：我要吹倒它。

Storyteller: The wolf blows and blows.He 講故事者：狼吹呀吹，它不停地吹。

blows and blows.But the house 可是房子非常堅(jiān)固。

is very strong.Wolf: I’ll hit it.Oh.狼：我要撞倒它。噢！

Long-Long: Let’s boil the water.龍龍：我們把水燒開。

Brother pigs: OK.豬哥哥：好的。

Wolf: Oh, oh!It’s hot.It’s hot.狼：噢！噢！好燙，好燙。

Three pigs: Hooray!The wolf is dead.The 三只小豬：好啊！狼死了，狼死了。

wolf is dead

Storyteller: Since then, Ding-Ding and Dong-講故事者：從那以后，丁丁、東東

Dong work hard with Long-Long.和龍龍一起努力工作。

They work and play together.他們一起工作，一起玩。

這個短劇場景可以自己按情況更改，人可多可少，幽默一點(diǎn)的同學(xué)表演。

Napolan and his soldiers（拿破侖這個單詞我記不清楚了）

眾士兵排列整齊的上。

M: Attention.（立正）Turn right/left.Quick time, march!（齊步走）(吹哨)

Halt!(立定)Turn right/left.At ease!(稍息).Dismiss!(解散)

（在宿舍里）

Ss: Cheer!(干杯)

（班長帶著一新士兵推門進(jìn)來）

M: Hello!Everyone!This is Sam.He is Swede.Today he join us.Let's give

him a warm welcome!

Ss: Welcome!Welcome!(握手、拍肩 和他打招呼，但是他搖搖頭)

M: He doesn't know French at all.Ss: What a pity!

有一天，一個士兵慌慌張張的跑了過來。

A.Monitor!Monitor!

M: What's the matter with you?

A: I hear Napolan will be here in a month.M: What shall we do?

B.I hear N often asks three quenstions.and often in an order.The first

one is ”How old are you?“.The second one is ”How long have you been in

the Amry?“.The third one is ”Did you join any of my two compaigns?"

M: All of us have no problem except Sam.He doesn't know French.What

shall we do?

B.I have an idea.From now on all of us teach him the three questions at

any time.Ss: Good!

各種場合：

睡覺: A: Sam.How old are you?

Sam:21.sir!

A: How long have you been in the Army?

Sam: 3 years sir!

A: Did you join any of my two compaigns?

Sam: Both.sir!

吃飯:B:Sam.How old are you?

Sam:21.sir!

B: How long have you been in the Army?

Sam: 3 years sir!

B: Did you join any of my two compaigns?

Sam: Both.sir!

跑步：C:Sam.How old are you?

Sam:21.sir!

C: How long have you been in the Army?

Sam: 3 years sir!

C: Did you join any of my two compaigns?

Sam: Both.sir!

.....Ss: We believe that's no problem at all.A:(慌慌張張的)N is coming.N is coming.(眾士兵立正)

N: Hello!Everyone.How are you?

Ss: Fine.Thank you!sir!

Sam 在哆嗦，引起了拿破侖的注意。

N:（走到他的面前）Well.How long have you been in the Army?

Sam: 21.sir.N:(非常吃驚的)How old are you?

Sam:(非常自信的)3.sir.N:(生氣的)Either you or I am mad！！

Sam:(洋洋得意的)Both.sir！!

Ss: My god！!

眾士兵失望的下場了。