第一篇：英語幽默小故事 A Boy with a Big Head

A Boy with a Big Head

A boy cried to his mother, “All the children make fun of me.They sayI have a big head.”

“Don't listen to them,” his mother said, “You have a beautiful head.Now stop crying and go to the store to buy two kilos of potatoes.”“Where is the shopping bag?”

“I haven't got one---use your hat.”

根據短文判斷下列句子正（T）、（F）：

1.Children made fun of the boy because he had a beautiful head.2.The mother was angry when she heard what her son had told her.3.The mother couldn't find their shopping bag.5.The boy did have a big head.大頭娃娃

一個小男孩向他母親哭訴道：“他們都取笑我，說我腦袋大?！薄皠e聽他們的，”他母親安慰道，“你有一個很漂亮的腦袋。好啦，別哭了，去商店買4斤土豆來?！?/p>

“購物袋在哪兒？”

“沒購物袋了----就用你的帽子吧?！?/p>

第二篇：英語幽默小故事

英語幽默小故事

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word “egg”? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg"? Student:In the cake,Sir.雞蛋在哪里？

老師：你能用“雞蛋”一詞造句嗎？ 學生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。老師：“雞蛋”在哪？ 學生：在蛋糕里，先生 Son: Dad, give me a dime.Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 兒子：爸爸，給我一角錢。

父親：兒子，你不認為你已經長大了，不該再老是一角一角地要錢了(該自立了)，不是嗎？

兒子：爸爸，我想你是對的，那給我一塊錢行嗎？

I'm sorry，Madam，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth.”

“Twenty d ollars!Why，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office.”

“對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元?！? “20美元！為什么？不是說好只要4美元?！?/p>

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了?！?/p>

Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.“Then,” Mother asks.“Yes, Mum.Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach.Four and six is ten, isn’t it right?”

十塊糖

媽媽問兒子：“吉姆，如果你有10塊糖，吃了4塊，那你還有幾塊糖？”

“10塊?！奔氛f。

“10塊？”媽媽問。

“是的，媽媽。因為4塊在我的肚子里面，6塊在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不對嗎？”

It’s Good to Admit a Fault John is not a “good” student.He always sleeps in the class.Today he sleeps again.“John!” Teacher says angrily.“What? What’s wrong?” John is awaken.“Why do you make a face? It’s classroom.Look!Everyone is laughing.” Teacher says.“No one is laughing.” Teacher says.“No, it’s not me.I was not making a face.I was sleeping.” John fells upset.“Um.Not bad.You can admit your fault.You are still a good boy.” Teacher is satisfied with it.認錯

約翰并不是個“好”學生。他總是在上課的時候睡覺。今天他又睡著了。

“約翰！”老師生氣地喊他。

“什么？出什么事了？”約翰醒了。

“你為什么要做鬼臉？這是教室！看看！同學們都在笑！”老師生氣地說。“沒有人在笑呀?！逼渌瑢W笑聲地嘀咕。

“不，不是我。我沒有做鬼臉。剛才我睡著了。”約翰感到不安。

“嗯，還不錯。你承認自己的錯誤，還是給好孩子”老師為此感到滿意。

Adding Feet to a Snake

One day, Mr.Lion holds a party.Many animals come and drink a lot of wine.At last there is a pot of wine.Who can drink it? They drink out an idea and decide to have a match-Draw a snake.If you finish first, you can get it.Soon Mr.Wolf finishes drawing.“Yeah, I’ve finished.I’m No.1,” he says.But he draws again and says, “Oh, let me add feet and my snake.” At the time, Mr.Gorilla also finishes.He takes away the pot of wine and drinks, then he says, “That isn’t a snake.Snakes have no feet.I get the wine.”

畫蛇添足

一天，獅子先生舉行一場聚會，許多動物都來了，他們喝很多酒。最后只剩一壺酒了。讓誰喝呢？它們想了想，有個主意。它們比賽畫蛇，誰最快畫好，誰就喝這壺酒。

不一會，狼先生畫好了。“哈，我畫好了，我是第一個。”它說。可是它又畫了起來，它還說：“再給它加幾只腳吧?！边@是猩猩先生也畫好了。它拿起那酒壺喝起來。一邊喝一邊說：“那不是蛇，蛇是沒有腳的，我贏了這壺酒。”

Covering One’s Ears While Stealing a Bell

Mr.Wang thinks he is clever, but he always does foolish things.One day he sees a beautiful bell at the top of a door.“Oh!How nice!I will take it home.” He thinks, “What can I do?” After a while he has a “good” idea.“Aha!I have an idea now.I can plug my ears.Then I will not hear the ring when I take off the bell.”

Then he does so.But as soon as he takes off the bell, the owner opens the door.“What ate you doing?” the owner says angrily.掩耳盜鈴

王先生總以為自己很聰明，實際上他總干傻事。

一天，他看見一戶人家的門頭有個很漂亮的鈴鐺?！鞍。嫫涟。∥乙阉没丶胰?。”他自言自語道：“我該怎么做呢？”過了一會兒他想到了一個“好”主意。“啊哈！我有辦法了！我把耳朵堵上，拿鈴鐺的時候就聽不見鈴聲了?！?/p>

于是他就這樣做了。可是他剛拿下鈴鐺，屋子的主人就打開門，怒氣沖沖地說：“你在干什么？”

Look at the Sky from the Bottom of a Well

There is a frog.He lives in a well and he never goes out of the well.He thinks the sky is as big as the mouth of the well.One day a crow comes to the well.He sees the frog and says, “Frog, let’s have a talk.” Then the frog asks, “Where are you from?” “I fly from the sky,” the crow says.The frog feels surprised and says, “The sky is only as big as the mouth of the well.How do you fly from the sky?”

The crow says, “The sky is very big.You always stay in the well, so you don’t know the world is big.”

The frog says, “I don’t believe.” But the crow says, “You can come out and have a look by yourself.”

So the frog comes out from the well.He is very surprised.How big the world is!

坐井觀天

有一只青蛙住在井底，他從來沒有去過井外面。他以為天空就和井口一樣大。一天，一只烏鴉飛到井邊，看見青蛙，就對它說：“青蛙，咱們聊聊吧?！鼻嗤芫蛦査骸澳銖哪睦飦?？”“我從天上上來。青蛙驚訝了，就說：“天空就只有這井口這么大，你怎么會從天上飛老呢？”

烏鴉說：“天空很大。只不過你一直呆在井里，所有不知道世界很大?！鼻嗤苷f：“我不相信。”烏鴉說：“你可以出來，自己看看嘛?！?于是青蛙來到井外。他十分驚訝，原來世界這么大！

The Clever King Solomon

Long, long ago, there was a king.Solomon was his name.He was very clever.In his country, there were two women.They lived in the same house and each had a child.One night, one of the babies died.The dead baby’s mother took the other woman’s baby, and put it in her own bed.The next morning , they had a quarrel.“No, this is my baby!” The dead is yours!”

Each one wanted the living baby.So they went to see King Solomon.“Bring me a knife, cut the child into two and five each woman one half.” said the King.“Oh.Your Majesty!Give her my baby.Please don’t kill my baby!”

Then King Solomon pointed to the woman in teas and said, “Give the baby to her.She is the mother.”

聰明的國王所羅門

很久很久之前，有一位國王，他的名字叫所羅門，他非常聰明。

在他的國家里，有兩位婦女，她們住在同一間房子里。各有一個嬰兒。

一天夜里，其中一個嬰兒死了。他的媽媽抱另一位婦女的小孩，把他放在自己的床上。

第二天早上，他們發生了爭吵。

“不，這是我的孩子！這個死的是你的！”

他們都想要這個活著的孩子，于是她們去見所羅門國王。

“給我拿把刀來，把這個孩子切成兩半，沒人一半?！眹跖袥Q道。

“哦，陛下，把我的孩子給她吧。請不要殺了我的孩子！”一位母親哭喊道。于是所羅門指著流淚的婦女說：“把孩子給她，她是真正的母親。”

Two Holes for the Dogs

My uncle has two dogs.One is big and the other is small.He likes them very much.One day, Mr.Smith came to visit him.When the friend saw two holes in the door, a large hole and a small hole, he was surprised and said, “My dear friend, why are there two holes in your door?” “Let my dogs come in and come out, of course,” Mr.Smith asked.“But why are there two holes? One is enough!” “But how can the big dog go through the small hole?” my uncle said.Sometimes a clever man may make such mistakes.兩個狗洞

我的叔叔有兩條狗。一只是大的，另一只是小狗的。他很喜歡它們。

有一天，史密斯先生來看他。當這個朋友看見門口上有連個洞，一個是大洞和一個小洞時，他感到吃驚并說，“我親愛的朋友，為什么你的門上有連個洞？”我的叔叔回答說：“當然是讓我的兩條狗進出了?！?史密斯先生問到：“ 為什么門上要兩個洞呢？一個就足夠了。” 我叔叔說：“大狗怎能走小洞呢？” 有時聰明的人可能會犯這樣的錯誤。

第三篇：英語幽默小故事

英語幽默小故事

The Bear and the Two Travelers

TWO man were traveling together, when a Bear suddenly met them on their path.One of them climbed up quickly into a tree and concealed himself in the branches.The other, seeing that he must be attacked, fell flat on the ground, and when the Bear came up and felt him with his snout, and smelt him all over, he held his breath, and feigned the appearance of death as much as he could.The Bear soon left him, for it is said he will not touch a dead body.When he was quite gone, the other Traveler descended from the tree, and jocularly inquired of his friend what it was the Bear had whispered in his ear.“He gave me this advice,” his companion replied.“Never travel with a friend who deserts you at the approach of danger.”

An ant went to the bank of a river to quench its thirst, and being carried away by the rush of the stream, was on the point of drowning.A Dove sitting on a tree overhanging the water plucked a leaf and let it fall into the stream close to her.The Ant climbed onto it and floated in safety to the bank.Shortly afterwards a bird catcher came and stood under the tree, and laid his lime-twigs for the Dove, which sat in the branches.The Ant, perceiving his design, stung him in the foot.In pain the bird catcher threw down the twigs, and the noise made the Dove take wing.One good turn deserves another

Love Your Life

熱愛生活

Henry David Thoreau/享利.大衛.梭羅

However mean your life is,meet it and live it;do not shun it and call it hard names.It is not so bad as you are.It looks poorest when you are richest.The fault-finder will find faults in paradise.Love your life,poor as it is.You may perhaps have some pleasant,thrilling,glorious hourss,even in a poor-house.The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the alms-house as brightly as

from the rich man’s abode;the snow melts before its door as early in the spring.I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there,and have as cheering thoughts,as in a palace.The town’s poor seem to me often to live the most in dependent lives of any.May be they are simply great enough to receive without misgiving.Most think that they are above being supported by the town;

but it of ten happens that they are not above supporting themselves by dishonest means.which should be more disreputable.Cultivate poverty like a garden herb,like sage.Do not trouble yourself much to get new things,whether clothes or friends,Turn the old,return to them.Things do not change;we change.Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.不論你的生活如何卑賤，你要面對它生活，不要躲避它，更別用惡言咒罵它。它不像你那樣壞。你最富有的時候，倒是看似最窮。愛找缺點的人就是到天堂里也能找到缺點。你要愛你的生活，盡管它貧窮。甚至在一個濟貧院里，你也還有愉快、高興、光榮的時候。夕陽反射在濟貧院的窗上，像身在富戶人家窗上一樣光亮；在那門前，積雪同在早春融化。

我只看到，一個從容的人，在哪里也像在皇宮中一樣，生活得心滿意足而富有愉快的思想。城鎮中的窮人，我看，倒往往是過著最獨立不羈的生活。也許因為他們很偉大，所以受之無愧。大多數人以為他們是超然的，不靠城鎮來支援他們；可是事實上他們是往往利用了不正當的手段來對付生活，他們是毫不超脫的，毋寧是不體面的。視貧窮如園中之花而像圣人一樣耕植它吧！不要找新的花樣，無論是新的朋友或新的衣服，來麻煩你自己。找舊的，回到那里去。萬物不變，是我們在變。你的衣服可以賣掉，但要保留你的思想。

Ladies and Gentlemen, Good morning!I’m very glad to stand here and give you a short speech.Man’s life is a process of growing up, actually I’m standing here is a growth.If a person’s life must constituted by various choices, then I grow up along with these choices.Once I hope I can study in a college in future, however that’s passed, as you know I come here, now I wonder what the future holds for me.When I come to this school, I told to myself: this my near future, all starts here.Following I will learn to become a man, a integrated man, who has a fine body, can take on important task, has independent thought, an open mind, intensive thought, has the ability to judge right and wrong, has a perfect job.

Once my teacher said :” you are not sewing, you are stylist;never forget which you should lay out to people is your thought, not craft.” I will put my personality with my interest and ability into my study, during these process I will combine learning with doing.If I can achieve this “future”, I think that I really grow up.And I deeply believe kindred, good-fellowship and love will perfection and happy in the future.

How to say future? Maybe it’s a nice wish.Lets make up our minds, stick to it

and surely well enjoy our life.中文大意：）~

女士們，先生們，上午好。我很高興在這里為大家作一個簡短的講話。

人的一生是一個成長的過程，事實上，我現在站在這里也是一次成長。如果一個人的一生必須面臨不同的選擇，那么我就是伴隨著這些選擇成長起來的。曾經我盼望將來能上大學，然而那已經過去了，現在我在這兒，只想知道我的未來會是什么樣的。

當我來到這所學校，我告訴我自己：我不久的將來都從這里開始。接著我要學習如何做人，如何做一個正直的人，并且擁有一個健康的體魄，能承擔重要的任務，能獨立思考，思想開放，心思縝密，有判斷是非的能力，有一份不錯的工作。

我的老師曾經告訴我說：“你不是在修補而是在創造；永遠不要忘記你向人們所展示的是你的思想，而不是你的手藝。”我會將我的性格，興趣愛好和能力一起融入到學習中去。在這過程中，我邊學習邊實踐。如果我能實現這個“未來”，我就認為我真的成長了。并且我深信我的親人，好朋友以及愛會使我的未來更完美，更幸福。

如何來解釋未來呢? 也許那只是一個美好的愿望。讓我們下定決心，堅持到底，那我們的人生一定能過得很精彩。

世界節日（1）Spring Festival（春節）

作者：節日轉貼自：本站原創點擊數：578文章錄入： 湖北華審

The New Moon on the first day of the new year--the full moon 15 days later

Chinese New Year starts with the New Moon（新月）on the first day of the new year and ends on the full moon（滿月）15 days later.The 15th day of the new year is called the Lantern Festival（元宵節）, which is celebrated at night with lantern displays and children carrying lanterns in a parade.The Chinese calendar is based on a combination of lunar and solar movements.The lunar cycle（月運周期）is about 29.5 days.In order to “catch up” with the solar calendar the Chinese insert an extra month once every few years(seven years out of a 19-yearcycle).This is the same as adding an extra day on leap year（閏年）.This is why, according to the solar calendar, the Chinese New Year falls on a different date each year.New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are celebrated as a family affair, a time of reunion and thanksgiving.The celebration was traditionally highlighted with a religious ceremony given in honor of Heaven and Earth（萬物）, the gods of the household and the family ancestors.The sacrifice to the ancestors, the most vital of all the rituals（儀式）, united the living members with those who had passed away.Departed relatives are remembered with great respect because they were responsible for laying the foundations for the fortune and glory of the family.The presence of the ancestors is acknowledged on New Year's Eve with a dinner arranged for them at the family banquet table.The spirits of the ancestors,together with the living, celebrate the onset of the New Year as one great community.The communal feast called “surrounding the stove” or weilu.It symbolizes family unity and honors the past and present generations.The Origin of Chinese New Year

The Chinese New Year is now popularly known as the Spring Festival because it starts from the Begining of Spring(the first of the twenty-four terms in coodination with the changes of Nature).Its origin is too old to be traced.Several explanations are hanging around.All agree, however, that the word Nian, which in modern Chinese solely means “year”, was originally the name of a monster beast that started to prey on people the night before the beginning of a new year.One legend goes that the beast Nian had a very big mouth that would swallow a great many people with one bite.People were very scared.One day, an old man came to their rescue, offering to subdue Nian.To Nian he said, “I hear say that you are very capable, but can you swallow the other beasts of prey on earth instead of people who are by no means of your worthy opponents?” So, it did swallow many of the beasts of prey on earth that also harrassed people and their domestic animals from time to time.After that, the old man disappeared riding the beast Nian.He turned out to be an immortal god.Now that Nian is gone and other beasts of prey are also scared into forests, people begin to enjoy their peaceful life.Before the old man left, he had told people to put up red paper decorations on their windows and doors at each year's end to scare away Nian in case it sneaked back again, because red is the color the beast feared the most.From then on, the tradition of observing the conquest of Nian is carried on from generation to generation.The term “Guo Nian”, which may mean “Survive the Nian” becomes today “Celebrate the(New)Year” as the word “guo” in Chinese having both the meaning of “pass-over” and “observe”.The custom of putting up red paper and firing fire-crackers to scare away Nian should it have a chance to run loose is still around.However, people today have long forgotten why they are doing all this, except that they feel the color and the sound add to the excitement of the celebration.Traditional New Year Foods

Probably more food is consumed during the New Year celebrations than any other time of the year.Vast amounts of traditional food is prepared for family and friends, as well as those close to us who have died.On New Year's Day, the Chinese family will eat a vegetarian dish called jai.Although the various ingredients in jai are root vegetables or fibrous vegetables, many people attribute various superstitious aspects to them.Other foods include a whole fish, to represent togetherness and abundance, and a chicken for prosperity.The chicken must be presented with a head, tail and feet to symbolize completeness.Noodles should be uncut, as they represent long life.In south China, the favorite and most typical dishes were nian gao, sweet

steamed glutinous rice（糯米）pudding and zong zi(glutinous rice wrapped up in reed（蘆葦）leaves), another popular delicacy.In the north, steamed-wheat bread(man tou)and small meat dumplings were the preferred food.The tremendous amount of food prepared at this time was meant to symbolize abundance and wealth for the household.The 15-Day Celebration of Chinese New Year

The first day of the Lunar New Year is “the welcoming of the gods of the heavens and earth.”Many people abstain from meat on the first day of the new year because it is believed that this will ensure long and happy lives for them.On the second day, the Chinese pray to their ancestors as well as to all the gods.They are extra kind to dogs and feed them well as it is believed that the second day is the birthday of all dogs.The third and fourth days are for the sons-in-laws to pay respect to their parents-in-law.The fifth day is called Po Woo.On that day people stay home to welcome the God of Wealth.No one visits families and friends on the fifth day because it will bring both parties bad luck.On the sixth to the 10th day, the Chinese visit their relatives and friends freely.They also visit the temples to pray for good fortune and health.The seventh day of the New Year is the day for farmers to display their produce.These farmers make a drink from seven types of vegetables to celebrate the occasion.The seventh day is also considered the birthday of human beings.Noodles are eaten to promote longevity and raw fish for success.On the eighth day the Fujian people have another family reunion dinner, and at midnight they pray to Tian Gong, the God of Heaven.The ninth day is to make offerings to the Jade Emperor.The 10th through the 12th are days that friends and relatives should be invited for dinner.After so much rich food, on the 13th day you should have simple rice congee and mustard greens(choi sum)to cleanse the system.The 14th day should be for preparations to celebrate the Lantern Festival which is to be held on the 15th night.Auspicious words:

Treasures fill the homeBusiness flourishesPeace all year roundWishing you prosperity

Harmony brings wealth May all your wishes come trueEverything goes wellThe country flourishes and people live in peace

Money and treasures will be plentifulWishing you every successPromoting to a higher positionSafe trip wherever you go

第四篇：英語幽默小故事

A: We have got a new dog.Would you like to come around and play with him? B: Well, I don't know---does he bite?

A: That's what I want to find out.The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled（被寵壞的）.His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him.He hardly left her side.And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum（亂發脾氣）.Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along(相處)all right? did you cry? Cry? John asked.No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!

六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。他的父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。

約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他并問道：學校怎么樣？你過的好嗎？哭了沒有？ 哭？約翰問，不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, “What happened?” “A kid bit me,” replied Ivan.“Would you recognize him if you saw him again?” asked his mother.“I'd know him any where,” said Ivan.“I have his ear in my pocket.”

伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發生了什么事？”

“一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。

“再見到他你能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。

“他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說?！八亩溥€在我衣兜里呢。”

come homego homeget home

當 home 前面 有所有格形式 時是名詞可用 come to比如 come to one?s home

另外這三個都表示“回家”。方向是一回事，我想最重要的是說話者的方位。

如“When will you come home?”說明說者在家，或是他的家人；而“When will you go home?" 一般情況下，說者不在家中。

至于get home，強調的是已經到家，get有確定到達的意思。

第五篇：英語幽默小故事1篇

英語幽默小故事1篇(翻譯)

A Fine Match

One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor.She was very afraid of mice, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shop.There she bought a mousetrap.The shopkeeper said to her, “Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse.” The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it.She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful!When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!勢均力敵

一天一位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的廚房地板上竄過。她很害怕老鼠，所以她隨即沖出屋子，搭上了公共汽車直奔商店。在那兒，她買了一只老鼠夾。店主告訴她：“放點奶酪在里面，很快你就會逮住那只老鼠的。”

這位女士帶著鼠夾回到家里，但她沒有在碗櫥里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因為已經很晚了。于是，她就從一份雜志中剪下一幅奶酪的圖片放進了夾子。

出人意料的是，這畫有奶酪的圖片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，當這位女士下樓到廚房時，她發現鼠夾里奶酪圖片旁有一張畫有老鼠的圖片!