第一篇：英語搞笑短劇劇本-西游記

搞笑英語話劇之西游記篇

人物 ： 唐僧

八戒

悟空

白骨精原型女 白骨精變形1 白骨精變形2 白骨精原型男

女兒國(guó)國(guó)王

hope you guys enjoy it！

改編作者 杜宛蕓 成醫(yī)學(xué)子

唐: Wow…boys!This place looks beautiful.Where we are now? Does any one of you know something about it? 眾徒弟們搖頭，除了八戒在看書。

唐: 八戒, give me the map(不回頭，懶洋洋的問)唐:八戒，Give the map to me!（嚴(yán)肅的問）

唐：哼!（唐生氣地叫）pig，Give the map……..(轉(zhuǎn)過身看到八戒在看書)唐:(很吃驚)wow！八戒，very good!I hardly see you study！.What kind of book are you reading? Is it about Chinese or English? 八戒依舊看書，不理睬。唐:(湊過去)let me have a look!八戒才注意，趕忙藏書。但為時(shí)已晚，唐一把搶過。發(fā)現(xiàn)是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻變得溫柔，接過書開始看

唐：yo….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出衛(wèi)生紙給唐僧擦，唐僧回過神來)唐:（轉(zhuǎn)身訓(xùn)斥八戒）how many times have I told you？ You are not supposed to read books about beautiful girls!I will keep it for you until we finish the journey …..(唐僧將畫冊(cè)掖到衣服里)八戒:But…..,why? boss, why can?t we think about girls? I just don?t understand…

唐:（嘆氣）哎，how many times have I told you？,This is because…oh 悟空 dance to my song！

(開始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous，悟空伴舞)八戒:ok boss，I will listen to you！（無辜地表情）

唐:悟空,I am hungry.Go and get me some food…（四處看看）.where is 沙僧？, 悟空：he is feeding the horse.boss I?ll find some food and be back soon, 唐：ok….(悟空走了唐看見八戒還在這，正經(jīng)地對(duì)八戒說)hey 八戒 I need to take a good rest.get out of here!give me some private space!（八戒走后唐僧就偷襲著自言自語到眉毛上抬 使壞樣）：嘿嘿 its time to call my little honey king of the girl country 唐:hi..sweetie how are you doing？(不解釋….)女:I am fine ,but I miss you very much，after you left, I just can not stop recalling the days when we were together.哼！you seldom give me a call。唐:oh darling….i am sorry.you know , these boys like to gossip about things like that.I can only call you when I am alone.But you know I love you from the bottom of my heart。oh damn it！…they are back!Honey I will call you the next time ok！（掛斷電話 一下裝的很正經(jīng)）悟空: boss，who are you calling ? 唐:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? 悟空:here!Ive found some delicious bananas!唐:banana，banana banana!How many times do I have to tell you ？ I am a monk, instead of a monkey!I need rice rice(加重語氣)！don?t you understand? Go and give some to your brothers ok

悟空：摸摸頭 ok boss 低頭很沮喪 拿著香蕉向八戒走去

唐僧拿著香蕉，從衣服里掏出畫冊(cè)，做到一邊邊吃邊看，邊擦嘴…..白骨精上場(chǎng)

白;Hahahaa…I know that any monster who eats

master tang will live forever.how lucky I am, now they are in my place.笑著想想 oh , i can pretend to be a poor old lady, so they will trust me.嘿嘿 I am really clever ……動(dòng)感音樂響 白骨精1上場(chǎng) 和白骨精原形以舞蹈形式變換……雙人舞完！。

白1:嘿嘿I look great!蹣跚的走過去

白1:hello, master.i have not eaten any food for days….can you spare some ? have mercy，may god bless you 唐：(瞄一眼，繼續(xù)吃、看)what? Don?t see I am starving too.get out of here, if you don?t leave right now I will ask my money and pig to eat you 哼！白1：看看悟空和八戒 oh please don?t do that I am leaving 蹣跚地離開 躲在一個(gè)離唐不遠(yuǎn)的地方。

悟空：走過來拿著香蕉 boss，do you need some more bananas？

（悟空看到美女畫冊(cè)，急忙湊上去看，師傅把畫冊(cè)上下左右移動(dòng)，悟空隨之移動(dòng)，師傅發(fā)現(xiàn)了，開始說：）唐：, 悟空 ,you want to see it, dont you？ ,If you want to see it，you have to tell me that you want to see it, and I will give it to you ,let you see it but if you don?t tell Me that you want to see it，how can I know that you want to see it？

。if you don?t want to see it，you also have to tell me that you don?t want to see it。then I wont let you see(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃離此地)

唐：悟空！come back！哎。。（唐僧搖搖頭,繼續(xù)看書)白1:（遠(yuǎn)處偷看到畫冊(cè)）oh ….He is interested in girls 嘿嘿!變成了一個(gè)女的 音樂很慢幽 白1和白2 雙人舞變換 說話一定要嗲

白2:（曼妙的走過來，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不轉(zhuǎn)頭邊吃邊看書：leave me alone.白2再次碰一下，唐僧依然不轉(zhuǎn)頭：I said leave me alone！這時(shí)，白2開口說話）

白2:hi….gentleman!唐:（轉(zhuǎn)頭）wow…h(huán)i sexy lady!（扔掉畫冊(cè)，背景音樂響起，only you，神情對(duì)視，過會(huì)兒）come here ,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng, you can call me Tanny 白2:oh Tanny…you are so friendly ,thanks for your banana。。I just got lost，and don?t know where to go now！can you help me？

唐:yes of course, I will try my best to help you，you don?t worry！

八戒：朝唐僧看看：wow，what a beautiful girl！手拍拍悟空 look look 悟空:看到后 oh my god！our boss is in danger now！馬上朝白2沖過去

悟空：“monster，I will kill you！“嚇到白2 躲到唐的后面

唐:what are you doing？ monkey，don?t be rude!this beautiful lady is my new friend！

悟空:boss, this is a monster，in order to get close to you。,she has changed herself into a charming girl，she will eat you！唐:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to the west…..（悟空?qǐng)?zhí)意要打，唐僧苦勸不聽）

唐：I think，you，little monkey need to be punished 悟空：（趕忙說）oh ,no , boss, please

唐:(嘆氣)哎唱著 it is so late to apologise。。。!說 Money，you deserve what you will suffer(擺姿勢(shì)，要念咒語)(杰克遜的beat it，，just beat it，beat it，will you listen to me ？will you listen to me ？will you listen to me？)悟空抱頭大叫：“oh boss enough enough。。please stop stop I will listen to you“

八戒過來求情 ：“boss he cant stand it now看著悟空痛苦樣，哦米拖佛 poor money！?

唐停止念咒 說：“ok、monkey, remember don?t make such stupid mistakes again，you can go now ?悟空抱著很痛的頭搖搖晃晃的離開。

唐僧看著八戒：“八戒 you also have to leave here，your ugly pig face will make my friend scared，go go go！” 八戒不情愿地離開 白2:hahaha….，白2白原形一起雙人舞變換成白原形 音樂很 恐怖

白原：idiot！.look who I am（變回原樣，唐僧大喊救命）i will eat you….唐：啊！悟空 悟空 八戒

come back come back 白原：哈哈哈 shut up！no one can save you now！hahahahahha 仰天大笑唐掏偷偷出電話：“hi honey，I am in danger now，come and save me?！be quick！?

白原看到將電話拿過扔掉 白原：‘哼，?正要?dú)⑻?做出姿勢(shì) 女:“stop！白原轉(zhuǎn)過頭來 唐”oh darling you just come at the right time，thank god！“

女：er，I didn?t tell you that I have bought a new airplane with a satellite map，so I can find you easily！cool huh？ 女:monster.i will finish you（舉起魔杖，指著白原）

白原:看著很吃驚you are the king of the girl country？ it must have been hundreds of years since the last time when we were together

女：I am confused。who are you ？

白原:帶上帽子變成一個(gè)男子，新白娘子傳奇音樂響

白原唱者：“oh 娘子，啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！西湖美景三月天喲，春雨如酒柳如煙勒“

女：”oh 相公，十年修得共船渡，百年修得共枕眠“

白原和女合唱：若是千呀年呀有緣，白首同心在眼前。啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦。。！白首同心在眼前”，女：oh my darling I miss you all the time，tears fall down everytime when I think of you。低聲哭泣著。

白原：哎，邊給女擦眼淚 honey，forgive me，when we were apart last time，on my way home，god caught me and I was sent to prison by him、。a few days ago I just came out secretly！

女: 哼，not all the monsters are evil，god should not have treated you like that。

白原：oh honey don?t be sad now I am back，we can live together forever，right？

女：”great，let?s go back to my country，this way please，my airplane is there！兩人手拉手向飛機(jī)走去！留下唐僧一人。

唐自言自語；“哎，my queen left me，how can she cheat me and break my young heart？

八戒趕過來看見唐很悲傷 說“boss，what happened？ 唐：“nothing ,I just miss my mother ok！?

八戒：oh boss don?t be sad。When you miss her，you can call her and ask her to be online！then you can see her through the Internet。I think qq is a good choice!唐：“ok 八戒，lets go、where are your brothers ？

八戒：boss they are waiting for us，we should continue our journey now。。唐”ok。。音樂西游記

敢問路在何方 路在腳下、、、

第二篇：英語搞笑短劇劇本-西游記

Once there was true love for me, but I did not treasure it.Now it’s too late to regret.Nothing in the world can be more painful than that.If only time could go back, if only God could give me one more chance, I would say to the girl: “I love you.” If you dare ask me how long my love will last, my answer will be at least 10,000 years.Beat it!人物：T:唐僧 呂歡 M:孫悟空 徐彩鳳 P:豬八戒 艾翹 S:沙僧 李巖艷

X:白骨精原型 烏凡迪 X1:白骨精變成的男人 張伊僮 X2:白骨精變成的女人 王彧 Q:女兒國(guó)王后 孫欒營(yíng)

T: Wow?,boys,this place looks beautiful.where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is? 眾徒弟們搖頭，除了八戒在看書。

T: bajie, give me the map(不回頭，懶洋洋的問)T:bajie? Give the map to me!（嚴(yán)肅的問）

T：bajie!Give the fucking??..(轉(zhuǎn)過身看到八戒在看書)T:(很吃驚)hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》? 八戒依舊看書，不理睬。T:(湊過去)let me have a look at it!八戒才注意，趕忙藏書。但為時(shí)已晚，T一把搶過。發(fā)現(xiàn)是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻變得溫柔，接過書開始看

T：yao?.xi?..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出衛(wèi)生紙給唐僧擦，唐僧回過神來)T:（轉(zhuǎn)身訓(xùn)斥八戒）how many times I have told you!You are not supposed to read this kind of book!I will keep it for you until the trip is end?..(唐僧將畫冊(cè)掖到衣服里)P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand?

T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because?(唐僧?dāng)[出一個(gè)酷酷的動(dòng)作，一邊跳舞，一邊開始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous)P:I know T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food?.Shaseng,you go feed the horse.(聲音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一邊掏出手機(jī)，回頭看到八戒在身邊)hey！pig, get out of here!give me some private space!唐僧開始給Q打電話（背景音樂《做你的男人》）T:hi..how you’re doing(不解釋?.)Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call T:oh darling?.i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you?oh?they are back!Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace? M:who you are phoning,boss? T:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? M:here!I found some delicious bananas!T:bananas again?!How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey!I want meat, meat(加重語氣)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)（T拿起手機(jī)）

T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye?

T：Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me another food?.not bananas S: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away?..T: Em??.It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? M: No problem!(安裝)（X已躲在一旁偷看）P: This is?..? M: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books.So I made this.No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em??Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific!Emitofo, knowledge is power!M: Bye!(走)T: Let’s play cards!(三人開始打牌)音樂《斗地主》 白骨精上場(chǎng)

X: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.Hahahaaa?I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.En?Electric net?You are too childish.I get to come up with a plan.Ehn?..get it!i can pretend to be a man,so they will trust me.haha??change change??

轉(zhuǎn)了幾圈，變成了一個(gè)男人。（背景音樂《天竺少女》）X1:I look great!X1:(接近三人，望著)Hey,guys!Can I join you? S: I’m sorry,sir.We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.X1: All right I'll watch you then.(在一旁觀看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)X1: Double King!T: Oh?.I win!Em??,Sir,you are a boss-hand.(背景音樂《斗地主》）Come in and teach me!(準(zhǔn)備開電網(wǎng)門)M:(回來，看見X1)Dai!You ugly monster!(上前就打)（背景音樂《打斗》

T：er?..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death?..Next time don’t do this kind of thing(拿出美女畫冊(cè)，繼續(xù)看）M: whatever, all right(懶得解釋)（悟空看到美女畫冊(cè)，急忙湊上去看，師傅把畫冊(cè)上下左右移動(dòng)，悟空隨之移動(dòng)，師傅發(fā)現(xiàn)了，開始說：）

Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it??.(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃離此地)T：wukong！come back！（唐僧搖搖頭,繼續(xù)看書)X:（看到畫冊(cè)）ah?..I got a idea!White-Skeleton Demon find out that master tang likes beautiful women very much,so she decided to change herself to a beautiful girl and deceive master tang to go with her.變成了一個(gè)女的（背景音樂《天竺少女》）說話一定要嗲

X2:（曼妙的走過來，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不轉(zhuǎn)頭：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不轉(zhuǎn)頭：I said leave me alone.這時(shí)，x2開口說話）

X2:hi?.Mr handsome!T:（轉(zhuǎn)頭）wow?hi beauty!（扔掉畫冊(cè)，背景音樂響起，only you，神情對(duì)視，過會(huì)兒）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny X:hi Tanny?you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?!Let us go!(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)M:Monster！look at how I beat you?.（唐僧趕忙攔住）

T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west?..（悟空?qǐng)?zhí)意要打，唐僧苦勸不聽）

T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(擺姿勢(shì)，要念咒語)M：（趕忙說）oh,no, master,not that spell.T:(念咒，好了得，悟空落荒而走)T安慰x2之后，繼續(xù)走，一段路之后：

X2:hahaha?..look at who I am（變回原樣，唐僧大喊救命）.X2：i will eat you?.Q及時(shí)趕來，從悟空那里得知了情況

Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....（轉(zhuǎn)向T)T：no, I am not！(有口莫辯)Q（面向x）：who are you? X:I am baigujing?.and you？

Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（舉起魔杖，要說阿瓦達(dá)索命，突然停住）Oh?but you look familiar?.you are xiaobai? X:you are小小？ it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.Q:why do not contact me? X:I do not know your number?..this is your man?!Q:how could it be possible(走過來，把唐僧撥拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白

X：I miss you too??（背景音樂響起，《找朋友》）X：how about a cup of tea in my house? Q: that would be perfect, let us go?.音樂停，場(chǎng)上只有唐僧，猶豫的望著天空，音樂換成《一生所愛》 一會(huì)兒，悟空和八戒上場(chǎng)，安慰唐僧（背景音樂響起，《算什么男人》），重新上路《敢問路在何方》?..全劇終

第三篇：英語搞笑短劇劇本-西游記

Beat it!人物：T:唐僧 陳鵬

M:孫悟空 陳中良

P:豬八戒 李濤

S:沙僧 魏濤 X:白骨精原型 李鵬程

X1:白骨精變成的男人

X2:白骨精變成的女人 劉佳佳

Q:女兒國(guó)王后 徐靜靜

T: Wow…,boys,this place looks beautiful.where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is? 眾徒弟們搖頭，除了八戒在看書。

T: bajie, give me the map(不回頭，懶洋洋的問)T:bajie? Give the map to me!（嚴(yán)肅的問）

T：bajie!Give the fucking……..(轉(zhuǎn)過身看到八戒在看書)T:(很吃驚)hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》? 八戒依舊看書，不理睬。

T:(湊過去)let me have a look at it!八戒才注意，趕忙藏書。但為時(shí)已晚，T一把搶過。發(fā)現(xiàn)是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻變得溫柔，接過書開始看

T：yao….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出衛(wèi)生紙給唐僧擦，唐僧回過神來)T:（轉(zhuǎn)身訓(xùn)斥八戒）how many times I have told you!You are not supposed to read this kind of book!I will keep it for you until the trip is end…..(唐僧將畫冊(cè)掖到衣服里)P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand…

T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because…(唐僧?dāng)[出一個(gè)酷酷的動(dòng)作，一邊跳舞，一邊開始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous)……… P:I know

T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food….Shaseng,you go feed the horse.(聲音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一邊掏出手機(jī)，回頭看到八戒在身邊)hey！pig, get out of here!give me some private space!唐僧開始給Q打電話

T:hi..how you’re doing(不解釋….)Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call T:oh darling….i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you…oh…they are back!Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace…

M:who you are phoning,boss? T:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? M:here!I found some delicious bananas!T:bananas again?!How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey!I want meat, meat(加重語氣)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)（T拿起手機(jī)）

T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye…

唐僧拿著香蕉，從衣服里掏出畫冊(cè)，做到一邊邊吃邊看，邊擦嘴…..白骨精上場(chǎng)

X;Hahahaaa…I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.Wow,I get to come up with a plan.Ehn…..get it!i can pretend to be a poor man,so they will trust me.haha……change change…… 轉(zhuǎn)了幾圈，變成了一個(gè)男人。X1:I look great!蹣跚的走過去

X1:hello,master..i have not have food for days….can you give me some? T(瞄一眼，繼續(xù)吃、看)what? i myself is starving now.out of here, you bastard!Pig,beat him,get him out of here.M正好回來 將它打死.T：er…..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death…..Next time don’t do this kind of thing(搖頭但繼續(xù)吃，看書)M: whatever, all right(懶得解釋)（悟空看到美女畫冊(cè)，急忙湊上去看，師傅把畫冊(cè)上下左右移動(dòng)，悟空隨之移動(dòng)，師傅發(fā)現(xiàn)了，開始說：）Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it…….(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃離此地)T：wukong！come back！（唐僧搖搖頭,繼續(xù)看書)

X:（看到畫冊(cè)）ah…..I got a idea!變成了一個(gè)女的 說話一定要嗲

X2:（曼妙的走過來，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不轉(zhuǎn)頭：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不轉(zhuǎn)頭：I said leave me alone.這時(shí)，x2開口說話）

X2:hi….Mr handsome!T:（轉(zhuǎn)頭）wow…h(huán)i beauty!（扔掉畫冊(cè)，背景音樂響起，only you，神情對(duì)視，過會(huì)兒）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny X:hi Tanny…you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?!Let us go!(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)M:Monster！look at how I beat you….（唐僧趕忙攔住）

T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west…..（悟空?qǐng)?zhí)意要打，唐僧苦勸不聽）T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(擺姿勢(shì)，要念咒語)M：（趕忙說）oh,no, master,not that spell.Q:(sigh)it is so late!(念咒，喜洋洋美羊羊灰太狼紅太郎，別看我只是一只羊……悟空落荒而走)T安慰x2之后，繼續(xù)走，一段路之后：

X2:hahaha…..look at who I am（變回原樣，唐僧大喊救命）.X2：i will eat you….Q及時(shí)趕來，從悟空那里得知了情況 Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....（轉(zhuǎn)向T）you get attracted by this ugly monster,are you gay?（不可思議的）T：no, I am not！(有口莫辯)Q（面向x）：who are you? X:I am baigujing….and you？

Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（舉起魔杖，要說阿瓦達(dá)索命，突然停住）Oh…but you look familiar….you are xiaobai? X:you are小小？ it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.Q:why do not contact me? X:I do not know your number…..this is your man?!Q:how could it be possible(走過來，把唐僧撥拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白 X：I miss you too……（背景音樂響起，《紅豆》）X：how about a cup of tea in my house? Q: that would be perfect, let us go….音樂停，場(chǎng)上只有唐僧，猶豫的望著天空，音樂換成《可惜不是你》 一會(huì)兒，悟空和八戒上場(chǎng)，安慰唐僧，重新上路《敢問路在何方》…..全劇終

第四篇：英語搞笑短劇劇本

三打白骨精

Three Times’ Beating Monster

人物：T唐僧S：孫悟空 E：豬八戒

J：沙僧

B：白骨精（何平）B1：B變成的村姑 B2：B變成的太婆B3：B變化成的老頭 T: Emitofo, do you know where we are now? S: Bajie, map!E:(摸出，遞給S)S: Look, boss(湊近T)………（T、S一齊轉(zhuǎn)向E）

T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)T:(縮手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west E: But……

T: Emitofo, nothing is lust, lust is nothing!Map? E:(遞)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.S: Fat Pig!E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again, I will ,I will……….S: You will what(兇相)? E:(軟禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).S: Hm!

T:（輕咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food? E: You see , boss is hungry,too!T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? S: No problem!(安裝)（B已躲在一旁偷看）J: This is…..?

S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books.So I made this.No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific!Emitofo, knowledge is power!S: Bye!(走)T: Let’s play cards!(三人開始打牌)音樂《斗地主》 B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(變成B1)B1:(接近三人，望著)Can I join you? J: I’m sorry,lady.We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.B1:(在一旁觀看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)B1: Double King!T: Oh….I win!Em……,Lady, you are a boss-hand.Come in and teach me!(準(zhǔn)備

開電網(wǎng)門)S:(回來，看見B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)B1:（倒)Ah……

T:(氣憤)Wukong!Look what have done!She is my teacher!S: She is a monster!T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)S: Oh,please don’t……

T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主題曲，走音離譜)S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱頭)T:(嗆住，咳)Wukong, I’m disappointed with you!

B:(真身出現(xiàn))Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(變成太婆)B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter? T: Daughter?...(連忙擋住地尸體)No, sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T擋)S:（咬牙切齒）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T頭，T暈，S再打死B2)E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)J: Look,(伸食指)how many? T:Two…..(暈乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(變成B3)B3:(看到B1,B2尸體)Oh….,my daughter, my wife!Who did it?！(哭喊)S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)T:（想阻止，未及）You,you.....(險(xiǎn)些暈，E,J扶住)You have killed three lives!

S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go！S:(悲，離去)（音樂，營(yíng)造 “假”悲傷氣氛）《人鬼情未了》 J: boss, brother Monkey is.......T: Don't mention that guy any more!B:(出現(xiàn))Ha,ha,ha!(三尸體B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飄”走)T:（驚）You are......B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被擊退)B:(抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood, ha, ha......S:(悄悄走到B后，打B,B暈)A thousand years later.T: Wukong? E: Oh, Brother Monkey!J: Our hero is back!T: I,I can't understand......What happened? S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing!This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!T: How, how did you find out? S:(沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直覺)T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小聲)S: What? T: I'm sorry.S: Em? Louder, please?

T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音樂響）《敢問路在何方》（這個(gè)放伴奏）

(謝幕)

愛在西元前

第五篇：搞笑短劇劇本

《茶葉蛋與愛情》

第一幕

在那個(gè)炎熱而充滿激情的夏天，經(jīng)過無數(shù)次課間的小紙條，郭建國(guó)終于和李阿芳在一起了。

經(jīng)歷了六月高考后，阿芳迎來了她的錄取通知書，而建國(guó)也...落榜了，于是他們不得不面臨分隔兩地，這一天郭建國(guó)送李阿芳去她夢(mèng)想中的高等學(xué)府“湖南財(cái)政經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)院”。

李阿芳：國(guó)，我就要去讀大學(xué)了，你在磚廠要好好干，我畢業(yè)了就嫁你。

郭建國(guó)：芳，你放心，我不會(huì)辜負(fù)你的期望的，等你回來了我就一定是這旮旯最大磚廠的老板了，到時(shí)我會(huì)調(diào)八輛拖拉機(jī)去娶你的。

李阿芳：國(guó)，我選你。

郭建國(guó)：芳，我也選你。

進(jìn)入大學(xué)，阿芳和劉思思分到一個(gè)寢室，對(duì)于這個(gè)地道的本地人，阿芳感到深深的自卑，雖然陌生的人陌生的城市，但是阿芳并不孤單，她和她的建國(guó)哥每天都要打一通電話。這天郭建國(guó)打來了電話。

李阿芳：國(guó)，城里人真的好奇怪，就一大鍋菜硬是被他們整成了火鍋，一點(diǎn)青菜豆腐賣的那么貴。我覺得那會(huì)高中你揣在兜里的地瓜最香了。

郭建國(guó)：芳，你別整城里人那套，不要學(xué)壞了。

李阿芳：我知道，你好好干，不說了，話費(fèi)老貴了。

郭建國(guó)：芳，我選你。

李阿芳：我也選你。

劉思思：你和誰打電話呢？

李阿芳：我男朋友。

劉思思：你就有男朋友了，真快啊。

李阿芳：我們高中就在一起了，他對(duì)我特好。

劉思思：他在哪個(gè)學(xué)校讀書啊？

李阿芳：哪能，現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)在工作了呢。

劉思思：工作了？他做什么的？

李阿芳：就...就....那個(gè)，幫別人工作唄，具體我也不清楚。我下去吃飯了。劉思思：等一下，我和你一起下去嘛，那個(gè)，聽說最近隔壁班的周帥富對(duì)你蠻殷勤的，你要小心點(diǎn)啊，他這個(gè)人仗著有點(diǎn)小錢不知道勾搭過多少女孩子了，再說你不是有男朋友嗎，就不要和他弄得太曖昧了

李阿芳：我知道的啦，我又不是那種貪慕虛榮的女孩子

第二幕

幾天后（阿芳在宿舍興高采烈的哼著歌）

劉思思：阿芳，你現(xiàn)在和周帥富怎么回事啊，白天眉來眼去晚上電話不斷的 李阿芳：額，我覺得我現(xiàn)在對(duì)他有感覺了

劉思思：不要開玩笑了，他這人就沒認(rèn)真過

李阿芳：說不定這次就認(rèn)真了呢

劉思思：你看上他哪里了啊，除了有點(diǎn)錢哪里就吸引你了

李阿芳：人家可是個(gè)高富帥呢

劉思思：你男朋友怎么辦？

李阿芳：我愿意坐在寶馬車?yán)锟抟膊幌朐谧孕熊嚿闲?/p>

劉思思：唉，過得開心快樂不就好了嘛

李阿芳：沒錢哪來的快樂

劉思思：你高興就好吧

李阿芳：恩恩

這一天阿芳又接到周帥富的電話

阿芳：喂

周：阿芳，是我阿芳：恩恩，我知道

周：周末有事么

阿芳：周末哦，我想想啊

周：帶你去吃茶葉蛋

阿芳：茶葉蛋好貴啊，歐巴，我們還是不要去吃茶葉蛋了啦

周：沒事，天空飄來五個(gè)字，錢就不是事兒

阿芳：kdie

這時(shí)接到男友電話

阿芳：喂

郭：阿芳，你在干嘛呢？

阿芳：還能干嗎，在寢室唄

郭：哦，那也好那也好，我跟你說啊，我今天搬了十拖拉機(jī)的磚，賺了五十幾塊錢呢，過幾天就發(fā)工資了，到時(shí)我又可以寄錢你了，你上次不是看中了那條38塊的裙子么，你去買回來啊，你要多吃點(diǎn)······

阿芳：哎呀，行了行了知道啦（嘀咕：50塊還不夠人家吃個(gè)茶葉蛋呢）

在吃完茶葉蛋后

周：有男朋友么

阿芳：男朋友哦，人家還沒有唉

周：那做我女朋友吧

阿芳：kdie

在光棍節(jié)前一天，阿芳提前給郭建國(guó)發(fā)了一短信

“國(guó)，提前祝你光棍節(jié)快樂”

“我不是有你么”

“在發(fā)這條短信的時(shí)候就不是了”

“我們不是好好的么，昨天我媽媽還問起你了呢，說等你畢業(yè)了就把家里那三間茅草屋給我做新房，我爸爸的單車也給我，咱們有房有車了你咋還不要俺了呢” “不是因?yàn)槟銢]錢，你別想多了，不是因?yàn)殄X”

“我沒說錢啊”

“說了不是錢”

“額，你還敢再明顯點(diǎn)么”

“國(guó)，我要的是一個(gè)高富帥，你卻注定是一個(gè)屌絲，懷念十個(gè)月零三天八小時(shí)所有的美好時(shí)光，很遺憾，放開我———是你唯一能我做的，希望以后的你是快樂的，我的高中男生”

“咋還整上李亞鵬那套了，不就是分手么，我知道了，劈腿雖易，享受不易，且行其珍惜！！”

從此以后，阿芳和周帥富過上了想象中的生活

一開始他們是這樣的周：帶你去泡吧吧

阿芳：kdie，歐巴

周：帶你去世界之窗玩玩？

阿芳：kdie，歐巴

周：買衣服化妝品

阿芳：kdie,歐巴

周：香港迪斯尼走走？

阿芳：kdie，歐巴

然后他們是這樣的阿芳：國(guó)，我好想你，你在干嘛呢

周：玩游戲呢，等會(huì)再說

阿芳：今天肚子好疼，都沒去上課

周：那今天晚上自助餐還去不去了

阿芳：額

阿芳：你到底愛我嗎

周：干嘛整這套，且行且珍惜

阿芳:我們以后會(huì)結(jié)婚嗎

周：你俗不俗，戀愛這么神圣的事都讓你整俗了

第三幕

而在和阿芳分手后，郭建國(guó)在磚廠做事越來越?jīng)]有動(dòng)力，他總是想起曾經(jīng)和李阿芳的山盟海誓，而一想到李阿芳他的小心臟就一陣陣的抽的疼，他覺得他的感情和自尊被阿芳無情的碾壓了，而且在碾壓后還被分袋封裝丟棄的到處都是，他再也受不了，他決定去找阿芳理論。（他在寢室下面攔住了剛和劉思思逛完街回來的阿芳）

郭建國(guó)：阿芳····

李阿芳：你怎么又來了？

郭建國(guó)：阿芳，為什么？為什么？為什么？你真的不愛我了嗎？你忘記當(dāng)年在幽幽谷我們?cè)S下的諾言嗎？山無棱，天地合.....李阿芳：乃敢與君絕。

郭建國(guó)：看，你還記得。

李阿芳：誰還沒看過十幾遍的還珠格格啊，你果然還是太天真了。

這時(shí)周帥富的電話來了

李阿芳：obba，有事嗎？

周帥富：今晚7點(diǎn)7天見。

李阿芳：啊？什么？7天見？

周帥富：對(duì)，不見不散。（掛電話）

李阿芳：那個(gè)，那個(gè)，喂....郭建國(guó)：你居然還跟人去7天？

李阿芳：我沒有。

郭建國(guó)：（盯著李阿芳）

李阿芳：我沒有！

郭建國(guó)：你說你的節(jié)操去哪了？

李阿芳：節(jié)操在這呢！

郭建國(guó)：你看看你現(xiàn)在的樣子，lv的包，迪奧的鞋，手里還一土豪金，跟人講話那得瑟?jiǎng)牛@還是那同桌的你嗎？曾經(jīng)的你可愛，善良，撒起嬌來像小貓一樣，現(xiàn)在小貓咋長(zhǎng)成山大王了呢，你基因變異了嗎！還一口一句的泡菜腔，你是吃多了紫菜包飯嗎？棒子國(guó)那些錐子臉們就沒有扎醒你嗎？對(duì)，我沒有錢，我只是沒有錢啊！

李阿芳：難道我離開你選擇他只是為了錢嗎？對(duì)，我就為了錢。Kdie,為了錢。我現(xiàn)在去逛街，再也不用擔(dān)心買不起衣服，可是之前看中的幾十塊的裙子卻再也找不到了；去世界之窗，我卻想起了之前我們?cè)谛『永镒紧~的日子；買化妝品，可是我卻認(rèn)不出我自己了。我再也不用為錢發(fā)愁，可是，卻失去了男朋友應(yīng)有的對(duì)我的關(guān)心和珍惜。可即便這樣，錢也從來都不屬于我，我用他的錢買了一大堆堆砌我外在美麗的附屬品，可是我卻在也不是原來的我，在我選擇和你分手的時(shí)候我就丟掉了我自己，丟掉了自尊，丟掉了快樂。

郭建國(guó)：阿芳，回來吧，我一直在這里。

獻(xiàn)給所有

曾經(jīng)逝去 正在擁有 即將發(fā)生

卻從未離開過我們的——愛情