第一篇：搞笑七分鐘英語短劇劇本
陳:Hello, everyone, have you ever seen the movie
楊: It’s so easy for me to get this character.(面朝觀眾說)Nice to meet you, my dear director.楊:我一定能輕而易舉地拿到這個角色。(邊走邊朝觀眾說)很高興見到你，親愛的導演。
陳:Nice to meet you too, so, introduce yourself.陳:很高興見到你，那么請介紹一下你自己吧。
楊:I'm CK Yang, you know.I don't have too many achievements, I just won six World Music Awards, eight American Music Awards, and…(做沉思狀)oh, I forgot, two Oscar Awards, it's just a piece of cake for me, you know, I...楊:我是CK 楊，你知道的，我也沒有太多的成就，我僅僅拿了6次世界音樂獎，8次全美音樂獎，對了，差點忘了這個，還有二次奧斯卡獎，這對我來說不過是小意思，你們知道的，我。。
陳:Stop, stop!Time is limited, just begin.陳:停下，快停下，時間有限，快點開始吧。
楊:OK!I'll sing my first song to conquer you--my heart will go on.Just enjoy it.Music(音樂響起).楊:好的，我將演唱我的成名曲來征服你----我心永恒。請欣賞。(音樂響起)
near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
once more, you opened the door
and you're here in my heart，and my heart will go on and on.（唱跑調）
陳:OK, that’s enough, I was wondering how could you get so many awards? 陳:可以了，夠了！我真的好奇你唱的這么難聽，是怎么拿到這么多獎的
楊:Dear director, you don’t appreciate my style, I’m sure you will regret.(驕傲的離開)
楊:我親愛的導演，你不懂欣賞我的風格，我保證你會后悔的。(驕傲的離開)
陳:Oh, I'm dying, hope the next one will give me a surprise.Next one!陳:天啊，我要受不了，希望下一個會帶給我驚喜。下一個！
杜:To be, or not to be, It's a question!(走到陳面前),I'm glad to see you, my dear princess.杜:生存還是死亡?這是個問題。(走到陳面前)很榮幸見到您，我的公主。
陳(高興狀):oh, it's really a big surprise, so what's your name? 陳(高興狀):天啊，實在是太驚喜了，你叫什么？
杜:My name? Oh, wait a minute.Do you know Trish Regan?(陳搖頭:no), it's ok, how about Robin Meade?(陳搖頭:no), eh...you must know Beyonce Giselle, right?(陳繼續搖頭:no)(杜情緒激動)What do you know? You know nothing!How could you sit here? 杜:我的名字？哦~等一下。你知道特里什·里根嗎？(陳搖頭:不知道)，沒關系，那你知道羅賓·米德嗎？(陳搖頭:不知道)eh…那你一定知道碧昂絲·吉賽爾？(陳搖頭:不知道),(杜,情緒激動)，你知道什么？你什么都不知道，有什么資格坐在這里。
陳(氣憤狀):you, you, how dare you!陳(氣憤狀):你你你，你怎么敢!
杜:ok, relax, it doesn't matter, you don’t need to learn about them, they’re just my guests, you just need to know me, the most famous talk show host and the greatest poet--Oprah!杜:好的，沒關系，你不需要認識這些人，他們都曾是我的嘉賓，你只需要認識我，這世上最著名的脫口秀主持人和最棒的詩人--奧普拉！
陳:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.陳:我不在乎你是誰，快開始你的表演。
杜:Well, listen to my original poem.Once, I had found my best love, but I didn’t cherish her.Until I lost her, I felt regret.It is the most painful thing in the world.If God can give me another chance, I will say three words to her.That is--‘I love you’!杜:好，下面請大家欣賞我的原創詩。曾經有一份真摯的愛情擺在我面前，但是我沒有珍惜，等到失去后才后悔莫及，塵世間最痛苦的事莫過于此，如果老天可以再給我一次機會的話，我會對那個女孩說三個字--“我愛你”。
陳(起雞皮疙瘩狀):oh, I can't stand, leave me alone！
陳(起雞皮疙瘩狀):天啊，我受不了啦，請離我遠一點！
杜(轉身離開,繼續臺詞):If there is a time limit, I hope, it will be(回頭,對陳)10 thousand years.杜(轉身離開,繼續臺詞):如果要在這三個字上加一個期限的話，我希望是(回頭,對陳)一萬年。
陳:Next one!陳:下一個！
程:(男扮女裝,風情萬種,妖嬈嫵媚地走進來,給觀眾一個飛吻):oh, honey, dear, sweet, darling director, the most beautiful, charming, sexy girl is coming, everybody knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Hello Kitty, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打個響指，在這里突然一改嫵媚的樣子開始打b-box).(鞠躬,向觀眾謝幕)thank you.(面向導演)honey, is it a wonderful performance?
程:(男扮女裝，風情萬種，妖嬈嫵媚地走進來,給觀眾一個飛吻):哦，我的甜心，親愛的導演，最漂亮，有魅力，性感的女孩登場了，大家都認識我對吧，沒錯，我就是Kitty貓，睜大你們的雙眼，屏住你們的呼吸，我將要帶來一場獨特而美好的表演，我相信大家都會為我的表演瘋狂的，(打個響指，在這里突然一改嫵媚的樣子開始打b-box).(鞠躬,向觀眾謝幕),謝謝大家。(面向導演)甜心，我的表演完美嗎？
陳:(作目瞪口呆狀)…
程:(在陳眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok? 程:(在陳眼前晃手),哦，親愛的，你沒事吧。
陳:eh...my god, I need a beautiful actress, but you are a little...Get out.陳:嗯…上帝啊，我需要一個美麗的女演員，但是你看起來有一點…出去!
程:oh no!Sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面離去)程:哦，不！甜心，你傷了我的心…(掩面離去)
陳:oh, it's really a terrible day!Why it is so difficult to find excellent actors.You three, come here!陳:天啊，今天實在是太糟糕了！為什么找個完美的演員就這么難。你們三個過來吧。
三人跑進來, 程:(嫵媚狀):Honey, you prefer my performance, right? 三人跑進來, 程:(嫵媚狀):甜心，你更喜歡我的表演，對嗎？
楊:Director, you prefer my singing, right? 楊:導演，你更喜歡我的歌對嗎？
杜:Princess, you prefer my poem, right? 杜:公主，你更喜歡我的詩對嗎？
三人搶著說:I passed, right?(然后同時定住)三人搶著說:我通過面試了，對嗎？(然后同時定住)
陳:God.I want three good actors,(嘆氣)but there are only three idiots.(電話聲響，接電話)What? We will change the movie into
三人同時: Yeah!We make it, we’re superstars!三人同時:耶，我們做到了，我們是超級巨星！
程(甜蜜狀):That's very sweet of you, I love you so much!(飛個吻)程(甜蜜狀):你真的是太好了，我好愛你!(飛個吻)
陳:You know, you've got the right character.I'm looking forward to your fantastic performance.Are you ready? 陳:你們知道的，你們都有了合適的角色，我希望看到你們精彩的演出。你們準備好了嗎？
三人齊答:Yes, we are!三人齊答:我們準備好了！
全部一起:Fighting!Fighting!Fighting!全部一起:加油！加油！加油！
第二篇：英語搞笑短劇劇本
三打白骨精
Three Times’ Beating Monster
人物：T唐僧S：孫悟空 E：豬八戒
J：沙僧
B：白骨精（何平）B1：B變成的村姑 B2：B變成的太婆B3：B變化成的老頭 T: Emitofo, do you know where we are now? S: Bajie, map!E:(摸出，遞給S)S: Look, boss(湊近T)………（T、S一齊轉向E）
T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)T:(縮手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west E: But……
T: Emitofo, nothing is lust, lust is nothing!Map? E:(遞)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.S: Fat Pig!E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again, I will ,I will……….S: You will what(兇相)? E:(軟禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).S: Hm!
T:（輕咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food? E: You see , boss is hungry,too!T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!
J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? S: No problem!(安裝)（B已躲在一旁偷看）J: This is…..?
S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books.So I made this.No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific!Emitofo, knowledge is power!S: Bye!(走)T: Let’s play cards!(三人開始打牌)音樂《斗地主》 B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(變成B1)B1:(接近三人，望著)Can I join you? J: I’m sorry,lady.We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.B1:(在一旁觀看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)B1: Double King!T: Oh….I win!Em……,Lady, you are a boss-hand.Come in and teach me!(準備
開電網門)S:(回來，看見B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)B1:（倒)Ah……
T:(氣憤)Wukong!Look what have done!She is my teacher!S: She is a monster!T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)S: Oh,please don’t……
T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主題曲，走音離譜)S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱頭)T:(嗆住，咳)Wukong, I’m disappointed with you!
B:(真身出現)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(變成太婆)B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter? T: Daughter?...(連忙擋住地尸體)No, sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T擋)S:（咬牙切齒）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T頭，T暈，S再打死B2)E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)J: Look,(伸食指)how many? T:Two…..(暈乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(變成B3)B3:(看到B1,B2尸體)Oh….,my daughter, my wife!Who did it?！(哭喊)S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)T:（想阻止，未及）You,you.....(險些暈，E,J扶住)You have killed three lives!
S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go！S:(悲，離去)（音樂，營造 “假”悲傷氣氛）《人鬼情未了》 J: boss, brother Monkey is.......T: Don't mention that guy any more!B:(出現)Ha,ha,ha!(三尸體B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飄”走)T:（驚）You are......B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被擊退)B:(抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood, ha, ha......S:(悄悄走到B后，打B,B暈)A thousand years later.T: Wukong? E: Oh, Brother Monkey!J: Our hero is back!T: I,I can't understand......What happened? S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing!This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!T: How, how did you find out? S:(沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直覺)T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小聲)S: What? T: I'm sorry.S: Em? Louder, please?
T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音樂響）《敢問路在何方》（這個放伴奏）
(謝幕)
愛在西元前
第三篇：孔雀東南飛--英語搞笑短劇劇本
焦仲卿johnny(j for short)劉蘭芝lunch(l for short)焦母johnny’s mother(jm for short)劉母lunch’s mother(lm for short)太守之子mayor’s son(ms for short)強盜burglars(a b and c)prologue 序幕
(j作被打狀跑上臺,內砸出一卷紙筒,j被打中,狼狽不堪)j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小聲)while my wife is wusong.譯：人人都說我怕老婆，實際上我是老虎，（小聲）我妻子是武松。(指著上臺處的門大聲道)i’m not afraid of you!譯：我才不怕你呢！
(內砸出一臉盆,j接住當成盾牌護著頭)then, i’m afraid of whom!my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighborhood.she is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me.all this i do not care.i only want her to be tenderer than me.but she is not!having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!譯：誰怕誰啊！在鄰里中，我妻子是最有名氣的。她比我勇敢、比我聰明、比我強壯。我也不在乎這些。我只覺得她該對我溫柔些，但是她卻不懂溫柔！有這樣的太太就像活在地獄中啊！(內又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中j)my god!who can help me?(下)譯：我的天！誰來救救我啊？ act1 第一幕
(序幕結束時,jm作竊聽狀)jm(拄拐棍上):i can!(對門內)lunch!lunch!where are you? l(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內跳出來):i’m here!what’s up，mum? jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?
jm:since you married my son you have behaved so badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so lazy…… l:but……
jm:never interrupt me!l:never interrupt me!since i married your son, that terrible johnny, i have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing.i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……
jm: but all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!l(生氣地揮動著鍋鏟):oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(開始解圍裙)go and ask your son.i’m leaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在jm的臉上,下)act2(lm坐在臺上打毛線,l拿著鍋鏟上)l: mum, i’m back!
lm: you are back?why? what happened? l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.lm(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災樂禍的神情):see!i have already told you!when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly, stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me.look at yourself…… l: but, mum…… lm: never interrupt me!l: mum, i’m not interrupting you.i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? And i’ll marry whomever you want me to.lm(大喜): nice girl!just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said, “if your daughter haven’t been married, i really really want to marry her!” now you are free again, i ’ll go and tell him.(下)l(驚愕): what? the mayor’s son? the most famous playboy in the neighborhood?(手中的鍋鏟掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)act3(j睡眼惺忪上)j(邊走邊道): lunch!lunch!where are my socks?(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)here they are!(聞一下)er!how smelly!they are still dirty!(突然想起)lunch has gone!i have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來)oh, i’m so hungry!but there’s no breakfast!(撿起地上的圍裙)this is what lunch always wears!i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill!Now she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.jm(上): where’s my breakfast? where’s lunch? hasn’t she got up yet? j: mum, can’t you remember? lunch has gone!jm(沉吟片刻): well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is useless.lunch is a nice girl, go and take her back!j(立正敬禮): yes madam!act4(j開心地走著，忽然跳出來三個強盜)a: hey you!stop and listen to us!the road is built by me!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上)b: and i planted one tree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上)c: if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了a的腳)ab&c: give us all your money!j(搜遍了每一個口袋，掏出1角硬幣):is 1mao enough?(三強盜暈倒狀，接著三人聚在一邊商量)a: what bad luck!this guy is broken!b: if we cannot rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!c: i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liu lanzhi next month.we can go and rob the wedding!a&b: good idea!j(驚訝): what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!ab&c: why? a pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!j: but lunch is my wife!we haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? i’ll go with you.you take the money and i take the bride.b: have you got any experience? j: no.but i’ve got this!(j脫下鞋子從里面摸出一張支票，上書＄1，000，000)act5(轉眼已到了婚禮之期．ms意氣風發用紅綢牽著新娘上，j蓋著紅蓋頭極不情愿地被拉上臺)(j和三強盜躍至臺中)abc&j: hey you!stop and listen to us!a: the road is built by me!b: and i planted one tree.c: if you want to go by this street---j: give us all your money!(l聽到j的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)l(驚喜萬分): johnny!(不顧一切地飛奔到j的身邊并躲到了的身后)(ms大怒，揮拳向j打來．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l暈倒)j(火冒三丈): how dare you beat my wife!（揮拳向ms沖去）(j與ms混戰，jm上，以拐杖擊暈ms)(j將ms胸前的新郎標志扯下戴在自己胸前)j(扶起l，關切地問):honey, how are you? l(哭狀): i hurt a lot!j: don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine.(下)l(起身去追):wait for me!(跑下)
第四篇：英語搞笑短劇劇本-西游記
Beat it!人物：T:唐僧 陳鵬
M:孫悟空 陳中良
P:豬八戒 李濤
S:沙僧 魏濤 X:白骨精原型 李鵬程
X1:白骨精變成的男人
X2:白骨精變成的女人 劉佳佳
Q:女兒國王后 徐靜靜
T: Wow…,boys,this place looks beautiful.where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is? 眾徒弟們搖頭，除了八戒在看書。
T: bajie, give me the map(不回頭，懶洋洋的問)T:bajie? Give the map to me!（嚴肅的問）
T：bajie!Give the fucking……..(轉過身看到八戒在看書)T:(很吃驚)hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》? 八戒依舊看書，不理睬。
T:(湊過去)let me have a look at it!八戒才注意，趕忙藏書。但為時已晚，T一把搶過。發現是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻變得溫柔，接過書開始看
T：yao….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出衛生紙給唐僧擦，唐僧回過神來)T:（轉身訓斥八戒）how many times I have told you!You are not supposed to read this kind of book!I will keep it for you until the trip is end…..(唐僧將畫冊掖到衣服里)P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand…
T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because…(唐僧擺出一個酷酷的動作，一邊跳舞，一邊開始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous)……… P:I know
T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food….Shaseng,you go feed the horse.(聲音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一邊掏出手機，回頭看到八戒在身邊)hey！pig, get out of here!give me some private space!唐僧開始給Q打電話
T:hi..how you’re doing(不解釋….)Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call T:oh darling….i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you…oh…they are back!Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace…
M:who you are phoning,boss? T:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? M:here!I found some delicious bananas!T:bananas again?!How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey!I want meat, meat(加重語氣)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)（T拿起手機）
T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye…
唐僧拿著香蕉，從衣服里掏出畫冊，做到一邊邊吃邊看，邊擦嘴…..白骨精上場
X;Hahahaaa…I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.Wow,I get to come up with a plan.Ehn…..get it!i can pretend to be a poor man,so they will trust me.haha……change change…… 轉了幾圈，變成了一個男人。X1:I look great!蹣跚的走過去
X1:hello,master..i have not have food for days….can you give me some? T(瞄一眼，繼續吃、看)what? i myself is starving now.out of here, you bastard!Pig,beat him,get him out of here.M正好回來 將它打死.T：er…..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death…..Next time don’t do this kind of thing(搖頭但繼續吃，看書)M: whatever, all right(懶得解釋)（悟空看到美女畫冊，急忙湊上去看，師傅把畫冊上下左右移動，悟空隨之移動，師傅發現了，開始說：）Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it…….(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃離此地)T：wukong！come back！（唐僧搖搖頭,繼續看書)
X:（看到畫冊）ah…..I got a idea!變成了一個女的 說話一定要嗲
X2:（曼妙的走過來，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不轉頭：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不轉頭：I said leave me alone.這時，x2開口說話）
X2:hi….Mr handsome!T:（轉頭）wow…hi beauty!（扔掉畫冊，背景音樂響起，only you，神情對視，過會兒）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny X:hi Tanny…you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?!Let us go!(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)M:Monster！look at how I beat you….（唐僧趕忙攔住）
T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west…..（悟空執意要打，唐僧苦勸不聽）T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(擺姿勢，要念咒語)M：（趕忙說）oh,no, master,not that spell.Q:(sigh)it is so late!(念咒，喜洋洋美羊羊灰太狼紅太郎，別看我只是一只羊……悟空落荒而走)T安慰x2之后，繼續走，一段路之后：
X2:hahaha…..look at who I am（變回原樣，唐僧大喊救命）.X2：i will eat you….Q及時趕來，從悟空那里得知了情況 Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....（轉向T）you get attracted by this ugly monster,are you gay?（不可思議的）T：no, I am not！(有口莫辯)Q（面向x）：who are you? X:I am baigujing….and you？
Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（舉起魔杖，要說阿瓦達索命，突然停住）Oh…but you look familiar….you are xiaobai? X:you are小小？ it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.Q:why do not contact me? X:I do not know your number…..this is your man?!Q:how could it be possible(走過來，把唐僧撥拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白 X：I miss you too……（背景音樂響起，《紅豆》）X：how about a cup of tea in my house? Q: that would be perfect, let us go….音樂停，場上只有唐僧，猶豫的望著天空，音樂換成《可惜不是你》 一會兒，悟空和八戒上場，安慰唐僧，重新上路《敢問路在何方》…..全劇終
第五篇：英語搞笑短劇劇本-西游記
Once there was true love for me, but I did not treasure it.Now it’s too late to regret.Nothing in the world can be more painful than that.If only time could go back, if only God could give me one more chance, I would say to the girl: “I love you.” If you dare ask me how long my love will last, my answer will be at least 10,000 years.Beat it!人物：T:唐僧 呂歡 M:孫悟空 徐彩鳳 P:豬八戒 艾翹 S:沙僧 李巖艷
X:白骨精原型 烏凡迪 X1:白骨精變成的男人 張伊僮 X2:白骨精變成的女人 王彧 Q:女兒國王后 孫欒營
T: Wow?,boys,this place looks beautiful.where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is? 眾徒弟們搖頭，除了八戒在看書。
T: bajie, give me the map(不回頭，懶洋洋的問)T:bajie? Give the map to me!（嚴肅的問）
T：bajie!Give the fucking??..(轉過身看到八戒在看書)T:(很吃驚)hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》? 八戒依舊看書，不理睬。T:(湊過去)let me have a look at it!八戒才注意，趕忙藏書。但為時已晚，T一把搶過。發現是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻變得溫柔，接過書開始看
T：yao?.xi?..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出衛生紙給唐僧擦，唐僧回過神來)T:（轉身訓斥八戒）how many times I have told you!You are not supposed to read this kind of book!I will keep it for you until the trip is end?..(唐僧將畫冊掖到衣服里)P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand?
T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because?(唐僧擺出一個酷酷的動作，一邊跳舞，一邊開始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous)P:I know T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food?.Shaseng,you go feed the horse.(聲音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一邊掏出手機，回頭看到八戒在身邊)hey！pig, get out of here!give me some private space!唐僧開始給Q打電話（背景音樂《做你的男人》）T:hi..how you’re doing(不解釋?.)Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call T:oh darling?.i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you?oh?they are back!Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace? M:who you are phoning,boss? T:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? M:here!I found some delicious bananas!T:bananas again?!How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey!I want meat, meat(加重語氣)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)（T拿起手機）
T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye?
T：Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me another food?.not bananas S: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away?..T: Em??.It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? M: No problem!(安裝)（X已躲在一旁偷看）P: This is?..? M: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books.So I made this.No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em??Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific!Emitofo, knowledge is power!M: Bye!(走)T: Let’s play cards!(三人開始打牌)音樂《斗地主》 白骨精上場
X: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.Hahahaaa?I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.En?Electric net?You are too childish.I get to come up with a plan.Ehn?..get it!i can pretend to be a man,so they will trust me.haha??change change??
轉了幾圈，變成了一個男人。（背景音樂《天竺少女》）X1:I look great!X1:(接近三人，望著)Hey,guys!Can I join you? S: I’m sorry,sir.We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.X1: All right I'll watch you then.(在一旁觀看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)X1: Double King!T: Oh?.I win!Em??,Sir,you are a boss-hand.(背景音樂《斗地主》）Come in and teach me!(準備開電網門)M:(回來，看見X1)Dai!You ugly monster!(上前就打)（背景音樂《打斗》
T：er?..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death?..Next time don’t do this kind of thing(拿出美女畫冊，繼續看）M: whatever, all right(懶得解釋)（悟空看到美女畫冊，急忙湊上去看，師傅把畫冊上下左右移動，悟空隨之移動，師傅發現了，開始說：）
Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it??.(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃離此地)T：wukong！come back！（唐僧搖搖頭,繼續看書)X:（看到畫冊）ah?..I got a idea!White-Skeleton Demon find out that master tang likes beautiful women very much,so she decided to change herself to a beautiful girl and deceive master tang to go with her.變成了一個女的（背景音樂《天竺少女》）說話一定要嗲
X2:（曼妙的走過來，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不轉頭：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不轉頭：I said leave me alone.這時，x2開口說話）
X2:hi?.Mr handsome!T:（轉頭）wow?hi beauty!（扔掉畫冊，背景音樂響起，only you，神情對視，過會兒）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny X:hi Tanny?you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?!Let us go!(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)M:Monster！look at how I beat you?.（唐僧趕忙攔住）
T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west?..（悟空執意要打，唐僧苦勸不聽）
T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(擺姿勢，要念咒語)M：（趕忙說）oh,no, master,not that spell.T:(念咒，好了得，悟空落荒而走)T安慰x2之后，繼續走，一段路之后：
X2:hahaha?..look at who I am（變回原樣，唐僧大喊救命）.X2：i will eat you?.Q及時趕來，從悟空那里得知了情況
Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....（轉向T)T：no, I am not！(有口莫辯)Q（面向x）：who are you? X:I am baigujing?.and you？
Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（舉起魔杖，要說阿瓦達索命，突然停住）Oh?but you look familiar?.you are xiaobai? X:you are小小？ it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.Q:why do not contact me? X:I do not know your number?..this is your man?!Q:how could it be possible(走過來，把唐僧撥拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白
X：I miss you too??（背景音樂響起，《找朋友》）X：how about a cup of tea in my house? Q: that would be perfect, let us go?.音樂停，場上只有唐僧，猶豫的望著天空，音樂換成《一生所愛》 一會兒，悟空和八戒上場，安慰唐僧（背景音樂響起，《算什么男人》），重新上路《敢問路在何方》?..全劇終
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