第一篇：英語-西游記英文搞笑劇本

孫悟空 Monkey(M for short)白骨精 Jenny White(J for short)唐僧 Tang Seng(T for short)黃袍怪 Yellow(Y for short)沙僧 Sha Seng(S for short)豬八戒 Pig(P for short)Act 1（J 照著鏡子上臺）

（這時，電話鈴響了起來，J不耐煩地接過聽筒，于是，一個更另她心煩的聲音就在電話那頭響起。）

Y: Hello!It’s me.J: I know it’s you.You call me every day，it has 400 years。Y: And today, I’ll ask the same question again.Will you marry me?(J對這位契而不舍的追求者已厭煩到了極點。)J: You wish!I get one more pimple.How bad!Y: Ah!I just call to tell you the meat of Tang Seng can make you beautiful and Tang Seng will come to our place.We can go and catch him together.J: ok ,ok,.I will have a rest.(不待Y說完，J就沒好氣地掛斷了電話。)Y；Refuse me again.I will never give up.(說罷，好不威風的下臺去了)J: How nasty he is!(她想了想，說)But Tang Seng is really good for me.（拿起一副望遠鏡。J便觀察起T的行蹤來。)J:(歡喜萬分)Ah-ha，(M握著金箍棒在前面探路,打電話給T)M：Hi,master.T;monkey,where are we ? M;DaHuangZheng,JieShouShi M;Ok，we are coming.(P在前面搖擺走著，T隨后，可憐S提著許多行李上臺)M；master，please（指著一休息地方）

（J拿起一紙筒，把耳朵湊上去偷聽T師徒四人談話）

T: Monkey!You are great, thank you very much ,I am happy to be your teacher and......(P懶洋洋地突然打斷)P: Sir!I’m so hungry.T: I’m hungry too.Monkey, go and buy some food。Don’t go to LanZhouNiurouMianGuan and LiuYiFanDian, just go to ChangQingFanDian.It is cheap。

（M點頭答應，欲要離去）

T;monkey,just go to changqingfandian.M;yes sir.(欲要離去)T;monkey,wash your box.M;ok.ok(欲要離去)T;monkey,be careful M;thank you sir(欲要離去)T;monkey....(M不耐煩打斷)M；you,go away(飛奔而去)

（剩余師徒三人拿出經書念起三字經，一會就睡著了。舞臺另一頭的J聽了不禁眉開眼笑。）J: It’s a good time.（J迅速地打扮好，挎著籃子走到了T師徒的面前。P聞著香味醒了，并叫醒師傅）P: Ah, a beautiful girl.Hello!What’s in your basket? It smells nice!J: Some food for my son.《husband》-P: I’m hungry.Can I have some?

（心急的P伸手去拿籃子里的東西，J假裝驚慌地護住了籃子。）T: Pig!be polite.J: You are very kind.I can give you some food.T:（雙手合十）Good girl。

M: Monster!（T聽到Monster一詞立刻嚇得暈倒在S懷中。S驚恐萬分）S；master master,Pig Pig, come here M: No matter how big you are, I’ll kill you.J: How nasty you are!M: Monster!Take my stick!（M舉起金箍棒就要向J的頭頂擊下。就在這千鈞一發之際，P忽然撲上去將M攔腰抱住）P: Beauty, run!Run run.(T 逃過一劫，對各位徒弟尤其是M的拼死保護感動之至，對S說；monkey is great。情不自禁地唱起了Only You。其結果，三個土地全頭痛欲裂，大吐特吐。)（終于，T唱完了）

T:(清清嗓子)Monkey, go and buy the lunch.I’m very hungry.M: Yes，master，Just stay here。（邊說邊畫圈）。Goodbye sir.（M離開后，T等就在圈內又念起三字經，不一會打起瞌睡來，P更是鼾聲震天。）（J見M走了，便又來打T的主意。她走了兩步，踩到了M畫的圈。）J: Ouch。

（J知道M的厲害，不敢輕舉妄動。但T近在眼前，她實在不甘心放棄。她想了想，忽地計上心頭，變出一盒KFC。J: Come, come Come。。

（T等仿佛著了魔似的，夢游般循著KFC的香氣向圈子外走。J終于如愿地把他們引出來了。就在J的手向T伸去的時候，M趕回來了，再次將J當場抓獲。）M: You again!J: You。you.How nasty you are!M: Now you cannot run!(T 剛剛清醒，看到廝殺場面，想到自己又一次有驚無險，感嘆；monkey is really great。不僅又唱起了Only You。M不堪忍受此歌聲，抓著J的手也放松了。J乘機溜走了。)（T唱罷，眾人終于松了口氣。P忽然發現M正望著J遠去的方向發愣，伸手在M的眼前晃了晃，M竟然沒有反應。）

P:(調侃地)Ah, you like that beautiful girl.(M 回過神來，發現自己的失態，給了P一拳。)T: Monkey, I know that woman is nice, but you can’t love her.loving girls needs time and money.you don’t have much time and much money.M: I won’t.T: That’s fine.Everybody ,are you reday?（列隊齊聲）：Yes sir。(音樂響起——《Nobody》)（轉身跳起了nobody）

第二篇：英語搞笑短劇劇本-西游記

Once there was true love for me, but I did not treasure it.Now it’s too late to regret.Nothing in the world can be more painful than that.If only time could go back, if only God could give me one more chance, I would say to the girl: “I love you.” If you dare ask me how long my love will last, my answer will be at least 10,000 years.Beat it!人物：T:唐僧 呂歡 M:孫悟空 徐彩鳳 P:豬八戒 艾翹 S:沙僧 李巖艷

X:白骨精原型 烏凡迪 X1:白骨精變成的男人 張伊僮 X2:白骨精變成的女人 王彧 Q:女兒國王后 孫欒營

T: Wow?,boys,this place looks beautiful.where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is? 眾徒弟們搖頭，除了八戒在看書。

T: bajie, give me the map(不回頭，懶洋洋的問)T:bajie? Give the map to me!（嚴肅的問）

T：bajie!Give the fucking??..(轉過身看到八戒在看書)T:(很吃驚)hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》? 八戒依舊看書，不理睬。T:(湊過去)let me have a look at it!八戒才注意，趕忙藏書。但為時已晚，T一把搶過。發現是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻變得溫柔，接過書開始看

T：yao?.xi?..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出衛生紙給唐僧擦，唐僧回過神來)T:（轉身訓斥八戒）how many times I have told you!You are not supposed to read this kind of book!I will keep it for you until the trip is end?..(唐僧將畫冊掖到衣服里)P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand?

T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because?(唐僧擺出一個酷酷的動作，一邊跳舞，一邊開始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous)P:I know T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food?.Shaseng,you go feed the horse.(聲音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一邊掏出手機，回頭看到八戒在身邊)hey！pig, get out of here!give me some private space!唐僧開始給Q打電話（背景音樂《做你的男人》）T:hi..how you’re doing(不解釋?.)Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call T:oh darling?.i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you?oh?they are back!Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace? M:who you are phoning,boss? T:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? M:here!I found some delicious bananas!T:bananas again?!How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey!I want meat, meat(加重語氣)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)（T拿起手機）

T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye?

T：Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me another food?.not bananas S: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away?..T: Em??.It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? M: No problem!(安裝)（X已躲在一旁偷看）P: This is?..? M: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books.So I made this.No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em??Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific!Emitofo, knowledge is power!M: Bye!(走)T: Let’s play cards!(三人開始打牌)音樂《斗地主》 白骨精上場

X: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.Hahahaaa?I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.En?Electric net?You are too childish.I get to come up with a plan.Ehn?..get it!i can pretend to be a man,so they will trust me.haha??change change??

轉了幾圈，變成了一個男人。（背景音樂《天竺少女》）X1:I look great!X1:(接近三人，望著)Hey,guys!Can I join you? S: I’m sorry,sir.We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.X1: All right I'll watch you then.(在一旁觀看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)X1: Double King!T: Oh?.I win!Em??,Sir,you are a boss-hand.(背景音樂《斗地主》）Come in and teach me!(準備開電網門)M:(回來，看見X1)Dai!You ugly monster!(上前就打)（背景音樂《打斗》

T：er?..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death?..Next time don’t do this kind of thing(拿出美女畫冊，繼續看）M: whatever, all right(懶得解釋)（悟空看到美女畫冊，急忙湊上去看，師傅把畫冊上下左右移動，悟空隨之移動，師傅發現了，開始說：）

Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it??.(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃離此地)T：wukong！come back！（唐僧搖搖頭,繼續看書)X:（看到畫冊）ah?..I got a idea!White-Skeleton Demon find out that master tang likes beautiful women very much,so she decided to change herself to a beautiful girl and deceive master tang to go with her.變成了一個女的（背景音樂《天竺少女》）說話一定要嗲

X2:（曼妙的走過來，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不轉頭：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不轉頭：I said leave me alone.這時，x2開口說話）

X2:hi?.Mr handsome!T:（轉頭）wow?hi beauty!（扔掉畫冊，背景音樂響起，only you，神情對視，過會兒）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny X:hi Tanny?you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?!Let us go!(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)M:Monster！look at how I beat you?.（唐僧趕忙攔住）

T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west?..（悟空執意要打，唐僧苦勸不聽）

T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(擺姿勢，要念咒語)M：（趕忙說）oh,no, master,not that spell.T:(念咒，好了得，悟空落荒而走)T安慰x2之后，繼續走，一段路之后：

X2:hahaha?..look at who I am（變回原樣，唐僧大喊救命）.X2：i will eat you?.Q及時趕來，從悟空那里得知了情況

Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....（轉向T)T：no, I am not！(有口莫辯)Q（面向x）：who are you? X:I am baigujing?.and you？

Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（舉起魔杖，要說阿瓦達索命，突然停住）Oh?but you look familiar?.you are xiaobai? X:you are小小？ it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.Q:why do not contact me? X:I do not know your number?..this is your man?!Q:how could it be possible(走過來，把唐僧撥拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白

X：I miss you too??（背景音樂響起，《找朋友》）X：how about a cup of tea in my house? Q: that would be perfect, let us go?.音樂停，場上只有唐僧，猶豫的望著天空，音樂換成《一生所愛》 一會兒，悟空和八戒上場，安慰唐僧（背景音樂響起，《算什么男人》），重新上路《敢問路在何方》?..全劇終

第三篇：英語搞笑短劇劇本-西游記

Beat it!人物：T:唐僧 陳鵬

M:孫悟空 陳中良

P:豬八戒 李濤

S:沙僧 魏濤 X:白骨精原型 李鵬程

X1:白骨精變成的男人

X2:白骨精變成的女人 劉佳佳

Q:女兒國王后 徐靜靜

T: Wow…,boys,this place looks beautiful.where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is? 眾徒弟們搖頭，除了八戒在看書。

T: bajie, give me the map(不回頭，懶洋洋的問)T:bajie? Give the map to me!（嚴肅的問）

T：bajie!Give the fucking……..(轉過身看到八戒在看書)T:(很吃驚)hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》? 八戒依舊看書，不理睬。

T:(湊過去)let me have a look at it!八戒才注意，趕忙藏書。但為時已晚，T一把搶過。發現是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻變得溫柔，接過書開始看

T：yao….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出衛生紙給唐僧擦，唐僧回過神來)T:（轉身訓斥八戒）how many times I have told you!You are not supposed to read this kind of book!I will keep it for you until the trip is end…..(唐僧將畫冊掖到衣服里)P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand…

T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because…(唐僧擺出一個酷酷的動作，一邊跳舞，一邊開始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous)……… P:I know

T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food….Shaseng,you go feed the horse.(聲音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一邊掏出手機，回頭看到八戒在身邊)hey！pig, get out of here!give me some private space!唐僧開始給Q打電話

T:hi..how you’re doing(不解釋….)Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call T:oh darling….i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you…oh…they are back!Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace…

M:who you are phoning,boss? T:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? M:here!I found some delicious bananas!T:bananas again?!How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey!I want meat, meat(加重語氣)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)（T拿起手機）

T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye…

唐僧拿著香蕉，從衣服里掏出畫冊，做到一邊邊吃邊看，邊擦嘴…..白骨精上場

X;Hahahaaa…I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.Wow,I get to come up with a plan.Ehn…..get it!i can pretend to be a poor man,so they will trust me.haha……change change…… 轉了幾圈，變成了一個男人。X1:I look great!蹣跚的走過去

X1:hello,master..i have not have food for days….can you give me some? T(瞄一眼，繼續吃、看)what? i myself is starving now.out of here, you bastard!Pig,beat him,get him out of here.M正好回來 將它打死.T：er…..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death…..Next time don’t do this kind of thing(搖頭但繼續吃，看書)M: whatever, all right(懶得解釋)（悟空看到美女畫冊，急忙湊上去看，師傅把畫冊上下左右移動，悟空隨之移動，師傅發現了，開始說：）Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it…….(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃離此地)T：wukong！come back！（唐僧搖搖頭,繼續看書)

X:（看到畫冊）ah…..I got a idea!變成了一個女的 說話一定要嗲

X2:（曼妙的走過來，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不轉頭：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不轉頭：I said leave me alone.這時，x2開口說話）

X2:hi….Mr handsome!T:（轉頭）wow…hi beauty!（扔掉畫冊，背景音樂響起，only you，神情對視，過會兒）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny X:hi Tanny…you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?!Let us go!(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)M:Monster！look at how I beat you….（唐僧趕忙攔住）

T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west…..（悟空執意要打，唐僧苦勸不聽）T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(擺姿勢，要念咒語)M：（趕忙說）oh,no, master,not that spell.Q:(sigh)it is so late!(念咒，喜洋洋美羊羊灰太狼紅太郎，別看我只是一只羊……悟空落荒而走)T安慰x2之后，繼續走，一段路之后：

X2:hahaha…..look at who I am（變回原樣，唐僧大喊救命）.X2：i will eat you….Q及時趕來，從悟空那里得知了情況 Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....（轉向T）you get attracted by this ugly monster,are you gay?（不可思議的）T：no, I am not！(有口莫辯)Q（面向x）：who are you? X:I am baigujing….and you？

Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（舉起魔杖，要說阿瓦達索命，突然停住）Oh…but you look familiar….you are xiaobai? X:you are小小？ it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.Q:why do not contact me? X:I do not know your number…..this is your man?!Q:how could it be possible(走過來，把唐僧撥拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白 X：I miss you too……（背景音樂響起，《紅豆》）X：how about a cup of tea in my house? Q: that would be perfect, let us go….音樂停，場上只有唐僧，猶豫的望著天空，音樂換成《可惜不是你》 一會兒，悟空和八戒上場，安慰唐僧，重新上路《敢問路在何方》…..全劇終

第四篇：英語搞笑短劇劇本-西游記

搞笑英語話劇之西游記篇

人物 ： 唐僧

八戒

悟空

白骨精原型女 白骨精變形1 白骨精變形2 白骨精原型男

女兒國國王

hope you guys enjoy it！

改編作者 杜宛蕓 成醫學子

唐: Wow…boys!This place looks beautiful.Where we are now? Does any one of you know something about it? 眾徒弟們搖頭，除了八戒在看書。

唐: 八戒, give me the map(不回頭，懶洋洋的問)唐:八戒，Give the map to me!（嚴肅的問）

唐：哼!（唐生氣地叫）pig，Give the map……..(轉過身看到八戒在看書)唐:(很吃驚)wow！八戒，very good!I hardly see you study！.What kind of book are you reading? Is it about Chinese or English? 八戒依舊看書，不理睬。唐:(湊過去)let me have a look!八戒才注意，趕忙藏書。但為時已晚，唐一把搶過。發現是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻變得溫柔，接過書開始看

唐：yo….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出衛生紙給唐僧擦，唐僧回過神來)唐:（轉身訓斥八戒）how many times have I told you？ You are not supposed to read books about beautiful girls!I will keep it for you until we finish the journey …..(唐僧將畫冊掖到衣服里)八戒:But…..,why? boss, why can?t we think about girls? I just don?t understand…

唐:（嘆氣）哎，how many times have I told you？,This is because…oh 悟空 dance to my song！

(開始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous，悟空伴舞)八戒:ok boss，I will listen to you！（無辜地表情）

唐:悟空,I am hungry.Go and get me some food…（四處看看）.where is 沙僧？, 悟空：he is feeding the horse.boss I?ll find some food and be back soon, 唐：ok….(悟空走了唐看見八戒還在這，正經地對八戒說)hey 八戒 I need to take a good rest.get out of here!give me some private space!（八戒走后唐僧就偷襲著自言自語到眉毛上抬 使壞樣）：嘿嘿 its time to call my little honey king of the girl country 唐:hi..sweetie how are you doing？(不解釋….)女:I am fine ,but I miss you very much，after you left, I just can not stop recalling the days when we were together.哼！you seldom give me a call。唐:oh darling….i am sorry.you know , these boys like to gossip about things like that.I can only call you when I am alone.But you know I love you from the bottom of my heart。oh damn it！…they are back!Honey I will call you the next time ok！（掛斷電話 一下裝的很正經）悟空: boss，who are you calling ? 唐:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? 悟空:here!Ive found some delicious bananas!唐:banana，banana banana!How many times do I have to tell you ？ I am a monk, instead of a monkey!I need rice rice(加重語氣)！don?t you understand? Go and give some to your brothers ok

悟空：摸摸頭 ok boss 低頭很沮喪 拿著香蕉向八戒走去

唐僧拿著香蕉，從衣服里掏出畫冊，做到一邊邊吃邊看，邊擦嘴…..白骨精上場

白;Hahahaa…I know that any monster who eats

master tang will live forever.how lucky I am, now they are in my place.笑著想想 oh , i can pretend to be a poor old lady, so they will trust me.嘿嘿 I am really clever ……動感音樂響 白骨精1上場 和白骨精原形以舞蹈形式變換……雙人舞完！。

白1:嘿嘿I look great!蹣跚的走過去

白1:hello, master.i have not eaten any food for days….can you spare some ? have mercy，may god bless you 唐：(瞄一眼，繼續吃、看)what? Don?t see I am starving too.get out of here, if you don?t leave right now I will ask my money and pig to eat you 哼！白1：看看悟空和八戒 oh please don?t do that I am leaving 蹣跚地離開 躲在一個離唐不遠的地方。

悟空：走過來拿著香蕉 boss，do you need some more bananas？

（悟空看到美女畫冊，急忙湊上去看，師傅把畫冊上下左右移動，悟空隨之移動，師傅發現了，開始說：）唐：, 悟空 ,you want to see it, dont you？ ,If you want to see it，you have to tell me that you want to see it, and I will give it to you ,let you see it but if you don?t tell Me that you want to see it，how can I know that you want to see it？

。if you don?t want to see it，you also have to tell me that you don?t want to see it。then I wont let you see(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃離此地)

唐：悟空！come back！哎。。（唐僧搖搖頭,繼續看書)白1:（遠處偷看到畫冊）oh ….He is interested in girls 嘿嘿!變成了一個女的 音樂很慢幽 白1和白2 雙人舞變換 說話一定要嗲

白2:（曼妙的走過來，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不轉頭邊吃邊看書：leave me alone.白2再次碰一下，唐僧依然不轉頭：I said leave me alone！這時，白2開口說話）

白2:hi….gentleman!唐:（轉頭）wow…hi sexy lady!（扔掉畫冊，背景音樂響起，only you，神情對視，過會兒）come here ,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng, you can call me Tanny 白2:oh Tanny…you are so friendly ,thanks for your banana。。I just got lost，and don?t know where to go now！can you help me？

唐:yes of course, I will try my best to help you，you don?t worry！

八戒：朝唐僧看看：wow，what a beautiful girl！手拍拍悟空 look look 悟空:看到后 oh my god！our boss is in danger now！馬上朝白2沖過去

悟空：“monster，I will kill you！“嚇到白2 躲到唐的后面

唐:what are you doing？ monkey，don?t be rude!this beautiful lady is my new friend！

悟空:boss, this is a monster，in order to get close to you。,she has changed herself into a charming girl，she will eat you！唐:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to the west…..（悟空執意要打，唐僧苦勸不聽）

唐：I think，you，little monkey need to be punished 悟空：（趕忙說）oh ,no , boss, please

唐:(嘆氣)哎唱著 it is so late to apologise。。。!說 Money，you deserve what you will suffer(擺姿勢，要念咒語)(杰克遜的beat it，，just beat it，beat it，will you listen to me ？will you listen to me ？will you listen to me？)悟空抱頭大叫：“oh boss enough enough。。please stop stop I will listen to you“

八戒過來求情 ：“boss he cant stand it now看著悟空痛苦樣，哦米拖佛 poor money！?

唐停止念咒 說：“ok、monkey, remember don?t make such stupid mistakes again，you can go now ?悟空抱著很痛的頭搖搖晃晃的離開。

唐僧看著八戒：“八戒 you also have to leave here，your ugly pig face will make my friend scared，go go go！” 八戒不情愿地離開 白2:hahaha….，白2白原形一起雙人舞變換成白原形 音樂很 恐怖

白原：idiot！.look who I am（變回原樣，唐僧大喊救命）i will eat you….唐：啊！悟空 悟空 八戒

come back come back 白原：哈哈哈 shut up！no one can save you now！hahahahahha 仰天大笑唐掏偷偷出電話：“hi honey，I am in danger now，come and save me?！be quick！?

白原看到將電話拿過扔掉 白原：‘哼，?正要殺唐 做出姿勢 女:“stop！白原轉過頭來 唐”oh darling you just come at the right time，thank god！“

女：er，I didn?t tell you that I have bought a new airplane with a satellite map，so I can find you easily！cool huh？ 女:monster.i will finish you（舉起魔杖，指著白原）

白原:看著很吃驚you are the king of the girl country？ it must have been hundreds of years since the last time when we were together

女：I am confused。who are you ？

白原:帶上帽子變成一個男子，新白娘子傳奇音樂響

白原唱者：“oh 娘子，啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！西湖美景三月天喲，春雨如酒柳如煙勒“

女：”oh 相公，十年修得共船渡，百年修得共枕眠“

白原和女合唱：若是千呀年呀有緣，白首同心在眼前。啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦。。！白首同心在眼前”，女：oh my darling I miss you all the time，tears fall down everytime when I think of you。低聲哭泣著。

白原：哎，邊給女擦眼淚 honey，forgive me，when we were apart last time，on my way home，god caught me and I was sent to prison by him、。a few days ago I just came out secretly！

女: 哼，not all the monsters are evil，god should not have treated you like that。

白原：oh honey don?t be sad now I am back，we can live together forever，right？

女：”great，let?s go back to my country，this way please，my airplane is there！兩人手拉手向飛機走去！留下唐僧一人。

唐自言自語；“哎，my queen left me，how can she cheat me and break my young heart？

八戒趕過來看見唐很悲傷 說“boss，what happened？ 唐：“nothing ,I just miss my mother ok！?

八戒：oh boss don?t be sad。When you miss her，you can call her and ask her to be online！then you can see her through the Internet。I think qq is a good choice!唐：“ok 八戒，lets go、where are your brothers ？

八戒：boss they are waiting for us，we should continue our journey now。。唐”ok。。音樂西游記

敢問路在何方 路在腳下、、、

第五篇：西游記搞笑劇本

? 西游記

話說三百年前，有一塊靈石，有一天石頭里蹦出了個猴子，是的，他就是我們鼎鼎大名的孫悟空了。然后有一天，悟空遇到了我們的觀音姐姐，于是他們就狗血地相愛了。。觀音：從現在開始：你只許對我一個人好； 要寵我，不能騙我； 答應我的每一件事情，你都要做到； 對我講的每一句話都要是真心。不許騙我、罵我，要關心我； 別人欺負我時，你要在第一時間出來幫我； 我開心時，你要陪我開心； 我不開心時，你要哄我開心； 永遠都要覺得我是最漂亮的； 夢里你也要見到我；在你心里只有我。你記住了沒有？

悟空：從現在開始，我只疼你一個。我會寵你，決不會騙你。答應你的每一件事情，我都會做到。對你講的每一句話，都是真話。不欺負你，不罵你，會相信你。有人欺負你，我會第一時間出來幫你。你開心的時候，我會陪著你開心； 你不開心，我也會哄得你開心。永遠覺得你最漂亮，做夢都會夢見你，在我的心里，永遠只有你一個。可是悟空有一天去怡紅院玩，看到了如霜，從此對她一見鐘情，茶飯不思，可是又苦于觀音姐姐的淫威，無處訴相思之苦，于是他只能向師傅唐三藏尋求幫助。

悟空：“師傅，我要上西天取經。” 三藏（興奮地）：“悟空！為師等你這句話等了整整300年了！

悟空 ：”錯了，我是為一個女人。“

三藏：”好！為女死為女亡，為女取經當色狼！英雄！敢問是誰家女子？“

悟空：”怡紅院如霜姑娘。“

三藏：”啊？！妓？！“

悟空：”有何不妥？“

三藏：”敢愛人之所不敢愛，品味與眾不同，師傅我佩服你！“ 悟空：去取經之前，我想去看如霜最后一面。于是，他們來到了怡紅院。悟空：如霜姑娘我們又見面了！如 霜：怎么會是你呢？豬大爺呢？

龜 婆：哎呀，那個豬大爺的定風珠被蘇老一打就變成了珍珠粉讓我沖水給吞下去了。

龜 婆：哎呀，其實你別看孫老的頭發像掃把似的。其實他這個認識很風趣的。

如 霜：但是...龜 婆：沒有但是，那十萬兩進了我的口袋，讓我再拿出來那就很難羅。其實孫老他這個人啊...悟空：廢話可以少說幾句啦，龜 婆，你出去先。龜 婆：是！遵命，遵命！如 霜：但是.....龜 婆：好了，好了，你就將就一下。

悟空：姑娘首先告訴你個好消息：我很喜歡你！如 霜：這個對我來說可是個壞消息。

悟空：我早就知道你會這么說。閑話少說，我愿意出一百粒珍珠希望如霜姑娘今晚能與我把酒言歡。

如 霜：我不想跟你多說，請你出去！

悟空：哈哈哈哈哈。我果然沒有選錯人。好，我就先干為盡。如 霜：不能喝！哼！

悟空：實在太令我意外了。姑娘！如 霜：放手！

就在他們糾纏之際，八戒向觀音告了密，于是他們就找到了怡紅院。觀音：八婆，如霜那個賤人住哪一間房呀？ 龜婆：啊...，是天字一號房。

八戒：天字一號房是嗎，那我們去天字二號房！走！......小紅：這一間就是天字二號房了。八戒：那天字一號房在后邊啰？ 小紅：不是呀。八戒：在那一邊啰？ 小紅：也不是呀。

八戒：這一邊應該對了吧？ 小紅：不~是。

八戒：噯，到底天字一號房在哪一邊吶？

小紅：哦，在那邊，再那邊，再過對面下樓梯再上樓梯，樓上第二間就是啦。

八戒：怎么天字二號房不是在天字一號房的隔壁嗎？！

小紅：怎么？有人告訴你天字一號房在天字二號房的隔壁嗎？嗯~ 八戒：笑什么笑？再笑把你們牙全拔光！

觀音和八戒終于找到了悟空，可是悟空躲到了床底下，觀音把悟空提出來。觀音：你以為躲在這里就找不你嗎？沒用的，像你這么出色的男人無論在哪，都像黑夜里的瑩火蟲一樣鮮名出眾，你那憂郁的眼神，稀噓的胡渣子,神乎其神的棍法，你永遠都是我獨一無二，風度翩翩的猴大王。可是，你為什么要拋棄我，我今天不打得你滿臉桃花開，你不知道花兒為什么這樣紅。

于是觀音打了悟空一巴掌，就把他打到了五指山下。

五百年過去了，悟空開始取西經了，唐三藏被舊情人白骨精抓走了，悟空去找觀音幫忙，剛好碰上王母娘娘蟠桃會。此時觀音已經嫁給了如來。悟空：小音音，小音音

如來：“放開她！嘛呢，嘛呢，我有沒有告訴過你，不要再糾纏我家小音音。什么什么意思，上班路上攔，下班家門口堵。不接你電話，你就改寫信，你丫夠古典的呀。平時也就算了，還鬧到這來，就算你不懂法，她旁邊還站著一喘氣兒的，你瞎啊！指，指，指什么指呀！大學老師沒教過你要尊重人啊！小學老師沒教過你，要懂文明，講禮貌啊！小音音為什么和你分手，那點破事你心里沒數啊。我們都懶得提了，你不害臊，小音音還替你丟人現眼呢。”

悟空：”你..你TM是不是有病啊你？！”

如來：“威脅我那，搶婚那，記錯日子了吧，今天不是我跟小仙兒辦事，我們倆辦事一定通知你，今天是別人的大喜日子！打個電話問問你師傅，這么做合適嗎！好啦好啦，不害怕不害怕，我在呢，不~害~怕！” 說完如來用芭蕉扇把悟空扇走了。而這邊，白骨洞里。

（白骨精拔出寶劍抵在三藏的咽喉上。）畫外音：當時那把劍離我的喉嚨只有0.01公分，但是四分之一炷香之后，那把劍的女主人將會徹底地愛上我，因為我決定說一個謊話。雖然本人生平說過無數的謊話，但是這一個我認為是最完美的?? 白骨精： 你再往前半步我就把你給殺了！

三藏：你應該這么做，我也應該死。曾經有一份真誠的愛情放在我面前，我沒有珍惜，等我失去的時候我才后悔莫及，人世間最痛苦的事莫過于此。你的劍在我的咽喉上割下去吧！不用再猶豫了！如果上天能夠給我一個再來一次的機會，我會對那個女孩子說三個字：我愛你。如果非要在這份愛上加上一個期限，我希望是?? 一萬年！“好，我們今晚就成親吧！” 喝交杯酒。

白骨精：哈哈~~~~我告訴你，你剛才喝的那杯參茶，已經被我下了天下第一奇毒－－“一日喪命散”！

三藏：哈哈~~~~天下第一奇毒，哪輪得到你那“一日喪命散”？！應該是我們唐家的“含笑半步顛”才對！

白骨精：哈哈~~~~廢話！我們“一日喪命散”是用七種不同的毒蟲，再加上鶴頂紅，提煉七七四十九日而成的，無色無味，殺人于無影無蹤。三藏：我們“含笑半步顛”是用蜂蜜，川貝，桔梗，加上天山雪蓮配制而成，不須冷藏，也沒有防腐劑，除了毒性猛烈之外，味道還很好吃。（兩人面對鏡頭，成廣告模式）白骨精：吃了我們“一日喪命散”的人，一日之內會武功全失，筋脈逆流，胡思亂想，而致走火入魔，最后會血管爆裂而死。

三藏：沒有錯！而吃了“含笑半步顛”的朋友，顧名思義，絕不能走半步路，或者面露笑容，否則也會全身爆炸而死。實在是居家旅行－－ 白骨精：殺人滅口－－

兩人：（齊聲）必備良藥！

：哈哈~~~~天下第一奇毒，哪輪得到你那“一日喪命散”？！應該是我們唐家的“含笑半步顛”才對！

白骨精：哈哈~~~~廢話！我們“一日喪命散”是用七種不同的毒蟲，再加上鶴頂紅，提煉七七四十九日而成的，無色無味，殺人于無影無蹤。三藏：我們“含笑半步顛”是用蜂蜜，川貝，桔梗，加上天山雪蓮配制而成，不須冷藏，也沒有防腐劑，除了毒性猛烈之外，味道還很好吃。（兩人面對鏡頭，成廣告模式）白骨精：吃了我們“一日喪命散”的人，一日之內會武功全失，筋脈逆流，胡思亂想，而致走火入魔，最后會血管爆裂而死。

三藏：沒有錯！而吃了“含笑半步顛”的朋友，顧名思義，絕不能走半步路，或者面露笑容，否則也會全身爆炸而死。實在是居家旅行－－ 白骨精：殺人滅口－－

兩人：（齊聲）必備良藥！

這時，白骨精的妹妹白龍馬來了，她手里拿著一日喪命散的解藥。它已經

覬覦三藏的美貌好多年了

白龍馬：你想要啊？你想要說清楚不就行了嗎？你想要的話我會給你的，你想要我當然不會不給你啦！不可能你說要我不給你，你說不要我卻偏要給你，大家講道理嘛！現在我數三下，你要說清楚你要不要?? 三藏：我靠，你到底給不給我？

白龍馬：好，不過你要帶我去取西經。三藏：噢啦！

于是，白龍馬就馱著三藏去找悟空。

經過流沙河時，遇到了攔路搶劫的沙和尚。

沙增：此路是我開，此河是我挖，要想過此河，留下過河錢。

白龍馬：咦，師傅，此人鬼鬼祟祟丟人現眼，披頭散發人摸狗樣，他究竟是人是妖？

三藏：笨死了，這都不知道。人是人他媽生得，妖是妖他媽生得，此妖明顯有了人心，那么他就不再是妖，是人妖。沙增：喂，你們說完了沒有??

沙增話還沒說完，就被扇下來的悟空剛好砸到了頭。就這樣，師徒四人一起去取西經了。。