第一篇：七年級(jí)下作文

My name is Li Dong.I’m a student.I’m very busy every day.I get up at about six in the morning.I have breakfast at half past six.After breakfast I go to school on foot.I have four classes in the morning.I usually have two hamburgers for lunch.After that I always have a short rest.Classes begin at one o’ clock.I have two classes in the afternoon.School is over at half past four.After that I usually play basketball.I go home at about five.I do my homework in the evening and o to bed at nine o’ clock.It’s three o’ clock in the afternoon.We are having an activity class now.Look!Lin Jun and his friends are playing basketball on the playground.Li Lei and Wang Tao are playing soccer.Jim and some other students are drawing pictures in the dormitory.A few boys are playing the guitar and some girls are dancing in the gym.Miss Zhang is watching them.How happy they are!

Dear John,I’m a student from Class 3, Grade 7.I’m glad to write to you.I’d love to tell you something about my school life.Our classes begin at 7:50 a.m.I have four classes in the morning and two classes in the afternoon.I study math, English, Chinese and some other subjects at school.I like English best.But I don’t like math at all because it’s difficult and boring.After school, I like playing soccer with my classmates.Sometimes I go swimming.I also like playing computer games.My teachers are very friendly to me.I like my school life a lot.Could you tell me something about your school life?

Yours,Li Tao

My Living Room(My home)

We have a nice living room on the first floor in my home.The walls are white and there is a photo of my family on the wall.There is long sofa and two short ones in it.They are yellow.In front of the long sofa, there is a TV set.We often watch TV in the evening.There are some flowers and some fruit on the coffee table.There is a big window in the living room, so it’s very bright.I like living in the city.There are different kinds of shops in the city.I can buy many things easily.When I go out, I can take a bus, a subway or a taxi.It’s easy to go everywhere.There are also better schools and hospitals in the city.My grandparents like living in the country.The air is fresh and the water is clear in the country.There are many trees and flowers everywhere.They think it’s clean and quiet in the country.Dear Li Dan,I’d like you to come to my house tomorrow.Now let me tell you the way to my home.Go along Renmin Road and turn right at the first crossing, and you’ll find a bus stop/station.Take the No.208 bus and then you should change to the No.106 bus at the third bus stop.It will take you to the library.Then you’ll see a tall building across from the library.Go across the street and enter it.My house is on the third floor.It’s Room 326.I hope to see you soon.Yours,Wang Wei

第二篇：七年級(jí)下作文例文

Unit 1

Dear friend,My name is Li Lei.I’m 14 years old.I’m from China.I live in Beijing.And I’m in Class 9 Grade 1.I want a pen pal in Australia.I speak Chinese and a little English.I like basketball.It’s fun.My favorite subject is English.I have no brothers or sisters.Please tell me something about yourself.Can you write to me soon?

Best wishes to you!

Yours,Li Lei Unit2

My home is on Center Street.On Center Street, there is a restaurant, a KFC and a library.The KFC is between the library and the restaurant.Across from the KFC is a pay phone.A bank is next to the pay phone.The supermarket is on Fifth Avenue.A hotel is in front of the supermarket.Unit 3

I like koalas very much because they are kind of shy and quiet.Koalas are very small.They live in Australia.They often sleep in the day.Leaves are their favorite food.They live in the trees.Do you like them? Unit 4

Wanted: Do you like children? Do you like to work in a school? Do you like to work hard? Can you sing and dance? Can you speak English? If your answer is “Yes”, then we have a job for you as an English teacher.Please call Mr Wang at ***.Unit 5

Dear Mary,Thanks for your letter and photos.This is one of my photos.In this photo, I’m doing my homework.My father is talking with my grandfather.My grandmother and my mother are watching TV.My brother is playing computer games.And my sister is playing with the cat.We are all very happy.Can you write to me soon?

Yours,Jenny Unit 7My friend

I have a good friend.She comes from China.She is very beautiful.She is of medium build.She is a little bit short.And she has long black hair.She has big eyes and a small mouth.She likes wearing shorts and a T-shirt.Sometimes she wears a pair of sunglasses.She can speak a little English and Japanese.She likes small animals.We are in the same class.We are good friends.I love her.Unit 8

House of Noodles

Welcome to the House of Noodles.Do you like noodles? We have three specials.Special 1 has beef and tomato.Special 2 has mutton and potatos.Special 3 has eggs and carrots.It is only 10 RMB for a large bowl.It is 8 RMB for a medium bowl.It is just 5 RMB for a small bowl.We also have some drinks.Green tea is only 2 RMB.Orange juice is 3 RMB.Unit 9My Busy Day

I spent a very busy day last Sunday.On Sunday morning, I got up at 6 o’clock.I cleaned my room.And then I helped my mother wash the clothes.On Sunday afternoon, I did my homework.After that, I went to a movie with my friends.On Sunday evening, I watched TV with my family.Then I went to bed at 10:00.I was really busy that day.My Last Weekend

Last weekend, I had a good time.On Saturday morning, I cleaned my room.On Saturday afternoon, I played basketball with my friends.On Saturday evening, I watched TV with my family.On Sunday morning, I did my homework.On Sunday afternoon, I went shopping with my mother.On Sunday evening, I practiced the piano.I was busy, but happy.Unit 10

Monday, July 4th

It was sunny today.I got up early.In the morning, I had 4 classes, Chinese, English, math and history.I had lunch in the dining hall of my school.In the afternoon, I played tennis with my classmates.We had a lot of fun.After school, I went home and did my homework.Then I watched TV.I went to bed at 10:00.Unit 11

I like talk shows.Because they are very interesting.I like the host.But my mother doesn’t like them.She likes soap operas.My father doesn’t mind it.He likes sitcomes.My sister can’t stand them.She thinks they are boring.Unit 12Rules of the Library 1.Don’t talk.2.Don’t listen to music.3.Don’t eat in the library.4.Return the books on time.5.Keep the books clean.My School Rules

There are many rules in our school.We have to wear school uniforms every day.We have to bring our school ID cards with us.We can’t talk loudly at anytime.We can’t run or jump in the hallways.We can’t listen to music in the classroom.We can’t eat snacks at school.We can’t eat in the classroom.We have to eat in the dining hall.My Family Rules

Tom has many rules.He has to get up at 6:30 every morning.He can’t watch TV or play computer games on school night.He has to finish his homework every day.He must be in bed by ten o’clock.He can’t eat outside.He has to be back home by 6:00 in the afternoon.

第三篇：七年級(jí)作文下教案

第四次習(xí)作訓(xùn)練 怎樣選材

習(xí)作目的：

1.明白作文選材的內(nèi)容:“我”的真實(shí)生活,“我”的真切體驗(yàn)。2.掌握作文選材的方法:小角度、圍繞中心、真實(shí)新意。

3.在課堂實(shí)踐中變“學(xué)得”為“習(xí)得” ,增強(qiáng)寫作信心,提高作文的興趣和選材的能力。習(xí)作要求：

1.根據(jù)學(xué)生在選材中出現(xiàn)的常見問(wèn)題有針對(duì)性地指導(dǎo)。2.通過(guò)對(duì)作文的選材訓(xùn)練,提升學(xué)生作文選材的能力。

文章是由材料組成的,沒(méi)有材料,就等于沒(méi)有砌墻的泥沙。大家平時(shí)寫作后,老師常常會(huì)評(píng)論同學(xué)們的文章說(shuō):“立意不高”“偏題了”“材料與中心不符”等。同學(xué)們拿到一個(gè)作文題,也常感到不知該確定什么中心,選擇什么材料。今天,我們就來(lái)共同學(xué)習(xí)一下“怎樣選材”的問(wèn)題。

以《我的一天》為題,寫一篇作文。不少于600字。1.立意與選材的含義及關(guān)系。(1)何謂立意? 人們常說(shuō)“文以意為主”“文以載道”,這一“意”或“道”就是文章中心。立意就是確立文章的中心思想。這是寫好文章的關(guān)鍵。凡是好文章,無(wú)一不是在立意上下功夫的。因?yàn)槲恼碌闹行乃枷?就如文章的靈魂,它統(tǒng)領(lǐng)全文,貫串首尾。

(2)何謂選材? 選材,就是選擇典型材料來(lái)表現(xiàn)中心。

文章是通過(guò)材料來(lái)立意的,材料要為中心服務(wù)。如果所選材料不能表現(xiàn)中心,也就是立意不正確,不管它如何精彩,寫成的文章最終只能是一篇各種材料的大雜燴。

(3)兩者關(guān)系。

立意,是文章的靈魂,而材料則是構(gòu)成文章的骨肉。兩者是靈魂與骨肉的關(guān)系,互相依存,密不可分。2.引導(dǎo)學(xué)生掌握作文對(duì)“選材”的具體要求,引起學(xué)生對(duì)選材的高度重視。俗話說(shuō):“巧婦難為無(wú)米之炊?！币黄恼?如果沒(méi)有材料去體現(xiàn),也是鏡中月,水中花,是虛的。(1)生活中的材料很多,要圍繞中心進(jìn)行選擇,確定好詳略。根據(jù)教材98頁(yè)《阿長(zhǎng)與<山海經(jīng)>》的內(nèi)容,判斷詳略及其好處。

(2)還要注意材料的真實(shí)和新穎。

學(xué)生結(jié)合自己選材的實(shí)際,分析選材失誤的原因,然后同桌交流,最后請(qǐng)學(xué)生小結(jié)。

選材失誤主要有以下三個(gè)方面:一是司空見慣。表現(xiàn)在材料陳舊,無(wú)法吸引讀者。二是毫無(wú)新意。有的材料用的人多了,也失去了原有的光彩。三是簡(jiǎn)單模仿。一味模仿,進(jìn)入抄襲的誤區(qū)。

我的一天

盼望著,盼望著,期盼已久的暑假終于到來(lái)啦。(運(yùn)用反復(fù)的修辭,表現(xiàn)了對(duì)暑假的急切盼望之情。)我心中滿懷著對(duì)暑期的美好憧憬,展開了一連串的遐想:在家補(bǔ)習(xí)?去旅游?學(xué)習(xí)家務(wù)?待在小窩里寫作業(yè),看看書?不管怎樣,我都感覺(jué)這樣的假期生活很充實(shí)。(一系列的設(shè)想真實(shí)自然,語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)潔,客觀地反映了學(xué)生的心理。)已經(jīng)是放假的第8天啦,要是就這樣待在家里,沒(méi)病都會(huì)憋出病來(lái),媽媽說(shuō)再不出去呼吸下外面的空氣,恐怕都不知道外面變成什么樣啦。可是我想:出去有什么好玩的呢?正當(dāng)我一籌莫展的時(shí)候,媽媽說(shuō)了句:“有空也該到爺爺奶奶家逛逛,知道不?”聽了媽媽的話,于是乎,我馬上整理好東西,帶上作業(yè),去了爺爺奶奶家。坐了幾個(gè)小時(shí)的車,頭暈乎乎的,有種想睡覺(jué)的欲望,但一想到爺爺奶奶正等著我呢,便立馬振作精神,下了車,背上書包,奔向我的目的地。

到了爺爺奶奶家,奶奶看見我心花怒放,問(wèn)這問(wèn)那,讓我應(yīng)接不暇。(略寫,為引出下文田里的爺爺做鋪墊。)我發(fā)現(xiàn)爺爺竟然不在,便問(wèn)奶奶:“奶奶,爺爺呢?”奶奶笑著回答道:“哦,他啊,田里種菜呢,要不你去看看?”聽此言,我便跑到爺爺?shù)奶锢?站在田壟邊上看見爺爺正在田里除草、施肥。在這么炎熱的天氣下,爺爺戴著一頂大草帽,在田里辛勤耕耘。看著那高瘦卻不壯實(shí)的背影,我心中泛起一層酸澀漣漪。我大喊了一聲:“爺爺!”爺爺似乎沒(méi)聽見,于是我走到他的身旁。爺爺看見我,嚇了一跳,和藹地說(shuō)道:“乖孫女,怎么想來(lái)看爺爺了?”我說(shuō):“想你們啦!”說(shuō)著說(shuō)著,便在爺爺?shù)奶锢镦音[起來(lái):捉蝴蝶,抓青蛙,玩蝌蚪??仿佛又回到了小時(shí)候。爺爺看著我的目光漾滿了慈愛(ài)。愉快的時(shí)光總是消逝得如此快,一天就這樣結(jié)束了。(此處詳寫,突出了兩代人在一起享受的無(wú)可比擬的快樂(lè)。)真想賴在爺爺奶奶家不回去啦,雖然今天的作業(yè)沒(méi)動(dòng)一個(gè)字。最終爸爸還是要接我回去,拗不過(guò)爸爸,我只好依依不舍地跟爺爺奶奶告別了。(略寫戀戀不舍地離開,突出了和親人團(tuán)聚的快樂(lè)之短暫。)這是多么快樂(lè)幸福的一天啊,至少在我心中是如此美好。這一天的一切將化為一顆閃亮的星定格在我的記憶長(zhǎng)河中。(點(diǎn)明主題,運(yùn)用比喻抒發(fā)了對(duì)這一天的難忘之情。)

講 評(píng)

第五次習(xí)作訓(xùn)練 文從字順

習(xí)作目的：

1.學(xué)會(huì)準(zhǔn)確用詞、造句,寫作時(shí)做到文從字順。2.語(yǔ)言通順優(yōu)美,有條不紊地表情達(dá)意,學(xué)會(huì)擴(kuò)寫。3.學(xué)習(xí)寫景狀物的方法。習(xí)作要求：

1.在文從字順的基礎(chǔ)上力求語(yǔ)言優(yōu)美。

2.平時(shí)多讀書,豐富自己的詞匯,養(yǎng)成文從字順的表達(dá)習(xí)慣。

一、聯(lián)系實(shí)際,引入課題

同學(xué)們,我們平時(shí)作文,不少同學(xué)在語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用方面,或用詞重復(fù)啰唆,或語(yǔ)句不通順,或語(yǔ)序不當(dāng),致使自己的思想感情不能得到準(zhǔn)確的表達(dá)。今天,我們一起來(lái)進(jìn)行作文訓(xùn)練。這次作文訓(xùn)練的側(cè)重點(diǎn)是文從字順,有條不紊地表情達(dá)意。

二、閱讀教材,抓住要點(diǎn)

文從字順是寫作的一項(xiàng)基本功,需要我們?cè)趯懽髦蟹磸?fù)磨煉,不斷提高。那么,要做到文從字順,要注意些什么呢? 〔明確〕 材料一:“我們無(wú)論描寫什么事物,要表現(xiàn)它,唯有一個(gè)名詞;要賦予它運(yùn)動(dòng),唯有一個(gè)動(dòng)詞;要得到它的性質(zhì),唯有一個(gè)形容詞。我們必須繼續(xù)不斷地苦心思索,非發(fā)現(xiàn)這個(gè)唯一的名詞、動(dòng)詞與形容詞不可。僅僅發(fā)現(xiàn)與這些名詞、動(dòng)詞或形容詞相類似的詞語(yǔ)是不行的,不能因?yàn)樗妓骼щy而去用類似的詞語(yǔ)敷衍了事?！?-法國(guó)作家福樓拜

準(zhǔn)確,是作文用語(yǔ)最起碼的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。故事鏈接: 前蘇聯(lián)衛(wèi)國(guó)戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)進(jìn)入大反攻時(shí),一位將軍向斯大林報(bào)告說(shuō):“敵人撤退了!斯大林立即糾正道:“不是敵人撤退了,而是敵人在逃跑!”斯大林把“撤退”換成“逃跑”,準(zhǔn)確地點(diǎn)明了戰(zhàn)況。

材料二:媽媽是一個(gè)勤勞的人。有一次,我的數(shù)學(xué)考了95分,媽媽就給我耐心地講錯(cuò)在哪里,講得非常仔細(xì),我聽得明明白白。媽媽把家務(wù)活全都承擔(dān)下來(lái),讓我一絲不茍地學(xué)習(xí)。她對(duì)我要求很嚴(yán)格,我的學(xué)習(xí)里面有你的心血。

圍繞中心說(shuō)話,意思要連貫,人稱要清楚。

人們?cè)谙騽e人陳述一個(gè)問(wèn)題時(shí),都會(huì)注意話與話之間該怎樣銜接別人聽了才會(huì)明白,這就是語(yǔ)言的連貫性。例如,上下兩句話的安排要合乎事物發(fā)展變化的過(guò)程或人們觀察認(rèn)識(shí)問(wèn)題的順序;一段話要圍繞一個(gè)話題說(shuō),說(shuō)完一個(gè)意思再說(shuō)另一個(gè)意思,而不能東一句西一句,前言不搭后語(yǔ);講完一個(gè)意思再講另一個(gè)意思時(shí),銜接處要有過(guò)渡詞語(yǔ)。寫作時(shí)注意這個(gè)問(wèn)題,也有利于把文章寫得通暢。

材料三:有個(gè)自負(fù)的棋手,與別人較量,連輸了三局。后來(lái),人們問(wèn)他:“你與某人賽了幾局棋啊?”棋手說(shuō)“三局?！比藗冇謫?wèn):“勝負(fù)如何?”棋手說(shuō)道:“第一局我不曾贏,第二局他不曾輸,第三局我要和,他不肯,罷了?！?/p>

在上述話中,這位棋手挖空心思回避“輸棋”二字,可謂口頭表達(dá)的妙例。能掌握好用語(yǔ)的“分寸”,是語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用能力強(qiáng)的表現(xiàn)。材料四:唐朝年輕的詩(shī)人賈島去長(zhǎng)安參加考試。他騎著驢,在大街上一邊走一想著他的詩(shī)句。突然,他想到了兩句好詩(shī):“鳥宿池邊樹,僧推月下門?！庇忠幌?覺(jué)得“推”字改“敲”字更好一些,他想得正入神時(shí),只聽得對(duì)面喊了一聲:“干什么的?”還沒(méi)弄清楚是怎么回事,便被拉下驢,帶到韓愈面前。原來(lái),他沖撞了大文學(xué)家韓愈的儀仗,等賈島把事情說(shuō)了一遍后,不但沒(méi)有受罰,反倒引起了韓愈對(duì)詩(shī)句的興趣,韓愈想了一會(huì)說(shuō):“還是敲字好。靜靜的夜晚,在月光下,一個(gè)僧人敲門,這個(gè)情景是很美的?！庇谑恰巴啤弊指臑椤扒谩弊帧：髞?lái),“推敲”便成為人們反復(fù)考慮的意思。

好文章不是寫出來(lái)的,而是改出來(lái)的。故事鏈接: 相傳,有一次蘇東坡與他的妹妹蘇小妹及詩(shī)友黃山谷一起論詩(shī),互相題試。小妹說(shuō)出“輕風(fēng)細(xì)柳”和“淡月梅花”后,要哥哥從中各加一字,說(shuō)出詩(shī)眼。蘇東坡當(dāng)即道:前者加“搖”,后句加“映”,即成為“輕風(fēng)搖細(xì)柳,淡月映梅花”。不料蘇小妹卻評(píng)之為“下品”。蘇東坡認(rèn)真思索后,得意地說(shuō):“輕風(fēng)舞細(xì)柳,淡月隱梅花。”小妹微笑道:”好是好了,但仍不屬上品?！币慌缘狞S山谷忍不住了,問(wèn)道:“依小妹的高見呢?”蘇小妹便念了起來(lái):“輕風(fēng)扶細(xì)柳,淡月失梅花。”蘇東坡、黃山谷吟誦著、玩味著,不禁撫掌稱妙。

這樣一改究竟妙在何處?我們不妨也來(lái)玩味一番?！拜p風(fēng)”徐來(lái),“細(xì)柳”動(dòng)態(tài)不顯,怎能配得上“搖”“舞”這類較露的動(dòng)詞呢?唯有“扶”字才恰到好處,與“輕”“細(xì)”相宜,顯得和諧,并且又把風(fēng)人格化了,形象地描繪出了輕風(fēng)徐來(lái),柳枝拂然的柔態(tài),給人以一種柔美之感。下句中添“映”“隱”也欠貼切。試想,恬靜的月亮已經(jīng)輝滿大地,梅花自然沒(méi)有白天那么顯眼。在月光照映下,也就黯然失色了。這樣,一個(gè)“失”字,就勾畫了月色和梅花相互交融的情景,增強(qiáng)了這一首詩(shī)的感染力,真是一字生輝啊!

三、提出問(wèn)題,組織討論

1.“文從字順”是寫作的基本要求,那么“文從字順”包含了哪些方面的意思呢? 同桌討論,舉手回答,教師歸納:“文從字順”包含了兩個(gè)方面的意思:一是用詞恰當(dāng)、妥帖地表達(dá)作者的所思所感;二是語(yǔ)句通順暢達(dá)、有條不紊地表達(dá)作者的思想感情,無(wú)任何含混、錯(cuò)亂和別扭之處。

2.作文時(shí)如何才能做到“文從字順”呢?(同桌討論,舉手回答,教師歸納)首先,要培養(yǎng)自己良好的語(yǔ)感。“語(yǔ)感,即人們對(duì)語(yǔ)言的一種敏銳的感覺(jué)?！彼ㄕZ(yǔ)言的通順感、連貫感、分寸感、韻律感等。這種“感覺(jué)”的形成,一是要平時(shí)養(yǎng)成多讀書的習(xí)慣,對(duì)一些優(yōu)秀的文章能熟讀成誦;二是要“多聽”,強(qiáng)化讀的效果;三是要盡量豐富自己的詞匯,準(zhǔn)確掌握詞語(yǔ)的含義,且懂一點(diǎn)語(yǔ)法。只要向這個(gè)方向努力,做到文從字順就不難。其次,要養(yǎng)成修改作文的習(xí)慣。作文寫完后,先反復(fù)讀幾遍,在讀的過(guò)程中去檢驗(yàn)通順感、連貫感、分寸感、韻律感;然后分析詞語(yǔ)的運(yùn)用是否恰當(dāng),語(yǔ)言的組織形式是否合理,并進(jìn)行針對(duì)性修改,使文章詞句運(yùn)用有分寸、講邏輯。除此之外,還要注意標(biāo)點(diǎn)的規(guī)范運(yùn)用,使行款格式正確,不至于因此而影響意思的正確表達(dá)。

四、例文示范,啟發(fā)引導(dǎo)

選擇你最喜歡的景或物,寫一個(gè)片段,想好再動(dòng)筆,把語(yǔ)句寫得連貫、順暢。不少于200字。

溫馨提示:(1)注意觀察景和物的細(xì)節(jié)(形狀、色彩等),抓住其總體特點(diǎn)。(2)借鑒《紫藤蘿瀑布》和《一棵小桃樹》描寫景物的方法。

例一:從未見過(guò)開得這樣盛的藤蘿,只見一片輝煌的淡紫色,像一條瀑布,從空中垂下,不見其發(fā)端,也不見其終極。只是深深淺淺的紫,仿佛在流動(dòng),在歡笑,在不停地生長(zhǎng)。紫色的大條幅上,泛著點(diǎn)點(diǎn)銀光,就像迸濺的水花。仔細(xì)看時(shí),才知道那是每一朵紫花中最淺淡的部分,在和陽(yáng)光互相挑逗。

這里春紅已謝,沒(méi)有賞花的人群,也沒(méi)有蜂圍蝶陣。有的就是這一樹閃光的、盛開的藤蘿。花朵兒一串挨著一串,一朵接著一朵,彼此推著擠著,好不活潑熱鬧!《紫藤蘿瀑布》

例二:我深深閉了柴門,佇窗坐下,看我的小桃樹在風(fēng)雨里哆嗦。纖纖的生靈,枝條已經(jīng)慌亂,桃花一片一片地落了,大半陷在泥里,三點(diǎn)兩點(diǎn)地在黃水里打著旋兒。啊,它已經(jīng)老了許多呢,瘦了許多吧,昨日楚楚的容顏全然褪盡了。可憐它年紀(jì)太小了,可憐它才開了第一次花兒!《一棵小桃樹》

〔明確〕 兩段文字都抓住了景物的特點(diǎn),運(yùn)用了生動(dòng)的修辭,語(yǔ)句連貫順暢,表達(dá)了作者強(qiáng)烈的思想感情。

佳作范文:寫向日葵的精彩語(yǔ)段

它們是一個(gè)不再低頭的集體。當(dāng)你再次凝視它們的時(shí)候,你發(fā)現(xiàn)那偌大一片向日葵林子的邊邊角角,竟然沒(méi)有一株,哪怕是一株瘦弱或是低矮的向日葵,悄悄地迎著陽(yáng)光湊上臉去。它們始終保持這樣挺拔的站姿,一直到明天太陽(yáng)再度升起,一直到它們的帽檐紛紛干枯飄落,一直到最后被鐮刀砍倒。

當(dāng)它們的后腦勺終于沉重墜地,那是花盤里的葵花籽真正熟透的日子。

五、作修改,完成文章

選擇全班有代表的一個(gè)片段,按提示要求集體創(chuàng)作。教師注意指導(dǎo)學(xué)生擴(kuò)展成寫景抒情或托物言志的作文的方法。

溫馨提示:(1)擴(kuò)展寫作時(shí),可以借鑒《春》的寫法,想好寫哪幾個(gè)方面,寫出景物哪方面的特點(diǎn)。(2)想好表達(dá)怎樣的思想感情。(純寫景的文章是難以打動(dòng)別人的)(3)多改兩遍,力求達(dá)到文從字順。

【原作】 小 草 贊

“沒(méi)有花香,沒(méi)有樹高,我是一棵無(wú)人知道的小草。”每當(dāng)想起這首歌,我就想起了到處都可以看到的平凡而又頑強(qiáng)的小草。

春天,冰雪剛剛?cè)诨?許多嬌貴的花還躲在溫室里不敢出來(lái),而小草卻像一群活潑可愛(ài)的孩子,從大地母親的懷抱里調(diào)皮地伸出一個(gè)個(gè)嫩綠的小腦袋,那么細(xì)弱,那么嬌小,但它們不畏春寒,在微風(fēng)的吹拂下輕輕地唱歌跳舞,第一個(gè)給人們帶來(lái)春的信息。

夏天,暴風(fēng)雨來(lái)了,許多莊稼、花兒,就連小樹也被風(fēng)吹得東倒西歪,而小草竟然昂著頭,挺著胸,任憑風(fēng)吹雨打,而經(jīng)過(guò)暴風(fēng)雨洗禮的它,長(zhǎng)得更加粗壯,更加翠綠,像一條碧綠的毯子覆蓋在大地上。

深秋,小草的葉子枯黃了,它脫去一身衣服,毫不吝惜地獻(xiàn)給大地,使大地更有力地養(yǎng)育萬(wàn)物。“離離原上草,一歲一枯榮。野火燒不盡,春風(fēng)吹又生”白居易的這首詩(shī),不正是對(duì)小草頑強(qiáng)生命力的謳歌嗎?我們平常經(jīng)常看到只要有土壤的地方,甚至在墻縫、高山、堅(jiān)硬的石縫中都有它翠綠的身影,而且它不需要任何人來(lái)給它澆水、施肥,卻以驚人的生命力破土而出,野火雖然可以給小草帶來(lái)毀滅性的災(zāi)難,但是只要一旦春風(fēng)吹過(guò),它又翻山越嶺,漂洋過(guò)海,到需要自己的地方安家落戶。

小草的確平凡得不能再平凡了,它不像大樹那樣傲然屹立,更不似鮮花那樣婀娜多姿,但它卻具有極旺盛的生命力。我贊美小草,更贊美那些具有小草精神,意志堅(jiān)強(qiáng),不擇環(huán)境,具有頑強(qiáng)生命力的人?！竞?jiǎn)評(píng)】本文思路清晰,結(jié)構(gòu)嚴(yán)謹(jǐn),條理分明地寫出了小草的特征,進(jìn)而挖掘出了小草的象征意義。文章語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)練流暢,顯示了一定的語(yǔ)言功底。

美中不足:有些語(yǔ)句可以更準(zhǔn)確生動(dòng)一些。修改稿: 小 草 贊

“沒(méi)有花香,沒(méi)有樹高,我是一棵無(wú)人知道的小草?！泵慨?dāng)唱起這首歌,我就想起了那平凡而又頑強(qiáng)的小草。

春天,冰雪剛剛?cè)诨?許多嬌貴的花還躲在溫室里不敢出來(lái),而小草卻像一群活潑可愛(ài)的孩子,從大地母親的懷抱里調(diào)皮地探出了一個(gè)個(gè)嫩綠的小腦袋,那么細(xì)弱,那么嬌小,它們不畏春寒,在微風(fēng)的吹拂下輕輕地唱歌跳舞,第一個(gè)給人們帶來(lái)春的信息。

夏天,暴風(fēng)雨來(lái)了,許多莊稼、花兒,就連小樹也被風(fēng)吹得東倒西歪,而小草竟然昂著頭,挺著胸,任憑風(fēng)吹雨打。經(jīng)過(guò)暴風(fēng)雨洗禮的它,長(zhǎng)得更加茁壯,更加翠綠,像一條條碧綠的毯子覆蓋在大地上。

深秋,小草的葉子枯黃了,它脫去一身衣服,毫不吝惜地獻(xiàn)給大地,使大地更有力地養(yǎng)育萬(wàn)物?！半x離原上草,一歲一枯榮。野火燒不盡,春風(fēng)吹又生。”白居易的這首詩(shī),不正是對(duì)小草頑強(qiáng)生命力的謳歌嗎?我們經(jīng)?？吹?只要有土壤的地方,甚至在墻縫、堅(jiān)硬的石縫中都會(huì)有它翠綠的身影,而且它不需要任何人來(lái)給它澆水、施肥,它卻以驚人的生命力破土而出。野火雖然可以給小草帶來(lái)毀滅性的災(zāi)難,但是只要春風(fēng)吹過(guò),它又會(huì)破土而出,展露出蓬勃的生命力。

小草的確平凡得不能再平凡了,它不像大樹那樣傲然屹立,更不似鮮花那樣婀娜多姿,但它卻具有極頑強(qiáng)的生命力。

我贊美小草,更贊美那些具有小草精神,意志堅(jiān)強(qiáng),不擇環(huán)境,具有頑強(qiáng)生命力的人。

六、自主創(chuàng)作

“古人不見今時(shí)月,今月曾經(jīng)照古人?！惫磐駚?lái),月亮一直是人們吟詠的對(duì)象,寄托了人們無(wú)盡的情思。請(qǐng)以《月亮》為題,寫一篇作文。不少于500字。

例文: 有一種思念,叫月亮

沈鑫瑤

今夜,心緒煩躁。窗外皎潔的月光射入書房,一片寧?kù)o與祥和。我決定去散步,平靜如波濤洶涌般翻騰的心緒。

走在泛著月光的青石路上,周圍霧氣繚繞,為這人間仙境增添了一份神秘與安詳。月光照在我的臉上,我抬頭望向那玉盤明月。月亮卻不盡如人意,躲在云霧里不肯見我,我心中難免有些落寞。月光似水,充斥在林間。我不可遏制地想到:也許,廣寒宮里的嫦娥或許也在思念吧,思念著后羿,思念著那些消逝的美好,那些不可復(fù)得的美好?？粗禽喐邞业拿髟?眼前的一切變得朦朧,我的思緒不知不覺(jué)飛走了,飛到了遙遠(yuǎn)的童年時(shí)代。

兒時(shí)生活,日日悠閑快樂(lè),無(wú)憂無(wú)慮,與小伙伴盡情嬉鬧而不知疲倦,老師總是慈祥地對(duì)我笑,回憶兒時(shí),一切似乎都是那么美好與溫馨,一切都是那么值得懷念與思戀。淚水浸濕了我的眼眶,最后還是從面龐流下?，F(xiàn)在,故友都已離我而去,各奔東西,老師也一面難見,曾經(jīng)所擁有的一切似乎都伴隨著小學(xué)生涯的結(jié)束而消失了。每每想到這里,我總是痛徹心扉,心緒更加波濤洶涌,無(wú)法平靜,“剪不斷,理還亂?！碧炜罩械拿髟孪褚粋€(gè)巨大的漩渦,把我吸入那無(wú)盡的痛苦、惆悵與思念的深淵中,讓我無(wú)法自拔!明月啊明月!你為什么要帶給我無(wú)盡的思念啊!古人詠月來(lái)抒發(fā)思念,我又何嘗不是呢?我過(guò)去的美好哪里去了?“晴天,雨天,落幕猶在思念;回憶過(guò)去,流星劃過(guò)云煙。”耳畔又想起了童年時(shí)的歌曲,它曾經(jīng)是那么熟悉,可我又覺(jué)得有些莫名的陌生感,心中更添了幾分痛楚與無(wú)可奈何。

人們啊!在擁有時(shí)不懂得珍惜,卻又在失去時(shí)欲哭無(wú)淚,可這又有什么用呢?難道思念后就會(huì)失而復(fù)得嗎?過(guò)去的美好,一去不復(fù)還啊!珍惜現(xiàn)在所擁有的一切珍惜你的青春,珍惜你的時(shí)間珍惜你的生命。更要珍惜你心中倒映的那輪明月。不要在看到高懸明月時(shí),只能發(fā)出一聲充斥著悲傷與懷戀卻又于事無(wú)補(bǔ)的哀嘆!明月,寄托著我的憂思,同時(shí)它也寄托著古往今來(lái)無(wú)數(shù)人的憂思!月,就是思念的載體啊。有一種思念,叫月亮。

講 評(píng)

第六次習(xí)作訓(xùn)練 語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)明

習(xí)作目的：

1.把握考點(diǎn)內(nèi)涵和特點(diǎn)。

2.掌握使“語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)明”的基本方法,并運(yùn)用于語(yǔ)言實(shí)踐。習(xí)作要求：

掌握語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)明的方法,并運(yùn)用于寫作實(shí)踐。本部分1課時(shí)。

聽故事找毛病:小紅給在外地工作的媽媽寫信:“親愛(ài)的媽媽,好久不見了,真是‘一日不見,如隔三秋’啊!現(xiàn)在我的成績(jī)是日新月異,老師對(duì)我的關(guān)懷是無(wú)所不至。祝你健康快樂(lè),永垂不朽!”你覺(jué)得哪些詞語(yǔ)用得不當(dāng)找出來(lái)。

那么,我們?cè)撊绾握_地使用語(yǔ)言呢?今天,我們一起來(lái)學(xué)學(xué)語(yǔ)言表達(dá)方面的問(wèn)題:語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)明(板書)。

將教材中的這段文字的毛病指出來(lái): 還有一種立體的書,也很吸引人。很多人圍上去看。它的插圖都是立體的。當(dāng)你把書打開的時(shí)候,書里的人和動(dòng)物會(huì)馬上站起來(lái),“躍然紙上”,栩栩如生。

分析:這段文字說(shuō)明的意思是,有一種立體的書能夠活動(dòng)。但是語(yǔ)言不夠簡(jiǎn)明?！傲Ⅲw的”出現(xiàn)兩次,字面重復(fù);“吸引人”和“很多人圍上去看”,意思重復(fù);“當(dāng)你把書打開的時(shí)候”,不夠簡(jiǎn)潔。

它可以修改如下: 還有一種書,插圖是立體的,也很吸引人。打開書,書里的人和動(dòng)物會(huì)站起來(lái),“躍然紙上”,栩栩如生。

修改后的文字,語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)潔,意思也很明確。

(一)語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)明的本質(zhì)要求是:用最經(jīng)濟(jì)的語(yǔ)言材料傳送最大的信息量,達(dá)到最高的準(zhǔn)確性和可理解性,取得最佳的表達(dá)效果。

簡(jiǎn),即簡(jiǎn)要、簡(jiǎn)潔。明,即明白,清楚。

內(nèi)容:簡(jiǎn)--①刪除多余詞語(yǔ)(指重復(fù)、啰唆的內(nèi)容)②排除冗余信息(指文中游離于主旨或話題之外的內(nèi)容)。明--①消除歧義

②避免費(fèi)解(使人難以領(lǐng)會(huì)或理解的內(nèi)容)。(二)怎樣做到語(yǔ)言表達(dá)簡(jiǎn)明?(閱讀教材內(nèi)容和實(shí)例后,再總結(jié)鞏固練習(xí))教材舉例解答: 1.她說(shuō)她在等候上車的時(shí)候,她心里一直在后悔。(詞語(yǔ)重復(fù))改:她說(shuō)在等車的時(shí)候,她心里一直在后悔。

2.接著是整座城市被火山熔巖淹沒(méi),直到1709年才被一些考古學(xué)家將這座城市發(fā)掘出來(lái)。改:接著是整座城市被火山熔巖淹沒(méi),直到1709年才被一些考古學(xué)家發(fā)掘出來(lái)。3.小伙子天天鍛煉,身體顯得很健壯結(jié)實(shí)、強(qiáng)壯有力、敦實(shí)健碩。(詞語(yǔ)堆砌)改:小伙子天天鍛煉,身體顯得很健壯結(jié)實(shí)。

4.戰(zhàn)勝了挫折,出現(xiàn)在我們面前的將是無(wú)限光輝燦爛的無(wú)比光明的美好前景。改:戰(zhàn)勝了挫折,出現(xiàn)在我們面前的將是無(wú)限光輝燦爛的前景。師生共同歸納要點(diǎn),鞏固練習(xí):(1)圍繞中心,抓住要點(diǎn),不旁生枝節(jié)。

要做到語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)明,首先是每一句話都要圍繞既定中心,不要節(jié)外生枝。不過(guò)僅僅圍繞中心還是不夠的,還應(yīng)該抓住要點(diǎn)。俗話說(shuō)“簡(jiǎn)明扼要”,從表達(dá)上說(shuō),只有扼住“要”,才能做到簡(jiǎn)明。21教育網(wǎng)

例1:這種笨重的漢書使用起來(lái)是極不方便的。據(jù)說(shuō),秦始皇每天批閱的簡(jiǎn)牘文書有120斤重。西漢的時(shí)候,東方朔給漢武帝寫了一篇文章,用了3000片竹簡(jiǎn),是由兩名身強(qiáng)力壯的武士抬到宮廷里面去的。漢武帝把竹簡(jiǎn)一片一片地解下來(lái)看,足足用了兩個(gè)月的時(shí)間才看完。

解析:這段文字主要說(shuō)明簡(jiǎn)牘文書“笨重”使用“不方便”。首句提出看法,接下去兩句用兩個(gè)事例說(shuō)明這一看法。文字較簡(jiǎn)潔,意思很明確。

(2)善于概括,巧用指代。

無(wú)論是書面表達(dá)還是口頭表達(dá),都不能總是具體敘述而不作必要的概括。只有把必要的敘述和概括結(jié)合起來(lái),表達(dá)才能簡(jiǎn)明。再者,運(yùn)用必要的復(fù)指成分,也是表達(dá)中不可少的。不用復(fù)指成分,就會(huì)啰唆。

(3)避免重復(fù),刪除多余。

魯迅在談到自己的寫作經(jīng)驗(yàn)時(shí)曾說(shuō):寫完后至少看兩遍,竭力將可有可無(wú)的字,句,段刪去,毫不可惜?！?《答北斗雜志社問(wèn)--創(chuàng)作要怎樣才會(huì)好?》)要想寫出簡(jiǎn)潔明了的文章,我們應(yīng)該不斷地修改、錘煉。這是確保表達(dá)簡(jiǎn)明的又一方法。

例2:讀下面的一則報(bào)道,本著語(yǔ)言文字要簡(jiǎn)明的原則,完成文后兩題。

科學(xué)院舉行①超對(duì)稱性和超引力學(xué)術(shù)討論會(huì)為加強(qiáng)基礎(chǔ)理論工作和準(zhǔn)備參加國(guó)際性粒子物理會(huì)議,中國(guó)科學(xué)院最近在鄭州舉行全國(guó)②超對(duì)稱性和超引力問(wèn)題學(xué)術(shù)討論會(huì)。③對(duì)超對(duì)稱性和超引力的問(wèn)題進(jìn)行研究和探討。④“超對(duì)稱性”和“超引力”是70年代在國(guó)際上才引入物理學(xué)中的新概念。在這次會(huì)上,介紹了當(dāng)前國(guó)內(nèi)外⑤對(duì)于超對(duì)稱性和超引力問(wèn)題研究的情況,展開了熱烈、自由的⑥學(xué)術(shù)討論,⑦在某些問(wèn)題上提出了一些新見解。

(1)應(yīng)刪除的兩處語(yǔ)句是(寫畫線處的序號(hào)):(2)應(yīng)簡(jiǎn)略的一處語(yǔ)句是(寫畫線處的“序號(hào)”)

,這句可改為

。解析:這是一則完整的報(bào)道,有標(biāo)題,有導(dǎo)語(yǔ),有主體。一般說(shuō)來(lái),標(biāo)題應(yīng)是導(dǎo)語(yǔ)內(nèi)容的概括,導(dǎo)語(yǔ)應(yīng)是主體部分內(nèi)容的概括。據(jù)此,這篇報(bào)道的標(biāo)題概括地?cái)⑹隽伺e辦單位、會(huì)議內(nèi)容、會(huì)議性質(zhì),因而①是必須有的,不能刪除。導(dǎo)語(yǔ)共有兩句話。第一句概括敘述了會(huì)議的目的、舉辦單位及時(shí)間、會(huì)議的內(nèi)容和性質(zhì),因而②不是可有可無(wú)的。但是,因?yàn)榈谝痪湟呀?jīng)表達(dá)了導(dǎo)語(yǔ)該有的內(nèi)容,再來(lái)一句說(shuō)明會(huì)議的內(nèi)容,便同前一句重復(fù),所以②是必須刪除的,否則就顯得啰唆、累贅,而不簡(jiǎn)明。主體部分首句交代“超對(duì)稱性”和“超引力”問(wèn)題的由來(lái),因而④是不能刪除的。因?yàn)闃?biāo)題、導(dǎo)語(yǔ)都已經(jīng)說(shuō)明會(huì)議是“學(xué)術(shù)”討論會(huì),所以⑥的“學(xué)術(shù)”是與上文重復(fù)的,可有可無(wú)的,應(yīng)當(dāng)刪除。再看主體部分的⑤,因?yàn)樯暇湟呀?jīng)出現(xiàn)了“超對(duì)稱性”和“超引力”這兩個(gè)概念,⑤處再一次出現(xiàn),讀來(lái)顯得重復(fù)累贅,但又不能刪除。倘若刪除,是介紹國(guó)內(nèi)外的什么情況又不明確,因此應(yīng)該改用指代性詞語(yǔ)作復(fù)指,如改為“對(duì)于這兩個(gè)問(wèn)題”,就會(huì)既“簡(jiǎn)”又“明”。

有同學(xué)認(rèn)為⑦應(yīng)該刪除,這是不對(duì)的。因?yàn)樗菍?duì)這次學(xué)術(shù)討論會(huì)所取得成績(jī)的評(píng)價(jià),沒(méi)有最后這一分句,報(bào)道的主體部分便不完整。

這道題比較集中地反映出要做到語(yǔ)言表達(dá)簡(jiǎn)明應(yīng)從三個(gè)方面努力:一是圍繞中心,抓住要點(diǎn);二是巧用復(fù)指,善于概括;三是避免重復(fù),刪除多余。

(三)怎樣避免表意不明? 表意不明,令人誤解或費(fèi)解,是常見的語(yǔ)病,也是與“簡(jiǎn)明”的要求相違背的。怎樣避免呢? ①少用單音節(jié)詞,多用雙音節(jié)詞。

有些單音節(jié)的多義詞,一不小心,就會(huì)造成歧義。如“縣里通知趙鄉(xiāng)長(zhǎng)15日前去匯報(bào)”一句中,“前”是多義詞,可以理解為“15日之前”去匯報(bào),也可以理解為“15日前往”縣里去匯報(bào)工作。如果要表達(dá)的是前一個(gè)意思,應(yīng)改用“之前”;如果要表達(dá)后一種意思,就改用“前往”,并刪除“去”。

②調(diào)整語(yǔ)序,交代明確。

語(yǔ)序不當(dāng),交代不明,也會(huì)造成歧義。如“他背著總經(jīng)理和副總經(jīng)理偷偷地把這筆錢分別存入了兩家銀行”一句可以作多種理解,如果只是“背著總經(jīng)理”,可以改為“他背著總經(jīng)理,偷偷地和副總經(jīng)理一道,把這些錢存入了兩家銀行”。如果是“背著總經(jīng)理和副總經(jīng)理”,可以改為“他背著總經(jīng)理和副總經(jīng)理,把這筆錢偷偷地存入兩家銀行”。還有其他理解、其他改法,這里不一一分析。

③交代清楚,如實(shí)直說(shuō)。

句中停頓的位置是否恰當(dāng),指代是否清楚,也影響著句意的表達(dá)。譬如:“這個(gè)精致的燈籠將作為今天得分最高嘉賓的禮品贈(zèng)送給他?！边@一句表達(dá)得很不清楚?！白鳛榧钨e的禮品”,既可以理解為送給嘉賓的禮品,也可以理解為嘉賓送人的禮品;句中的“他”指代也不明,作為前一義項(xiàng)時(shí),可以理解為“嘉賓”,作為后一義項(xiàng)時(shí),可以理解為“別人”。這個(gè)句子可以這樣改:這個(gè)作為禮品的精致的燈籠,將送給今天得分最高的嘉賓。也可以改為:這個(gè)精致的燈籠是嘉賓準(zhǔn)備的禮品,今天誰(shuí)得分最高將送給誰(shuí)。這樣的修改,意思都是明確的。

這個(gè)例子讓我們知道,為“簡(jiǎn)”而簡(jiǎn),有時(shí)會(huì)事與愿違,表意反而不清楚。(一)常規(guī)作文的修改內(nèi)容。

下面這段話不夠簡(jiǎn)明,請(qǐng)加以修改。

籃球比賽結(jié)束后,比賽完的隊(duì)友們一個(gè)個(gè)都坐上大巴走了。大巴是學(xué)校的車,學(xué)校有好幾輛大巴和小轎車。我沒(méi)有上車,而是一個(gè)人默默地走回家。我在回家的途中,緊鎖著眉頭,無(wú)奈地嘆息,我心里很難受,不禁為比賽的失利感到難過(guò)。那個(gè)余暉滿天的黃昏,我一個(gè)人站在家門口,獨(dú)自佇立在暮色之中。

提示: 1.抓住敘事的主題,去掉偏離中心的語(yǔ)句。2.刪掉語(yǔ)義重復(fù)的詞語(yǔ),使表達(dá)更加簡(jiǎn)明。

解析:文段主要表達(dá)的意思是籃球比賽失利后的難過(guò)心理,所以對(duì)于“大巴和小汽車”的交代沒(méi)有必要,“那個(gè)余暉滿天的黃昏”,“獨(dú)自佇立在暮色之中”這類的語(yǔ)句沒(méi)有時(shí)間上的銜接,也不搭配。所以,偏離中心的語(yǔ)句是“大巴是學(xué)校的車,學(xué)校有好幾輛大巴和小轎車?！焙汀澳莻€(gè)余暉滿天的黃昏,我一個(gè)人站在家門口,獨(dú)自佇立在暮色之中。”而在詞語(yǔ)的使用上一方面是詞語(yǔ)重復(fù),“比賽結(jié)束后”和“比賽完的”意思重復(fù),“走回家”和“在回家的途中”字面重復(fù),另一方面是詞語(yǔ)堆砌,“緊鎖著眉頭,無(wú)奈地嘆息,我心里很難受”和“為比賽的失利感到難過(guò)”幾個(gè)詞語(yǔ)意思相近,放在一起詞語(yǔ)堆砌。

修改:籃球比賽結(jié)束后,隊(duì)友們一個(gè)個(gè)都坐上大巴走了。我沒(méi)有上車,而是一個(gè)人默默地走回家。途中,我不禁為比賽的失利感到難過(guò)。

(二)用簡(jiǎn)明的語(yǔ)言概括《帶上她的眼睛》或《河中石獸》的主要內(nèi)容,不超過(guò)150字,寫完后小組內(nèi)交流。

提示: 1.概括主要內(nèi)容,要在立足原文的基礎(chǔ)上,把握中心和要點(diǎn),刪減旁枝末節(jié)的部分。

2.概括的文字既要簡(jiǎn)明,也要保持連貫通暢,避免因過(guò)度追求簡(jiǎn)明而造成字面意思跳躍。

示例:《帶上她的眼睛》文中的“我”帶上了一位因事故而被困在地底深處無(wú)法返回地面的女宇航員的“傳感眼鏡”--相當(dāng)于用她的眼睛去四處游玩?！拔摇睅е难劬ν瓿闪怂淖詈笠淮蔚孛嫣剿?。在結(jié)束任務(wù)的同時(shí),女宇航員也永遠(yuǎn)留在了地底下。小說(shuō)表達(dá)了“珍惜目前能看到的,就是幸福”這一觀點(diǎn)。

《河中石獸》講述的是一個(gè)廟門口的石獸,倒塌到河里,十幾年后,人們找石獸的事。寺僧到下游找沒(méi)有找著;講學(xué)家認(rèn)為石獸埋在沙里只能越埋越深;老河兵講解應(yīng)當(dāng)去上游找的理由,按照他的話果然找到了石獸。由事到理,告訴我們遇事不能主觀推論的道理。

航天、生物、計(jì)算機(jī)、新能源??你對(duì)哪個(gè)領(lǐng)域的科學(xué)技術(shù)最感興趣?請(qǐng)搜集相關(guān)資料,加深對(duì)這種科學(xué)技術(shù)的理解。在此基礎(chǔ)上,展開想象,寫一篇作文。不少于500字。

提示: 1.可以想象科學(xué)技術(shù)在未來(lái)的發(fā)展情況,及其對(duì)社會(huì)生活的影響。這種影響可能是有益的,也可能帶來(lái)潛在的威脅和災(zāi)難。

2.要有一定的故事情節(jié)。如果能像《帶上她的眼睛》那樣,設(shè)置一些懸念和伏筆,那就更好了。3.寫完后多讀幾遍,根據(jù)語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)明的要求,做進(jìn)一步的修改。智能翅膀

“外婆,我們出發(fā)吧?！睂帉幱忠淮未叽傥摇?開門見山,語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)潔,直接進(jìn)入故事的敘述)“好的,讓我先給你裝上翅膀吧?！蔽疫呎f(shuō)著邊打開身旁的一個(gè)小皮箱,從里面取出折疊成傘形的兩對(duì)翅膀。翅膀光滑平整,銀灰色的面料看上去一塵不染。(介紹了翅膀的形狀、質(zhì)地和顏色,很有生活)我將小的那對(duì)裝在寧寧背部衣服的插槽上,將安全帶系到寧寧的胸部和腹部,再將翅膀上的四條感應(yīng)線分別貼在寧寧的太陽(yáng)穴和脖子上?！班帧钡囊宦?感應(yīng)器進(jìn)入工作狀態(tài)。我叫寧寧試著扇動(dòng)一下翅膀,寧寧雙腳蹬地,拍打著翅膀輕松地飛了起來(lái)。(感應(yīng)線的設(shè)置和安放位置合情合理)我連忙給自己也裝上了翅膀,并將小皮箱真空壓縮后裝在口袋里,然后拉著寧寧的手從三十二層的窗戶飛了出去。

外面陽(yáng)光明媚,翅膀上的太陽(yáng)能聚能板用甜美的聲音告訴我們:“現(xiàn)在是公元2060年4月20日上午8點(diǎn)12分,戶外光線充足,可以高速飛行?！?聯(lián)系上了飛行的天氣狀況的影響,思維縝密)寧寧在學(xué)校里剛剛通過(guò)飛行考試,昨天才拿到飛行證,所以對(duì)飛行充滿著新鮮感。她時(shí)而在空中盤旋,時(shí)而做一些垂直俯沖的動(dòng)作,時(shí)而又像孫悟空一樣翻幾個(gè)筋斗,一邊飛行一邊嘴里還不停地喊叫著:“爽!爽極了!”(飛行的動(dòng)作描述精準(zhǔn),源于對(duì)科學(xué)的熱愛(ài))回過(guò)頭來(lái)她又很不放心地問(wèn)我:“外婆,要是翅膀真的出了故障,上面的安全降落傘真的會(huì)自動(dòng)彈出來(lái)嗎?”“那當(dāng)然,自從翅膀問(wèn)世以來(lái),到現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)二十年了,成千上萬(wàn)的翅膀沒(méi)有出過(guò)一次事故。再說(shuō)我們用的是‘飛馳’公司的產(chǎn)品,質(zhì)量更是可靠,你就一萬(wàn)個(gè)放心吧!”我笑著對(duì)寧寧說(shuō)。(安全降落也有啊,情節(jié)緊緊相扣。)這時(shí),一只小鳥從我們身邊飛過(guò),調(diào)皮的寧寧抓住小鳥的尾巴。我連忙阻止她的行為,告誡她說(shuō):“不可干擾動(dòng)物!沒(méi)有鳥兒,我們根本就造不出今天這樣的仿生智能翅膀,再說(shuō)你這樣做是違反天空交通法規(guī)的?！睂帉庍B忙松了手,還笑嘻嘻地對(duì)小鳥說(shuō)了聲“對(duì)不起”。(介紹了仿生智能翅膀的原理,還對(duì)讀者進(jìn)行了熱愛(ài)動(dòng)物,遵守交通法規(guī)的教育,主題深刻)簡(jiǎn)評(píng):這篇文章的小作者將科學(xué)與幻想結(jié)合起來(lái),構(gòu)思巧妙,使作文的內(nèi)容合情合理,行文流暢、簡(jiǎn)潔,充分發(fā)揮了自己的想象力,表達(dá)了人類終有一天會(huì)像鳥兒一樣自由飛翔的夢(mèng)想。而且文中將飛行的天氣影響、飛行證,安全系數(shù)、制作原理等內(nèi)容想得非常全面,可見小作者善于觀察生活,使想象有一定的生活積累。這種想象似乎未來(lái)還能夠?qū)崿F(xiàn),小作者在表述時(shí)語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)明,詞語(yǔ)凝練,沒(méi)有一點(diǎn)啰唆,值得學(xué)習(xí)。

如何使文章簡(jiǎn)潔? 鄭板橋在一幅畫中題詩(shī):“四十年來(lái)畫竹枝,日間揮筆夜間思。冗繁削盡留清瘦,畫到生時(shí)是熟時(shí)?！币馑际且估L畫不同凡響,只有去掉繁雜提煉精髓。

契訶夫以簡(jiǎn)潔的文筆著稱,他認(rèn)為:學(xué)會(huì)簡(jiǎn)練是一種才華。他甚至說(shuō):寫得有才華就是寫得短。作家梁實(shí)秋認(rèn)為寫作須忍痛“割愛(ài)”,要將那些不扼要的描寫,不恰當(dāng)?shù)淖衷~,大刀闊斧地加以削刪。芟除枝蔓之后,顯得簡(jiǎn)單而有力量。美國(guó)著名作家海明威,他經(jīng)常用一只腳站著寫作,以迫使自己盡可能簡(jiǎn)潔地表達(dá)思想。所以他的文章惜墨如金,被人稱為“電報(bào)式語(yǔ)言”。

當(dāng)然簡(jiǎn)潔并不等于簡(jiǎn)單,更不意味著膚淺。簡(jiǎn)潔應(yīng)是言簡(jiǎn)而意豐,言近而旨遠(yuǎn),給讀者一個(gè)想象的空間。海明威曾提出一個(gè)“冰山原則”,即作品好像海上的冰山,露出水面的只有1/8,其余7/8需要讀者去想象。柯靈的散文素以簡(jiǎn)潔老成著稱,他對(duì)簡(jiǎn)潔的理解更為全面:“文字的簡(jiǎn)潔,不能光從數(shù)字著眼。如果沒(méi)有多少意蘊(yùn),文字盡管簡(jiǎn)潔,頂多也不過(guò)簡(jiǎn)潔而已?！?/p>

如何使語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)潔呢? 講究意合,流然。著文需隨物賦形,筆隨意轉(zhuǎn),句與句間流然,少用“雖然??但是”之類的關(guān)聯(lián)詞。如“枯藤老樹昏鴨,小橋流水人家,古道西風(fēng)瘦馬。夕陽(yáng)西下,斷腸人在天涯”一連串名詞渾然天成產(chǎn)生了多么奇妙的意境!學(xué)會(huì)白描,不加渲染。白描本是國(guó)畫的一種畫法,即純用線條勾勒,不加彩色渲染。顧愷之畫人物,幾筆勾勒,特征突出,形神畢肖。一次,在為朋友裴楷畫像,著重畫了裴楷面頰上的三根髭須,觀者頓覺(jué)畫中人“神明殊佳”。

魯迅說(shuō):“寫文章要去粉飾,有真意,勿賣弄?！?他刻畫人物肖像,多用白描,文字簡(jiǎn)練單純,不加渲染烘托。如描繪孔乙己的長(zhǎng)衫:“孔乙己是站著喝酒而穿長(zhǎng)衫的唯一的人。他身材很高大;青白臉色,皺紋間時(shí)常夾些傷痕;一部亂蓬蓬的花白的胡子。穿的雖然是長(zhǎng)衫,可是又臟又破,似乎十多年沒(méi)有補(bǔ),也沒(méi)有洗。”通過(guò)破長(zhǎng)衫的白描,把孔乙己的社會(huì)地位、病態(tài)心理、思想性格和所受的教育揭示得入木三分。

多用短句,輕盈活潑。英國(guó)著名的哲學(xué)家羅素,曾把如何寫議論性散文擬成幾條“簡(jiǎn)單的準(zhǔn)則”,其中一條是:能用短詞的時(shí)候決不用長(zhǎng)詞。因?yàn)殚L(zhǎng)詞或長(zhǎng)句過(guò)多,冗長(zhǎng)枯燥,甚至有晦澀之弊,令人難以卒讀。而短句輕盈活潑,有跳躍感。如朱自清的《春》大量使用對(duì)稱或排比的短語(yǔ)或短句,既流暢又整齊,既簡(jiǎn)潔又活潑。

少用修飾,流暢鮮明。羅素認(rèn)為文章中要盡量少用附加語(yǔ),因?yàn)楦郊诱Z(yǔ)往往會(huì)影響文氣的流暢。契訶夫認(rèn)為過(guò)多的形容和修飾,會(huì)分散讀者的注意力,有損鮮明性。他說(shuō):“如果我寫‘這個(gè)人坐在草地上’,這就容易懂,因?yàn)樗迩宄?不妨礙注意力。要是我寫‘一個(gè)高高的、窄胸脯的、身量中等的、留著棕色胡子的人坐在綠色的、已經(jīng)被行人用腳踏過(guò)的草地上,一聲不響地、心虛地、戰(zhàn)戰(zhàn)兢兢在往四下里看’,那就相反,這句話變得不好懂,使腦筋感到吃力。它不能一下子印進(jìn)人的腦筋。小說(shuō)必須一下子,在一秒鐘里,印進(jìn)人的腦筋?！?/p>

提煉語(yǔ)言,以少寫多。古時(shí)候,有一則《制鼓歌訣》原來(lái)二十個(gè)字:“緊緊蒙張皮,密密釘上釘,天晴和落雨,打起一樣音。”后來(lái)改為十二個(gè)字:“緊緊蒙,密密釘,晴和雨,一樣音?！弊詈笾皇０藗€(gè)字:“緊蒙密釘,晴雨同音。” 提煉語(yǔ)言,以少寫多,藏而不露,以給讀者留下開闊的藝術(shù)空白。魯迅的雜文《死》中有這么一條:“五,孩子長(zhǎng)大,倘無(wú)才能,可尋點(diǎn)小事情過(guò)活,萬(wàn)不可去做空頭文學(xué)家或美術(shù)家?！逼渲械摹翱疹^”一詞,原稿中沒(méi)有,是后來(lái)同馮雪峰增添的。它好就好在極簡(jiǎn)明形象地揭示了那類不學(xué)無(wú)術(shù)、卻拉文藝大旗的冒牌文人的特征。要語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)明,不但是外語(yǔ)言的問(wèn)題,而且是內(nèi)語(yǔ)言的問(wèn)題。只有對(duì)事物分析深刻透辟,才能抓住問(wèn)題的癥結(jié),把復(fù)雜的事物寫得簡(jiǎn)潔明確。

講 評(píng)

第四篇：七年級(jí)下 英語(yǔ)作文

七年級(jí)下 英語(yǔ)作文

Unit 1

Dear friend,My name is Wang Ping I come from China.My first name is Ping and last name is Wang.I'm 14 years old.I can speak Chinese and a little English.I like playing volleyball.I like going to the movies.My favorite movie is Rush Hour because I like Cheng Long very much.I have a brother, Wang Qiang and a sister, Wang Li.They like going to the cinema, too.Unit 2

Dear mike,I know you're arriving next Sunday.Let me tell you the way to my house.Take a taxi from the airport.You pass a bank on your right and then go down the Street.You go through Sixth Avenue and Seventh Avenue.Then you see a big supermarket, turn left at new park.then go down and my house is on your right.Unit 3

There is a new zoo in our city.The zoo is really interesting because there are all kinds of animals in it.People all like them very much.I like going there on Sundays.I like koalas very much because there’re very cute.But they're kind of lazy.They sleep during the day and get up at night.They’re also very friendly to us.Unit 4

I’m a student now and I study in no.19 middle school.I like study.I study every day.I think it's very interesting.In the future, I want to be a reporter.I think it's an exciting job.I like talking to people.I like going to many different places.I like meeting lots of interesting people.But sometimes it's a little dangerous.I like exciting work.Unit 5

Look!This is a happy family.This is Bruce’s family.Bruce is playing computer games.He likes it very much.his grandmother is watering the flowers.His father is reading a

book.His mother is watching TV.She likes the TV show very much.His sister Mary is doing her homework.Everyone is having a good time.Unit 6

Dear frank,I’m a middle school student in XingTai.It’s a beautiful city, and I like the weather here.It’s warm in spring.It’s a little windy so we can fly kites in the park.It’s hot in summer.People like swimming in this season.It’s cool in autumn.People like playing sports outside.In winter, it's very cold and it often snows.People like wearing scarves and go skiing.People have a good time all the year.Yours,Mike

Unit 7

Dear mike

We have a new English teacher this term.Her name is Julia.She’s very good-looking.She is tall and of medium build.Her hair is long and curly.She likes teaching English very much.Her class is very interesting.she often plays games with us.She likes reading very much.She always goes to the library on weekends.She’s really friendly.We all like her and her class

Yours,Peter

Unit 8

My name’s Ma Tianqi.I’m a Chinese boy I like dumplings best, because they’re our Chinese traditional food.I’d like dumplings on some festivals.I like dumplings with beef best.I usually have porridge and an egg for breakfast.For lunch, I usually have rice, vegetables and pork.I like noodles and fish for my supper.I eat fruit every day.I’m very healthy.Unit 9

Mike is my good friend.He had a busy weekend because he did lots of things on Saturday and on Sunday.Let me tell you what

he did.On Saturday morning, he did homework.He studied hard.In the afternoon, he cleaned the room.In the evening, he helped his parents wash the dishes.On Sunday morning, he was very happy.In the evening, he studied for the English test.He liked English very much.Mike had a busy but interesting weekend.unit10

Last Saturday, tom got up at 6 o'clock, and then he walked in the park.And he did exercise.At noon, he ate in KFC with his parents.He enjoyed the food very much.In the afternoon, he played soccer with his classmates on the school playground.They played from 2 pm to 4 pm.tom had a really fun day.Unit 11

Peter and Liam are talking about some TV shows.Peter loves talk shows and he thinks they're really interesting.Liam likes them, too.Liam loves sports shows very much, because he likes sports.Peter likes them, too.Peter doesn't like soap operas because he thinks they're too boring, but Liam doesn't mind them.Peter doesn't mind game shows but Liam doesn't like them.Unit 12

My school rules

There are many rules in our school.We have to wear school uniforms every day.We have to boring our school id cards with us.We can't talk loudly at anytime.We can't run or jump in the hallways.We can't listen to music in the classroom.We can't eat snacks at school.We can't eat in the classroom.We have to eat in the dining hall.無(wú)錯(cuò)！?。?！

第五篇：七年級(jí)下英語(yǔ)作文

一、描寫朋友、自己或家人的喜好

1、Dear friend,My name is Sally.I am from China.I want a pen pal in Australia.I am 14 years old.I have no brothers or sisters in my family.MY favorite subject in school is science, because I think it’s very interesting.I like playing the piano and playing basketball on weekends.How about you? Can you write and tell me something about yourself?

Yours,Sally2、My name is Wang Lin.Now I live in Hangzhou , China.I want to find a pen pal in England.I’m now 14 years old.I speak Chinese.And I can speak a little English.I like sports ,swimming is my favorite.I also like playing the computer games.My favorite subject in school is math.I like to go to movies with my friends.My favorite movie is Beauty and Beast.Now I live with my parents.Can you write to me soon ?

Wang Lin3、I have a good friend, his name is Bill.He is from Sydney, Australia.Now he lives in Beijing with his parents.He is 14 years old and his birthday is in October.He speaks English and he can speak a little Chinese.He has lots of friends in Beijing.He often plays soccer after school with them.It’s his favorite sport.He likes Chinese action movies very much.He thinks they are interesting.He favorite actor is Jet Li.4、Jenny is an American girl She is 13 years old.She is very tall and a little thin.She has long black straight hair.She is a good-looking girl.She likes wearing a red T-shirt and blue pant.She likes singing and dancing.Her favorite singer is Gloria Green.She thinks Gloria is great.Look!Jenny is coming.She is not wearing a red T-shirt today.She is wearing a red dress.5、My favorite animal is a cat.I have a cat in my family.Her name is Mimi, I think she is from China.She is two years old now.She likes to eat fish every day.She is kind of lazy, but she is very cute.I like to palsy with it after school.6、Lin Tao usually goes to the zoo with his parents.He likes to see animals.In his room there are many toys.Most of them are boy animals.All kinds of animals in his room are his good friend.Every day he plays with them.Sometimes he asks his friends to his home to play.On vacation or weekends he like to see the monkeys and elephants in the zoo, and the dolphin show is his favorite.7、Jim likes Zhejiang food because it’s delicious.He can’t stand Sichuan food because it’s very hot(辣).He likes Guangdong food.He doesn’t mind Beijing food and he sometimes eat it.He doesn’t like Human food because it doesn’t agree with him(它不合他的口味)。

8、I like playing basketball.It’s very interesting.I often play it with my friends.It’s a team work..Everyone needs to work together with others.(每個(gè)人都需要和別人合作).I can also make many new friends in the game.My favorite basketball player is Yao Ming.He is very tall and plays basketball very well.I want to play in NBA one day like him.9、This is a popular person.Most(大多數(shù))people like him.He’s not young ,about 50 years old.But he looks kind of funny.He has a round face(臉)with round eyes , a big mouth and short black hair.He likes telling jokes and makes people laugh(笑).Do youknow who he is ? He is Mr.Bean10、Tom, Nancy , Lily and Jack are my good friends.They all love to watch different TV shows.Tom likes sports, so he likes sports shows.Nancy watches comedies and she loves sitcoms.But Lily can’t stand them.She just likes game shows.Jack doesn’t like sitcoms either.He enjoys talk shows.So you know they are all TV shows fans.(他們都是電視迷)

二、描寫方位的短文

My home is on Center Street.On Center Street, there is a restaurant, a KFC and a library.The KFC is between the library and the restaurant.Across from the KFC is a pay phone.A bank is next to the pay phone.The supermarket is on Fifth Avenue.A hotel is in front of the supermarket.三、用進(jìn)行時(shí)態(tài)描寫的各種短文

1、It is Sunday.The Turners are free and they are staying at home.They are doing different kinds of things.Mr Turner is mending his car.Mrs Turener is sitting at the table.She is drinking.Bob is talking on the phone.Nancy is sitting near the pool.She is watching the dog swimming.They are having a good time.2、It is a fine Sunday.There are many people in the park.They are playing happily(高興地).Some are playing beach volleyball on the beach.A man is lying on the chair.A manis swimming.He can swim very well.A man is talking with him.He is learning from him(向他學(xué)習(xí)游泳).Everyone is having a good time.3、Look at the picture.There are some boys in the picture.They are playing basketball.Near them under the tree, two girls are reading a book.Who are working near the house ? Two boys and a girl.Can you see the birds in the tree? I think they are singing.They are having a good

time.4、It is New Year’s Day.The weather is sunny but cold.Lucy’s family are all at home.Lucy is talking to Scott on the phone.Her father is playing basketball outside.Her mother is busycooking.Her sister, ,Mary , is watching TV, and her brother , Jeff, is playing computer games.They are all having a good time.5、It’s Sunday morning.My mother and I are gong to the park.There are a lot of people in the park.Some children are running.A dog is running after them.Four women are sitting there They are talking.Two girls are playing with a big bal near them..Three old men are standing under a big tree.They are watching the children.There is a river there.Many young people are dancing near it.There is a boat on the river.And an old man is sitting in the goat.He is dishing.Everyone in the park is having a good time.We are having a good time, too.四、天氣預(yù)報(bào)的短文

Good morning!Here’s the weather report for some big cities in the world.Beijing is cloudy.It’s very cold, so wear warm clothes when you go out.In Hong Kong there’s beautiful sunshine.(陽(yáng)光燦爛).People will feel cool in the daytime.It is sunny in New York , but there’s a strong wind(大風(fēng))in the afternoon.It will be rainy in Sydney but very hot.The day after tomorrow(后天)will be sunny.That’s the weather report for today.Thank you for listening.(謝謝收聽)

五、描寫人物的短文

There are three people in Jim’s family.Mr.Green is his father.He is fat and he has short straighthair.Hewearsglasses.He is watching TV.His mother is Mrs.Green.She is a woman of medium height.She has curly hair.She is cleaning the room.Jim is very thin.He is playing with the ball.They are all happy.