第一篇：英文幽默

英文幽默：爆笑學英語

1：某次英文考試有兩道題目：

（1）我穿上外套，卻發現第一個扣子掉了。（2）他聽見電話鈴響，就過去接了電話。正確答案應為：

（1）I put on my coat and found its first button was gone.（2）As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick it up.但是某生的答案是：

（1）Shit!（2）Hello? 2：老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time is money.并讓同學們翻譯。有名學生答道：“湯姆是瑪麗。”

小明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet? 老師說：Go ahead.小明就坐了下來。過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：May I go to the toilet? 老師說：Go ahead.小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學于是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎么不去？小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」啊!3：某日劉洪濤遇到外賓，上前搭話曰：I am hongtao liu，外賓曰：我他媽還是方片七呢！

江青會見外賓，要求翻譯要嚴格按她的意思翻，不許走樣。外賓一見到江青，立刻拍馬屁道：“Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful.“翻譯照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上還要謙虛一下：“哪里，哪里”。翻譯不敢怠慢，把江青的話翻成英文：

“Where? Where?

外賓一愣，還有這樣的人，追問哪里漂亮的，干脆馬屁拍到底：“Everywhere,everywhere.“翻譯：“你到處都很漂亮。”江青更高興了，但總是要客氣一下：“不見得，不見得”。

翻譯趕緊翻成英文：“You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see.“

4：話說某年某月的某一天，叁個神箭手約在一起比箭，目標是十尺外仆人頭上的蘋果。

A神箭手挽弓長射，咻一聲，利箭正中蘋果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「I AM 后羿！」 B神箭手照本宣科，射中蘋果，這回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM 丘比特！」

輪到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！結果正中仆人的心臟。就聽他結結巴巴好久才吐出句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」

5：一對熱戀中的男女。女生非常沒有安全感，于是對著男友說：“SAY ?I LOVE YOU！?SAY IT!SAY IT!SAY IT!” 男的答道：“IT!”

6：一位在美的留學生，想要考國際駕照。在考試時因為過于緊張，看到地上標線是向左轉。他不放心的問道:turn left？監考官回答: right.于是他立刻向右轉……

7：某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞，忙說：I am sorry.老外應道：I am sorry too.某人聽后又道：I am sorry three.老外不解，問：What are you sorry for? 某人無奈，道：I am sorry five.8：某男，亦粗通英文，至使館，有表要填，有一欄是：Sex，該男思之久已，毅然下筆：“Once a week”。

簽證官觀后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.” 該男頓時赧顏，思之，填下“female”，官楞之，曰：“shouldn’t it be male?”男急釋曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.9：上初一的時候，英語老師讓我們讀課文，恰好是一段對話，于是叫了一男一女兩個同學來讀。

男：What time is it now? 女：It’s nine.男：Let’s go to bed.女：We go to bed at nine.全班絕倒。

10：一次為一個初中小孩搞家教，在其英語課本上發現如下恐怖字眼：爸死（bus）爺死(yes)哥死（girls）妹死（Mis）……死光（school）

第二篇：英文幽默故事[模版]

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot.There werethree parrots in the shop.One was $5,000;another one, $10,000;and the third one, $30,000.The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That?s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on.That?s why he?s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don?t know.Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all!But the other two call him ?The Boss.?”

老板最大 有個人到一間商店買鸚鵡。店里有三只鸚鵡，其中一只賣五千元，另一只賣一萬元，還有一只賣三萬元。顧客問老板：「為什么這只要賣五千元？這個價錢對這種鸚鵡來說太貴了！」老板說：「因為我有訓練他講話。」顧客又問：「那這只呢？他會做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」老板說：「他除了會說話之外，還會表演一些有趣的動作，好比說跳舞等等，所以才賣這么貴。」顧客接著又問：「那第三只呢？他會做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」老板說：「我不知道。我從沒聽過他講話、吹口哨或唱歌，也沒看過他跳舞，什么都沒有！不過另外兩只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word “egg”? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg“? Student:In the cake,Sir.雞蛋在哪里？

老師：你能用“雞蛋”一詞造句嗎？ 學生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。老師：“雞蛋”在哪？ 學生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old.Once he goes to a cinema.It is the first time for him to do that.He buys a ticket and goes in.But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again.After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket.Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket.But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

湯姆是個小孩，他才7歲。當他去電影院的時候。那時他第一次去。他買了張票進去了。但沒過兩三分鐘他就出來了，然后買了第二張票又進去了。幾分鐘后他又出來買了第三張票。接著兩三分鐘后他又出來買票。一個女的問她，“你為什么要買那么多票啊? 你見到了幾個朋友？” “沒有，我里面沒朋友，但是每當我進門的時候一位大的女人老把我的票給剪了”

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.Man:He is really somebody.What does do? Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery 他真是一個大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000個人。

男人：他真是一個大人物。他是干什么的？ 小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course.He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.一名偉人

老師：如果莎士比亞還活著，他會是一名偉人嗎？

學生：當然。因為到目前為止，還沒有人活到400多歲。

Mr.Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.史密斯先生：服務員，我的湯里有一只死蒼蠅．

服務員：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被燙死的．

Son: Dad, give me a dime.Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 兒子：爸爸，給我一角錢。

父親：兒子，你不認為你已經長大了，不該再老是一角一角地要錢了(該自立了)，不是嗎？

兒子：爸爸，我想你是對的，那給我一塊錢行嗎？

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate.Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they?re eight or ten years old or something like that.So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don?t know, son.I?m still paying.”

有個小孩愛上了另一個小孩，對方是學校的同學。八歲或十歲左右的孩子有時會迷戀班上某個人，然后就以為自己戀愛了。因此這個八歲的小孩回家問他爸爸：「爸爸，結婚很花錢嗎？」爸爸說：「是啊，兒子，非常花錢。」兒子又問：「要花多少錢呢？」爸爸說：「我不知道，兒子，我到現在還一直在付錢啊！」

“Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?” “No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it.”

“孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？”

“沒有，老師。可是你昨天說你告訴我的知識都是一個耳朵里進，一個耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I'm sorry，Madam，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth.”

“Twenty d ollars!Why，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office.”

“對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！為什么？不是說好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了。”

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract.Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理。現在，誰給我舉個例子？

約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長，在冬天天都短。

The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours.then he started again, and said he:“Let me ask the evolutionist a question---if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?”

“I'll venture an answer, ” said an old lady.“We have worn them off sitting here so long.”.教進化論的老師已經滔滔不絕地講了快兩個小時，他的話題又來了：“讓我向進化論者提個問題——如果我們曾經像狒狒那樣長著尾巴，那么現在尾巴到哪里去了？”

“我來試試看，”一位老太太說。

“該是我們在這里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧。”

A man was going to the house of some rich person.As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road.He said, “I do not want to eat those apples;for the rich man will give me much food;he will give me very nice food to eat.” Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust.He went on and came to a river.The river had become very big;so he could not go over it.He waited for some time;then he said, “I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river.” He began to go home.He had eaten no food that day.He began to want food.He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them.Do not throw good things away;you may be glad to have them at some other time.【譯文】 一個人正朝著一個富人的房子走去，當他沿著路走時，在路的一邊他發現一箱好蘋果，他說：“我不打算吃那些蘋果，因為富人會給我更多的食物，他會給我很好吃的東西。”然后他拿起蘋果，一把扔到土里去。他繼續走，來到河邊，河漲水了，因此，他到不了河對岸，他等了一會兒，然后他說：“今天我去不了富人家了，因為我不能渡過河。” 他開始回家，那天他沒有吃東西。他就開始去找吃的，他找到蘋果，很高興地把它們從塵土中翻出來吃了。不要把好東西扔掉，換個時候你會覺得它們大有用處。

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.“You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly.“Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.”

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。

“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”

“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。“你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home.At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now, he asked, “What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?” “Well, my son,” his father replied, “look, there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.” “But, dad,” the boy said, “ there's only ONE policeman!”

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一塊兒回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸，?醉?字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸，”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: “I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.” “That's fine,” roared the boss, “but where were you Monday and Tuesday?”

安眠藥

鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫生，醫生給他開了一些強力安眠藥。

星期天晚上鮑勃吃了藥，睡得很好，在鬧鐘響之前就醒了過來。他到了辦公室，遛達進去，對老板說：“我今天早上起床一點麻煩都沒有。” “好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了？”

第三篇：英文幽默簡單自我介紹

自我介紹就是在幾分鐘內“推銷”自己。以下是小編帶來英文幽默簡單自我介紹的相關內容，希望對你有幫助。

英文幽默簡單自我介紹 范例

1Good afternoon madam and sir：

I am glad to be here to meet all of you.First please let me introduce myself.My name is*****, 21.I come from Qinhuangdao,a beautiful cost city of Hebei Province.I am a college student Majored in food science and engineering，studying at the life science department of Heilonjiang University,chemisty and biology is my major subjects.I have been studying hard since I enter the life science department.Now I am monitor of my class and get along with my classmates.Since this march ,I ’ve been working as an assistant at the heilongjiang university work-study office,and performe well.I am very lucky to get the chance to be inteviewed by you。

I am open-minded ,quick in thought energetic and positive.like other youngers。I havebroad interests，especially search the Internet and do some schemes。I usually organise team-work activities，thus，I ’m good at communicating with others and making frieds widely.What’s more I can act consonace with the requirements of the occasions and have a experience of administrate a calss which consists of 60 students.At the end of the work I became friends with them.I always believe that one will easily lag behind unless he keeps on learning.Of course, if I were given the chance to work for new Oriental，I would spare no effort to make a difference.Thank you

英文幽默簡單自我介紹 范例

2Hello, everyone.I’m very happy to stand here to introduce myself.大家好，很高心站在這里介紹我自己。

My name is________________.I’m _____years old, from ______________________ Primary School.It’s a beautiful school, and I love it very much.我叫XXX。今年____歲。我來自______，這是一所美麗的學校，我很喜歡它。

I’m a happy and talented ______.I like to make friends with others, and I get on well with my classmates.____________ is my favorite sport.I always ____________ in my spare time.Through this game, I get many benefits.我是一個快樂、聰明的________。我喜歡交朋友，并且我和班上同學相處的很好。__________是我最喜歡的運動，我經常在空余時間__________。通過這項游戲，我獲得了很多有益的東西。

At school, I study Chinese, Math, English, History, and so on.I like all of them.And I’m doing well in my study.I’m interested in learning English very much.I believe that I will do well in future.I won’t let you down.在學校，我學了語文、數學、英語、歷史等課程。我很喜歡這些可能，并且好好學習它們。我很有興趣學習英語，并且我相信我能學好它。我不會讓你失望的。

Thank you for your listening.感謝您的聆聽。

英文幽默簡單自我介紹 范例3

each examiner:

i call/**, come from shandong province.this year is 21 years old, , is a student who will soon graduate.passes the foundation knowledge that the teachers guidance controled a calculator with personal effort firmly in the school.mainly studied c language at the software aspect.c#.java etc.plait the distance language, the data structure, vf.access etc.database is applied, calculator operate system.studied the dreamweaver web page manufacture and the asp network to weave a distance also.studied the calculator network at the hardware aspect, the calculator construction with maintain.combine many times to attend to pack machine, set the fulfillment of the net operation lesson, make me control the work principle of the calculator and the set of the calculator network net process.in addition, i attend various activities of the school organization to come to the oneself of 鍛煉 actively and do various part-time to increase social experience.the teacher is divided into the group to us in the experiment and practice of the lesson remaining to complete mission, make we the deep comprehension arrive the importance of the team.the and the rise time acquires the school scholarship during the period of school, three staffs.however necessarily limited at the knowledge that the school learn, therefore i would ready to take advice study in the later work, the backlog working experience, the exaltation work ability.hope your company to give me a displays an own opportunity!

this with the result that

salute

第四篇：幽默商務英文自我介紹

導語：我學的是神圣的知識，你居然用分數來衡量，這簡直是對學術的沾污!以下小編為大家介紹幽默商務英文自我介紹文章，歡迎大家閱讀參考!

幽默商務英文自我介紹

1各位領導，大家好。我叫朱萍萍，來自湖南常德，是一名湖南農業大學外國語學院的應屆畢業生，我的專業是商務英語。我喜歡打羽毛球，喜歡聽音樂，是個活潑開朗，熱情大方的女孩子。喜歡交朋友，也總會給別人帶來歡笑。

我是一個來自農村的普通女孩，從小被農村淳樸的感情渲染。我有一個幸福的家庭，和爸爸媽媽，妹妹一起生活。從小我親眼目睹了爸爸媽媽為了這個家所付出的辛苦，勞累與奔波，一點一滴都深深的刻在我的心中。

在大學三年，不僅只是能力還是個人修養上，我都受益匪淺。在老師的教導和個人的努力下，我具備了扎實的專業基礎知識，并系統的掌握了各方面的理論知識，幾倍了聽說讀寫譯的能力。在大學第一期，我順利的通過了大學英語三級的考試，并在第二年就具備了大學英語四級的水平。并且，我能夠熟練的進行計算機Word,Excel,Photoshop的軟件操作，在大學第三年掌握了外貿單證制單與跟單的操作。大學期間，我擔任學生會女生部部長一職，工作上細心，負責市我任職期間遵守的原則。我帶領部門的其她成員，把女生部的工作管理的井井有條，并得到了學校領導和老師的一職肯定。在期末總結大會上，我并作為學生會所有成員代表進行了發言。暑假期間，我曾參加過學校的留校實踐，不僅僅是希望問母校做一些力所能及的貢獻，更期望能一次來鞏固自己的專業知識和應變能力。我熱愛參加學校組織的各種活動，比如：文藝匯演，英語角還有班會主持，我都積極參加，并取得了不錯的效果。

盡管我只是一名應屆畢業生，但我有應屆畢業生上刻苦，熱情的精神，希望貴公司能給我這次機會，能為貴公司添磚加瓦。

Everybody, everybody.My name is Zhu Pingping, from Changde, Hunan.I am a graduate of the Foreign Language College of Hunan Agricultural University.My major is business English.I like to play badminton, like to listen to music, is a lively, cheerful, warm and generous girls.Love to make friends, and always bring laughter to others.I am an ordinary girl from the countryside, and I was brought up by the simple feelings of the countryside.I have a happy family, living with my parents and my sister.From my own eyes, I witnessed my father and mother's hard work, tired and running, deeply engraved in my heart.In the three years of University, not only ability or personal accomplishment, I have benefited a lot.Under the teacher's teaching and personal efforts, I have solid professional knowledge and have systematically grasped all aspects of theoretical knowledge, which has doubled the abilities of listening, speaking, reading, writing and translating.In the first phase of the University, I passed the College English exam three smoothly, and in second years, I had the level of College English level Four.And, I can be proficient in computer Word, Excel, Photoshop software operation, third years in the university to master the foreign trade documents and documents and the operation of the documentary.During the University, I served as the Minister of the student union and was careful in my work and was responsible for the principles I observed during my job.I led her members of the Department to manage the work of the girls' department and be sure of the position of the school leaders and teachers.At the end of the final conference, I made a speech as a representative of all the members of the student union.During the summer vacation, I participated in the school practice school, just want to ask their alma mater to make contribution, can expect more time to consolidate the professional knowledge and ability of their own.I love to participate in various activities organized by the school, such as literature and art exhibition, English corner and class meeting.I have been actively participating in it, and have achieved good results.Although I am just a graduating student, I have fresh and enthusiastic spirit of graduating students.I hope your company can give me this opportunity to make bricks and mortar for your company.幽默商務英文自我介紹

2本人思想積極向上，樂觀大方，成績優秀，吃苦耐勞，有耐心，在校期間一直擔任系里學生會干部的職位，對工作總是抱著認真負責的態度，實踐能力強，人際關系良好，在校期間獲得相當多的榮譽，得到老師和同學們的支持和認可。

在校期間，我積極進取，努力學好各門專業課程，學習成績優異，連年獲得“三好學生”稱號，并連續兩年獲得國家勵志獎學金。我初步掌握了網頁制作、圖像處理、動畫制作等基本技能，能熟練運用office軟件，通過國家英語四級的考試，還獲得國家市場營銷經理助理證。此外，我還報讀了自考本科，并取得優良的成績。

在社會實踐方面，我一直擔任系學生會干部的職位，組織并參加了學院以及系里班里的各項活動，一定程度上鍛煉了自己的組織，策劃和領導等方面的能力，曾多次參加各類征文比賽并獲得相當多的榮譽。通過各種各樣的活動，我增加了與其他同學交流和學習的機會，鍛煉了自己的交際能力，學到別人的長處，認清自己的短處.此外，暑假期間通過師姐的介紹在廣州XX公司做網絡推廣的兼職，以及在11月到12月期間在廣州XX公司實習了一個月。通過一系列的社會實踐活動，提高了自己的為人處世的能力，同時也為以后做事打下了基礎。

本人是20xx應屆畢業生，從事過一些社會實踐，沒有太多的經驗和閱歷，盡管如此，但我自學能力和接受能力強，有高度責任感，只要能給我一個舞臺，我有信心通過自己的努力可以開拓出一片廣闊的天空!

I am thinking positive, optimistic and generous, good grades, hard-working, patient, during the school has served as student cadres in the Department of work position, always take a serious and responsible attitude, strong practical ability, good interpersonal relationship, during the period of school got many honors, supported and recognized by teachers and students.During the period of school, I was active and enterprising, and I tried to learn various professional courses.My academic records were excellent.I got the title of “three good students” year after year, and won the national inspirational scholarship for two years.I have mastered basic skills of web page making, image processing, animation making and so on.I can skillfully use office software and pass the National English four level examination, and I also get the Assistant Certificate of national marketing manager.In addition, I also read the undergraduate course, and achieved excellent results.In social practice, I have been working as a student cadre posts, organized and participated in the school and the Department of Libanli activities, to a certain extent, exercise their organizational ability, planning and other aspects of leadership, who have participated in all kinds of competition and gaining considerable honor.Through a variety of activities, I increase exchanges with other students and learning opportunities to exercise their communicative ability, learn the strengths of others, to recognize their own weaknesses.In addition, during the summer vacation to do network promotion of part-time in Guangzhou XX company by Shijie is introduced, and in November to December during the internship for a month in Guangzhou XX company.Through a series of social practice activities, we have improved their ability to live and lay the foundation for future work.I am 20XX graduates engaged in some social practice, not too much experience and experience, though, but my self-learning ability and strong ability to accept, with high sense of responsibility, as long as you can give me a stage, I am confident that through their own efforts to open up a vast sky!

幽默商務英文自我介紹

3我叫***，是一名電子商務專業的學生。

我就讀于****學校，將于200*年*月畢業。我非常珍惜在校期間的學習機會，認真學習文化課程，較熟悉地掌握專業知識，與此同時，我還學會了許多做人做事的道理。三年來的學習生話磨練出一個自信和上進心強的我。

面對知識經濟的到來，計算機技術也得到了廣泛的應用。作為一個21世紀的大學生，面對的又是一個新的挑戰。不僅要有扎實的專業技能，還需有更多方面的知識。所以大學期間我不斷學習，不斷拼搏，努力學習各種計算機，網頁設計，互聯網技術，2000Server，微機原理，跟單信用證，英語函電，國際貿易實務等專業知識。除此之外還選修了案例分析，商務代理，photoshop圖像處理以及物流知識等以提高自己的綜合素質。

對待學習，我認真努力，對待工作我同樣也能做到愛崗敬業，謹慎負責，一絲不茍。在生活方面我樂觀，熱情，誠懇，寬容。

鑒于此，我希望能在畢業后謀一職位，熱切期望能用自己所學之技為社會做出自己的微薄之力。

我自信能勝任自己的工作，本著“迎難而上”的精神，我將憑自己的能力克服各種困難，更好地勝任將來的工作。

My name is * * *, a student of E-commerce.I am at * * * * school and will graduate in 200* month.I cherish the opportunity to learn in school, study culture courses and master professional knowledge, and at the same time, I have learned a lot about the principles of doing things.In the past three years, the learning students have developed a self confident and motivated self.In the face of the advent of knowledge economy, computer technology has also been widely used.As a college student in twenty-first Century, it is a new challenge.We should not only have solid professional skills, but also have more knowledge.So during my college years, I kept learning and working hard to learn all kinds of computer, web design, Internet technology, 2000Server, microcomputer principles, documentary credits, English correspondence, international trade practice and other professional knowledge.In addition to this, we have selected case analysis, business agent, Photoshop Image processing and logistics knowledge to improve their comprehensive quality.In the course of learning, I work hard, and I can also do my job and be conscientious and conscientious and meticulous.I am optimistic, enthusiastic, sincere and tolerant in life.In view of this, I hope to be able to make a job after graduation, and eagerly anticipate that I can use the skill you learn to make my own little power.I am confident that I am competent for my job.I will overcome all kinds of difficulties and become better qualified for future work in a spirit of “facing difficulties and going up”.幽默商務英文自我介紹

4大家好!很榮幸能參加本次面試，讓我有向各位考官學習與交流的機會：

我叫XXX，來自于**。性格比較溫和、謙虛、認真細致、踏實、吃苦耐勞、有較強的責任心和社會適應能力。今年6月即將畢業于**大學電子商務專業，在大學四年的學習生活中，我對平面這一領域的相關知識有了一定的掌握，同時具有實際的操作能力與技術。

為了使所學知識能與實踐快速的結合在一起，我參加了長達3個月的實踐訓練，全面系統地學習了平面方面的專業知識與技能，能夠應用平面設計的相關軟件(Photoshop圖像處理軟件、Illustrator與CoreIdRAW矢量繪圖軟件、InDesigin與Pagemaker排版軟件)做基本的圖像處理、海報、企業宣傳冊等，能夠將所學知識真正應用到實際生活中。

我承認自己還不是最優秀的人才，但是我希望之集是此崗位最合適的人選，希望有幸能夠被貴公司領導予以特別考慮。今后我在好的方面再接再厲，不足之處有所改善。我的介紹到此結束。謝謝!

Hello, everyone.It's a great pleasure to attend this interview.Let me have the opportunity to learn and communicate to the examiners.My name is XXX, from * *.Temperate, modest, conscientious, conscientious, solid, hardworking, strong sense of responsibility and social adaptability.In June this year, I will graduate from the electronic commerce major of * * University.During the four years' study and life of University, I have mastered the related knowledge of plane field, and have practical operation ability and technology at the same time.In order to make the knowledge and practice of fast together, I participated in the 3 months of practice, comprehensively and systematically study the professional knowledge and skill level, to related software applications of graphic design(Photoshop image processing software, Illustrator and CoreIdRAW, InDesigin and Pagemaker vector graphics software publishing software)do the basic image processing, posters, brochures and other enterprises, will be able to learn the real knowledge applied to practical life.I admit that I am not the best person yet, but I hope it is the most suitable person in this position.I hope I can be privileged to be considered by your company leader.In the future, I will make persistent efforts in a good way and improve the shortcomings.This is the end of my introduction.Thank you!

第五篇：幽默英文演講稿

篇一：幽默英語演講稿 幽默英語演講稿 love your mother 愛你的母親

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你為什么哭?一個小男孩問他的媽媽.because im a woman, she told him.因為我是女人,她告訴他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........媽媽擁抱了他說,你永遠也不會明白,但沒關系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后來小男孩問他的父親媽媽為什么似乎在無緣無故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都會常常沒有原因地哭泣,這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩長大,成了男人的時候, 他仍然奇怪媽媽為什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問上帝,為什么女人容易哭泣?god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 當我創造女人的時候, 我決定把她造的很特別, 我讓她的雙肩強壯的足以能夠承擔整個世界,但是, 卻讓她的雙臂溫柔的足夠去安慰他人...i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirthand the rejection even from her own children.我給她內在的力量去忍受生產的劇痛, 也讓她有勇氣承受無數的傷害, 甚至這些傷害有時會來自于自己的孩子...i gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without 我給她頑強,讓她能夠不斷地前進, 并且照顧自己的家人和朋友, 甚至當每個人都放棄的時候, 她卻能夠堅強地在疾病和勞累之時毫無怨言...i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears....我給她內心的敏感,讓她在任何環境下都深愛著自己的孩子.甚至在他們深深傷害她的時候．．． 她用那特別的力量，讓年幼孩子的在受傷的時候感到安慰，也能夠讓年輕的子女消除緊張與恐懼．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faultsand i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....我給她力量關心她的丈夫，盡管他會犯錯．我用男人的肋骨創造了女人，使女人可以保護男人的心臟．．．

i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....我給她智慧，讓她知道一個好丈夫永遠不會傷害他的妻子，但有時候會試煉她堅定的永遠跟隨自己丈夫的能力與決心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed.it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....when you see her cry,tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因為這些種種的困難，我也同樣賜她流下眼淚，這是當她在需要時可以使用的，這是她唯一的軟弱之處．．． 當你看到她哭泣的時候，告訴她你有多么地愛她，告訴她她為所有人所做的一切，即使這樣她可能還是會哭泣，但你會使她的心里得到安慰． she is special!please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,sisters, and special women in their lives.她是獨特的！

請把這個信息傳遞給你認識的女人，有母親，姐妹和特別的女性在他們生命里的人．

but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.篇二：英語演講幽默開場白 英語演講幽默開場白 作為一個演講者，我從觀眾那只得到過兩種抱怨：一種是我講話聲音太大了，他們無法入睡；第二種是我講得時間太長了，他們無法一直清醒。作為一個講演者，他的演講總拿來和林肯的哥得堡演講[一個著名的演講]相比較。當他演講結束時，也有悲傷、眼淚和悲痛——特別是計劃委員會。幽默注釋：演講者講得太糟糕了，組織者哭得很傷心。

演講結束時，宴會主人感謝你從繁忙的日程中抽出時間來——你泰然自若，優雅地點頭微笑著，心里非常清楚你日歷上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝點咖啡poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program---and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注釋：一些老干部退休后沒什么事干，有人請他參加一些活動，他還假裝很忙，好象推開了很多事才趕去似的。

過去我演講時常常會比較緊張，但那時我看到一條信息說如果你想象所有的觀眾都是裸體會有所幫助。此時此刻，我站在這里想象著觀眾都是裸體，真的起作用，我不再緊張了，但眼睛有些疲勞。

i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousness.eyestrain.yes 幽默注釋：把觀眾想象成裸體，意思是我不怕你們，就不緊張了。

創新句子：大部分人站在講臺上都會有點兒緊張，我屬于少部分人，我非常緊張。我本人不自負——我簡直不能告訴你們我是多么欽佩我這一點。

personally, i have never been conceited---and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因為自己不自負，所以變得非常驕傲。創新句子：我一點兒都不自負，我希望別人也這么看我.我先用簡單明了的英語演講，以后我再翻譯給律師聽。

let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注釋：律師總喜歡用復雜的語言，簡單的話都聽不懂了。

創新句子：我的講話有三個版本，小學生版本，中學生版本，大學生版本，你是聽小學一年紀版的，還是小學二年紀版的？

如果你聽過這個故事，請不要打斷我，我就知道這一個故事。

if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know.幽默注釋：就是你知道兩個故事，講故事前也可以這么說。

創新句子：我講個笑話，如果你們聽過，也希望裝做沒聽過，我也這樣照顧你們。演講就象給草坪澆水，如果有四分之一的水滲下去你就滿意了。

making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注釋：有人打呼嚕，有人說話，都是正常的，有四分之一觀眾聽就不錯了。幽默句子：即興演講的開場白。

創新句子：我不知道你們會不會喜歡我的演講，我不知道我要講點兒什么開始前我想告訴你們下面的演講已經編輯成了電視節目，我現在少講20分鐘，我們能夠及時趕回家看2臺的節目。

before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited fortelevision.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注釋：放著現場不看，偏要回家在電視上看。

可能你們有些人知道我今晚出現在這里有兩個原因：第一個原因是你們的計劃委員會一直在設法尋找一個聰明、有趣、老練的演講者，——他們找到了。第二個原因是那個人病了，所以就打電話把我找來了。

幽默注釋：一開始好象在說自己很牛，其實就是個臨時替場。

創新句子：我認為我演講很風趣，可為什么沒人笑呢？篇三：幽默英語演講稿 幽默英語演講稿 love your mother 愛你的母親

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你為什么哭?一個小男孩問他的媽媽.because im a woman, she told him.因為我是女人,她告訴他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........媽媽擁抱了他說,你永遠也不會明白,但沒關系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后來小男孩問他的父親媽媽為什么似乎在無緣無故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都會常常沒有原因地哭泣,這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩長大,成了男人的時候,他仍然奇怪媽媽為什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問上帝,為什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 當我創造女人的時候, 我決定把她造的很特別, 我讓她的雙肩強壯的足以能夠承擔整個世界,但是, 卻讓她的雙臂溫柔的足夠去安慰他人...i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children.我給她內在的力量去忍受生產的劇痛,也讓她有勇氣承受無數的傷害, 甚至這些傷害有時會來自于自己的孩子...i gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without 我給她頑強,讓她能夠不斷地前進, 并且照顧自己的家人和朋友, 甚至當每個人都放棄的時候, 她卻能夠堅強地在疾病和勞累之時毫無怨言...i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears....我給她內心的敏感,讓她在任何環境下都深愛著自己的孩子.甚至在他們深深傷害她的時候．．．

她用那特別的力量，讓年幼孩子的在受傷的時候感到安慰，也能夠讓年輕的子女消除緊張與恐懼．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....我給她力量關心她的丈夫，盡管他會犯錯．我用男人的肋骨創造了女人，使女人可以保護男人的心臟．．．

i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....我給她智慧，讓她知道一個好丈夫永遠不會傷害他的妻子，但有時候會試煉她堅定的永遠跟隨自己丈夫的能力與決心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed.it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....when you see her cry,tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因為這些種種的困難，我也同樣賜她流下眼淚，這是當她在需要時可以使用的，這是她唯一的軟弱之處．．． 當你看到她哭泣的時候，告訴她你有多么地愛她，告訴她她為所有人所做的一切，即使這樣她可能還是會哭泣，但你會使她的心里得到安慰． she is special!please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives.她是獨特的！

請把這個信息傳遞給你認識的女人，有母親，姐妹和特別的女性在他們生命里的人．

but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.each day is a mountain that must be climbed;with courage each step