第一篇：英語八人搞笑話劇--三笑三國

《三笑三國》

開場介紹： Ladies and gentlemen,let me introduct the actor.The first is zhaoyun,he is the most actor tonight.and his black brother zhangfei ,and there boss liubei.don't forgot the other side Mr cao,and his adviser JiangGan,and the most strong XiaHou Dun.At last,don't forget who behind the scenes ME----the Director.第一幕：人物，趙云 夏侯惇 曹操 蔣干

旁白：就在剛才不久，一個黑大漢從曹操軍中救出劉備之子劉阿斗，現在正向這里殺過來，他就是張飛！！（趙云出場）Not too long ago,a black general saved the son of LiuBei ,Liu A dou.now,he is coming.His name is Zhangfei.趙云：no！本人姓趙名云，乃常山子龍也！no!my family name is zhao my middle name is yun and my given name is zilong ~

（趙云從背后拿出一坨布，代表阿斗）

（顧影自憐狀）

趙云：看！這就是主公的最后一點骨血！劉阿斗！我從火場之中把他救出，而我自己的臉卻早已……唉……化作焦炭！look!this is the last blood of the boss!liu

e dou.i took him out from the fire ,but my face hane already...ai ~.（夏侯敦挺著槍呈貓腰狀殺出）

夏侯敦：小賊，莫跑，要不然我就大開殺戒了（沖到）Children，stop there or i will kill you

（趙云左手抱阿斗，右手與之搏斗）

趙云：可惡！居然敢偷襲我！fuck,！

you bitch dare to attack me ??

（二人裝腔作勢打斗數招）

！stop！wait！!one two three...nine dark white bone fingers！

趙云：看我九陰白骨爪！（倒地）oh my gad

i'm over

夏侯敦：唔！

（下）yeah~ bitch i will go to look for my boss , goodbye~

趙云：此地不宜久留，還是快去尋主公！

（曹操、蔣干二人上）

曹操：沒想到我們初次出兵便殺得敵人望風而逃！真可謂出師未捷身先死。長使英雄淚滿襟！

I didn't expect that we can beat the enemy with our first attack.It reminds me of a poem, “Dead Before the Ship Even Sank.Long the hero Tearful”

蔣干：丞相，您說這話，真不見得怎么吉利。Prime minister,It does not sound good about what you have said;

（曹操險些被地上的夏侯敦絆倒）

曹操：咦？這是誰扔的西瓜皮？（轉身，看見倒在地上的夏侯敦）Huh? Who threw the banana rind?

曹操：是夏侯愛卿。難道他又在搞什么行為藝術？？Do not Xiahou Dun? Is he engaged in what is called performance art?

（蔣干上前將夏侯敦一頓拍打，二人站起）

曹操：夏侯愛卿為何要在地上裝西瓜皮？？Why do you want to install banana rind on the ground?

夏侯敦：有一人臉如黑炭 手抱孩子there is a very black people witha baby in his band！it Is enemy's maid with a child in his arm.蔣干：是敵人的保姆！還帶個孩子！曹操：那你呢？

What did you do?

夏侯敦：i i i…… i rushed to him and fight with him

i'mfightting

fightting fightting我我…… 我沖上去與之打斗 打

打 打

曹操：然后呢？What then?

蔣干：丞相，看來是夏侯將軍殺退了敵人！Prime minister, it is likely that general Xiahou has defeated the enemy（手勢如下：指指門外，右手作“九”的樣子，隨即作全身發冷狀，然后指向自己的衣服，再指向曹操，作爪擊狀）

夏侯敦：唔唔！

曹操：然后呢？

Then what happened?

夏侯敦：no no no I was defeated he used the nine cloud white bone finger ,it's so terrible

（曹操、蔣干二人將夏侯敦拉起）

（慷慨狀）It seems that the enemy should not go far.Let's run after them.曹操：如此看來，敵人應該還沒有走遠。咱們乘勝追擊！

蔣干：有時候我真的很佩服丞相您這樂觀的心理……（贊同狀）Sometimes I really admires prime minister very much about your optimistic psychology......（掄起兩拳，作欲與敵人搏斗狀）

夏侯敦：唔！唔唔唔~！

（三人下）

第二幕:人物：劉備 張飛

諸葛亮

趙云

（劉備、張飛、諸葛亮三人上）

旁白：這是的劉備一行人正在軍營外觀看敵情~~~LiuBei and his team are looking something out of his military camp.、（諸葛亮走在前面，張飛、劉備二人緊跟其后）

（轉頭）主公啊，按理說是您走先啦！（恭敬狀）old liu ah,you should walk in front of us!Is not it?

諸葛亮：劉備：不啦，軍師您身后有好大塊蔭涼，躲在這里避避暑也不錯。No，it's very cool that I stand just behind you，I can avoid summer heat（眺望狀）主公，如果我所料不錯，現在馬上就要下雨了！liu ah,come here!I tell you a secret!I think it is about to rain!諸葛亮：先生神算！人所不及！不知先生如何知道將要下雨？great prediction！

劉備：No one can compare with you！just wonder how do you know ？it's going to rain

（以手指前方）看天，那邊有一塊黑云來了！First,the weather report told us it is going to rain

諸葛亮：首先，天氣預報說今天有雨；其次，today;second,look at the sky,so many dark clouds are coming!

（趙云上）

張飛：哇！那就是子龍啊，想不到這一會不見子龍就換了個新桌面啊！Ha!That is person who called long ah, I could not believe that you have changd a new tabletop without a minute!

（張飛迎上）

張飛：子龍！

long

趙云：翼德救我！help！!brother three.（張飛下）

趙云：主公！云殊死力戰，方保得小主人在此！只是這許久不見啼哭，怕是已經……（悲憤狀，取出布包，打開并捧著）boss, i have trid my best to protect the little boss.but it have a long time to hear nothing.i am afraid...！

oh ~ shit.how can the son of bitch get in asleep.just like his father

趙云：kao！這小沒良心的，居然還能睡的著！就跟他爹一樣！劉備：咳咳！

（趙云轉身面向劉備）

諸葛亮：子龍，不是我說你，你嘴上就是少個把門兒的，總不能啥實話都往外說啊！？Zilong,not I tell you, although it is true,you should not say it out!（劉備怒視諸葛亮，諸葛亮恍如不知，趙云上前，將阿斗遞給劉備，劉備捧著阿斗）

！because of you，I almost lose a brave general！

劉備：為了你這倒楣孩子，幾乎損我一員大將啊！我還留著你趕什么啊，我摔死你吧！Why do I！（阿斗摔下）keep you alive，let me kill you！（趙云上前，對準阿斗狂踹數腳，諸葛亮上前拉住，趙云始終作勢欲踢，諸葛亮用身體壓住趙云后，走上前去一腳將阿斗踢飛）

旁白：從今以后，阿斗的智力便出現了明顯的發育遲緩……This is why liu a dou is so foolish that lost his country.趙云：咦？怎么不見關二哥呢？

yi ~~ where is brothe two GuanYu?

：He layout the BaGuaZhen for military adviser

劉備：二弟昨天為軍師擺下一個八卦陣去，不過在沖出去撞馬的時候閃著腰了，現在還在休養呢！yesterday, but when he rushed out , he get his waist twisted, now he stay in bed.諸葛亮：哎，太糟糕了，看我，多健康，多健壯！告訴他，多喝三鹿奶粉！（自戀狀）！Oh,It is so bad!Look at me,so healthy,so strong!tell him to drink more sanlu milk powder!！（走上前，撫摸諸葛亮，做憐惜狀）

so you drink to be a foolish?

趙云：就給這孩子喝成這樣兒了！：啊~！！（慘烈地）

曹操（在臺下）劉備：難道三弟又重操舊業了？咱們快去看看！Did zhangfei return to one's former career ？Go to see what happen?（三人下）

第三幕： 人物 張飛 曹操 夏侯 蔣干 劉備 諸葛亮

旁白：時間撥回到三分鐘之前，張飛大戰長坂坡……Go back to three minutes before the time set aside，zhangfei fight with caocao's army on changbanpo

（張飛上，在臺上轉一圈后，如京劇拿柱般亮相，定格）

（奸笑中）

曹操和蔣干：嘿嘿嘿嘿！

夏侯敦：唔唔唔唔……（奸笑中）

（三人奸笑上臺）！

Wa!Y

張飛：哇！火腿腸你回來拉！ou, The hot dog, come back!

。black man come again，Blacks are very powerful，i'm afaid

夏侯敦：我靠，又一個黑人，黑人都是很牛x的，我怕了。曹操：閣下是何人，何以竟有如此美妙的聲音！

Excuse me.May I know your name? What a wonderful voice you have!

（咬牙）I am Zhang Yide from jingdu!(clenches teeth)

張飛：我便是那燕（yān）人張翼德！

曹操：閹人？？原來只是一個太監……夏侯敦，上去解決他！You are the so called coward,aren't you?xiahou,beat it!

（夏侯敦低頭貓腰沖出）

夏侯敦：唔！唔~唔！

（定格）

（二人打在一起）蔣干：丞相，這一仗咱們必輸，一會還有橋斷水倒流呢！快叫夏侯將軍下來吧。Prime minister, we must have lose this Campaign , the bridge will also

cut off the water soon!Let's call Xiahou general to get down quickly 曹操：你怎么知道？How dou you know it? 《真三國無雙叁》，長坂的任務啊！“Really,it is the game's duty of Three countries Unparalleled Three”！

蔣干：曹操：干啊，我看你是太沉迷于網絡游戲了。這樣既浪費時間又上海身體，你還是聽為丞相的一句話吧！珍愛生命，遠離三俗啊！

I think you are too addicted to online games.What a waste of time, and It's harmful,listen to me ,You must take good care of yourself.（張飛與夏侯敦二人繼續，張飛一槍擊中夏侯敦）

夏侯敦：oh my gad

i am over again又被打敗了

（蔣干上前將夏侯敦拖回）

曹操：唉，如今這世道變了，太監都這么厲害啦！？ Why does that coward become so brave?

張飛：曹賊聽著！今日汝等必不能生過此橋！cao ,stops talking!Today you all can't pass this bridge with a live one!

曹操：汝休得猖狂！今日要不是我手下典韋身死，許諸拉稀，于禁肺炎，李典麻疹，文聘肝癌，張遼痔瘡，才不會輸給你！shut up!If general dianwei was still alive,We would not be defeated!

張飛：你手下終究無人可用！啊，面對此景次請，我真想賦詩一首——Nobody may go to battle for you ,Facing this scenery,i really want to sing a song.er, on......On......（音樂起）only you ~~~~~only……you……

（夏侯敦躍起）

夏侯敦：唔唔唔……（以手捂耳，跑下）

（慘厲的叫聲，并以手捂耳）

曹操：啊！（慘厲的叫聲，并以手捂耳）

蔣干：啊！

（驚惶狀）Why is this so shocking!

曹操：這難道就是傳說中的門得爾松的c大調《鬼叫》協奏曲！何以如此震撼！蔣干：（一手指張飛）快看！丞相！橋斷了！水也開始倒流啦！（轉過身去，以手捂耳）Look, Prime minister!The bridge broke!The water also starts to flow backwards（音效：山崩地裂之聲）

（定格）

曹操：aaaaaaaaaa（痛苦吐血狀）

（諸葛亮、劉備、趙云三人上）

諸葛亮：別唱啦！再唱下去就把曹操給唱死啦！Do not sing more,ok?if you go on singing,CaoCao will die because of your song!劉備：三弟快打住！（以手捂耳）Stop,stop！（以手捂耳）

張飛：only you ~~~~~only……you……（余音不絕）

劉備：子龍，快把三弟扛回去。Zilong，carry zhangfei back quickly。

趙云：好的！ok

（趙云上前，以手捂住張飛的嘴，扛走，張飛依舊唱個不停）

（張飛、趙云二人下）旁白：從此以后有一首歌傳唱至今 經久不衰，叫做：only you~~~~ 《Only You》.(歌聲再次響起，眾人謝幕~~)。

since then, a song become very very famous.The name is

第二篇：《三笑三國》英語話劇

《三笑三國》

旁白—黃麗清

趙云—歐日斌

曹操—周會軍

夏侯敦—羅靖慧

蔣干—黃忠麗 劉備—楊愛榮

諸葛亮—申海怡

張飛—劉汝強 道具：一坨布（代表阿斗）、槍（劍）。

開場介紹

Ladies and gentlemen,let me introduce the actors.The first is ZhaoYun,he is the mostly actor today.And his black brother is ZhangFei ,and there boss is LiuBei.Don't forget the other side Mr Cao,and his adviser JiangGan,and the most strong XiaHou Dun.At last,Don't forget who behind the scenes ME----the Director.打，二人站起）

曹操：夏侯愛卿為何要在地上裝西瓜皮？？Why do you want to install banana rind on the ground? 夏侯敦：有一人臉如黑炭 手抱孩子A very black people with baby in his band.蔣干：是敵人的保姆！還帶個孩子！！it Is enemy's maid with a child in his arm.曹操：那你呢？What did you do? 夏侯敦：I I I?? I rushed to him and fight with him.I’m fighting fighting fighting！我 我?? 我沖上去與之打斗 打 打 打

曹操：然后呢？What then? 蔣干：丞相，看來是夏侯敦將軍殺退了敵人！Prime minister, it is likely that general Hou dun has defeated the enemy.夏侯敦：唔唔！Zhao Yun used his nine dark white bone fingers to me!I was so fearful.趙云用他的九陰白骨爪對付我，我好害怕！

（手勢如下：指指門外，右手作“九”的樣子，隨即作全身發冷狀，然后指向自己的衣服，再指向曹操，作爪擊狀）

曹操：然后呢？ Then what happened? 夏侯敦：No！No！No！I was defeated he used the nine cloud white bone finger ,it's so terrible（曹操、蔣干二人將夏侯敦拉起）

曹操：如此看來，敵人應該還沒有走遠。咱們乘勝追擊！（慷慨狀）It seems that the enemy should not go far.Let's run after them.蔣干：有時候我真的很佩服丞相您這樂觀的心理??（贊同狀）Sometimes I really admires prime minister very much about your optimistic psychology......夏侯敦：Yes!Fighting,Fighting!Let’s go!好！打！打！上啊！（掄起兩拳，作欲與敵人搏斗狀）（三人下）

Ha!Zilong is coming now!I could not believe that you have Changsha a new tabletop without a minute!

（張飛迎上）張飛：子龍！ZiLong!趙云：翼德救我！help！!Third brother.（張飛下）

趙云：主公！云殊死力戰，方保得小主人在此！只是這許久不見啼哭，怕是已經??（悲憤狀，取出布包，打開并捧著）Boss, I have irid my best to protect the little boss.but it have a long time to hear nothing.I am afraid...趙云：chao！這小沒良心的，居然還能睡的著！就跟他爹一樣！oh ~ shit.how can the son of bitch get in asleep.just like his father.劉備：咳咳！（趙云轉身面向劉備）

諸葛亮：子龍，不是我說你，你嘴上就是少個把門兒的，總不能啥實話都往外說啊！？ZiLong,I don’t want to tell you, although it is true,you should not say it out!（劉備怒視諸葛亮，諸葛亮恍如不知，趙云上前，將阿斗遞給劉備，劉備捧著阿斗）劉備：為了你這倒霉孩子，幾乎損我一員大將啊！我還留著你干什么啊，我摔死你吧！because of you，I almost lose a brave general！Why do I keep you alive，let me kill you！

（阿斗摔下）（趙云上前，對準阿斗狂踹數腳，諸葛亮上前拉住，趙云始終作勢欲踢，諸葛亮用身體壓住趙云后，走上前去一腳將阿斗踢飛）

旁白：從今以后，阿斗的智力便出現了明顯的發育遲緩。請大家以此為鑒，日后請善待別人的孩子同時也要保護好你自己的孩子。This is why Liu a Dou is so foolish that lost his country.Please as a guide, please be kind to other people's children in the future to also want to protect your own children.趙云：咦？怎么不見關二哥呢？ ~~ where is the second bother ?

劉備：二弟昨天為軍師擺下一個八卦陣去，不過在沖出去撞馬的時候閃著腰了，現在還在休養呢！：He layout the Sazhen for military adviser yesterday, but when he rushed out , he get his waist twisted, now he stay in bed.諸葛亮：哎，太糟糕了，看我，多健康，多健壯！告訴他，多喝三鹿奶粉！（自戀狀）！Oh,It is so bad!Look at me,so healthy,so strong!tell him to drink more Santalum milk powder!趙云：就給這孩子喝成這樣兒了！！（走上前，撫摸諸葛亮，做憐惜狀）so you drink to be a foolish?

曹操（在臺下）：啊~！！（慘烈地）劉備：難道三弟又重操舊業了？咱們快去看看！Did ZhangFei returned to former career ？Go to see what happen?（三人下）

夏侯敦：我靠，又一個黑人，黑人都是很牛x的，我怕了。black man come again，Blacks are very powerful，I'm fearful.曹操：閣下是何人，何以竟有如此美妙的聲音！Excuse me.May I know your name? What a wonderful voice you have!張飛：我便是那燕（yān）人張翼德！（咬牙）I am Zhang Yi De from NaYan!(clenches teeth)（咬牙切齒的樣子）

曹操：閹人？？原來只是一個太監??夏侯敦，上去解決他！You are the so called coward,aren't you?HouDun,beat him!（夏侯敦低頭貓腰沖出）夏侯敦：唔！唔~唔！

（二人打在一起）旁白：真是厲害的車輪戰啊，這時候夏侯已經被張飛打得狼狽不堪了。Is really fierce Che Lun Zhan ah!At this time ,XiaHouDun has been ZhangFei played in disorder.（定格）蔣干：丞相，這一仗咱們必輸，一會還有橋斷水倒流呢！快叫夏侯將軍下來吧。Prime minister, we must have lose this Campaign , the bridge will also cut off the water soon!Let's call XiaHouDun general to get down quickly.曹操：你怎么知道？How do you know it? 蔣干：《真三國無雙叁》，長坂的任務啊！“Really,it is the game's duty of Three countries Unparalleled Three”！曹操：干啊，我看你是太沉迷于網絡游戲了。這樣既浪費時間又上海身體，你還是聽為丞相的一句話吧！珍愛生命，遠離三俗啊！I think you are too addicted to online games.What a waste of time, and It's harmful,listen to me ,You must take good care of yourself.（張飛與夏侯敦二人繼續，張飛一槍擊中夏侯敦）

夏侯敦：oh!my gad!I am over again.又被打敗了（蔣干上前將夏侯敦拖回）曹操：唉，如今這世道變了，太監都這么厲害啦！？ Now the world has changed.Why does that coward become so brave? 張飛：曹賊聽著！今日汝等必不能生過此橋！CaoCao ,!Shut up!Listen to me!Today you all can't pass this bridge with a live one!曹操：汝休得猖狂！今日要不是我手下典韋身死，許諸拉稀，于禁肺炎，李典麻疹，文聘肝癌，張遼痔瘡，才不會輸給你！shut up!If general DianWei was still alive,We would not be defeated!張飛：你手下終究無人可用！啊，面對此景次請，我真想賦詩一首——Nobody may go to battle for you ,Facing this scenery,I really want to sing a song.er, on......On......（音樂起）only you ~~~~~only??you??（夏侯敦躍起）

夏侯敦：唔唔唔??（以手捂耳，跑下）It’s very unpleasant to hear!太難聽了！

曹操：啊！Help!（慘厲的叫聲，并以手捂耳）

蔣干：啊！It is simply, make the gods cry!簡直是驚天地，泣鬼神啊！

（慘厲的叫聲，并以手捂耳）曹操：這難道就是傳說中的門得爾松的c大調《鬼叫》協奏曲！何以如此震撼！（驚惶狀）Why is this so shocking!It seems, really beat me is someone singing.看來，真正打敗我的是某人的歌聲。

蔣干：（一手指張飛）快看！丞相！橋斷了！水也開始倒流啦！（轉過身去，以手捂耳）Look, Prime minister!The bridge broke!The water also starts to flow backwards（音效：山崩地裂之聲）

曹操：aaaaaaa!（痛苦吐血狀）

（定格）（諸葛亮、劉備、趙云三人上）

諸葛亮：別唱啦！再唱下去就把曹操給唱死啦！Do not sing more,OK?if you go on singing,CaoCao will die because of your song!劉備：三弟快打住！（以手捂耳）Stop,stop！（以手捂耳）

張飛：only you ~~~~~only??you??（余音不絕）

劉備：子龍，快把三弟扛回去。ZiLong，carry ZhangFei back quickly。趙云：好的！OK（趙云上前，以手捂住張飛的嘴，扛走，張飛依舊唱個不停）（張飛、趙云二人下）旁白：從此以后有一首歌傳唱至今 經久不衰，叫做：only you~~~~ since then, a song become very very famous.The name is《Only You》.(歌聲再次響起，眾人謝幕~~)。

第三篇：豬八戒背媳婦搞笑英語話劇劇本八人組合

語話劇劇本《高老莊搶親》

廣西財經學院 木槿花開根據教客網原話劇改制 An English play----Pig Guy has been defeated by Monkey King Cast: narrator(旁白君)Tang's monk(唐僧)The Monkey King(孫悟空)The old man（老頭）The little girl（小女子）The old woman(老媽)pig(八戒)大家好，今天我們小組給大家表演的話劇是高老莊搶親。下面我介紹一下我們組分配的角色，XX扮演的是XX......Hello, everyone, today our group to show the drama is Gao Laozhuang rob close.Let me introduce our group assigned roles.......（小女子走幾步又回頭跑回老媽的懷里，抱頭痛哭。老頭在一邊嘆息，擦淚。唐僧、悟空走到他們面前。）悟空：師傅，到了。Master, here we are.老媽：（看見唐僧面生，便過來詢問）師傅，你們是打哪來啊？

唐僧（走到老頭和老媽子面前行禮，悟空看見了正在哭的母女倆，覺得奇怪，上下打量）：老施主，我是從東土大唐前往西天取經的和尚，想借貴地休息一晚，不知方便否？）Excuse me, sir.I am the monk from the east.Can we stay over here tonight? 老頭（做哽咽狀）：哦，是東土大唐來的高僧啊，可以可以。（別過臉去繼續哭泣）Oh, you are the monk from the east.Sure.Sure, come in, please ……

（唐僧正在奇怪，老媽聞聲抬起頭，仔細打量唐僧，突然撲到唐僧面前。）老媽：高僧啊，你可要救救我的女兒，救救我們一家啊。

Master, please save my daughter, save my family… 唐僧：老施主休要傷心，有什么事慢慢說。Don’t be sad, madam.Take it easy.What happened? 老頭：高僧有所不知，我們這里有一只豬精，今天要來跟我女兒成親，大家都斗不過它，現在正準備把女兒送出去躲避。

Master, there is a spirit here.He wants to marry my daughter, tonight.We are all afraid of him.唐僧：施主莫怕，我這徒弟本領高強，也許他能幫上你們。Calm down, sir.My apprentice has great capability.Maybe, he can help you.老頭：唉，高僧啊，以前也來過自稱本領高強的師傅，結果都被這豬精打跑了。今天你們就躲著別出來了吧。

Alas!, master, there have been many people who boast to be very capable.But every time, they were defeated by the spirit.You’d better keep away tonight.老媽：高僧啊，你們一定要抓住那個妖怪，我女兒可不能嫁給妖怪啊！” Monks, you can seize the devil ah, my daughter can't marry the devil!唐僧：竟有此等妖怪在此！那妖怪長什么模樣？

老頭：那妖怪肥頭大耳有長鼻，還有一個很厲害的武器！” 老媽：以前還幻化為人形，欺騙我們，高僧可要當心啊。”

悟空：噢，有這么厲害的妖怪？我倒要會他一會。待會你們只管躲起來，外面發生什么事，都不用管。

What? Is the spirit really so strong? I’d like to see how great he is.All of you just stay inside.Don’t come out no matter what happens.

八戒：小娘子還害羞呢，不敢出來見老豬嗎？來，來，來，我們就要是夫妻了，還害什么羞呀！。

Darling, don’t be so shy!Please come to me.Come on, we will be a couple.(豬八戒跑上去輕輕拉住紅袖子，把小娘子拖了出來，小娘子作出害羞的樣子，有時又做出猴子的模樣。)八戒：小娘子，不用怕，我雖然長得丑，但本領高強，一定會讓你過上好日子的。Darling, don’t be afraid.Although I am ugly, I am so powerful.I am sure that I can make you happy.(小娘子笑著點頭，抓耳撓腮。)

八戒：背你？好，好，好。誰讓你是我的媳婦呢？ Carry you on my back? All right.You're my wife after all.Come on.八戒把小女子背上：娘子，我們這就出發了。Darling, Let's go.小女子（在八戒頭上一點）：走吧，呆子。Okay.Let’s go.（音樂響起(直到八戒摔倒)。八戒在臺上走一圈，做出越走越慢，越走越累的樣子。小女子在他背上抓耳撓腮，非常高興。）

八戒：小娘子，你怎么這么重啊？ Darling, why are you so heavy? 小女子：不是我重，只怕是你不想背我吧？ Do you think so? Don't you want to carry me?)八戒：不,不,不，我背，我背。Yes, I do.I do.（繼續艱難地走。小女子得意地在背上笑。八戒體力不支，一跤摔倒，小女子倒地之后，靈活地越上臺上的假山，先做出猴子笑看八戒的樣子，再做出摔疼了的樣子在那里呻吟。八戒聽到女子的呻吟，忙東張西望找小媳婦。）

八戒：娘子，摔著了沒有？娘子，摔著了沒有？娘子，你摔到哪去了？怎么看不見你了？

Darling, are you OK? Darling, where are you? Why can't I see you? 小女子（偷偷地笑，再裝作痛苦的樣子）：夫君，我在這里呢。I here!小女子：看你這么辛苦，我也摔疼了，那就休息休息吧。

You look so tired, and I feel sore.Let’s have a rest.八戒：太好了。我們就休息一下吧！

Have a rest? That’s a good idea.Let’s have a rest.Show me some skill then.八戒：好，讓我露兩手來給你看看。OK, let me show you my skill.

You silly, where are you going?，I'm taking you to meet our master..八戒：什么？取經人來了？ What? Has Tang's monk come? 悟空：走吧。Yes.Let's go!

老媽：高僧啊，真是多謝你們了！多虧你們，我女兒才能逃過劫難。Monk ah, Thank you so much!Thanks to you, my daughter can escape.老頭：恭喜高僧又收神徒。Congratulations!老媽：高僧留步，這是我們給高僧們路上用的銀兩和做的幾件衣服，希望你們能用上。Monks stay, this is we gave the monk road made of silver and a few pieces of clothes, hope that you can use.唐僧：多謝施主！徒兒們，我們上路吧。（八戒還依依不舍地看著小女子）Thank you very much，Let's go ahead, my disciples.老頭：高僧一路好走啊

悟空：八戒，還看什么呢？走了。

Bajie, there is nothing to attach to.Let's go!(八戒戀戀不舍地走到前面帶路。)

第四篇：搞笑英語話劇劇本

搞笑英語話劇劇本《 荊珂刺秦王》 旁白(Aside)/介紹（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous sword 搞笑英語話劇劇本《 荊珂刺秦王》

旁白(Aside)/介紹（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman劍客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高興狀)Thank u mirror!（面對觀眾）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? 阿三(畢恭畢敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世紀最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做贊許狀）Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中劉德華&金成武決斗時的音樂）荊軻

Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荊軻

OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁

Are you challenging me? 荊軻

Off course!聳聳肩表示同意 莫愁 Come on!音樂起 兩人沖上前來

“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荊軻大笑

李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（贏一個人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.軻再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荊柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹暈倒

荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please? 荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著： To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荊柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荊柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? 荊柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上場的美女，激動狀): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荊柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM? 觀眾甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荊柯（激動）：Slimming減食療法 tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎??

荊柯(誠懇狀)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!Action Ш（《大話西游》主題曲響起）荊珂挽著妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荊珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號》主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經典造型，忽然荊軻看到一個美女——此時一個中國古典美女經過，向荊軻拋媚眼，并拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看，妻子發覺不對，扭過頭來。）

荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）

荊珂(流淚)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你，選自《飄》)妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荊珂（欲走還留，執子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時，Jack對Rose的傾訴）.妻子:“I promise.” 荊軻:“Never let go.“妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荊軻的發音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號》的臺詞。）妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，荊珂上船，漸漸遠去

妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never?? Never?? 妻子(掏出手機撥號，阿三接手機)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.

第五篇：搞笑英語話劇劇本

搞笑英語話劇劇本《西門吹雪與葉孤城》

搞笑7人劇本《西門吹雪與葉孤城》

演員表：西門吹雪、葉孤城、花滿樓、king、路人、上官雪兒

旁白

道具：牛奶兩袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，紙屑若干。第一幕：決戰紫荊城之顛

旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow.Birds are dancing in the cold.A man is walking along the street ,step by step.Wind is coming in silence.Another mysterious man approaches.Y與X相遇．

X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you!Y:, Never mind baby.X:Excuse me，who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name? Y:,I won’t change my name!no matter what happens.I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng.Who are you? X:Iamximenchuixue.Y驚訝:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts? X:Great, you know me!Today is your dead date!Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me!Let me go!X:No, I must kill you!Y:I don’t want to be killed.There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!X:No way!Because we are fighting now!you know ? Y突然站起冷冷的說：Don’t force me!X:Pardon!(Y拿出一袋牛奶)X搶過牛奶:milk, very good!I like drinking it.How do you know that? Y:please drink it!X喝完牛奶:Thanks, Y:Do you still want to kill me ? X:Sure, must!Milk is milk.Y(惱怒+冷酷):Very good!very good!I hope you will not forget what you said!? X:I’m sure I won’t!

Y:I must give you a lesson!If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly!3-2-1!X捂著肚子，蹲下（做痛苦狀）：Oach,Oach!Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit（一人路過，x起身跑過去）

X可憐狀: excuse me!Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me.Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!

X:Thanks,byebye.Y:byebye(以勝利者的語氣，轉頭,看見 花滿樓)

Y:Who are you? H:Hua—man—-lou!Have you seen ximenchuixue? Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC”.H驚訝:Now you are the best in the world!

Y:You are right!H:Teriffic!you are the one my king looking for!do you want join in us? If you follow my

king,he will give what you want.Y:Yes,It’s very good.H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!

第二幕：無間道

H:My dearest!let me introduce yegucheng to you!（指Y）this is yegucheng.K:sit down plese, yegucheng.Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?

King:yes,I will.Y:That’s good.Can you give me a MM ? K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me!Hahaha……

Y:of course.美女出場 M:hello，帥鍋..K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.H走到Y前，《婚禮進行曲》起，H神甫狀:Yegucheng!Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?

Y: Yes,I do.K: Huamanlou, come.put the ring on his finger!（音樂停）

X唱著上:(看到戒指)this ring should be mine!K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you? Y急切: king!Dear king!I must go now , my brother is looking for me.X冷酷:yegucheng!Come here!I want to tell you something!

Y抱X的腿:old brother!Forgive me!

X:Forgive you? Why ? Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it.If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!X:You shall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”!Y:I like going lady’s WC.I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)

X:milk?I love you.K:Don’t say that “you love me”.I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me!X:What?(側耳裝著聽不到)You—kill—-me?come, come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)

K:Fuck you.I must kill you!X:How can you kill me? haha…… Y:Let me have a try!3-2-1(X捂著肚子，蹲下)

M: oh,what happened?（看著X，做驚嚇狀）are you ok?（跑到西門吹雪身邊）

Y :do you want to go to wc? X:Yes,I……I…… do.Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.M: you , stupid , bad behavior!go away!

K;why ? why do you help him!who actually are you ? M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue.K驚訝:!you—you—You are X’lover? Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me!I hate you.(輕聲說)let me tell you,Ｘwill die.M撲倒在Ｘ的身邊：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and tomorrow is a good beginning!K:what a moving story!I was impressed!Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume!M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume!(M忽然將一把匕首插進Y的心臟，Ｋ嚇跑.音樂《再見，警察》起)Y痛苦狀:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音樂停)（X咳，H撲到身邊，電影《我的父親母親》原聲音樂起）M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together.X:go home!? M:Tomorrow is another day!even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.M I promise.I will never let go（X死）, M: be alive!yeah , be alive!be alive without ahendance!