第一篇：英語搞笑話劇——三顧茅廬

Three visits to the cottage 主要人物：諸葛亮、諸葛家仆人（朱不亮）、劉備、關羽、張飛、旁白（同時操作電腦）

旁白：

Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顧茅廬）is a story from one of the Four Great

classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms.ZhuGeliang is one of the main

characters in the original.Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the

symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history.Another main actors——Liubei, who

visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to

be his military adviser.Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped

the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom.Now，let’s go into the story.第一幕

屋子中，諸葛亮在屋里走著，諸葛亮：Buliang，this classroom is so dirty 三兄弟上場，關羽（戴著頭巾粘著紙條），劉備（戴著墨鏡），張飛（不停打嗝）

劉：飯后一支煙，賽過活神仙

A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，張飛點煙，劉深吸一口，長舒一口氣）劉：嗯？沒點著，你個廢物（伸手打張飛）。En? It dosen’t burn on.you are the follish 張飛：湊合著吧，老師不讓抽煙

Sorry，we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the classroom!關羽：此番前來，定要邀請的臥龍先生 We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang!張飛：必須的，老曹太欺負人了 Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.三人來到門前，石頭剪子布 劉備：According to our custom？ 關羽：OK.張飛：No problem.劉備三人進行石頭剪子布，劉備輸了，其余兩人把劉備推到前面。

劉備作出一幅英勇就義的姿態，（上海灘響起）

劉備作按門鈴狀，（門鈴聲響起）。

諸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door.仆人(本幕諸葛亮飾)：Heng!(哼)仆人板著個臉到了門口，做了一個甩頭的動作，并呼啦呼啦頭發，然后深呼吸，放平穩，保持微笑。然后打開門，舉了個躬。仆人：?????(發音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好)劉備：Can you speak English? 關羽：（緊接著劉備）Can you speak Chinese? 張飛：（緊接著）Can you speak Japanese?

劉備：（緊接著）Spanish? 關羽：（緊接著）Congolese? 張飛：（緊接著）Egyptian? 仆人：（緊接著）Shut up!Who are you people? 劉備：(擺個pose)I’m Liubei.關羽：(也擺個pose)I’m Guanyu.張飛：(同樣擺個pose，把仆人碰倒了)I’m Sorry.劉備三人趕緊把仆人扶起來。仆人：你們怎么來的啊

What do you three take to come here? 張飛：騎馬來的啊，做騎馬狀 Riding a horse ,of course.仆人：那你們怎么騎馬來的啊？ So,How do you riding a horse? 三人面面相覷，豬不亮關門 劉備突然明白了，“money！” 張飛關羽聳肩都沒帶錢，下臺

第二幕

三兄弟上臺，張飛關羽手提禮品

關羽猥瑣的說:這次應該可以了吧，上次也怨我們 I think we’ll manage it this time.張飛：啥啊，如果你不是拉著我，老子一嗓子吼死他（做咆哮狀，老虎聲音）

What? If you don’t pull me,I will easily kill him with my strong throat!劉備：行了，行了，我們來干啥來了

稍息。。立正。。（張飛關羽照做）

Stop,stop,What are we doing here? At ease!—Attention!劉備：都給我機靈點（張飛關羽點頭答應）You three!Be clever this time!屋子中??

（英文歌，諸葛亮和豬不亮正喝酒，豬不亮哼著英語歌，他兩個喝醉了）

諸葛亮：MY GOD！上天你為什么這么懲罰我 My God！Why do you punish me?!旁白：老大別難過，班長不也沒過嗎

Don’t be sad,my boss.As I know,our monitor does’t pass the examination.諸葛亮：我的四級考試啊，開始哭．．．

What？our monitor does’t pass the examination？But，My English cet band 4 also losed···

（換背景音樂，豬不亮跟著哭，門鈴響，豬不亮醉醺醺的搖搖晃晃去開門）旁白：誰啊

Who’s this? 張飛：收水費的

I come here to charge the bill of electricity

（開門，三人一臉嬉笑）

劉備：我們又來了，麻煩小弟通報一下

We are here again,bother to notice your boss.（悲傷歌曲放起，屋子里傳來悲傷的氣息，張飛和關羽抹眼淚）張飛：怎么突然一陣感傷涌上心頭（自言自語）I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart..關羽：請問臥龍先生在家嗎，我們想見一下（SEE）

Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a talk with him ,please.劉：What?！

張飛：是不是家里死人了，下次再來吧

I’m afraid some-one important of him died here.Let’s go.Maybe we should come next time.關羽：希望死的不是諸葛亮

Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die?（關羽，劉備打張飛，下臺。）

第三幕

（諸葛亮和豬不亮玩三國殺，背景音樂）（諸葛亮又贏了）

旁白：老大你真NB You are the man!諸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算過了年就去找劉備，找份工作

Hum！That’s a piece of cake.And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s company to find a job after Spring Festival.旁白：你想去劉備那里？？

What? You said you want to go to Liu Bei’s company? 諸葛亮：嗯，那里用不著英語

En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English.旁白：前幾天他來過了，讓我趕跑了

But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago.門鈴響。

（三兄弟，大跨步的走進來，諸葛亮一見到很激動）諸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（擁抱）你帶我走吧 Boss!I ached for you so much, please help me!劉備：鎮定鎮定，既然兄弟這么看得起我，那咱們就一起大干一場吧

Be calm.Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it!（出發。）

諸葛亮：大哥等等，那。那，一月多少錢啊

Wait,wait...My boss, uh, how much will..I get..from you then.張飛：（恐嚇狀）兄弟之間不談錢，談錢多傷感情，（拎著諸葛亮就走）

It hurts feelings when it comes to money!閉幕。。

第二篇：英語搞笑話劇——三顧茅廬

Three visits to the cottage 主要人物：諸葛亮、諸葛家仆人（朱不亮）、劉備、關羽、張飛、旁白（同時操作電腦）

旁白：

Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顧茅廬）is a story from one of the Four Great

classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms.ZhuGeliang is one of the main

characters in the original.Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the

symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history.Another main actors——Liubei, who

visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to

be his military adviser.Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped

the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom.Now，let’s go into the story.第一幕

屋子中，諸葛亮在屋里走著，諸葛亮：Buliang，this classroom is so dirty，豬不亮掃地，送水（營養快線）

三兄弟上場，關羽（頭巾），劉備（墨鏡），張飛（不停打嗝）劉：飯后一支煙，賽過活神仙

A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，張飛點煙，劉深吸一口，長舒一口氣）劉：嗯？沒點著

En? It dosen’t burn on.張飛：湊合著吧，老師不讓抽煙

Sorry，we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the classroom!關羽：此番前來，定要邀請的臥龍先生 We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang!張飛：必須的，老曹太欺負人了 Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.三人來到門前，石頭剪子布 劉備：According to our custom？ 關羽：OK.張飛：No problem.劉備三人進行石頭剪子布，劉備輸了，其余兩人把劉備推到前面。

劉備作出一幅英勇就義的姿態，（上海灘響起）

劉備作按門鈴狀，（門鈴聲響起）。

諸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door.仆人：Heng!(哼)仆人板著個臉到了門口，做了一個甩頭的動作，并呼啦呼啦頭發，然后深呼吸，放平穩，保持微笑。然后打開門，舉了個躬。仆人：?????(發音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好)劉備：Can you speak English? 關羽：（緊接著劉備）Can you speak Chinese? 張飛：（緊接著）Can you speak Japanese?

劉備：（緊接著）Spanish? 關羽：（緊接著）Congolese? 張飛：（緊接著）Egyptian? 仆人：（緊接著）Shut up!Who are you people? 劉備：(擺個pose)I’m Liubei.關羽：(也擺個pose)I’m Guanyu.張飛：(同樣擺個pose，把關羽碰倒了)I’m Sorry.劉備三人趕緊把仆人扶起來。豬不亮：你們怎么來的啊

What do you three take to come here? 張飛：騎馬來的啊，做騎馬狀 Riding a horse ,of course.豬不亮：那你們怎么騎馬來的啊？ So,How do you riding a horse? 三人面面相覷，豬不亮關門 劉備突然明白了，“money！” 張飛關羽聳肩都沒帶錢，下臺

第二幕

三兄弟上臺，張飛關羽手提禮品

關羽猥瑣的說:這次應該可以了吧，上次也怨我們 I think we’ll manage it this time.張飛：啥啊，如果你不是拉著我，老子一嗓子吼死他（做咆哮狀，老虎聲音）

What? If you don’t pull me,I will easily kill him with my strong throat!劉備：行了，行了，我們來干啥來了

稍息。。立正。。（張飛關羽照做）

Stop,stop,What are we doing here? At ease!—Attention!劉備：都給我機靈點（張飛關羽點頭答應）You three!Be clever this time!屋子中??

（英文歌，諸葛亮和豬不亮正喝酒，豬不亮哼著英語歌，他兩個喝醉了）

諸葛亮：MY GOD！上天你為什么這么懲罰我 My God！Why do you punish me?!豬不亮：老大別難過，班長楊超不也沒過嗎

Don’t be sad,my boss.As I know,our monitor does’t pass the examination.諸葛亮：我的四級考試啊，開始哭．．．

What？our monitor does’t pass the examination？But，My English cet band 4 also losed···

（換背景音樂，豬不亮跟著哭，門鈴響，豬不亮醉醺醺的搖搖晃晃去開門）豬不亮：誰啊

Who’s this? 張飛：收水費的

I come here to charge the bill of electricity

（開門，三人一臉嬉笑）

劉備：我們又來了，麻煩小弟通報一下

We are here again,bother to notice your boss.（豬不亮四下環顧，把禮品接過來了）

（屋子里傳來悲傷的氣息，張飛和關羽抹眼淚）張飛：怎么突然一陣感傷涌上心頭（自言自語）I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart..關羽：請問臥龍先生在家嗎，我們想見一下（SEE）

Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a talk with him ,please.豬不亮：吟詩，見與不見。。（你見，或者不見我

It’s doesn’t matter if you see me or not 我就在那里

I am standing right there 不悲不喜

With no emotion 你念，或者不念我

It’s doesn’t matter if you miss me or not 情就在那里

The feeling is right there 不來不去

And it isn’t going anywhere 你愛或者不愛我

It’s doesn’t matter）

（豬不亮轉身關門，站不穩）劉：What?！

張飛：是不是家里死人了，下次再來吧

I’m afraid some-one important of him died here.Let’s go.Maybe we should come next time.關羽：希望死的不是諸葛亮

Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die?（關羽，劉備打張飛，下臺。）

第三幕

（諸葛亮和豬不亮玩三國殺，背景音樂，術語）（諸葛亮又贏了）豬不亮：老大你真NB You are the man!諸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算過了年就去找劉備，找份工作

Hum！That’s a piece of cake.And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s corporation to find a job after Spring Festival.豬不亮：你想去劉備那里？？

What? You said you wanna to go to Liu Bei’s company? 諸葛亮：嗯，那里用不著英語

En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English.豬不亮：前幾天他來過了，讓我趕跑了

But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago.門鈴響。

豬不亮：說來就來了

Speak of the devil and he doth appear.（三兄弟，大跨步的走進來，諸葛亮一見到很激動）諸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（擁抱）你帶我走吧 Boss!I ached for you so much, please help me!劉備：鎮定鎮定，既然兄弟這么看得起我，那咱們就一起大干一場吧

Be calm.Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it!（出發。）

諸葛亮：大哥等等，那。那，一月多少錢啊

Wait,wait...My boss, uh, how much will..I get..from you then.張飛：（恐嚇狀）兄弟之間不談錢，談錢多傷感情，（拎著諸葛亮就走）

It hurts feelings when it comes to money!（豬不亮在后面拿著包袱，大喊）豬不亮：帶上我吧，（走路（小沈陽狀））Oh, Please take me away.閉幕。。

第三篇：英語搞笑話劇——三顧茅廬

英語話劇劇本

新 三 顧 茅 廬

王金元 俄語11-2班

田

躍

王富遠

三顧茅廬

張功緒

盛加俊

薛光耀-1-

三顧茅廬

Three visits to the cottage 主要人物：諸葛亮---盛加俊

關

羽---薛光耀

張

飛---張功緒

諸葛亮仆人（諸不亮）---田躍

旁

白---王金元

劉

備---王富遠 時間：10分鐘

旁白：

Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顧茅廬）is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms.ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original.Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history.Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser.Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom.Now，let’s go into the story.第一幕

屋子中，諸葛亮在屋里走著，諸葛亮：Buliang，this classroom is so dirty.諸不亮掃地，送水（營養快線）

三兄弟上場，關羽，劉備，張飛。劉：飯后一支煙，賽過活神仙

A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，張飛點煙，劉深吸一口，長舒一口氣）劉：嗯？沒點著

En? It dosen’t burn on.張飛：湊合著吧，老師不讓抽煙

Sorry，we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the classroom!關羽：此番前來，定要邀請的臥龍先生 We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang!張飛：必須的，老曹太欺負人了

Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.三人來到門前，石頭剪子布

劉備：According to our custom？ 關羽：OK.張飛：No problem.-2-

三顧茅廬

劉備三人進行石頭剪子布，劉備輸了，其余兩人把劉備推到前面。

劉備作出一幅英勇就義的姿態，（上海灘響起）

劉備作按門鈴狀，（門鈴聲響起）。

諸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door.仆人：Heng!(哼)仆人板著個臉到了門口，做了一個甩頭的動作，并呼啦呼啦頭發，然后深呼吸，放平穩，保持微笑。然后打開門，舉了個躬。仆人：?????(發音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好)劉備：Can you speak English? 關羽：（緊接著劉備）Can you speak Chinese? 張飛：（緊接著）Can you speak Japanese? 劉備：（緊接著）Spanish? 關羽：（緊接著）Congolese? 張飛：（緊接著）Egyptian? 仆人：（緊接著）Shut up!Who are you? 劉備：(擺個pose)I’m Liubei.關羽：(也擺個pose)I’m Guanyu.張飛：(同樣擺個pose，把仆人碰倒了)I’m Sorry.劉備三人趕緊把仆人扶起來。諸不亮：你們怎么來的啊 How did you come here? 張飛：騎馬來的啊，做騎馬狀 Riding horses ,of course.諸不亮：那你們怎么騎馬來的啊？ So,How do you riding a horse? 諸不亮推開劉備，關上門 三人面面相覷，劉備突然明白了，“money！” 張飛關羽聳肩都沒帶錢，下臺

第二幕

屋子中……

諸葛亮：My god,my god!Why do you punish me? 諸不亮：Don’t be sad,our monitor doesn’t pass the examination.諸葛亮：I know,but...（音樂響起）三兄弟上臺，張飛關羽手提禮品 關羽猥瑣的說:這次應該可以了吧，上次也怨我們

三顧茅廬

I think we’ll manage it this time.張飛：啥啊，如果你不是拉著我，老子一嗓子吼死他。

What?!If you don’t pull me,I will kill him easily by my strong throat!劉備：Stop stop!What are we doing here？！At ease-attation!Be calm you two.Be clever this time!(門鈴響，諸不亮醉醺醺的搖搖晃晃去開門）諸不亮：誰啊 Who’s this? 張飛：收電費的

I come here to charge the bill of electricity.（開門）劉備：我們又來了，麻煩小弟通報一下

We are here again,bother to notice your boss.（諸不亮四下環顧，把禮品接過來了）（屋子里傳來悲傷的氣息）

張飛：怎么突然一陣感傷涌上心頭（自言自語）I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart..關羽：請問臥龍先生在家嗎，我們想見一下（SEE）Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a him ,please.諸不亮：吟詩，見與不見。。（你見，或者不見我）

It’s doesn’t matter if you see me or not 我就在那里

I am standing right there 不悲不喜

With no emotion 你念，或者不念我

It’s doesn’t matter if you miss me or not 情就在那里

The feeling is right there 不來不去

And it isn’t going anywhere 你愛或者不愛我

It’s doesn’t matter if you love me or not）（諸不亮轉身關門，站不穩）劉：What?！

張飛：是不是家里死人了，下次再來吧

talk with

三顧茅廬

I’m afraid some-one important of him died here.Let’s go.Maybe we should come next time.關羽：希望死的不是諸葛亮

Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die...第三幕

（諸葛亮和諸不亮玩三國殺，諸葛亮又贏了）諸不亮：老大你真厲害 You are the man!諸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算過了年就去找劉備，找份工作

Hum！That’s a piece of cake.And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s corporation to find a job after Spring Festival.諸不亮：你想去劉備那里？？

What? You said you wanna to go to Liu Bei’s company? 諸葛亮：嗯，那里用不著英語

En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English.諸不亮：前幾天他來過了，讓我趕跑了

But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago.門鈴響。

諸不亮：說來就來了 Speak of the devil.（三兄弟，大跨步的走進來，諸葛亮一見到很激動）諸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（擁抱）你帶我走吧

Boss!I ached for you so much, please help me!劉備：鎮定鎮定，既然兄弟這么看得起我，那咱們就一起大干一場吧

Be calm.Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it!（出發。）

諸葛亮：大哥等等，那。那，一月多少錢啊

Wait,wait...My boss, uh, how much will..I get..from you then.劉備：沒錢。NO money.關羽張飛上前拉住諸葛亮。No money!Let’s go!

第四篇：7人搞笑英語版話劇劇本-三顧茅廬

Three visits to the cottage

Aside: Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顧茅廬）is a story from one of the Four

Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms.ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original.Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history.Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser.Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom.He devoted his whole life to the cause and died in harness.Our script is revised from this story.In this play, we add many modern and funny elements.For example, there are some spoken lines and actions which were copied from some classical movies like Infernal Affairs(中文名無間道), My Own SWordsman（中文名武林外傳）,The Flirting Scholar（中文名唐伯虎點秋香）were combined in our play.Also, we added some interesting pictures and audio to our slide.Maybe there are some mistakes in our dialogue.But this play is the result of painstaking efforts of our group.So we present our script to you and wish you will like it.Three visits to the cottage

Aside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the

three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs.Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.SCENE 1: Liubei's home

Actors: Liubei

Guanyu

Zhangfei

Guanyu: Brother!We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic life end? It's so terrible!Liubei:

Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope.Now we come down to Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles.It's very hard to get work now.No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?

Zhangfei: Oh, Brother!ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husband’s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now.Guanyu: Yeah, Brother!Or we'll be as poor as church mouse Liubei:

Alas!How did I forget this? Let's go!Go~~ go~!Hurry up!Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning!Aside:

And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang.SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang’s house

Actors:

ZhuGeliang

Zhu’s Wife

ZhuGeliang: Good morning!I am the genius ZhuGeliang.But I feel so morose recently.Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6.What’s CET-6? Do you know? You?(Ask the audience)I’ve never heart about that.And she obliged me to read so heavy books and do so many texts.It’s ridiculous.My major is military advice, not English.Why should I read this? Wife:

Darling!ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded that I can never bear her.Wife：

My dear, how about your study? ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze.I’m dizzy.Wife：

Darling!Now, competition is so serious.If you can’t pass cet6 to get your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job.I have stayed here for half of a lifetime.But never visit a bigger place like Tianjin.(cry)ZhuGeliang：Don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn.Wife：

Are you sure? let me have a test to you.Listen，read and see!ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!ZhuGeliang: Sorry I can’t.Wife：

Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?

Wife：

You can’t? Oh, how unfortunate I am!(crying)I'm wrong, I'm really wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning.I shouldn't marry here.If I didn’t marry here, I'll never in this heartrending place now，ZhuGeliang：Don’t cry, don’t cry, stop!I ‘m going to study hard at once.Wife(laugh): That's the spirit!Do you know? We are in the red for your Cet6.I even borrowed money from the gate keeper.What can I do when they dun for debts.ZhuGeliang: Are you pointing to that gatekeeper Liubei? Wife:

Oh!Yes!Come on quickly!Boy!Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?

Wife:

Listen carefully!My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so

you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England.Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliang’s house.SCENE3

Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

Actors: Liubei

Guanyu

Zhangfei

Keeper

Zhangfei: Let me knock the door!Open!Open！!Keeper:(Check from the peep hole)Are these men asking for the debt?(Open the door)Liubei: This is liubei!We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.Liubei: En Keeper: Oh!No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of CET-6,and he may not be come back this month.Liubei: OK!We will wait for him here!Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will be come back, so, let’s go home!Aside: The three men went away with disappointed.After a month, the deeply autumn came!They came here at the second time.Unfortunately, they didn’t see Zhugeliang as well.Two month passed, the cold winter is coming!It is heavy snow and very cold outsides.ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is out.SCENE4

Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Keeper

Zhangfei: Please tell me in time when you would see him next time, let me bind him up for you.It really should not trouble you to come here time and time again.Liubei: These days, the borrower is the god!Let’s go there again and show our the warmest heart to move them.(Knock the door)Keeper：My boss is at home today, but he is reading books about CET-6.Please wait for a moment!

Zhangfei：Xiao Zhu!Come out!Brothers, help me to take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece.Get out, or I will burn your house down!Guanyu: Sunflower press!AI.Litter brother, big brother has said several times, We are intellectuals, understand? Don't be so rude, we are here for debt, not for his life.If you will kill him, where is our money?

Liubei: The submortagage crisis is so serious, don’t you know that simple reason? If you know, please bat your eyes!Zhangfei(Bat eyes)Guanyu: sunflower press！！!Zhangfei: Where did you get this KongFu? Guanyu: Hehe!I get it from a TV program called “My Own SWordsman”, which is so popular

with lots of people in China!Zhangfei: Why not say it earlier? We three brother could run a company of Chinese KongFu if we

had know that before!Guanyu: Oh！That is a good idea！！Keeper: Don’t interrupt！！Boss is reading！!Liubei: Keep quite！!Aside: at this time, zhugeliang is exciting, but his wife come back soon.SCENE 5: ZhuGeliang’s Home

Actors: ZhuGeliang wife liubei Zhangfei Guanyu

ZhuGeliang: Thank goodness, here's Liubei at last.Ha ha ha ………

Wife: Wof!Darling!He may come here to ask me to repay his money.We can’t let him in.ZhuGeliang: My darling, please don’t worry.I can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver tongue Liubei: Mr.ZhuGeliang.I have hunted you for a long time!

Zhu: Oh!You are Liubei.What can I do for you ? Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me $500, when you repay it for me? I have starved for several days.ZhuGeliang: I owe you $500? who can testify? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man.Liubei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge.Zhu: Please look, although having ambition , you are just a guarder.We can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack Caocao.At last I believe that we can reign the whole country.Liubei: I’m so surprised!I don’t know you are so ideal.ZhuGeliang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money? Liubei: En…….you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new country together with us? ZhuGeliang: But I can’t help you, I have accustom the life at present.Liubei: If you don’t help me , the citizen will live a harder life , please don’t refuse.ZhuGeliang: En……sorry, I can’t.Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently.If you can help me to resolve the problem, I will help you.Liu: En…..Zhangfei:(Pull)Brother, come here.Everything is fake now such as the milk.Why can’t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ? Guanyu: Yes!We can overdraft our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first.SCENE 6: ZhuGeliang’s Home

Actors: Wife Keeper

Aside: Because the salary has been given to zhugeliang to buy the key, Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have been starving for one month.Keeper：（Happy）Sir , you are really a god.CET6 has got 600 scores.Be really to startle the universe and move the gods.Wife：What happened? 600 scores? Oh!Do not shoulder your several years studying at a cold window;Do not shoulder my night holding candle accompanying you.After your Master graduates, happy life will approach.Cars, house, money!

SCENE 7: Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

Aside: After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to establish a new Kingdom.So the couples apart.Actors: ZhuGeliang Wife Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei

Wife：Honey!

ZhuGeliang：Darling!Wife：Excellent man have a long-range ambition.You should put cause above everything else , are sure not to miss me.ZhuGeliang：I will have a long journey.Please take care of yourself.(Turn around)Don’t worried, never miss you！(Run)ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty, I will never forget your favour.I should be loyal and devoted to the last.Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: Let' go！！!Aside: The three men go down to the hill.That is the end of the whole story.Thank you for your attention.旁白——話說劉關張桃園三結義之后四處奔波 一時間找不到工作 不得不在曹操的公司靠看大門為生 而此時那個傳說中的神秘人物諸葛臥龍先生正專心在家復習考試 因為他的老婆黃氏逼著他參加CET-6

場景一 劉備家

劉備 關羽 張飛上

關羽——大哥 咱們都餓了好幾天了 這種吃糠咽菜的生活我們要過到什么時候啊 哎 劉備——二弟 這 大哥我怎么可能不難受嘛 可是常言道人在屋檐下 怎能不低頭 我們現在曹操的公司里給人家看大門 這年頭工作這么難找 我們三兄弟學歷又不高 好不容易能有口飯吃就很不錯了 哪還有什么奢求呀 張飛 ——大哥 對了 上個月后面山頭諸葛亮的老婆來問我們借走了500塊錢去給她老公交學費去了 都好久沒還 我們是不是應該去要回來

關羽——是啊大哥 不然的話這樣下去我們就得喝西北風了

劉備——哎 就是 我怎么這岔給忘了 走 走 走 二弟三弟隨我這就上山（收拾家伙 挽袖子）

旁白——兄弟三人就此上山

場景二 諸葛亮家諸葛亮上

諸葛亮——大叫好 我就是絕頂聰明的諸葛亮 可我最近卻很是郁悶 我那個娘子非要我去參加什么大學英語六級考試 六級考試是個什么東西 我怎么聽都沒聽說過 還要我看這么厚的書 做這么多的題（拿起手里的金瓶梅給大家亮亮）我以后可是要當軍師的！又不是這個專業的 干嘛還要要看這種書

老婆——相公（遠處喊）諸葛亮老婆上（比較啰嗦）

諸葛亮——娘子來了 我娘子啰嗦的像唐僧一樣 說起話來我可受不了 快老實看書（裝作認真狀）

老婆——相公 你的書背的怎么樣了

諸葛亮——娘子啊 這些書看得我頭昏眼花 光想打瞌睡

老婆——哎 相公呀 你有所不知 你看 現在外面競爭這么激烈 你要是不好好考六級 將來拿個碩士文憑 以后找不到工作可怎么辦呀 我們在這個小村子里都呆了小半輩子了 你看我連稍微大一點的城市 像鐵嶺都沒去過

諸葛亮——娘子 你看老公我這么有才華 以后還愁找不到工作么 這些書太簡單了 統統不用看（扔書）

老婆——哼！你說簡單 那我考考你

諸葛亮——怎么 還要考我 舌戰群儒我都不怕 小小考試焉能難道我（對觀眾說）老婆——我要考你聽寫（諸葛亮郁悶狀）聽著 apple怎么寫 desk怎么寫 諸葛亮——（不會 抓耳撓腮）

老婆——相公啊 你連這都不會 可怎么辦呀 哎呀 我錯了 我真的錯了 我從一開始就不應該嫁過來 如果我不嫁過來 就不會流落到這么一個傷心的地方 我好后悔呀

諸葛亮——崩潰了（捂耳朵 忙勸）

諸葛亮——娘子莫哭 娘子莫哭 相公好好看書就是 老婆——（馬上變臉）這還差不多 你知道么 為了供你讀書 咱們家已經欠了外面一屁股債 連看大門的我都借過 如果這些人上門來逼債我可怎么辦呀

諸葛亮——娘子 你說看大門的 ？ 莫非就是呢個看大門的劉備（抓胡子 興奮 點頭）老婆——正是此人 書童你快過來

書童上

書童——主人 有何吩咐

老婆——書童 聽著 相公近日溫習功課 外人一律不見 來人就說去國外游玩講學去了書童 遵命

旁白——話正說著 劉關張三人已經到了諸葛亮家門口

場景三

諸葛亮家門口劉關張上

張飛——大哥我來叫門（氣憤 敲門 咚 咚 咚）

書童——（從貓眼里看看 跟張飛頭對上 幻燈片配李逵的黑臉 嚇一跳）莫非是來討債的（思考 開門）

劉備——在下劉備 特來拜訪諸葛臥龍先生和她老婆 書童——主人說他不在家

劉關張——恩？？？

書童——哦 不是 主人 主人 出去游玩了 可能很快回來 也可能十多天不回來 劉備——那我們就在這等他

關羽——他呢么貪玩 誰知道他什么時候回來 大哥 我們還是走吧

旁白——三人離去 又過了一個月 已是深秋 三人第二次登門拜訪 可是仍然沒有見著 第三次已經是冬天 屋外下著鵝毛大雪 諸葛亮知道了劉備上門討債的事情 趁這會老婆黃氏不在 趕緊命書童前去開門

場景四

諸葛亮家門口（下大雪）劉關張 書童上

張飛——大哥 下次要見諸葛小兒 你先給我老三說一聲 我把他綁來見你 如此勞煩哥哥 甚是無禮

劉備——哎 二弟三弟 現在欠錢的都是大爺 我們還是再去一回吧 一定要誠心誠意才能打動人家（抹眼淚 幻燈片放楊白勞與黃世仁 咚咚咚敲門）書童——主人今天在家（諸葛亮拿著金瓶梅從身后走過）但是正在看書 請你們等一等

張飛——（等不及了）諸葛小兒 快出來 大哥二哥 幫我照顧好我七舅老爺他上外甥女。。你要是不出來 我就一把火把你這房子燒了！

關羽——葵花點穴手（幻燈片配合 張飛定住 眼睛睜得大大的）哎 二弟呀 大哥說了你幾次了 我們是有文化的人 做人要斯文 要低調懂不 別一上來就舞刀弄槍的 我們是來要債的 又不是來要命的 你把人家砍死了 誰來給我們還債呀

劉備——二弟呀 現在次貸危機呢么嚴重 怎么這點道理你還不懂呢？ 明白了 你就眨眨眼睛

張飛——（眨眼）關羽 葵花解穴手

張飛——哎 二哥（聳聳肩）你這點穴是那里學的關羽 呵呵 是看了一部很流行的電視劇 武林外傳學的

張飛——二哥 你怎么不早說 要早知道你會這么一身手藝 我們三兄弟不如去開個武官 早就發財啦

關羽——是呵 這主意不錯書童 主人在看書 不可無禮 劉備——哎呀你們倆就別打岔了 安靜點

旁白——諸葛亮正在興奮的時候 老婆黃氏突然回來

場景五

諸葛亮家諸葛亮 老婆 劉備上 諸葛亮——劉備 我終于把他給等來了 哈哈哈

老婆——哦！！相公 這準時我們向我們討債的 可不能讓進來

諸葛亮——老婆大人放心 憑我三寸不爛之舌 定能讓劉備空手而歸 哈哈哈

劉備—— 臥龍先生 我可找到你了諸葛亮 閣下可是劉備 不知找我所為何事（裝）（此時劉備用槍指著諸葛亮頭 幻燈片放無間道）

劉備——哥們兒 你欠我的500塊錢什么時候還呀 我們兄弟都餓了好幾天了（找個乞丐的幻燈片放放）

諸葛亮——我欠你錢 誰證明 給我一個機會 我想做個好人（無間道臺詞）

劉備——怎么給你機會諸葛亮 主公請看(扇子指向幻燈片 幻燈片放西農地圖 誰有激光燈啥的)劉皇叔胸懷大志 但是現在卻在這里看大門 我們就以這里為根據的 先發展自己的勢力 然后進攻曹操便可一統天下

劉備——（若有所思）看不出諸葛先生如此有見地 諸葛亮——如果我把這張地圖送給主公 不知可否抵債

劉備——先生身居山林 卻對天下大事了如指掌 不知先生可否隨劉備一同下山 共圖霸業諸葛亮（眼珠子轉轉）可是我已經習慣了現在的生活 看來不能幫你。。劉備——（急）如果先生不幫我 天下的百姓又要受苦 請先生莫要推辭

諸葛亮——這。。這也不是不行。只是家家都有本難念的經，小弟近日正在為英語六級煩惱，賤內逼的緊啊，如果劉皇叔能將此事幫在下了結，在下必隨劉皇叔下山，赴湯蹈火再所不辭。

劉備——（面有難色）這。。

張飛 ——（拉劉備到身邊耳語到）大哥，這年頭，牛奶都有假貨了，我們找槍手，買答案怎么不行啊。（幻燈片武狀元蘇乞兒作弊呢段）關羽——要不我們讓曹操預付我們兩個月的工資，先把答案給他買了說。（假答案圖片）

場景六 諸葛亮家

旁白——一個月后，因為所有的錢都拿去買了答案 劉關張已餓的面黃肌瘦，破衣爛衫。書童——好消息好消息 主人六級考了600分

老婆——什么！600分！這下終于可以畢業了 太好了 不負我十年寒窗苦，不負我夜夜伴君讀 我的美好生活就要來了 房子！車子！鈔票！！（房子、車子的圖片）

場景七 諸葛亮家

老婆——老公 好男兒以事業為重 你去吧 不要想我。

諸葛亮——親愛的 我要遠行了 你要照顧好自己（轉身悄悄說）別擔心 肯定不想你！（出門拜倒在久侯的劉備 關羽 張飛腳下）主公 您的大恩亮永世難忘 定當鞠躬盡瘁死而后已

劉備——快快請起！

旁白——三顧茅廬的故事就此完結。結束 謝謝觀賞（結束時放貓和老鼠的結尾）

第五篇：最終用稿(7人搞笑英語版話劇劇本-三顧茅廬)

Three visits to the cottage三顧茅廬

Aside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors（美['d??n?t?] n.看門人；守衛）in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs.Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.SCENE 1: Liubei's home

Actors: Liubei

Guanyu

Zhangfei

Guanyu: Brother!We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic life end? It's so terrible!Liubei:

Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope.Now we come to Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper（看門人）, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles.It's very hard to get work now.No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about? Zhangfei: Oh, Brother!ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husband’s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now.Guanyu: Yeah, Brother!Or we'll be as poor as church mouse Liubei:

Alas!How did I forget this? Let's go!Go~~ go~!Hurry up!Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning!（收拾家伙 挽袖子）

Aside:

And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang.SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang’s house

Actors:

ZhuGeliang

Zhu’s Wife

ZhuGeliang: Good morning!I am the genius ZhuGeliang.But I feel so sad recently.Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6.What’s CET-6? Do you know? I’ve never heart about that.And she asked me to read so heavy books and do so many texts.（拿起手里的試卷給大家亮亮）It’s ridiculous.My major is military advice, not English.Why should I read this? Wife:

Darling!ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded（啰嗦的）that I can never bear her.（裝作認真狀）Wife：

My dear, how about your study? ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze[d??z](打瞌睡).I’m dizzy.Wife：

Darling!Now, competition is so serious.If you can’t pass cet-6 to get your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job.I have stayed here for half of a lifetime.But never visit a bigger place like Shanghai.(cry)ZhuGeliang：Don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn.（扔書）

Wife：

Are you sure? let me have a test to you.Listen，read and see!ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!Wife：

Listen, can you spell apple? Desk? ZhuGeliang: Sorry I can’t.（不會 抓耳撓腮）

Wife：

You can’t? Oh, how unfortunate I am!(crying)I'm wrong, I'm really wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning.I shouldn't marry here.If I didn’t marry here, I'll never in this heartrending place now，諸葛亮——崩潰了（捂耳朵 忙勸）

ZhuGeliang：Don’t cry, don’t cry, stop!老婆——（馬上變臉）

I ‘m going to study hard at once.Wife: 給書童一個手勢

Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?

Wife:

Listen carefully!My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England.Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliang’s house.SCENE3

Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

Actors: Liubei

Guanyu

Zhangfei

Keeper

Zhangfei: Let me knock the door!Open!Open！!（氣憤 敲門 咚 咚 咚）Keeper:(Check from the peep hole)Are these men asking for the debt?(Open the door)Liubei: This is liubei!We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.Liubei: En Keeper: Oh!No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of CET-6, and he may not be come back this month.Liubei: OK!We will wait for him here!Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will be come back, so, let’s go home!

Aside: The three men went away with disappointed.After a month, the deeply autumn came!They came here at the second time.Unfortunately, they didn’t see Zhu Geliang as well.Two month passed, the cold winter is coming!It is heavy snow and very cold outsides.ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is out.SCENE 4: ZhuGeliang’s Home

Actors: ZhuGeliang wife liubei Zhangfei Guanyu

ZhuGeliang: Thank goodness, here's Liubei at last.Ha ha ha ………

Wife: Wof!Darling!He may come here to ask me to repay his money.We can’t let him in.ZhuGeliang: My darling, please don’t worry.I can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver tongue Liubei: Mr.ZhuGeliang.I have hunted you for a long time!（此時劉備用槍指著諸葛亮頭 幻燈片放無間道）

Zhu: Oh!You are Liubei.What can I do for you ? Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me 500yuan, when you repay it for me? I have starved for several days.（放乞丐的幻燈片）

ZhuGeliang: I owe you 500yuan? who can testify? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man.Liubei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge.Zhu: Please look(扇子指向幻燈片 幻燈片放西農地圖), although having ambition , you are just a guarder.We can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack Caocao.At last I believe that we can reign the whole country.Liubei:（若有所思）I’m so surprised!I don’t know you are so smart.Zhu Geliang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money? Liubei: En…….you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new country together with us? ZhuGeliang: En……sorry, I can’t.Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently.If you can help me to resolve the problem, I will help you.Liu:（面露難色）En…..Zhangfei:（拉劉備到身邊耳語到）(Pull)

Brother, come here.Everything is fake now such as the milk.Why can’t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ?（幻燈片武狀元蘇乞兒作弊呢段）

Guanyu: Yes!We can overdraft our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first.（假答案圖片）

SCENE 5: Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

Aside: After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to establish a new Kingdom.So the couples apart.Actors: ZhuGeliang Wife Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei

Wife：Honey!

ZhuGeliang：Darling!Wife：Excellent man have a great ambition.You should put cause above everything else , are sure not to miss me.ZhuGeliang：I will have a long journey.Please take care of yourself.(（轉身悄悄說）)Don’t worried, never miss you！（出門拜倒在久侯的劉備 關羽 張飛腳下）

ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty(['m?d??st?]主公), I will never forget your favour.I must be loyal and devoted to the last.Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: Let' go！！!Aside: The three men go down to the hill.That is the end of the whole story.Thank you for your attention.（結束時放貓和老鼠的結尾）

旁白——話說劉關張桃園三結義之后四處奔波 一時間找不到工作 不得不在曹操的公司靠看大門為生 而此時那個傳說中的神秘人物諸葛臥龍先生正專心在家復習考試 因為他的老婆黃氏逼著他參加CET-6

場景一 劉備家

劉備 關羽 張飛上

關羽——大哥 咱們都餓了好幾天了 這種吃糠咽菜的生活我們要過到什么時候啊 哎

劉備——二弟 這 大哥我怎么可能不難受嘛 可是常言道人在屋檐下 怎能不低頭 我們現在曹操的公司里給人家看大門 這年頭工作這么難找 我們三兄弟學歷又不高 好不容易能有口飯吃就很不錯了 哪還有什么奢求呀

張飛 ——大哥 對了 上個月后面山頭諸葛亮的老婆來問我們借走了500塊錢去給她老公交學費去了 都好久沒還 我們是不是應該去要回來

關羽——是啊大哥 不然的話這樣下去我們就得喝西北風了

劉備——哎 就是 我怎么這岔給忘了 走 走 走 二弟三弟隨我這就上山（收拾家伙 挽袖子）

旁白——兄弟三人就此上山

場景二

諸葛亮家諸葛亮上

諸葛亮——大叫好 我就是絕頂聰明的諸葛亮 可我最近卻很是郁悶 我那個娘子非要我去參加什么大學英語六級考試 六級考試是個什么東西 我怎么聽都沒聽說過 還要我看這么厚的書 做這么多的題（拿起手里的金瓶梅給大家亮亮）我以后可是要當軍師的！又不是這個專業的 干嘛還要要看這種書

老婆——相公（遠處喊）諸葛亮老婆上（比較啰嗦）

諸葛亮——娘子來了 我娘子啰嗦的像唐僧一樣 說起話來我可受不了 快老實看書（裝作認真狀）

老婆——相公 你的書背的怎么樣了

諸葛亮——娘子啊 這些書看得我頭昏眼花 光想打瞌睡

老婆——哎 相公呀 你有所不知 你看 現在外面競爭這么激烈 你要是不好好考六級 將來拿個碩士文憑 以后找不到工作可怎么辦呀 我們在這個小村子里都呆了小半輩子了 你看我連稍微大一點的城市 像鐵嶺都沒去過

諸葛亮——娘子 你看老公我這么有才華 以后還愁找不到工作么 這些書太簡單了 統統不用看（扔書）

老婆——哼！你說簡單 那我考考你

諸葛亮——怎么 還要考我 舌戰群儒我都不怕 小小考試焉能難道我（對觀眾說）老婆——我要考你聽寫（諸葛亮郁悶狀）聽著 apple怎么寫 desk怎么寫 諸葛亮——（不會 抓耳撓腮）

老婆——相公啊 你連這都不會 可怎么辦呀 哎呀 我錯了 我真的錯了 我從一開始就不應該嫁過來 如果我不嫁過來 就不會流落到這么一個傷心的地方 我好后悔呀

諸葛亮——崩潰了（捂耳朵 忙勸）

諸葛亮——娘子莫哭 娘子莫哭 相公好好看書就是 老婆——（馬上變臉）這還差不多 你知道么 為了供你讀書 咱們家已經欠了外面一屁股債 連看大門的我都借過 如果這些人上門來逼債我可怎么辦呀

諸葛亮——娘子 你說看大門的 ？ 莫非就是呢個看大門的劉備（抓胡子 興奮 點頭）老婆——正是此人 書童你快過來

書童上

書童——主人 有何吩咐

老婆——書童 聽著 相公近日溫習功課 外人一律不見 來人就說去國外游玩講學去了書童 遵命

旁白——話正說著 劉關張三人已經到了諸葛亮家門口

場景三

諸葛亮家門口劉關張上

張飛——大哥我來叫門（氣憤 敲門 咚 咚 咚）

書童——（從貓眼里看看 跟張飛頭對上 幻燈片配李逵的黑臉 嚇一跳）莫非是來討債的（思考 開門）

劉備——在下劉備 特來拜訪諸葛臥龍先生和她老婆 書童——主人說他不在家 劉關張——恩？？？

書童——哦 不是 主人 主人 出去游玩了 可能很快回來 也可能十多天不回來 劉備——那我們就在這等他

關羽——他呢么貪玩 誰知道他什么時候回來 大哥 我們還是走吧

旁白——三人離去 又過了一個月 已是深秋 三人第二次登門拜訪 可是仍然沒有見著 第三次已經是冬天 屋外下著鵝毛大雪 諸葛亮知道了劉備上門討債的事情 趁這會老婆黃氏不在 趕緊命書童前去開門

場景四（此段刪除）

諸葛亮家門口（下大雪）劉關張 書童上

張飛——大哥 下次要見諸葛小兒 你先給我老三說一聲 我把他綁來見你 如此勞煩哥哥 甚是無禮

劉備——哎 二弟三弟 現在欠錢的都是大爺 我們還是再去一回吧 一定要誠心誠意才能打動人家（抹眼淚 幻燈片放楊白勞與黃世仁 咚咚咚敲門）

書童——主人今天在家（諸葛亮拿著金瓶梅從身后走過）但是正在看書 請你們等一等 張飛——（等不及了）諸葛小兒 快出來 大哥二哥 幫我照顧好我七舅老爺他上外甥女。你要是不出來 我就一把火把你這房子燒了！

關羽——葵花點穴手（幻燈片配合 張飛定住 眼睛睜得大大的）哎 二弟呀 大哥說了你幾次了 我們是有文化的人 做人要斯文 要低調懂不 別一上來就舞刀弄槍的 我們是來要債的 又不是來要命的 你把人家砍死了 誰來給我們還債呀

劉備——二弟呀 現在次貸危機呢么嚴重 怎么這點道理你還不懂呢？ 明白了 你就眨眨眼睛

張飛——（眨眼）關羽 葵花解穴手

張飛——哎 二哥（聳聳肩）你這點穴是那里學的關羽 呵呵 是看了一部很流行的電視劇 武林外傳學的

張飛——二哥 你怎么不早說 要早知道你會這么一身手藝 我們三兄弟不如去開個武官 早就發財啦

關羽——是呵 這主意不錯書童 主人在看書 不可無禮 劉備——哎呀你們倆就別打岔了 安靜點

旁白——諸葛亮正在興奮的時候 老婆黃氏突然回來

場景五

諸葛亮家諸葛亮 老婆 劉備上 諸葛亮——劉備 我終于把他給等來了 哈哈哈

老婆——哦！！相公 這準時我們向我們討債的 可不能讓進來

諸葛亮——老婆大人放心 憑我三寸不爛之舌 定能讓劉備空手而歸 哈哈哈

劉備—— 臥龍先生 我可找到你了諸葛亮 閣下可是劉備 不知找我所為何事（裝）（此時劉備用槍指著諸葛亮頭 幻燈片放無間道）

劉備——哥們兒 你欠我的500塊錢什么時候還呀 我們兄弟都餓了好幾天了（找個乞丐的幻燈片放放）

諸葛亮——我欠你錢 誰證明 給我一個機會 我想做個好人（無間道臺詞）

劉備——怎么給你機會諸葛亮 主公請看(扇子指向幻燈片 幻燈片放西農地圖 誰有激光燈啥的)劉皇叔胸懷大志 但是現在卻在這里看大門 我們就以這里為根據的 先發展自己的勢力 然后進攻曹操便可一統天下

劉備——（若有所思）看不出諸葛先生如此有見地 諸葛亮——如果我把這張地圖送給主公 不知可否抵債

劉備——先生身居山林 卻對天下大事了如指掌 不知先生可否隨劉備一同下山 共圖霸業諸葛亮（眼珠子轉轉）可是我已經習慣了現在的生活 看來不能幫你。

劉備——（急）如果先生不幫我 天下的百姓又要受苦 請先生莫要推辭

諸葛亮——這。。這也不是不行。只是家家都有本難念的經，小弟近日正在為英語六級煩惱，賤內逼的緊啊，如果劉皇叔能將此事幫在下了結，在下必隨劉皇叔下山，赴湯蹈火再所不辭。

劉備——（面有難色）這。。

張飛 ——（拉劉備到身邊耳語到）大哥，這年頭，牛奶都有假貨了，我們找槍手，買答案怎么不行啊。（幻燈片武狀元蘇乞兒作弊呢段）

關羽——要不我們讓曹操預付我們兩個月的工資，先把答案給他買了說。（假答案圖片）

場景六 諸葛亮家

旁白——一個月后，因為所有的錢都拿去買了答案 劉關張已餓的面黃肌瘦，破衣爛衫。書童——好消息好消息 主人六級考了600分

老婆——什么！600分！這下終于可以畢業了 太好了 不負我十年寒窗苦，不負我夜夜伴君讀 我的美好生活就要來了 房子！車子！鈔票！！（房子、車子的圖片）

場景七 諸葛亮家

老婆——老公 好男兒以事業為重 你去吧 不要想我。

諸葛亮——親愛的 我要遠行了 你要照顧好自己（轉身悄悄說）別擔心 肯定不想你！（出門拜倒在久侯的劉備 關羽 張飛腳下）主公 您的大恩亮永世難忘 定當鞠躬盡瘁死而后已

劉備——快快請起！

旁白——三顧茅廬的故事就此完結。結束 謝謝觀賞（結束時放貓和老鼠的結尾）