甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director--Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin.At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.乙:(風情萬種,妖嬈嫵媚地走進來,給觀眾一個飛吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打個響指)come some music.(搞笑舞,自由發揮).(跳完,鞠躬,向觀眾謝幕), thank you,(面向導演), honey, is it a wonderful performance? 甲:(作目瞪口呆狀), 乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok? 甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous.Get out , next one.乙:oh no...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面離去)丙:oh it seems to be serious.God bless me(畫個十字架,鎮定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.甲:(與之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思狀)oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award,(同學鼓掌,乙作安撫狀),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin 丙:OK！!I'll use my first signature song to conquer you--my heart will go on, just enjoy it.near, far, wherever you are i believe that the heart does go on once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,繼續作深情狀)and you're here in my heart, and my heart will go on and on.甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.Oh, I'm dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise 丁:(對著乙的背影,沉思狀)to be,or not to be,it's a question!(走到甲面前牽起她的手做親吻狀),I'm glad to see you,my dear princess.甲(做嬌羞狀):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name? 丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute.Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白癡的搖頭),eh..,it's ok,then how about Robin Meade?(搖頭),and Melissa Theuriau?(搖頭),(丁,情緒激動),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.甲(指門,氣憤狀),you you you.....丁:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you needn't learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah!甲:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.丁:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her.When I lost her, I regret.It’s the most pain in the world.If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!甲(起雞皮疙瘩狀):oh, I can't stand, show you the door, 丁(轉身離開,繼續臺詞):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is(回頭,對甲)10 thousand years.甲:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, I'm dying,you three, come here, 三人跑進來,乙嫵媚狀:honey, you like my dance,right? 丙鎮靜狀:director,you like my singing,right? 丁深情狀:princess,you like my poet,right? 三人同聲:we are past,right? 甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,I'm sorry to tell you....(接電話)What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(掛電話,低頭),you three,(抬頭),pass!三人歡呼,說:we make it,we are superstar!乙(甜蜜狀):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飛個吻)甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but I'm look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence? 三人齊答:yes,we do!甲伸手,三人搭上,同聲,fight,fight,fight!
王穎樂:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, I'm the director--applaud , 自己拼命拍掌然后一邊說謝謝謝謝。thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and three actors who will get the chance.OK, let's begin.At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.張敬寶:(風情萬種,妖嬈嫵媚地走進來,給觀眾一個飛吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,director, the most beautiful charming,girl is coming , every body knows me, right? open your eyes as big as you can,自己做深呼吸狀 there will be a unique dance show for you, 嘿嘿嘿 奸笑。（打個響指)come some music.(搞笑舞,自由發揮).(跳完,鞠躬,向觀眾謝幕), thank you,(面向導演), honey, is it a wonderful performance? 王穎樂:(作目瞪口呆狀)張敬寶:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok? 王穎樂:eh...my god, have you use some drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous.Get out , next one.張敬寶:oh no...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面離去)王競羲:oh it seems to be serious.God bless me(畫個十字架,鎮定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.王穎樂:(與之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.王競羲:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards ,and(做沉思狀)oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award,(張敬寶，趙文鑫同學鼓掌,張敬寶抱頭痛哭),撫摸張敬寶頭說oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....王穎樂:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin 王競羲:OK！!I'll use my first signature song to conquer you--my heart will go on, just enjoy it.near, far, wherever you are i believe that the heart does go on(王穎樂stop stop,王競羲不理,繼續作深情狀)and you're here in my heart, and my heart will go on and on.王穎樂:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.Oh, I'm dying,next one, next one.急切叫下一個上場 趙文鑫:(對著乙的背影,沉思狀)to be,or not to be,it's a question!(走到甲面前牽起他的手做親吻狀),I'm glad to see you,my dear prince.王穎樂(做嬌羞狀):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name? 趙文鑫:My name? Oh, wait a minute.Do you know Lady GaGa ?(甲,白癡的搖頭),eh..,it's ok,then how about Obama?(搖頭),and Marilyn Monroe 瑪麗蓮夢露 ?(搖頭),(丁,情緒激動),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.王穎樂(指門,氣憤狀),you you you.....趙文鑫:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you don’t need to learn about them, but you must know me, i will become the greatest poet---oprah!王穎樂:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.趙文鑫:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her.When I lost her, I regret.It’s the most pain in the world.If God can give me another chance, I will say three words to her “I love you”!王穎樂(起雞皮疙瘩狀):oh, I can't stand, show you the door, 趙文鑫(轉身離開,繼續臺詞):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is(回頭,對甲)10 thousand years.王穎樂:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actor.Oh, I'm dying,you three, come here, 三人跑進來，張敬寶嫵媚狀:honey, you like my dance,right? 王競羲鎮靜狀:director,you like my singing,right? 趙文鑫深情狀:princess,you like my poet,right? 三人同聲:we are past,right? 王穎樂:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,I'm sorry to tell you....(接電話)What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(掛電話,低頭),you three,(抬頭),pass!三人歡呼,說:we make it,we are superstar!張敬寶(甜蜜狀):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飛個吻)王穎樂:you know, you are not good enough now, but I'm look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence? 三人齊答:yes,we do!王穎樂伸手,三人搭上,同聲,fight,fight,fight!
甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director--Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin.At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.乙:(風情萬種,妖嬈嫵媚地走進來,給觀眾一個飛吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打個響指)come some music.(搞笑舞,自由發揮).(跳完,鞠躬,向觀眾謝幕), thank you,(面向導演), honey, is it a wonderful performance? 甲:(作目瞪口呆狀), 乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok? 甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous.Get out , next one.乙:oh no...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面離去)丙:oh it seems to be serious.God bless me(畫個十字架,鎮定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.甲:(與之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思狀)oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award,(同學鼓掌,乙作安撫狀),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin 丙:OK！!I'll use my first signature song to conquer you--my heart will go on, just enjoy it.near, far, wherever you are i believe that the heart does go on once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,繼續作深情狀)and you're here in my heart, and my heart will go on and on.甲:guard ,guard, help, drag this mad woman out.Oh, I'm dying, hope the next one will give me a surprise（丁上場）
甲(做厭惡狀):oh, it's really a big surprise.What an ugly woman!(Of course, I won’t let you pass.)Why do you come here? 丁: Distinguished director, please give me a chance.I walked 25000km for a year just to compete in this interview.Please give me a chance, please.甲(?):OK, so what’s your name? 丁: my name is Gaga Su.甲(上下打量)：EN…ok ok, I’ll give you only 30s.OK? 丁:OK, that’s enough.Thank you, thank you.I’ll just present a poem I love best.The Furthest Distance in The World.The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遙遠的距離
Is not between life and death 不是生與死
But when I stand in front of you 而是 我就站在你面前
Yet you don't know that I love you 你卻不知道我愛你
The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遙遠的距離
Is not when I stand in front of you 不是 我就站在你面前 Sir, time is out.甲：Oh, no no no, just go on.Yet you can't see my love 你卻不知道我愛你
But when undoubtedly knowing the love from both 而是 明明知道彼此相愛 Yet cannot be together 卻不能在一起
The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遙遠的距離
Is not being apart while being in love 不是 明明知道彼此相愛 卻不能在一起 But when painly cannot resist the yearning 而是 明明無法抵擋這股思念
Yet pretending you have never been in my heart 卻還得故意裝作絲毫沒有把你放在心里 That’s all, thank you.（另外兩人跑進來,乙嫵媚狀）
乙：Honey, you like my dance, right? 丙鎮靜狀: Director, you like my singing, right? 丁深情狀: Princess, do you like my poem? 甲(沉迷狀):。。。。。。。。。。I …I…Er..You…you are so excellent that I decide to adopt you, Number 3.甲,乙:Oh, no.Why do you choose her? She is so shabby, and even ugly.We are far better than her.NO, it’s unjust.甲：Thank you for your performances.But I have to say I learn a lot from her.We can’t judge a person by his appearance, right? She is so talent.One’s appearance can be changed easily, but one’s intellect could not be built in a day.So, I have to say sorry to you.（乙，丙掩面而泣）(⊙o⊙)THE END!Thanks for you watching.
四人搞笑話劇劇本《緣分》
時間:2011-03-29 21:59來 源:搞笑話劇劇本 作者:川子
王二丫出場，唱《I believe》：I believe，土豆到那里去挖….（拿著一瓶紅茶）
唱了一句，就開始比較自我的介紹（河南方言）：俺叫王二丫，芳齡二十八，掙了一萬五，買瓶冰紅茶。（然后喝了一口）哇！好茶.接著掏出自己的新錢包，（炫耀）：這是俺的新錢包。
這時，從錢包里掉出一樣東西，王二丫低下身撿了起來。(笑了)：這是他的照片，呵哈哈。看，你們看看，這是俺的對象，長的可帥里，灰主流，實不相瞞大家，俺可是有對象的人（嬌羞）俺倆約好了今天在這里見面，然后一起回家。咋還不來啊。算了，還是先買票吧。
王二丫坐掏右掏，結果錢包掉了也沒有發現。心里一直想著自己等會就可以見到他，然后就可以回家了。
王：咦？石家莊火車站歡迎你。我去買票。下場
李狗剩上場（河南方言）：俺叫李狗剩，咦！火車站人真多。咦！你看那個哥，長的真讓人尷尬。（指著觀眾）你們都是來買票的嗎？是不是都等的煩了，都。那俺給你們來個單田芳的評書吧。來一個吧，你看咱們能在一個站買票，緣分，真的。
李往前站了站，清清嗓子：單田芳的評書啊，應該這樣。~~~出賣我的愛，你背了良心債。哎呀，你看，光聽光看不鼓掌也沒啥意思啊。其實，我唱不準音，但我就是喜歡這首歌的旋律！
李：今天俺和俺對象越好了在火車站見面一起回家，咋還不見人啊，說起我和他認識的過程，就兩個字，緣分，真的。（掃了眼大街）在如今的世道上啊，俺就希望撿一個錢包
這時，李想要吐痰，下意識看了下地面，發現有錢個吧，使勁又咽了回去，走過去，一屁股坐在上面，然后慢慢地拿起來，抱進懷里，偷偷看了一下里面的錢。
李(低頭偷笑，然后看著大家):緣分，真的。這么多錢。（然后又抬頭看了看）真靈驗，我發現我愛上你了。既然你這么寵愛我，那就…..在給個女的吧。
突然回過身看了看四周，沒人，甲經過：小伙子，住店嗎？
李（失落）：不住不住。你弄啥里這是。
低頭走了……甲見狀就追了過去：小伙子，住店嗎？
過了會，王又回來了，（很是著急）：俺的錢包怎么沒有了，剛剛就在這站了會，咋沒了里？
老板路過，王上前就把他拽住：哥，錢….錢
老板：哎嗨嗨！你松開，我有媳婦。
王：不是，大哥，俺錢包丟了，打工一年的錢啊，沒了
說完又拉扯上了
老板：干什么玩意，扯我衣服，還沖我要錢，你什么職業啊？
王（愣了一下）：純農民工
老板（仔細瞅瞅她）：算了吧，怎么看怎么你想騙子，像你們這種人啊，我見多了。裝！
王：大哥，俺不是騙子，我發誓（拉著老板的衣服）
老板：別纏著我，還發誓，騙子都是靠發誓賺的錢。你們這種行騙的人，那就是撐桿跳茅坑---太過份了。
甩開王，撩了撩頭發，回頭看了看王：讓人討厭。
老板下場
王（顫抖）：咦！原來是個姐姐
（緊接著）我的錢啊，我的一萬塊錢啊，天啊。
記者和攝像的上場
王失落而又有些氣憤地蹲了下來，后來心想錢還得找回來，剛一起身，不小心撞到記者身上
記者：哎呦，你沒事吧，對不起啊
王擦了擦臉，揉揉眼睛，又大量了一下他們兩個。眼前一亮
王（興奮）：咦！哥
記者（看了看王）：什么，我是80后的 王：我比你笑，我是70后的 記者（吃驚）：嗯？？！！
王（趕忙）：記者同志，俺錢包丟了，你給播一播唄。
記者：這，這怎么播啊，我們都沒有見過你的錢包。
王：沒見過，那你給想法播播，不就見著了嗎？
記者：這，這確實沒法播，這個啊….攝像的（攔住記者，小聲）：你給他弄個詞，完了說說，忽悠忽悠，這就行了。反正她又不懂
記者（好像明白了，轉身）：這樣啊，我給你想想
王（像遇見貴人）：謝謝啊，謝謝啊。如果真能找回來那一萬塊錢，俺請你喝冰紅茶。
攝像的：那到不用，我戒了
記者：那，那開始吧。（低頭想了想，抬起頭對著攝像機）：
王（走到攝像機前）：哥，你這個蓋，不打開也能攝像嗎？
攝像：哦，不好意思。這個原本我也戒了，但是，今天破戒（把蓋打開）
記者：別打亂，別打亂。咳，（接著對著攝像機）：觀眾朋友，感謝您在這個時刻準時把電視鎖定在農民頻道。為何茫茫火車站只有她一個人在這？為何打工妹的錢不翼而飛？是盜竊？還是復仇？請看本期《法眼》之《打工妹的心酸血淚史》
之后安慰地拍了拍二丫：盡力了，但我們會有后續的 說完就大步走了，王（大聲）：哎，還有冰紅茶！
攝像的：戒了
王還是壓抑，低頭又哭了
李狗剩上場，看見蹲著的人，走進一看，竟是二丫
李：咦！二丫
王（抬頭，有些驚喜）：狗剩哥！
隨后，大哭起來
李：你，你這是弄啥里，哭啥里
王不理他，接著哭
李：俺的娘哎！求求你別哭咧！你看這么多的人，哭多不好啊
（拉著王）走，買票，回家哭
王一聽買票，哭的更大聲了
李：你這，咋不聽話啊。咱們能在這遇見，緣分，真的。別哭啊，俺有個好消息告訴你
王還是哭
李（嘆了口氣，大聲叫）：你給俺把聲音關了！！
王當即無聲
李：說，到底怎么了？
王：狗剩哥，俺錢包丟了，里面的錢也丟了，李：錢都丟了？
王：沒有，俺兜里還有幾千
李：那個，俺今天踩狗屎運，撿了個錢包。（說著掏出錢包）你看，有 好多錢咧！
王：啥？你讓俺看看。
轉瞬，王開始大笑，這就是俺丟的 李：啥啥啥？真咧？？
王：這錢包我剛買的，里面還有你大頭貼
李：貼呢？
王掏出來給她看，李（有些怒了）：這個男的是誰，長的咋鎮難看。
王：他就你啊，狗剩哥。
李：管不得感覺在哪見過啊。
王（害羞）：狗剩哥，你看，俺丟個錢包你就給找著，萬一哪天俺丟了，你會找回來嗎？
李：你，你這是弄啥咧，咋問這個啊
王：這不是那啥，那個《非誠勿擾》里頭的嗎？就問問你嘛，問問你嘛，回答我嘛，還會找回來
李：必須的必嘛。我覺得主要是，緣分，真的 王笑了，想要上前抱住他，又害羞了，退了回來
李：咦！你看，咱家二丫還會害羞啊。李上前預作抱狀，你說我抱不啊。（看觀眾反映）咦呀，你看你們這些男人，著實讓我猶豫。不過能相聚火車站，緣分，真的。那就（上前抱）回家說吧
拉著王二丫下場了。
四人英語話劇劇本-The Rolling Orange The Rolling Orange講述桔子的故事。一天早上，桔子一家醒來，發現人們開著卡車，搬著梯子，來摘桔子了，快來看看他們的命運如何吧。人物
Tom:
Father Orange Klye:
Mother Orange Wallis:
Older Sister Orange Jessie:
Little Brother Orange
Characters Father Orange:
He is a middle-aged, considerate, and thoughtful man.Mother Orange:
She is a younger and more youthful woman than Father.She is also very optimistic.Older Sister Orange:
She is young , energetic, and competitive.Little Brother Orange: He is the youngest and, therefore, a little spoiled.SCENE I 場景一：果園
One Morning in an Orange Orchard.(Today is a sunny day.An orange family is discussing nervously about something on an orange tree in an orchard.)Father:
I was awakened early this morning by the sound of trucks in the field(yawning).Mother:
Well, it wasn’t the first time to be like this.Sister:
A whole bunch of strange men was brought in by trucks.Brother:
That really scared me.They got out and started to climb up ladders.Sister:
(Afraid suddenly)Oh!My friends were grabbed and put into large bags.I could hear them yell for help.Father:
Hey!We shouldn’t look at them;otherwise, they’ll notice us.Mother:
But it’s useless.Sister:
Oh, God!We’re discovered!
Brother:
Oh!We’re being grabbed and pulled from our branches.What will we do for food and water? Sister:
It will be so uncomfortable going to town in that bag with a lot of strangers.Mother:
Well, we’ll just have to do our best.Father:
Yeah!
SCENE II On a Fruit Stand.(After having been on the road in a bag for half an hour, they are placed on a fruit stand.)Sister:
Gee!This place is so cold and desolate.I wish we had our friends here on this stand(looks at the opposite fruit stall).Brother:
I tried to make friends with these people on our way here, but everyone looked pretty uncomfortable and scared.(Suddenly)
Sister:
Oh!Mother!How could they do that? Mother:
What are you talking about?
Brother:
I know what she’s talking about(Brother turns to look).Father:
What did you see? Sister:
My friends were cut up and eaten.How could they do that? I’m so scared.Father:
Now, children, be calm.Mother:
Sh~ Someone’s coming.Father:
Try to be quiet.Sister:
I don’t want to be taken away.Brother:
Oh!My friend’s being taken away.Sister:
Your friend looks so fat.Mother:
If we look sour, maybe we won’t be taken away.Brother:
That’s a bright idea.But how could we look sour? Mother:
Now, children, stop being scared and calm down.Father:
Oh!No!I’m being looked at.Mother:
I told you not to eat so much.Now you look so fat and juicy.(Father is being taken away.)Brother:
Oh, no, Dad!
Father:
(Sadly)Good bye, children.Sister:
Oh!Dad’s being put into the basket and taken away.Mother:
Oh, no!Brother:
Stop that.Our father can’t be taken away.Mother:
Look, he’s being bagged and put into a cart.Sister:
Hey!The cart’s wheels are going out of the store.Brother:
A car’s pulling up.Mother:
Oh, no!His bag is being picked up.Sister:
But it’s breaking.And Dad’s falling out.Brother:
Dad’s rolling away.All:
(Jumping up and down cheering)ROLL!ROLL!He’s getting away.Sister & Brother:
Yip!Yip!Hurray for Dad!Mother: Oh!Thank God.
點擊咨詢 