第一篇：幽默英文演講稿

篇一：幽默英語演講稿 幽默英語演講稿 love your mother 愛你的母親

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你為什么哭?一個小男孩問他的媽媽.because im a woman, she told him.因為我是女人,她告訴他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........媽媽擁抱了他說,你永遠也不會明白,但沒關(guān)系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后來小男孩問他的父親媽媽為什么似乎在無緣無故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都會常常沒有原因地哭泣,這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩長大,成了男人的時候, 他仍然奇怪媽媽為什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問上帝,為什么女人容易哭泣?god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 當(dāng)我創(chuàng)造女人的時候, 我決定把她造的很特別, 我讓她的雙肩強壯的足以能夠承擔(dān)整個世界,但是, 卻讓她的雙臂溫柔的足夠去安慰他人...i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirthand the rejection even from her own children.我給她內(nèi)在的力量去忍受生產(chǎn)的劇痛, 也讓她有勇氣承受無數(shù)的傷害, 甚至這些傷害有時會來自于自己的孩子...i gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without 我給她頑強,讓她能夠不斷地前進, 并且照顧自己的家人和朋友, 甚至當(dāng)每個人都放棄的時候, 她卻能夠堅強地在疾病和勞累之時毫無怨言...i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears....我給她內(nèi)心的敏感,讓她在任何環(huán)境下都深愛著自己的孩子.甚至在他們深深傷害她的時候．．． 她用那特別的力量，讓年幼孩子的在受傷的時候感到安慰，也能夠讓年輕的子女消除緊張與恐懼．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faultsand i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....我給她力量關(guān)心她的丈夫，盡管他會犯錯．我用男人的肋骨創(chuàng)造了女人，使女人可以保護男人的心臟．．．

i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....我給她智慧，讓她知道一個好丈夫永遠不會傷害他的妻子，但有時候會試煉她堅定的永遠跟隨自己丈夫的能力與決心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed.it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....when you see her cry,tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因為這些種種的困難，我也同樣賜她流下眼淚，這是當(dāng)她在需要時可以使用的，這是她唯一的軟弱之處．．． 當(dāng)你看到她哭泣的時候，告訴她你有多么地愛她，告訴她她為所有人所做的一切，即使這樣她可能還是會哭泣，但你會使她的心里得到安慰． she is special!please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,sisters, and special women in their lives.她是獨特的！

請把這個信息傳遞給你認(rèn)識的女人，有母親，姐妹和特別的女性在他們生命里的人．

but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.篇二：英語演講幽默開場白 英語演講幽默開場白 作為一個演講者，我從觀眾那只得到過兩種抱怨：一種是我講話聲音太大了，他們無法入睡；第二種是我講得時間太長了，他們無法一直清醒。作為一個講演者，他的演講總拿來和林肯的哥得堡演講[一個著名的演講]相比較。當(dāng)他演講結(jié)束時，也有悲傷、眼淚和悲痛——特別是計劃委員會。幽默注釋：演講者講得太糟糕了，組織者哭得很傷心。

演講結(jié)束時，宴會主人感謝你從繁忙的日程中抽出時間來——你泰然自若，優(yōu)雅地點頭微笑著，心里非常清楚你日歷上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝點咖啡poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program---and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注釋：一些老干部退休后沒什么事干，有人請他參加一些活動，他還假裝很忙，好象推開了很多事才趕去似的。

過去我演講時常常會比較緊張，但那時我看到一條信息說如果你想象所有的觀眾都是裸體會有所幫助。此時此刻，我站在這里想象著觀眾都是裸體，真的起作用，我不再緊張了，但眼睛有些疲勞。

i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousness.eyestrain.yes 幽默注釋：把觀眾想象成裸體，意思是我不怕你們，就不緊張了。

創(chuàng)新句子：大部分人站在講臺上都會有點兒緊張，我屬于少部分人，我非常緊張。我本人不自負(fù)——我簡直不能告訴你們我是多么欽佩我這一點。

personally, i have never been conceited---and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因為自己不自負(fù)，所以變得非常驕傲。創(chuàng)新句子：我一點兒都不自負(fù)，我希望別人也這么看我.我先用簡單明了的英語演講，以后我再翻譯給律師聽。

let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注釋：律師總喜歡用復(fù)雜的語言，簡單的話都聽不懂了。

創(chuàng)新句子：我的講話有三個版本，小學(xué)生版本，中學(xué)生版本，大學(xué)生版本，你是聽小學(xué)一年紀(jì)版的，還是小學(xué)二年紀(jì)版的？

如果你聽過這個故事，請不要打斷我，我就知道這一個故事。

if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know.幽默注釋：就是你知道兩個故事，講故事前也可以這么說。

創(chuàng)新句子：我講個笑話，如果你們聽過，也希望裝做沒聽過，我也這樣照顧你們。演講就象給草坪澆水，如果有四分之一的水滲下去你就滿意了。

making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注釋：有人打呼嚕，有人說話，都是正常的，有四分之一觀眾聽就不錯了。幽默句子：即興演講的開場白。

創(chuàng)新句子：我不知道你們會不會喜歡我的演講，我不知道我要講點兒什么開始前我想告訴你們下面的演講已經(jīng)編輯成了電視節(jié)目，我現(xiàn)在少講20分鐘，我們能夠及時趕回家看2臺的節(jié)目。

before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited fortelevision.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注釋：放著現(xiàn)場不看，偏要回家在電視上看。

可能你們有些人知道我今晚出現(xiàn)在這里有兩個原因：第一個原因是你們的計劃委員會一直在設(shè)法尋找一個聰明、有趣、老練的演講者，——他們找到了。第二個原因是那個人病了，所以就打電話把我找來了。

幽默注釋：一開始好象在說自己很牛，其實就是個臨時替場。

創(chuàng)新句子：我認(rèn)為我演講很風(fēng)趣，可為什么沒人笑呢？篇三：幽默英語演講稿 幽默英語演講稿 love your mother 愛你的母親

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你為什么哭?一個小男孩問他的媽媽.because im a woman, she told him.因為我是女人,她告訴他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........媽媽擁抱了他說,你永遠也不會明白,但沒關(guān)系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后來小男孩問他的父親媽媽為什么似乎在無緣無故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都會常常沒有原因地哭泣,這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩長大,成了男人的時候,他仍然奇怪媽媽為什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問上帝,為什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 當(dāng)我創(chuàng)造女人的時候, 我決定把她造的很特別, 我讓她的雙肩強壯的足以能夠承擔(dān)整個世界,但是, 卻讓她的雙臂溫柔的足夠去安慰他人...i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children.我給她內(nèi)在的力量去忍受生產(chǎn)的劇痛,也讓她有勇氣承受無數(shù)的傷害, 甚至這些傷害有時會來自于自己的孩子...i gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without 我給她頑強,讓她能夠不斷地前進, 并且照顧自己的家人和朋友, 甚至當(dāng)每個人都放棄的時候, 她卻能夠堅強地在疾病和勞累之時毫無怨言...i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears....我給她內(nèi)心的敏感,讓她在任何環(huán)境下都深愛著自己的孩子.甚至在他們深深傷害她的時候．．．

她用那特別的力量，讓年幼孩子的在受傷的時候感到安慰，也能夠讓年輕的子女消除緊張與恐懼．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....我給她力量關(guān)心她的丈夫，盡管他會犯錯．我用男人的肋骨創(chuàng)造了女人，使女人可以保護男人的心臟．．．

i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....我給她智慧，讓她知道一個好丈夫永遠不會傷害他的妻子，但有時候會試煉她堅定的永遠跟隨自己丈夫的能力與決心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed.it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....when you see her cry,tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因為這些種種的困難，我也同樣賜她流下眼淚，這是當(dāng)她在需要時可以使用的，這是她唯一的軟弱之處．．． 當(dāng)你看到她哭泣的時候，告訴她你有多么地愛她，告訴她她為所有人所做的一切，即使這樣她可能還是會哭泣，但你會使她的心里得到安慰． she is special!please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives.她是獨特的！

請把這個信息傳遞給你認(rèn)識的女人，有母親，姐妹和特別的女性在他們生命里的人．

but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.each day is a mountain that must be climbed;with courage each step

第二篇：英文幽默

英文幽默：爆笑學(xué)英語

1：某次英文考試有兩道題目：

（1）我穿上外套，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)第一個扣子掉了。（2）他聽見電話鈴響，就過去接了電話。正確答案應(yīng)為：

（1）I put on my coat and found its first button was gone.（2）As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick it up.但是某生的答案是：

（1）Shit!（2）Hello? 2：老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time is money.并讓同學(xué)們翻譯。有名學(xué)生答道：“湯姆是瑪麗。”

小明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet? 老師說：Go ahead.小明就坐了下來。過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：May I go to the toilet? 老師說：Go ahead.小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學(xué)于是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎么不去？小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」啊!3：某日劉洪濤遇到外賓，上前搭話曰：I am hongtao liu，外賓曰：我他媽還是方片七呢！

江青會見外賓，要求翻譯要嚴(yán)格按她的意思翻，不許走樣。外賓一見到江青，立刻拍馬屁道：“Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful.“翻譯照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上還要謙虛一下：“哪里，哪里”。翻譯不敢怠慢，把江青的話翻成英文：

“Where? Where?

外賓一愣，還有這樣的人，追問哪里漂亮的，干脆馬屁拍到底：“Everywhere,everywhere.“翻譯：“你到處都很漂亮。”江青更高興了，但總是要客氣一下：“不見得，不見得”。

翻譯趕緊翻成英文：“You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see.“

4：話說某年某月的某一天，叁個神箭手約在一起比箭，目標(biāo)是十尺外仆人頭上的蘋果。

A神箭手挽弓長射，咻一聲，利箭正中蘋果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「I AM 后羿！」 B神箭手照本宣科，射中蘋果，這回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM 丘比特！」

輪到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！結(jié)果正中仆人的心臟。就聽他結(jié)結(jié)巴巴好久才吐出句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」

5：一對熱戀中的男女。女生非常沒有安全感，于是對著男友說：“SAY ?I LOVE YOU！?SAY IT!SAY IT!SAY IT!” 男的答道：“IT!”

6：一位在美的留學(xué)生，想要考國際駕照。在考試時因為過于緊張，看到地上標(biāo)線是向左轉(zhuǎn)。他不放心的問道:turn left？監(jiān)考官回答: right.于是他立刻向右轉(zhuǎn)……

7：某人刻苦學(xué)習(xí)英語，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞，忙說：I am sorry.老外應(yīng)道：I am sorry too.某人聽后又道：I am sorry three.老外不解，問：What are you sorry for? 某人無奈，道：I am sorry five.8：某男，亦粗通英文，至使館，有表要填，有一欄是：Sex，該男思之久已，毅然下筆：“Once a week”。

簽證官觀后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.” 該男頓時赧顏，思之，填下“female”，官楞之，曰：“shouldn’t it be male?”男急釋曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.9：上初一的時候，英語老師讓我們讀課文，恰好是一段對話，于是叫了一男一女兩個同學(xué)來讀。

男：What time is it now? 女：It’s nine.男：Let’s go to bed.女：We go to bed at nine.全班絕倒。

10：一次為一個初中小孩搞家教，在其英語課本上發(fā)現(xiàn)如下恐怖字眼：爸死（bus）爺死(yes)哥死（girls）妹死（Mis）……死光（school）

第三篇：英文幽默故事[模版]

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot.There werethree parrots in the shop.One was $5,000;another one, $10,000;and the third one, $30,000.The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That?s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on.That?s why he?s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don?t know.Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all!But the other two call him ?The Boss.?”

老板最大 有個人到一間商店買鸚鵡。店里有三只鸚鵡，其中一只賣五千元，另一只賣一萬元，還有一只賣三萬元。顧客問老板：「為什么這只要賣五千元？這個價錢對這種鸚鵡來說太貴了！」老板說：「因為我有訓(xùn)練他講話。」顧客又問：「那這只呢？他會做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」老板說：「他除了會說話之外，還會表演一些有趣的動作，好比說跳舞等等，所以才賣這么貴?！诡櫩徒又謫枺骸改堑谌荒兀克麜鍪裁矗繛槭裁匆u這么貴？」老板說：「我不知道。我從沒聽過他講話、吹口哨或唱歌，也沒看過他跳舞，什么都沒有！不過另外兩只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word “egg”? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg“? Student:In the cake,Sir.雞蛋在哪里？

老師：你能用“雞蛋”一詞造句嗎？ 學(xué)生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。老師：“雞蛋”在哪？ 學(xué)生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old.Once he goes to a cinema.It is the first time for him to do that.He buys a ticket and goes in.But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again.After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket.Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket.But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

湯姆是個小孩，他才7歲。當(dāng)他去電影院的時候。那時他第一次去。他買了張票進去了。但沒過兩三分鐘他就出來了，然后買了第二張票又進去了。幾分鐘后他又出來買了第三張票。接著兩三分鐘后他又出來買票。一個女的問她，“你為什么要買那么多票啊? 你見到了幾個朋友？” “沒有，我里面沒朋友，但是每當(dāng)我進門的時候一位大的女人老把我的票給剪了”

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.Man:He is really somebody.What does do? Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery 他真是一個大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000個人。

男人：他真是一個大人物。他是干什么的？ 小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course.He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.一名偉人

老師：如果莎士比亞還活著，他會是一名偉人嗎？

學(xué)生：當(dāng)然。因為到目前為止，還沒有人活到400多歲。

Mr.Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.史密斯先生：服務(wù)員，我的湯里有一只死蒼蠅．

服務(wù)員：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被燙死的．

Son: Dad, give me a dime.Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 兒子：爸爸，給我一角錢。

父親：兒子，你不認(rèn)為你已經(jīng)長大了，不該再老是一角一角地要錢了(該自立了)，不是嗎？

兒子：爸爸，我想你是對的，那給我一塊錢行嗎？

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate.Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they?re eight or ten years old or something like that.So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don?t know, son.I?m still paying.”

有個小孩愛上了另一個小孩，對方是學(xué)校的同學(xué)。八歲或十歲左右的孩子有時會迷戀班上某個人，然后就以為自己戀愛了。因此這個八歲的小孩回家問他爸爸：「爸爸，結(jié)婚很花錢嗎？」爸爸說：「是啊，兒子，非?；ㄥX。」兒子又問：「要花多少錢呢？」爸爸說：「我不知道，兒子，我到現(xiàn)在還一直在付錢啊！」

“Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?” “No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it.”

“孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？”

“沒有，老師?？墒悄阕蛱煺f你告訴我的知識都是一個耳朵里進，一個耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面?！?/p>

“I'm sorry，Madam，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth.”

“Twenty d ollars!Why，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office.”

“對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元?！? “20美元！為什么？不是說好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了?！?/p>

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract.Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理。現(xiàn)在，誰給我舉個例子？

約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長，在冬天天都短。

The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours.then he started again, and said he:“Let me ask the evolutionist a question---if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?”

“I'll venture an answer, ” said an old lady.“We have worn them off sitting here so long.”.教進化論的老師已經(jīng)滔滔不絕地講了快兩個小時，他的話題又來了：“讓我向進化論者提個問題——如果我們曾經(jīng)像狒狒那樣長著尾巴，那么現(xiàn)在尾巴到哪里去了？”

“我來試試看，”一位老太太說。

“該是我們在這里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧?！?/p>

A man was going to the house of some rich person.As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road.He said, “I do not want to eat those apples;for the rich man will give me much food;he will give me very nice food to eat.” Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust.He went on and came to a river.The river had become very big;so he could not go over it.He waited for some time;then he said, “I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river.” He began to go home.He had eaten no food that day.He began to want food.He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them.Do not throw good things away;you may be glad to have them at some other time.【譯文】 一個人正朝著一個富人的房子走去，當(dāng)他沿著路走時，在路的一邊他發(fā)現(xiàn)一箱好蘋果，他說：“我不打算吃那些蘋果，因為富人會給我更多的食物，他會給我很好吃的東西?！比缓笏闷鹛O果，一把扔到土里去。他繼續(xù)走，來到河邊，河漲水了，因此，他到不了河對岸，他等了一會兒，然后他說：“今天我去不了富人家了，因為我不能渡過河?！?他開始回家，那天他沒有吃東西。他就開始去找吃的，他找到蘋果，很高興地把它們從塵土中翻出來吃了。不要把好東西扔掉，換個時候你會覺得它們大有用處。

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.“You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly.“Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.”

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。

“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”

“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說?！澳阏媸莻€好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說?！霸俳o你兩分錢?？赡銥槭裁磳δ俏焕咸敲锤信d趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的?！?/p>

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home.At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now, he asked, “What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?” “Well, my son,” his father replied, “l(fā)ook, there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.” “But, dad,” the boy said, “ there's only ONE policeman!”

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一塊兒回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，?醉?字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了?！?“可是，爸爸，”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: “I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.” “That's fine,” roared the boss, “but where were you Monday and Tuesday?”

安眠藥

鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生給他開了一些強力安眠藥。

星期天晚上鮑勃吃了藥，睡得很好，在鬧鐘響之前就醒了過來。他到了辦公室，遛達進去，對老板說：“我今天早上起床一點麻煩都沒有?！? “好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了？”

第四篇：英文幽默簡單自我介紹

自我介紹就是在幾分鐘內(nèi)“推銷”自己。以下是小編帶來英文幽默簡單自我介紹的相關(guān)內(nèi)容，希望對你有幫助。

英文幽默簡單自我介紹 范例

1Good afternoon madam and sir：

I am glad to be here to meet all of you.First please let me introduce myself.My name is*****, 21.I come from Qinhuangdao,a beautiful cost city of Hebei Province.I am a college student Majored in food science and engineering，studying at the life science department of Heilonjiang University,chemisty and biology is my major subjects.I have been studying hard since I enter the life science department.Now I am monitor of my class and get along with my classmates.Since this march ,I ’ve been working as an assistant at the heilongjiang university work-study office,and performe well.I am very lucky to get the chance to be inteviewed by you。

I am open-minded ,quick in thought energetic and positive.like other youngers。I havebroad interests，especially search the Internet and do some schemes。I usually organise team-work activities，thus，I ’m good at communicating with others and making frieds widely.What’s more I can act consonace with the requirements of the occasions and have a experience of administrate a calss which consists of 60 students.At the end of the work I became friends with them.I always believe that one will easily lag behind unless he keeps on learning.Of course, if I were given the chance to work for new Oriental，I would spare no effort to make a difference.Thank you

英文幽默簡單自我介紹 范例

2Hello, everyone.I’m very happy to stand here to introduce myself.大家好，很高心站在這里介紹我自己。

My name is________________.I’m _____years old, from ______________________ Primary School.It’s a beautiful school, and I love it very much.我叫XXX。今年____歲。我來自______，這是一所美麗的學(xué)校，我很喜歡它。

I’m a happy and talented ______.I like to make friends with others, and I get on well with my classmates.____________ is my favorite sport.I always ____________ in my spare time.Through this game, I get many benefits.我是一個快樂、聰明的________。我喜歡交朋友，并且我和班上同學(xué)相處的很好。__________是我最喜歡的運動，我經(jīng)常在空余時間__________。通過這項游戲，我獲得了很多有益的東西。

At school, I study Chinese, Math, English, History, and so on.I like all of them.And I’m doing well in my study.I’m interested in learning English very much.I believe that I will do well in future.I won’t let you down.在學(xué)校，我學(xué)了語文、數(shù)學(xué)、英語、歷史等課程。我很喜歡這些可能，并且好好學(xué)習(xí)它們。我很有興趣學(xué)習(xí)英語，并且我相信我能學(xué)好它。我不會讓你失望的。

Thank you for your listening.感謝您的聆聽。

英文幽默簡單自我介紹 范例3

each examiner:

i call/**, come from shandong province.this year is 21 years old, , is a student who will soon graduate.passes the foundation knowledge that the teachers guidance controled a calculator with personal effort firmly in the school.mainly studied c language at the software aspect.c#.java etc.plait the distance language, the data structure, vf.access etc.database is applied, calculator operate system.studied the dreamweaver web page manufacture and the asp network to weave a distance also.studied the calculator network at the hardware aspect, the calculator construction with maintain.combine many times to attend to pack machine, set the fulfillment of the net operation lesson, make me control the work principle of the calculator and the set of the calculator network net process.in addition, i attend various activities of the school organization to come to the oneself of 鍛煉 actively and do various part-time to increase social experience.the teacher is divided into the group to us in the experiment and practice of the lesson remaining to complete mission, make we the deep comprehension arrive the importance of the team.the and the rise time acquires the school scholarship during the period of school, three staffs.however necessarily limited at the knowledge that the school learn, therefore i would ready to take advice study in the later work, the backlog working experience, the exaltation work ability.hope your company to give me a displays an own opportunity!

this with the result that

salute

第五篇：初中勵志又幽默的英文演講稿

我寫的搞笑的英文演講稿 once god came up two me & granted me a dream to be realize.i asked 4 world peace.that’s impossible, he said.有一次上帝來到我面前答應(yīng)了實現(xiàn)我一個夢想。我說我要世界和平。“那是不可能的”他說。

then i asked him to give you brains.he said, let me try world peace.然后我請讓你變聰明。他說：“你還是讓我試試讓世界和平吧?！逼褐袑W(xué)生勵志英語演講稿 honorable judges and dear friends, my name is maer dongyan, i’m very happy today to stand here to share my speech, my imagination, and my story as an air traffic controller with all of you.i, as a 35-year-old air traffic controller, have been working on the tower for nearly ten years.however, it has been really hard to coordinate my work and my family.it’s generally considered great to be an air traffic controller by the public, for the job is believed to be well-paid and quite easy.i was also one of them before i started the work.but things have been entirely different from what i used to think.as an air traffic controller of the new century, we’re facing tasks and barriers greater and harder than ever, that is, we have to ensure the safety and order of the fast-developing civil aviation.we’re burdened with pressure, responsibilities, the trust of hundreds of pilots, the lives of tens of thousands of passengers, and the hopes of millions of families.every step we take, every word we say is connected to the safety of passengers.and disasters may occur if we’re even a little bit careless.then, how can that be easy? daughter once said that it was her happiest time to see me back from work.and it’s the same with me.i’m pleased and grateful to see that my family can support and understand my work and my little devotion to them.such is my job, though i cannot enjoy much of the happiness my family brings to me, i can experience the sense of responsibility through my work.i’ll never regret this, regret choosing my job.it is through these years that i know what responsibility and devotion really mean.and it is through these years that i realize what family really means to me---supporting and understanding.i really appreciate them.that’s all for my speech today, thank you very much for your listening.篇三：初中3分鐘勵志英語演講稿

初中3分鐘勵志英語演講稿 you will no longer fear making new sounds, showing new facial expressions, using your body in new ways,approaching new people, and asking new questions.you will live every single day of your life with absolute passion, and you will show your passion through the words you speak and the actions you take.you will focus all your time and effort on the most important goals of your life.you will never succumb to challenges of hardships.you will never waver in your pursuit of excellence.after all,you are the best, and you deserve the best!as your coach and friend, i can assure you the door to all the best things in the world will open to you, but the key to that door is in your hand.you must do your part, you must faithfully follow now stand firm and tall, make a fist, get excited, and yell it out: i must do it!i can do it!i will do it!i will succeed!i must do it!i can do it!i will do it!i will succeed!i must do it!i can do it!i will do it!i will succeed!篇四：2014初中英語勵志演講稿 2014初中英語勵志演講稿

演講稿一：初中英語勵志演講稿——attitude the longer i live, the more i realize the impact of attitude on life.attitude to me is more important than facts.the remarkable thing is we have a choice every day, regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.we cannot change our past.we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.we cannot change the inevitable.the only thing we can do is play on the one stage we have.and that is our attitudes.i am convinced that life is ten percent what happens to me ,and ninety percent how i react to it.and so it is with you.we are in charge of our attitudes.演講稿二：初中英語勵志演講稿 hello, ladies and gentlemen.im angela zhang from class 4 grade 8.today, my topic is, the shanghai world expo.on december3, 2002, the bureau of international expositions(or call it bie)announced that shanghai will host expo.the bie had received bids from five cities to host expo.among the 5 nice cities, the bie chose shanghai at last!its really an exciting news for not only shanghainese, but also all of chinese people.here are some details about it.look at this profile carefully.the title is the world exposition ,shanghai, china.this is the logo.and the theme is better city., better life.ok, lets guess who is the image representative? yeah, youre right, yao ming!演講稿三：初中英語勵志演講稿 dear teacher and classmates: i am very glad to make a speech here in this class again!this time, id like to talk something about english.when i was seven, my mother sent me to an english school.at there, i played games and sang english songs with other children.then i discovered the beauty of the language, and began my colorful dream in the english world.everyday, i read english following the tapes.sometimes, i watch english cartoons.on the weekend, i often go to the english corner.by talking with different people there, i have made more and more friends as well as improved my oral english.i hope i can travel around the world someday.i want to go to america to visit washington monument, because the president washington is my idol.of course, i want to go to london too, because england is where english language developed.if i can ride my bike in cambridge university, i will be very happy.i hope i can speak english with everyone in the world.ill introduce china to them, such as the great wall, the forbidden city and anshan.i know, rome was not built in a day.i believe that after continuous hard study, one day i can speak english very well.if you want to be loved, you should learn to love and be lovable.so i believe as i love english everyday , it will love me too.演講稿四：初中英語勵志演講稿——believe ourselves confidence,which is not only the faith in your abilities, but also the faith of pursuit of firm target in yourself, is the first secret of success.with it, you can go toward the shore of victory.when at a low ebb of the chinese revolution, mao zedong believed that a single spark can start a prairie fire.chenyi believed repeated action can not take off he was confident.in short, self-confidence refers to the navigation towards victory, as is the driving force of progress.achievements, but it was just a flash in the pan.xiang yu in the struggle played there is a poem written by langston hughes hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird.that can never fly.hold fast to dreams, for if dreams go, life is a barren field, frozen with snow.how beautiful it is.yes, we shouldn’t give up our dreams.we shouldn’t give in to the large pressure on the way to realize our dreams.how shall we do? robert h.goddard gave us the answer, “it is difficult to say which is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and reality of tomorrow” youth is not a time of life，it is a state of mind;it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees，it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions.it is the freshness of the deep springs of life.youth means a tempera-mental predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease.this often exists in a man of 60 more than a boy of 20.nobody grows old merely by a number of years.we grow old by deserting our ideals.years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spring back to dust.whether 60 or 16, there is in every human being’s heart the lure of wonder, the unfailing childlike appetite of what’s next and the joy of the game of living.in the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station: so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from the infinite, you and i will remain young.when the aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you are grown old, even at 20, but as long as your aerials are upto catch waves of optimism, there is hope you may have young heart at 80.青春不是生命的一瞬，它是一種自然的心境；青春不是如花的臉龐、鮮紅的嘴唇和健康柔潤的雙腿，它是一

種意志、想象、精力，更是生命中那生機勃勃的春天。青春是沖動的勇敢而不是懦弱,青春是挑戰(zhàn)的欲望而不是安逸的生活。即使年過花甲,仍壯心不已.沒有人癡長

百歲,而伴隨著的是我們拋卻幻想,錘煉生活的經(jīng)歷。

歲月讓我們的皮膚起了皺紋,但缺乏激情會讓我們的靈魂萎縮。焦慮、恐懼、缺乏自信則讓心稽首，更讓心靈的青春塵封

無論60歲還是16歲，我們每個人都有著天生的好奇心、孩子般刨根追底不厭其煩的渴求欲望、幻想游戲人生 的生活方式。在你我心中有著心靈的默契：只要我們的心還能從人們的身上和大自然的懷抱中感受到美麗、希望、快樂、勇氣和力量，那么我們依舊年輕無限。

當(dāng)幻想破滅，而你憤世嫉俗，對生活充滿悲觀情緒，那么你已經(jīng)老了。即使在20歲的時候，只要你積極樂觀的追求你心中的幻想，一直到永遠，那么你在80歲的時候仍有一顆永保青春的心。