第一篇：桑德伯格在UC伯克利畢業演講[范文]

Thank you, Marie.And thank you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, and squirming siblings.Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016!

It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists….and that’s just the women!

Berkeley has always been ahead of the times.In the 1960s, you led the Free Speech Movement.Back in those days, people used to say that with all the long hair, how do we even tell the boys from the girls? We now know the answer: man buns.Early on, Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population.When this campus opened in 1873, the class included 167 men and 222 women.It took my alma mater another ninety years to award a single degree to a single woman.One of the women who came here in search of opportunity was Rosalind Nuss.Roz grew up scrubbing floors in the Brooklyn boardinghouse where she lived.She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family.One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into school—and in 1937, she sat where you are sitting today and received a Berkeley degree.Roz was my grandmother.She was a huge inspiration to me and I’m so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential.I want to take a moment to offer a special congratulations to the many here today who are the first generation in their families to graduate from college.What a remarkable achievement.Today is a day of celebration.A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.Today is a day of thanks.A day to thank those who helped you get here—nurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears.Or at least the ones man who didn’t draw on you with a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.Today is a day of reflection.Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.A commencement address is meant to be a dance between youth and wisdom.You have the youth.Someone comes in to be the voice of wisdom—that’s supposed to be me.I stand up here and tell you all the things I have learned in life, you throw your cap in the air, you let your family take a million photos –don’t forget to post them on instagram—and everyone goes home happy.Today will be a bit different.We will still do the caps and you still have to do the photos.But I am not here to tell you all the things I’ve learned in life.Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.I have never spoken publicly about this before.It’s hard.But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on this beautiful Berkeley robe.One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave.His death was sudden and unexpected.We were at a friend’s fiftieth birthday party in Mexico.I took a nap.Dave went to work out.What followed was the unthinkable—walking into a gym to find him lying on the floor.Flying home to tell my children that their father was gone.Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of grief—what I think of as the void—an emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.Dave’s death changed me in very profound ways.I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss.But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again.I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.I’m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death.Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment.You wanted an A but you got a B.OK, let’s be honest—you got an A-but you’re still mad.You applied for an internship at Facebook, but you only got one from Google.She was the love of your life… but then she swiped left.Game of Thrones the show has diverged way too much from the books—and you bothered to read all four thousand three hundred and fifty-two pages.You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity.There’s loss of opportunity: the job that doesn’t work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant.There’s loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens.There’s loss of love: the broken relationships that can’t be fixed.And sometimes there’s loss of life itself.Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark.Last year, Radhika, the winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.The question is not if some of these things will happen to you.They will.Today I want to talk about what happens next.About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you.The easy days ahead of you will be easy.It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are.You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a father-son activity that Dave was not here to do.We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave.I cried to him, “But I want Dave.” Phil put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available.So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.”

We all at some point live some form of option B.The question is: What do we do then?

As a representative of Silicon Valley, I’m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from.After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault.This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do.This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself.He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia.I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done.It wasn’t until I learned about the three P’s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease.I was an economics major;how could I have?

Studies show that getting past personalization can actually make you stronger.Teachers who knew they could do better after students failed adjusted their methods and saw future classes go on to excel.College swimmers who underperformed but believed they were capable of swimming faster did.Not taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to thrive.The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life.You know that song “Everything is awesome?” This is the flip: “Everything is awful.” There’s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible.So ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to work.I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze.All I could think was, “What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?” But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—a brief split second—I forgot about death.That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful.My children and I were healthy.My friends and family were so loving and they carried us—quite literally at times.The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women.So many single mothers—and fathers—struggle to make ends meet or have jobs that don’t allow them the time they need to care for their children.I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and a job that I did not just believe in, but where it’s actually OK to spend all day on Facebook.Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing more.The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever.For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.We often project our current feelings out indefinitely—and experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feelings.We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we’re anxious.We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we’re sad.Instead, we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever.My rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should “lean in to the suck.” It was good advice, but not really what I meant by “lean in.”

None of you need me to explain the fourth P…which is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.But I wish I had known about the three P’s when I was your age.There were so many times these lessons would have helped.Day one of my first job out of college, my boss found out that I didn’t know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3.That’s a spreadsheet—ask your parents.His mouth dropped open and he said, ‘I can’t believe you got this job without knowing that”—and then walked out of the room.I went home convinced that I was going to be fired.I thought I was terrible at everything… but it turns out I was only terrible at spreadsheets.Understanding pervasiveness would have saved me a lot of anxiety that week.I wish I had known about permanence when I broke up with boyfriends.It would’ve been a comfort to know that feeling was not going to last forever, and if I was being honest with myself… neither were any of those relationships.And I wish I had understood personalization when boyfriends broke up with me.Sometimes it’s not you—it really is them.I mean, that dude never showered.And all three P’s ganged up on me in my twenties after my first marriage ended in divorce.I thought at the time that no matter what I accomplished, I was a massive failure.The three P’s are common emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our relationships.You’re probably feeling one of them right now about something in your life.But if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can catch yourself.Just as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are steps you can take to help kick it into gear.One day my friend Adam Grant, a psychologist, suggested that I think about how much worse things could be.This was completely counterintuitive;it seemed like the way to recover was to try to find positive thoughts.“Worse?” I said.“Are you kidding me? How could things be worse?” His answer cut straight through me: “Dave could have had that same cardiac arrhythmia while he was driving your children.” Wow.The moment he said it, I was overwhelmingly grateful that the rest of my family was alive and healthy.That gratitude overtook some of the grief.Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are happier and healthier.It turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your blessings.My New Year’s resolution this year is to write down three moments of joy before I go to bed each night.This simple practice has changed my life.Because no matter what happens each day, I go to sleep thinking of something cheerful.Try it.Start tonight when you have so many fun moments to list— although maybe do it before you hit Kip’s and can still remember what they are.Last month, eleven days before the anniversary of Dave’s death, I broke down crying to a friend of mine.We were sitting—of all places—on a bathroom floor.I said: “Eleven days.One year ago, he had eleven days left.And we had no idea.” We looked at each other through tears, and asked how we would live if we knew we had eleven days left.As you graduate, can you ask yourselves to live as if you had eleven days left? I don’t mean blow everything off and party all the time— although tonight is an exception.I mean live with the understanding of how precious every single day would be.How precious every day actually is.A few years ago, my mom had to have her hip replaced.When she was younger, she always walked without pain.But as her hip disintegrated, each step became painful.Now, even years after her operation, she is grateful for every step she takes without pain—something that never would have occurred to her before.As I stand here today, a year after the worst day of my life, two things are true.I have a huge reservoir of sadness that is with me always—right here where I can touch it.I never knew I could cry so often—or so much.But I am also aware that I am walking without pain.For the first time, I am grateful for each breath in and out—grateful for the gift of life itself.I used to celebrate my birthday every five years and friends’ birthdays sometimes.Now I celebrate always.I used to go to sleep worrying about all the things I messed up that day—and trust me that list was often quite long.Now I try really hard to focus on each day’s moments of joy.It is the greatest irony of my life that losing my husband helped me find deeper gratitude—gratitude for the kindness of my friends, the love of my family, the laughter of my children.My hope for you is that you can find that gratitude—not just on the good days, like today, but on the hard ones, when you will really need it.There are so many moments of joy ahead of you.That trip you always wanted to take.A first kiss with someone you really like.The day you get a job doing something you truly believe in.Beating Stanford.(Go Bears!)All of these things will happen to you.Enjoy each and every one.I hope that you live your life—each precious day of it—with joy and meaning.I hope that you walk without pain—and that you are grateful for each step.And when the challenges come, I hope you remember that anchored deep within you is the ability to learn and grow.You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience.Like a muscle, you can build it up, draw on it when you need it.In that process you will figure out who you really are—and you just might become the very best version of yourself.Class of 2016, as you leave Berkeley, build resilience.Build resilience in yourselves.When tragedy or disappointment strike, know that you have the ability to get through absolutely anything.I promise you do.As the saying goes, we are more vulnerable than we ever thought, but we are stronger than we ever imagined.Build resilient organizations.If anyone can do it, you can, because Berkeley is filled with people who want to make the world a better place.Never stop working to do so—whether it’s a boardroom that is not representative or a campus that’s not safe.Speak up, especially at institutions like this one, which you hold so dear.My favorite poster at work reads, “Nothing at Facebook is someone else’s problem.” When you see something that’s broken, go fix it.Build resilient communities.We find our humanity—our will to live and our ability to love—in our connections to one another.Be there for your family and friends.And I mean in person.Not just in a message with a heart emoji.Lift each other up, help each other kick the shit out of option B—and celebrate each and every moment of joy.You have the whole world in front of you.I can’t wait to see what you do with it.Congratulations, and Go Bears!

第二篇：桑德伯格16年加州大學伯克利分校畢業典禮演講

硅谷版―安迪‖：桑德伯格16年加州大學伯克利分校畢業典禮演講

她是硅谷版的―安迪‖，Facebook的二當家，周末加州大學伯克利分校的畢業典禮上分享了自己經歷

然而正在她事業蓬勃之際，她的丈夫卻早早撒手人寰，她又有著驚人的毅力克服悲痛。

在丈夫去世一年后，Facebook首席運營官雪莉·桑德伯格學會了如何更有韌性。她在周末加州大學伯克利分校的畢業典禮上分享了自己的經歷，并有可能將其寫入自己的第二本書中。在演講過程中，她數度哽咽。

馬克·扎克伯格在桑德伯格這篇演講的下面評論：―如此美麗而又激勵人心，謝謝你。‖

Thank you, Marie.And thank you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, squirming siblings.謝謝瑪麗。謝謝尊敬的老師們、自豪的父母、忠誠的朋友們，各位同仁。Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016!祝賀所有人……尤其是伯克利2016級的畢業生們！

It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists….and that‘s just the women!

在伯克利求學是一件幸事，這里出過眾多的諾貝爾獎得主、圖靈獎獲得者、宇航員、國會議員和奧運會金牌得主……而且都有女性！

Berkeley has always been ahead of the times.In the 1960s, you led the Free Speech Movement.Back in those days, people used to say that with all the long hair, how do we even tell the boys from the girls? We now know the answer: manbuns.伯克利從來走在時代前列。上世紀60年代，你們的前輩們倡導了言論自由運動。當時還有人說，如果男女都留長發要怎么分辨呢？現在早就有答案了：男生可以梳發髻。

Early on, Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population.When this campus opened in 1873, the class included 167 men and 222 women.It took my alma mater another ninety years to award a single degree to a single woman.其實在那之前伯克利就已兼容并包。伯克利1873年建校，第一屆學生中有167名男生，222名女生。我的母校（哈佛大學——譯者注）過了90年后才向女性頒發第一個學位。

One of the women who came here in search of opportunity was Rosalind Nuss.Roz grew up scrubbing floors in the Brooklyn boardinghouse where she lived.She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family.One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into school—and in 1937, she sat where you are sitting today and received a Berkeley degree.Roz was my grandmother.She was a huge inspiration to me and I‘m so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential.I want to take a moment to offer a special congratulations to the many here today who are the first generation in their families to graduate from college.What a remarkable achievement.曾經有一位女性來到這里求學，她的名字是羅莎琳德?努斯?羅姿。羅姿在紐約布魯克林一處公寓里長大，靠擦地為生。高中時，她的父母讓她輟學養家，幸好被一位老師及時勸服才能繼續上學。1937年，她從伯克利畢業了，就坐在你們現在的位置。故事里的羅姿是我的祖母。直到現在，她的經歷都是我強大的精神支柱。非常感謝伯克利當年慧眼識才。我還要特別恭喜成為家中第一代大學生的才俊，你們非常了不起！

Today is a day of celebration.A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.今天值得慶祝，你們付出了很多努力才走到今天。

Today is a day of thanks.A day to thank those who helped you get here—nurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears.Or at least the ones who didn‘t draw on you with a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.今天應該感謝。要感謝幫助你們一步步走到這里的人，感謝培養你，教導你，鼓勵你，為你擦過眼淚的人。至少也該感謝你在聚會上睡著后沒用記號筆在你臉上亂畫的小伙伴們。

Today is a day of reflection.Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.今天應該沉思。因為今天意味著你生命中一個時代結束，一個新時代開始。A commencement address is meant to be a dance between youth and wisdom.You have the youth.Someone comes in to be the voice of wisdom—that‘s supposed to be me.I stand up here and tell you all the things I have learned in life, you throw your cap in the air, you let your family take a million photos –don‘t forget to post them on Instagram —and everyone goes home happy.畢業典禮致詞仿佛一場青春和智慧之間的交鋒。臺下青春洋溢，演講臺上睿智深刻。今天我本應跟你們分享一些人生經驗。然后，你們把帽子扔到空中，和家人拍照留影，——不要忘了發布在Instagram上，最后大家都高高興興地回家。Today will be a bit different.We will still do the caps and you still have to do the photos.But I am not here to tell you all the things I‘ve learned in life.Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.但今天會有點不一樣?；蛟S你們還是會扔帽子，還是會拍很多照片。但我今天不想傳授生活方面的經驗，而是想講講從親人離世后的領悟。

I have never spoken publicly about this before.It‘s hard.But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on this beautiful Berkeley robe.我以前從未公開談論過這件事，其實很難說出口。我會盡量控制住情緒免得哭出來，弄臟這件漂亮的伯克利長袍不太好。One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave.His death was sudden and unexpected.We were at a friend‘s fiftieth birthday party in Mexico.I took a nap.Dave went to work out.What followed was the unthinkable—walking into a gym to find him lying on the floor.Flying home to tell my children that their father was gone.Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.一年零13天前，我的丈夫戴夫去世了，很突然也很意外。我們去墨西哥參加朋友的50歲生日聚會。我睡了個午覺，戴夫去鍛煉。接下來的事完全不可想象，我走進健身房看見他躺在地板上。后來我坐飛機回家將這個不幸的消息告訴了孩子們，最后親眼看著他的棺材下葬。

For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of grief—what I think of as the void—an emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.他去世后好幾個月里，我經常悲傷得無法自已，內心只覺得一片無盡的空虛四處蔓延，占據了五臟六腑，我無力思考，甚至感覺像要窒息。

Dave‘s death changed me in very profound ways.I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss.But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again.I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.戴夫的死深刻地改變了我。我終于明白了什么叫切膚之痛，也體會到痛失所愛的殘酷。但我也明白了，當生活給你當頭一棒，墮入悲傷之海，你能做的就是奮力游向水面，大口呼吸。我明白了，即便悲傷至空虛，或是面對巨大挑戰，你仍然可以選擇快樂和有意義的生活。

I‘m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death.Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.我跟你們分享親人離世的感受，是希望能在你們走上社會時就能理解失去的痛苦，明白什么是希望、力量和心中永不熄滅的火苗。

Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment.You wanted an A but you got a B.OK, let‘s be honest—you got an A-but you‘re still mad.You applied for an internship at Facebook, but you only got one from Google.She was the love of your life… but then she swiped left.每個從伯克利畢業的人肯定都經歷過挫折。你想考A，結果只得到一個B。你申請到Facebook實習，結果只能去谷歌。你全心愛她，她卻甩了你…… Game of Thrones the show has diverged way too much from the books—and you bothered to read all four thousand three hundred and fifty-two pages.電視劇《權力的游戲》太不尊重原著，你就去看完了4320頁的書……

You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity.There‘s loss of opportunity: the job that doesn‘t work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant.There‘s loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens.There‘s loss of love: the broken relationships that can‘t be fixed.And sometimes there‘s loss of life itself.生活中總會碰到很多難處理的事。有時錯失機會：工作不合適，遭遇疾病或事故因而一切瞬間改變。有時尊嚴盡失：刻薄的偏見常常刺痛人心。有時緣盡人散：親密關系一旦破碎就難重圓。有時不僅是生離，還要面臨死別。

Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark.Last year, Radhika, the winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.你們當中有些人已然歷經刻骨的悲劇和苦難。去年大學獎章得主拉迪卡曾發表演講，動情講述了母親突然去世的悲痛。

The question is not if some of these things will happen to you.They will.Today I want to talk about what happens next.About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you.The easy days ahead of you will be easy.It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are.You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.問題不是這些事情會不會發生，它們遲早都會來的。我想說的是發生之后怎么辦，不管什么困難也不管具體什么時候遭遇，關鍵是怎樣從困境中振作起來。其實只有經歷了真正難捱的日子，被逼到崩潰邊緣，你才能真正了解自己。要發掘真實的內心，不僅要看取得的成就，更要看逆境中如何奮起。

A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a father-son activity that Dave was not here to do.We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave.I cried to him, ―But I want Dave.‖ Phil put his arm around me and said, ―Option A is not available.So let‘s just kick the shit out of option B.‖ 戴夫去世幾個星期后，我和我的朋友菲爾談論一場要父親參加的親子活動。戴夫不在了，我們只好找別人代替他。我哭著對他說：―但我只想要戴夫?！茽枔ё∥艺f：―A計劃不行了，將就將就用B計劃吧。‖

We all at some point live some form of option B.The question is: What do we do then? 我們總會碰到不盡如人意只能用B計劃的時候，問題是：該怎么面對？ As a representative of Silicon Valley, I‘m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from.After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P‘s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.可能有點硅谷的職業病吧，我想說走出挫折也要科學對待。心理學家馬丁?塞利格曼（Martin Seligman）研究幾十年后發現，從苦難中振作起來關鍵是做到三點——不要過分自責（personalization）、不要過分解讀（pervasiveness）以及不要以為傷痛永遠不褪（permanence）。挺過生活中一次次打擊，才能慢慢磨煉出韌性。

The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault.This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do.This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.不要過分自責，就是說不要把悲傷的原因攬到自己身上。承擔責任是應該的，但是痛苦時不要過分情緒化，要清楚一件事，并不是所有的壞事都是自己造成的。When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself.He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia.I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done.It wasn‘t until I learned about the three P‘s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease.I was an economics major;how could I have? 戴夫去世后我就忍不住責怪自己。他在幾秒鐘內死于心臟病突發。我翻遍他的病歷尋找線索，看看我要是做了什么，戴夫就不會死。明白這三條原則之后，我才慢慢接受不管怎樣都救不了他這個事實。他的醫生們沒發現他有心臟病，我一個學經濟的又怎么可能發現呢？

Studies show that getting past personalization can actually make you stronger.Teachers who knew they could do better after students failed adjusted their methods and saw future classes go on to excel.College swimmers who underperformed but believed they were capable of swimming faster did.Not taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to thrive.研究表明減少過分自責確實會讓人強大起來。學生掛科之后老師與其后悔沒盡力，不如努力改進教學方法幫助以后的學生取得好成績。大學里游泳運動員成績不理想，但是只要堅信可以游得更好，就能實現。只有走出過分自責的陰影，才能盡快恢復，甚至督促自己做得更好。

The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life.You know that song ―Everything is awesome?‖ This is the flip: ―Everything is awful.‖ There‘s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.第二條不要過分解讀，就是不要篤定壞事一定會影響生活中每個角落。有一首歌叫《一切都是極好的》，反過來就是《一切都是可怕的》。人們常常會以為悲傷大過天，根本無處可逃。

The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible.So ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to work.I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze.All I could think was, ―What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?‖ But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—a brief split second—I forgot about death.我跟兒童心理學家聊了之后，他讓我盡快恢復孩子們的日常習慣。戴夫去世十天后，他們回到學校，我則回到工作崗位。我記得回去上班后頭一次開會，精神都是恍惚的。我心里想的都是，―他們都在說什么，這些小事有什么好說的？‖但后來我加入討論，說著說著突然有那么一瞬，我好像忘記了死亡的悲痛。That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful.My children and I were healthy.My friends and family were so loving and they carried us—quite literally at times.那短暫的一瞬讓我明白，生活中還有一些事沒那么糟糕。畢竟，我跟孩子們都很健康，親朋好友都那么關心支持我們，那段時間真的多虧他們撐著我才沒垮。The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women.So many single mothers—and fathers—struggle to make ends meet or have jobs that don‘t allow them the time they need to care for their children.I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and a job that I did not just believe in, but where it‘s actually OK to spend all day on Facebook.Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing more.失去伴侶往往會伴隨巨大的經濟打擊，女性更是如此。許多單身母親和父親都在非常努力工作，沒什么時間照看孩子。跟他們比我不用擔心經濟來源，能抽出時間照顧孩子，而且我有一份很好的工作。漸漸地，孩子們晚上能睡踏實了，哭鬧少了，又愿意玩了。

The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever.For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.第三條是不要以為傷痛永遠不褪，就是相信痛苦會一直繼續。戴夫去世后有幾個月，無論我做什么都能感覺到令人窒息的悲傷，而且從來沒有減輕的跡象。We often project our current feelings out indefinitely—and experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feelings.We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we‘re anxious.We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we‘re sad.Instead, we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever.My rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should ―lean in to the suck.‖ It was good advice, but not really what I meant by ―lean in.‖ 我們總是覺得當前不好的感覺會無限延伸，而且不良情緒還會滋生副產品。我們感到焦慮，然后因為焦慮而焦慮；感到傷心，然后因為傷心而傷心。實際上，我們應該誠實面對自己的感覺，然后認清事實，其實所有感覺都不會永遠持續。我的拉比（猶太教里的精神導師——譯者注）說，時間會治愈一切，我也得學會―向前一步‖。這是個好建議，不過我寫書時說的―向前一步‖其實不完全是這個意思。None of you need me to explain the fourth P…which is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.其實還有第四個原則，就是美味的披薩，不用解釋了吧……

But I wish I had known about the three P‘s when I was your age.There were so many times these lessons would have helped.言歸正傳，我真的很希望在你們這個年齡就知道這三條原則。許多時候，這些經驗都很有用。

Day one of my first job out of college, my boss found out that I didn‘t know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3.That‘s a spreadsheet—ask your parents.His mouth dropped open and he said, ?I can‘t believe you got this job without knowing that‖—and then walked out of the room.I went home convinced that I was going to be fired.I thought I was terrible at everything… but it turns out I was only terrible at spreadsheets.Understanding pervasiveness would have saved me a lot of anxiety that week.我大學畢業后做第一份工作時，老板發現我不會把數據錄入蓮花1-2-3（蓮花公司的電子表格軟件——譯者注）。蓮花1-2-3是個電子表格——你們的爸媽可能知道。他張大嘴說：―連這個都不會，真不知道你怎么進來公司的?！?然后就走出去了。晚上回家我覺得要被炒魷魚，然后覺得我什么事都做不好……但事實證明，我只是不會做電子表格而已。如果我當時就能明白不要過分解讀，沒必要一時難過就否定一切，當時就不會那么焦慮。

I wish I had known about permanence when I broke up with boyfriends.It would‘ve been a comfort to know that feeling was not going to last forever, and if I was being honest with myself… neither were any of those relationships.我跟男朋友提出分手時，要是明白痛苦并不會一直持續就好了。如果我當時知道再難受也會慢慢緩解，如果我能誠實面對自己，就會安慰很多，不過我都沒做到。And I wish I had understood personalization when boyfriends broke up with me.Sometimes it‘s not you—it really is them.I mean, that dude never showered.男朋友和我分手時，我要是懂得不要過分自責就好了。有時真的不是我的錯，錯的是他們。說了你可能都不信，這家伙從來不洗澡。

And all three P‘s ganged up on me in my twenties after my first marriage ended in divorce.I thought at the time that no matter what I accomplished, I was a massive failure.我20多歲時第一次婚姻以離婚告終，這三條原則一條都沒做到。當時的感覺是不管我做成過什么，最后還是一敗涂地。

The three P‘s are common emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our relationships.You‘re probably feeling one of them right now about something in your life.But if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can catch yourself.Just as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are steps you can take to help kick it into gear.這三條原則針對的是我們遇到許多事情后常見的反應，不管是事業上，個人生活里，還是人際關系中。沒準你現在就正在經歷一些挫折。不過，如果你能清醒地發現陷阱，還有自救的機會。我們的身體里都有免疫系統，其實大腦里也有精神免疫系統，只是要用點辦法才能啟動。

One day my friend Adam Grant, a psychologist, suggested that I think about how much worse things could be.This was completely counterintuitive;it seemed like the way to recover was to try to find positive thoughts.―Worse?‖ I said.―Are you kidding me? How could things be worse?‖ His answer cut straight through me: ―Dave could have had that same cardiac arrhythmia while he was driving your children.‖ Wow.The moment he said it, I was overwhelmingly grateful that the rest of my family was alive and healthy.That gratitude overtook some of the grief.有一天，我的心理學家朋友亞當?格蘭特建議我換個角度思考，想象事情可能會更糟糕。剛一聽讓人挺難接受的。―更糟？‖我說。―開玩笑嗎？都這樣了還能怎么糟。‖我說。他回答道：―想象一下戴夫開車時突發心臟病，孩子們也都在車里。‖天吶！那一刻，我突然很感激孩子們都沒事，還健康地活著。感激之后悲傷也減輕了一點。

Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are happier and healthier.It turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your blessings.My New Year‘s resolution this year is to write down three moments of joy before I go to bed each night.This simple practice has changed my life.Because no matter what happens each day, I go to sleep thinking of something cheerful.Try it.Start tonight when you have so many fun moments to list— although maybe do it before you hit Kip‘s and can still remember what they are.常懷感激之情是走出悲傷的關鍵。多花點時間列出值得感恩的事，就會更快樂也更健康。事實證明，多數數身邊的好事，好事真的會越變越多。我今年的新年決心就是，每天晚上睡覺前寫下三件當天高興的事。做起來其實不難，但已經改變了我的生活。因為不管每天發生了什么，我睡覺的時候都在想著快樂的事。今晚開始試一下吧，今天肯定就有很多開心的事可以列。希望今晚你們臨睡前都還記得。

Last month, eleven days before the anniversary of Dave‘s death, I broke down crying to a friend of mine.We were sitting—of all places—on a bathroom floor.I said: ―Eleven days.One year ago, he had eleven days left.And we had no idea.‖ We looked at each other through tears, and asked how we would live if we knew we had eleven days left.上個月有一天，我想到還有11天戴夫逝世就滿周年了，在一個朋友面前忍不住痛哭，當時我們還坐在浴室地板上。我說：―11天。一年前的今天，他的生命只剩下11天了，我們卻不知道?！覀兺舜硕既滩蛔⊥纯?，然后問對方如果知道生命只剩下11天會如何生活。

As you graduate, can you ask yourselves to live as if you had eleven days left? I don‘t mean blow everything off and party all the time— although tonight is an exception.I mean live with the understanding of how precious every single day would be.How precious every day actually is.你們畢業了，以后能像生命只剩下11天一樣去生活嗎？我的意思不是讓你們拋下一切，每天都去聚會狂歡，當然今晚例外。我的意思是要明白每天都很珍貴。每一天都要珍惜不能浪費。A few years ago, my mom had to have her hip replaced.When she was younger, she always walked without pain.But as her hip disintegrated, each step became painful.Now, even years after her operation, she is grateful for every step she takes without pain—something that never would have occurred to her before.幾年前，我母親做手術換了髖關節。她年輕時走路總是會疼，髖關節粉碎性骨折之后每一步都疼痛難忍?，F在做完手術好幾年了，她還會經常感激走路不會疼，因為手術前根本無法想象。

As I stand here today, a year after the worst day of my life, two things are true.I have a huge reservoir of sadness that is with me always—right here where I can touch it.I never knew I could cry so often—or so much.如今我人生中最慘的一天過去已經一年了，我能確定兩件事情是真實的。第一，我心中巨大的悲傷會永遠揮之不去，就在這，我都能觸摸到。還有就是以前我從來沒想過我能天天哭，淚水能那么多。

But I am also aware that I am walking without pain.For the first time, I am grateful for each breath in and out—grateful for the gift of life itself.I used to celebrate my birthday every five years and friends‘ birthdays sometimes.Now I celebrate always.I used to go to sleep worrying about all the things I messed up that day—and trust me that list was often quite long.Now I try really hard to focus on each day‘s moments of joy.但我也能確定我可以輕松走路，不用忍受疼痛。有生以來第一次，我感激每一次呼吸，感激自己的生命。過去我每五年過一次生日，朋友的生日只是偶爾慶?！，F在，每次我都不錯過。過去我睡覺前總是在想當天有多少事沒做好，其實經常搞砸很多。而現在我會集中精神想當天高興的事。

It is the greatest irony of my life that losing my husband helped me find deeper gratitude—gratitude for the kindness of my friends, the love of my family, the laughter of my children.My hope for you is that you can find that gratitude—not just on the good days, like today, but on the hard ones, when you will really need it.說起來可能有點諷刺，我失去了丈夫，卻因此體會到更深的感激——感謝朋友們的好意、感謝家人的愛，感謝孩子們的歡笑。我希望你們也能學會感激，不僅是在好日子里感激，比方說今天，在艱難的日子里更要感激，到那時感激之情對你們的幫助更大。

There are so many moments of joy ahead of you.That trip you always wanted to take.A first kiss with someone you really like.The day you get a job doing something you truly believe in.Beating Stanford.(Go Bears!)All of these things will happen to you.Enjoy each and every one.你們的人生道路上還有許多快樂的時刻。比如一直想去的旅行，與你真正喜歡的人的初吻，一份真正熱愛的工作。還有擊敗斯坦福（加油金熊隊?。┟篮玫氖虑槎紩絹恚M情享受吧。

I hope that you live your life—each precious day of it—with joy and meaning.I hope that you walk without pain—and that you are grateful for each step.希望你們今后的每一天都充滿快樂充實，希望你們的每一步都輕松自在沒有痛苦，希望你們會意識到這一切值得感激。

And when the challenges come, I hope you remember that anchored deep within you is the ability to learn and grow.You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience.Like a muscle, you can build it up, draw on it when you need it.In that process you will figure out who you really are—and you just might become the very best version of yourself.面對挑戰時，希望你們記住最重要的是學習和成長的能力。你們面對挫折的韌性并非固定不變。像肌肉一樣，韌性是可以鍛煉的，需要時就可以發揮作用。成長過程中你會慢慢了解自我，而且可能已經變成最好的自己。Class of 2016, as you leave Berkeley, build resilience.2016級的畢業生們，在你離開伯克利時，記得鍛煉韌性。

Build resilience in yourselves.When tragedy or disappointment strike, know that you have the ability to get through absolutely anything.I promise you do.As the saying goes, we are more vulnerable than we ever thought, but we are stronger than we ever imagined.加強自身克服困難的韌性。悲劇或挫折來臨時，你會知道自己有能力挺過去。相信我，你們可以的。常言道，我們比想象中脆弱，但也比想象中強大。Build resilient organizations.If anyone can do it, you can, because Berkeley is filled with people who want to make the world a better place.Never stop working to do so—whether it‘s a boardroom that is not representative or a campus that‘s not safe.Speak up, especially at institutions like this one, which you hold so dear.My favorite poster at work reads, ―Nothing at Facebook is someone else‘s problem.‖ When you see something that‘s broken, go fix it.打造堅韌的團體。別人能做到，你也可以，因為從伯克利走出去的都是想把世界變得更美好的人。董事會或許不太完善，校園也可能不太安全，但永遠不要放棄努力。大膽地說出意見，尤其是在伯克利這么難得的自由校園。辦公室里我最喜歡的一幅海報上寫著，―在Facebook任何事都不應該推給別人。‖發現有什么事需要做，那就去做。

Build resilient communities.We find our humanity—our will to live and our ability to love—in our connections to one another.Be there for your family and friends.And I mean in person.Not just in a message with a heart emoji.建立強大的社區，人類都是通過與旁人的聯系找到自我認同的，在群體中人們才有生存的愿望，才能學會愛。要及時幫助家人朋友，一定要親自去，不要在手機上發條信息加個心形表情就算交差了。

Lift each other up, help each other kick the shit out of option B—and celebrate each and every moment of joy.互相扶持，幫助他人走出困境，慶祝每一個歡樂的時刻。

You have the whole world in front of you.I can‘t wait to see what you do with it.整個世界就在你們面前。我真的很期待你們的成就！Congratulations, and Go Bears!恭喜畢業，加油金熊隊！

第三篇：桑德伯格TED演講

桑德伯格TED演講：為什么女性領導那么少？

Facebook COO 謝樂爾·桑德伯格（Sheryl Sandberg）

謝樂爾·桑德伯格（Sheryl Sandberg）是全球最大的社交網站Facebook的首席運營官，曾任比爾·克林頓政府的財政部辦公室主任，后任Google副總裁，短時間內幫助谷歌實現盈利。2008年3月，桑德伯格加入新興社交網絡Facebook，擔任首席運營官。3年后，Facebook的用戶數從當初的6000萬飆升至如今的7億，廣告收入更是從2008年的3億美元上漲到2010年的19億美元，比兩年前翻了六倍，而Google的廣告收入在這三年增速減緩。她在演講中為職場女性提供3條建議：像男性一樣坐到談判桌旁，爭取自己能夠勝任的職位和應得的薪水；與伴侶有效溝通，共同分擔家務和養育孩子的責任；在得到自己想要的職位前“不要提前離場”。

正文：我們先承認我們是幸運的。我們沒有生活在我們母親和我們祖母生活過的那個世界，在那時，女性的職業選擇是非常有限的。今天在座的各位，大多數人成長于一個女性有基本公民權的世界。令人驚訝地是，我們還生活在一個有些女性還沒有這些權利的世界。但除上所述，我們還有一個問題，它是一個實際問題。這問題是：在世界各地，女性沒達到任何職業的高管職位。這些數據很清楚地告訴我們這實情。190個國家元首里，九位是女性領導。在世界上議會的總人數中，13%是女性議員。在公司部門，女性占據高位C級職位，董事會席位高管職位比例占15%，16%。自從2002年起這數據沒變化過有下降趨勢。即使在非營利的行業----我們有時認為這一行業是被更多女性所領導的，女性領導人占20%。

我們還面臨著另一個問題，就是女性在職業成功和個人價值實現中所面臨的艱難選擇。美國最近一個研究表明，已婚高管人員，三分之二的已婚男性高管人員有孩子，只有三分之一的已婚女性高管人員有孩子。幾年前，我在紐約，出席一個協議，在那種別致的紐約私募投資辦事處中的一個你能想象到的。我在這個大約有3小時的會議上，過了2小時，有個間歇休息，所有人都站起來，這會議組織者開始顯得的確很尷尬。我意識到他不知道在他辦公室哪里是女洗手間。所以我開始尋找移動廁所，盤算他們剛搬進來，但我沒有看到任何移動廁所。然后我說，“你是剛搬到這辦公室嗎？”他說，“不是，我們在這兒已經有一年了?！蔽艺f，“你能否告訴我這一年來，我是唯一一個來這間辦公室的女性嗎？”他看著我，說到，“是的。或者說你可能是唯一一個要上女性洗手間?！?/p>

所以問題是，我們該怎樣解決這樣的尷尬？我們怎樣改變這些高管職位的比例？我們怎樣使這個變得不同？我首先想說，我談這個女性就職因為我的確認為我們得找到答案。在我們勞動力的高收入的部分，在高管的人員中，財富500強首席執行長官中，或在其它類似的高管行業中，我確信，問題是女性被排除在外。當下人們對此談了很多，他們談到像彈性時間和指導公司應該培訓婦女計劃的事。今天我不想談這些盡管所有這些事都非常重要。今天我想關注作為個人我們所能做到的事。我們要告訴給自己的事是什么？我們告訴給女同事和打工的女性的事是什么？我們要告訴給我們女兒的事是什么？

現在首先，我想澄清這個演講不帶有任何評判。我也沒有正確的答案；甚至就我而言，我也沒有完全的答案。在周一，我離開我生活的加利福尼亞，我坐上飛機趕赴這會議。當我送我三歲的女兒到幼兒園時，她緊緊抱進我的腿，哭喊著，“媽咪，不要上飛機”之類的話。這很難受。有時我感到內疚。我知道無論是家庭主婦，還是職業女性，有時她們都會感同身受。所以我不會說對所有人來說，呆在職場是件正確的事。今天我的演講是要講如果你真正想呆在職場。我想有3條建議。

一、坐在桌旁。

二、讓你的伴侶成為一個真正的合作伙伴。

三、在你離開前別放棄。

第一、坐在桌旁。僅僅幾周前在臉譜，我們主持一個非常高級行政官員會議，馬克·扎克伯格與來自硅谷周圍的高級行政官員見面。每個人都坐在桌邊。然后攜同他的2個女性，在他部門中她們也占非常高的職位。我對她們說，“坐在桌邊。來吧，坐在桌邊?！币驗樗齻冏诹宋葑拥囊贿?。我在大四時，我選修一節歐洲思想史的課程。你們喜愛大學的這類課程嘛。我希望我現在能做到。我和我室友卡麗一起學習，她那時是一個才華橫溢的文學學生，現在成為了一個杰出的文學家，另外我的弟弟一個聰明的小伙子，但他愛打水球，他上醫學預科大二。我們三人一起選修這課。然后卡麗讀了所有希臘文和拉丁文的原版書籍--去了所有的課--我讀了所有英語的書上了大多數的課。我弟弟有點忙；他讀了12本書中的一本去上了幾節課，在考試前幾天他來到我們房間自己輔導了一下。我們三個一起去考試了，我們坐下來。我們考了有3個小時，我們的小藍筆記本，是的。我們走出來，對視對方，我們說，“你考得怎樣？”卡麗說，“伙計，我感到我真沒有答對有關黑格爾辯證法的主要命題?！蔽艺f，“上帝啊，我真希望我考試時能想到學習過的洛克的產權理論等哲學家?！蔽业艿軈s說，“我會是班里考得最好的?！薄澳銜前嗬锟嫉米詈玫?？你啥都不知道。”

這種故事的問題出在數據所表明的事實：女性被系統化地低估了她們自身的能力。如果你測試男性和女性，你問他們問題，按完全客觀的標準平均成績來算，男性會錯誤的高估一些，女性則會錯誤地低估一些。女性在職場不會為自身利益去談判。在過去兩年，關于人們從學校進入職場的一個調查表明57%的男生或男性進入職場，我猜會協商他們的第一份薪水，只有7%的女性會去協商。更重要的是，男性把他們的成功歸功于他們自身，而女性則歸功于其他外部因素。如果你問男性為什么他們能把工作做好，他們會說，“我棒極了。這是顯而易見的。這還用問嗎？”如果你問女性是什么使她們在工作中出色，她們會說有人幫助她們，她們很幸運，她們工作異常努力。這個問題很重要嗎？大家，這關系很大因為沒人得到角落辦公室的職位要是只坐在旁邊，而不是桌邊。沒人得到提升如果他們認為他們不應享有這成功，或者他們甚至不明白他們自己的成功。

我但愿這答案是容易的。我希望我盡可能告訴我所共事過的所有年輕女性，所有這些非常棒的女性，“相信你們自己，為自身利益要討價還價。把握住你的成功?！蔽蚁Ｍ乙材芨嬖V我的女兒。但這不是很簡單。因為首先是數據表明一件事，它表明成功和人緣親切性對于男性來說是積極影響的而對于女性來說是負面影響的。每個人都點頭，因為我們大家都知道這是真的。

一個非常棒的研究也很好地表明了這一觀點。哈佛商學院的一個著名研究是有關于一位叫海蒂·羅森的女性。她是硅谷一家公司的負責人，她使用她的關系成為一名非常成功的風險資本家。在2002年，不久前當時在哥倫比亞大學的一位教授做這個例子和把它改成霍華德·羅森。他把這個案例，他們兩人向兩組學生展示。他只改變了一個詞：海蒂到霍華德。但這個詞就造成了非常大的差異。然后他調查學生。好消息是學生們，男生和女生認為海蒂和霍華德都是能力相當的，這很好。但壞消息是每個人都喜歡霍華德。他是個了不起的人，大家都想和他共事，大家都想和他去釣魚。但海蒂呢？不好說。她有點只為自己著想，對政治有點熱衷。大家不太想和她共事。這是復雜的。我們得告訴我們的女兒和我們的同事，我們得告訴我們自己相信我們能獲得A，得到提升，坐在桌邊。我們在這世上得做到這點，在世上，女性要爭取這些就得做出犧牲，盡管她們的兄弟不用為此而付出犧牲。

所有關于這的最可悲的事是很難記住這個。我將講個對我來說是個真正尷尬的故事，但我認為它很重要。在臉譜不久前我給大約100名員工做這個演講。幾小時后，在臉譜工作的一個年輕女性坐到我小桌子旁邊，她想和我談談。我說，好，她坐了下來，我們談了起來。她說，“我今天學了一些東西。我知道我需要舉起我的手?！蔽艺f，“你指什么啊？”她說，“你在講這個話時，你說你將會回答2個以上問題。我和其他一些人舉起手，你回答了2個以上問題。我把手放下來，我注意到所有女性都把手放下來，然后你又回答了很多問題，僅有男性參與?！蔽易约合肓艘幌?，如果換成是我，誰會在乎這個，明顯地做這次演講，在這演講中，我甚至沒注意到男人們的手是不是還一直舉著，女人們的手是不是還一直舉著，我們到底有多出色，當我們作為公司和組織的經理人的時候，以及當我們作為少數，與男性競爭爭取機會的時候？我們得讓女性坐到桌子邊上。

第二條：讓你的伴侶成為一個真正的合作伙伴。我已經確信我們在職場比起我們在家庭中起了更大的作用。數據也很清楚地表明這點。如果一個女性和一個男性同時全職并有一個小孩，女性比起男性要做兩倍多家務活兒，女性比起男性做了三倍多照顧嬰兒的事。所以她有了2份，3份工作，而他只有一份。當有人必須在家多干活時，誰應該留下來？這個的理由實在太復雜，我沒有時間來講它們。但我也不認為周日看美式足球和日常的懶惰是理由。

我認為理由是更加復雜化的。我認為，作為一個社會，我們總是更希望男孩子們成功，對女孩子則壓力小些。我知道有居家男人呆在家里做內務支持職場妻子這很難。當我去“媽咪和我”的培訓課時，我看到那里的父親，我留意到其他媽咪不愿和他相處。這是個問題，因為我們得把內務變成一個重要的工作因為它是世界上最難的工作-居家工作無論男人女人，我們只有平分了這些事，女性才可能留在職場。（掌聲）研究表明夫妻收入相等、且夫妻分擔責任相當的家庭也有50%的離婚率。如果這數據并不那么鼓舞人，還有更多的在這個講臺我該怎么講呢？夫妻雙方對于彼此的了解，不僅是做愛這么簡單。

（歡呼）

建議三：在你離開前別放棄。我認為這是一個非常深刻的諷刺對于女性所采取行動而言--我一直目睹類似情況的發生--女性希望留在職場這個目標，往往導致它們最終不得不離開職場。曾發生這樣的事：我們都忙；每個人都很忙；作為一個女人也很忙。她開始考慮生小孩。從她開始考慮生小孩的時候起，她開始考慮為孩子準備房間?！拔以撊绾握{整孩子這件事和手頭上的其他事呢？”言下之意，她不再舉起她的手，她不尋求提升，她不找新的計劃，她不會說，“我，我想做那個。”她開始退縮。這是個問題讓我們說說她懷孕的那段日子9個月的懷胎，3個月的產假，6個月來調養休息快速調整要2年，更多的，正如我看到的女性開始過早考慮這事當她們有約會或者結婚時，當她們開始考慮要小孩，這會花相當長的一段時間。一位女性關于此事來找我，我看著她，她顯得有點年輕。我說，“那么你和你丈夫考慮要小孩了？”她說，“哦不，我還沒結婚。”她甚至沒有男友。我說，“你考慮這個太早了吧。”

但關鍵是一旦你開始退縮下來，接下來會發生什么呢？每個人都會經歷這個在這兒我告訴你，一旦在家你有了孩子，你真的最好是回到你的工作中去，因為把小孩留在家太難了，你的工作得有挑戰性。它也得有回報。你得感覺到世界因你而變。如果2年前你沒有得到提升在你旁邊的一個男孩得到提升，如果三年前你放棄尋找新的機會，你會變得很乏味因為你應該緊踩油門，加油。在你離開前別放棄。保住工作。緊踩油門，除非到了那一天你需要離開為了孩子休假然后做出你自己的決定。不要提前做太長遠決定，特別是你甚至不曉得自己該做怎樣的決定。

我這一代的女性非?？上?，沒能改變高管職位的數據變化。女人們就是呆在原地。我們沒能達到50%的高管職位，在任何行業的高管職位中，女性都未達到50%。但我希望未來一代人可以做到。我認為我們世界上半數國家和半數公司會由女性所領導，那將會是一個更美好的世界。這不僅僅是因為人們會知道女性洗手間在哪兒，盡管這也有非常大的幫助。我認為它

將會是一個更美好的世界。我有2個孩子。我5歲的兒子和3歲的女兒。我想我兒子會選擇在職場或在家里都盡心盡責，全心奉獻。我女兒的選擇不僅僅是成功，她會更熱愛她所做出的成就。

第四篇：桑德伯格在加州大學伯克利分校2016畢業典禮上的演講

Facebook COO 雪莉·桑德伯格在加州大學伯克利分校2016畢業典禮上的演講

5月14日，Facebook 首席運營官、《向前一步》作者雪莉?桑德伯格（Sheryl Sandberg）在加州大學伯克利分校（UC Berkeley）2016畢業典禮上發表演講。在丈夫離世一年之際，她講到了痛失愛人的痛苦以及應付挫折的韌性。丈夫去世后，她在“向前一步”方面有些新思考，近來也引發不少討論。

UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY 2016 Commencement Address Thank you, Marie.And thank you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, squirming siblings.Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016!It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists….and that’s just the women!

Berkeley has always been ahead of the times.In the 1960s, you led the Free Speech Movement.Back in those days, people used to say that with all the long hair, how do we even tell the boys from the girls? We now know the answer: manbuns.Early on, Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population.When this campus opened in 1873, the class included 167 men and 222 women.It took my alma mater another ninety years to award a single degree to a single woman.One of the women who came here in search of opportunity was Rosalind Nuss.Roz grew up scrubbing floors in the Brooklyn boardinghouse where she lived.She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family.One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into school—and in 1937, she sat where you are sitting today and received a Berkeley degree.Roz was my grandmother.She was a huge inspiration to me and I’m so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential.I want to take a moment to offer a special congratulations to the many here today who are the first generation in their families to graduate from college.What a remarkable achievement.Today is a day of celebration.A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.Today is a day of thanks.A day to thank those who helped you get here—nurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears.Or at least the ones who didn’t draw on you with a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.Today is a day of reflection.Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.A commencement address is meant to be a dance between youth and wisdom.You have the youth.Someone comes in to be the voice of wisdom—that’s supposed to be me.I stand up here and tell you all the things I have learned in life, you throw your cap in the air, you let your family take a million photos –don’t forget to post them on Instagram —and everyone goes home happy.Today will be a bit different.We will still do the caps and you still have to do the photos.But I am not here to tell you all the things I’ve learned in life.Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.I have never spoken publicly about this before.It’s hard.But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on this beautiful Berkeley robe.One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave.His death was sudden and unexpected.We were at a friend’s fiftieth birthday party in Mexico.I took a nap.Dave went to work out.What followed was the unthinkable—walking into a gym to find him lying on the floor.Flying home to tell my children that their father was gone.Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of grief—what I think of as the void—an emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.Dave’s death changed me in very profound ways.I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss.But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again.I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.I’m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death.Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment.You wanted an A but you got a B.OK, let’s be honest—you got an A-but you’re still mad.You applied for an internship at Facebook, but you only got one from Google.She was the love of your life… but then she swiped left.Game of Thrones the show has diverged way too much from the books—and you bothered to read all four thousand three hundred and fifty-two pages.You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity.There’s loss of opportunity: the job that doesn’t work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant.There’s loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens.There’s loss of love: the broken relationships that can’t be fixed.And sometimes there’s loss of life itself.Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark.Last year, Radhika, the winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.The question is not if some of these things will happen to you.They will.Today I want to talk about what happens next.About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you.The easy days ahead of you will be easy.It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are.You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a father-son activity that Dave was not here to do.We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave.I cried to him, “But I want Dave.” Phil put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available.So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.”

We all at some point live some form of option B.The question is: What do we do then? As a representative of Silicon Valley, I’m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from.After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault.This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do.This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself.He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia.I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done.It wasn’t until I learned about the three P’s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease.I was an economics major;how could I have? Studies show that getting past personalization can actually make you stronger.Teachers who knew they could do better after students failed adjusted their methods and saw future classes go on to excel.College swimmers who underperformed but believed they were capable of swimming faster did.Not taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to thrive.The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life.You know that song “Everything is awesome?” This is the flip: “Everything is awful.” There’s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible.So ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to work.I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze.All I could think was, “What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?” But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—a brief split second—I forgot about death.That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful.My children and I were healthy.My friends and family were so loving and they carried us—quite literally at times.The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women.So many single mothers—and fathers—struggle to make ends meet or have jobs that don’t allow them the time they need to care for their children.I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and a job that I did not just believe in, but where it’s actually OK to spend all day on Facebook.Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing more.The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever.For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.We often project our current feelings out indefinitely—and experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feelings.We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we’re anxious.We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we’re sad.Instead, we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever.My rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should “lean in to the suck.” It was good advice, but not really what I meant by “lean in.”

None of you need me to explain the fourth P…which is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.But I wish I had known about the three P’s when I was your age.There were so many times these lessons would have helped.Day one of my first job out of college, my boss found out that I didn’t know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3.That’s a spreadsheet—ask your parents.His mouth dropped open and he said, ‘I can’t believe you got this job without knowing that”—and then walked out of the room.I went home convinced that I was going to be fired.I thought I was terrible at everything… but it turns out I was only terrible at spreadsheets.Understanding pervasiveness would have saved me a lot of anxiety that week.I wish I had known about permanence when I broke up with boyfriends.It would’ve been a comfort to know that feeling was not going to last forever, and if I was being honest with myself… neither were any of those relationships.And I wish I had understood personalization when boyfriends broke up with me.Sometimes it’s not you—it really is them.I mean, that dude never showered.And all three P’s ganged up on me in my twenties after my first marriage ended in divorce.I thought at the time that no matter what I accomplished, I was a massive failure.The three P’s are common emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our relationships.You’re probably feeling one of them right now about something in your life.But if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can catch yourself.Just as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are steps you can take to help kick it into gear.One day my friend Adam Grant, a psychologist, suggested that I think about how much worse things could be.This was completely counterintuitive;it seemed like the way to recover was to try to find positive thoughts.“Worse?” I said.“Are you kidding me? How could things be worse?” His answer cut straight through me: “Dave could have had that same cardiac arrhythmia while he was driving your children.” Wow.The moment he said it, I was overwhelmingly grateful that the rest of my family was alive and healthy.That gratitude overtook some of the grief.Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are happier and healthier.It turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your blessings.My New Year’s resolution this year is to write down three moments of joy before I go to bed each night.This simple practice has changed my life.Because no matter what happens each day, I go to sleep thinking of something cheerful.Try it.Start tonight when you have so many fun moments to list— although maybe do it before you hit Kip’s and can still remember what they are.Last month, eleven days before the anniversary of Dave’s death, I broke down crying to a friend of mine.We were sitting—of all places—on a bathroom floor.I said: “Eleven days.One year ago, he had eleven days left.And we had no idea.” We looked at each other through tears, and asked how we would live if we knew we had eleven days left.As you graduate, can you ask yourselves to live as if you had eleven days left? I don’t mean blow everything off and party all the time— although tonight is an exception.I mean live with the understanding of how precious every single day would be.How precious every day actually is.A few years ago, my mom had to have her hip replaced.When she was younger, she always walked without pain.But as her hip disintegrated, each step became painful.Now, even years after her operation, she is grateful for every step she takes without pain—something that never would have occurred to her before.As I stand here today, a year after the worst day of my life, two things are true.I have a huge reservoir of sadness that is with me always—right here where I can touch it.I never knew I could cry so often—or so much.But I am also aware that I am walking without pain.For the first time, I am grateful for each breath in and out—grateful for the gift of life itself.I used to celebrate my every five years and friends’ birthdays sometimes.Now I celebrate always.I used to go to sleep worrying about all the things I messed up that day—and trust me that list was often quite long.Now I try really hard to focus on each day’s moments of joy.It is the greatest irony of my life that losing my husban d helped me find deeper gratitude—gratitude for the kindness of my friends, the love of my family, the laughter of my children.My hope for you is that you can find that gratitude—not just on the good days, like today, but on the hard ones, when you will really need it.There are so many moments of joy ahead of you.That trip you always wanted to take.A first kiss with someone youreally like.The day you get a job doing something you truly believe in.Beating Stanford.(Go Bears!)All of these things will happen to you.Enjoy each and every one.I hope that you live your life—each precious day of it—with joy and meaning.I hope that you walk without pain—and that you are grateful for each step.And when the challenges come, I hope you remember that anchored deep within you is the ability to learn and grow.You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience.Like a muscle, you can build it up, draw on it when you need it.In that process you will figure out who you really are—and you just might become the very best version of yourself.Class of 2016, as you leave Berkeley, build resilience.Build resilience in yourselves.When tragedy or disappointment strike, know that you have the ability to get through absolutely anything.I promise you do.As the saying goes, we are more vulnerable than we ever thought, but we are stronger than we ever imagined.Build resilient organizations.If anyone can do it, you can, because Berkeley is filled with people who want to make the world a better place.Never stop working to do so—whether it’s a boardroom that is not representative or a campus that’s not safe.Speak up, especially at institutions like this one, which you hold so dear.My favorite poster at work reads, “Nothing at Facebook is someone else’s problem.” When you see something that’s broken, go fix it.Build resilient communities.We find our humanity—our will to live and our ability to love—in our connections to one another.Be there for your family and friends.And I mean in person.Not just in a message with a heart emoji.Lift each other up, help each other kick the shit out of option B—and celebrate each and every moment of joy.You have the whole world in front of you.I can’t wait to see what you do with it.Congratulations, and Go Bears!

桑德伯格在加州大學伯克利分校2016畢業典禮上的演講

謝謝瑪麗。謝謝尊敬的老師們、光榮的父母、忠誠的朋友，兄弟姐妹們。祝賀所有人……尤其是伯克利2016的畢業生們！

在伯克利求學是一件幸事，這里出過眾多的諾貝爾獎得主、圖靈獎獲得者、宇航員、國會議員和奧運會金牌得主……而且都有女性！伯克利從來走在時代前列。上世紀60年代，你們的前輩們倡導了言論自由運動。當時還有人說，如果男女都留長發要怎么分辨呢？現在早就有答案了：男生可以梳發髻。

其實在那之前伯克利就已兼容并包。伯克利1873年建校，第一屆學生中有167名男生，222名女生。我的母校（哈佛大學——譯者注）過了90年后才向女性頒發第一個學位。

曾經有一位女性來到這里求學，她的名字是羅莎琳德?努斯?羅姿。羅姿在紐約布魯克林一處公寓里長大，靠擦地為生。高中時，她的父母讓她輟學養家，幸好被一位老師及時勸服才能繼續上學。1937年，她從伯克利畢業了，就坐在你們現在的位置。故事里的羅姿是我的祖母。直到現在，她的經歷都是我強大的精神支柱。非常感謝伯克利當年慧眼識才。我還要特別恭喜成為家中第一代大學生的才俊，你們非常了不起！

今天值得慶祝，你們付出了很多努力才走到今天。

今天應該感謝。要感謝幫助你們一步步走到這里的人，感謝培養你，教導你，鼓勵你，為你擦過眼淚的人。

至少也該感謝你在聚會上睡著后沒用記號筆在你臉上亂畫的小伙伴們。今天應該沉思。因為今天意味著你生命中一個時代結束，一個新時代開始。畢業典禮致詞仿佛一場青春和智慧之間的交鋒。臺下青春洋溢，演講臺上睿智深刻。今天我本應跟你們分享一些人生經驗。然后，你們把帽子扔到空中，和家人拍照留影，——不要忘了發布在Instagram上，最后大家都高高興興地回家。但今天會有點不一樣?；蛟S你們還是會扔帽子，還是會拍很多照片。但我今天不想傳授生活方面的經驗，而是想講講從親人離世后的領悟。我以前從未公開談論過這件事，其實很難說出口。我會盡量控制住情緒免得哭出來，弄臟這件漂亮的伯克利長袍不太好。

一年零13天前，我的丈夫戴夫去世了，很突然也很意外。我們去墨西哥參加朋友的50歲生日聚會。我睡了個午覺，戴夫去鍛煉。接下來的事完全不可想象，我走進健身房看見他躺在地板上。后來我坐飛機回家將這個不幸的消息告訴了孩子們，最后親眼看著他的棺材下葬。他去世后好幾個月里，我經常悲傷得無法自已，內心只覺得一片無盡的空虛四處蔓延，占據了五臟六腑，我無力思考，甚至感覺像要窒息。戴夫的死深刻地改變了我。我終于明白了什么叫切膚之痛，也體會到痛失所愛的殘酷。但我也明白了，當生活給你當頭一棒，墮入悲傷之海，你能做的就是奮力游向水面，大口呼吸。我明白了，即便悲傷至空虛，或是面對巨大挑戰，你仍然可以選擇快樂和有意義的生活。我跟你們分享親人離世的感受，是希望能在你們走上社會時就能理解失去的痛苦，明白什么是希望、力量和心中永不熄滅的火苗。

每個從伯克利畢業的人肯定都經歷過挫折。你想考A，結果只得到一個B。你申請到Facebook實習，結果只能去谷歌。你全心愛她，她卻甩了你…… 電視劇《權力的游戲》太不尊重原著，你就去看完了4320頁的書……

生活中總會碰到很多難處理的事。有時錯失機會：工作不合適，遭遇疾病或事故因而一切瞬間改變。有時尊嚴盡失：刻薄的偏見常常刺痛人心。有時緣盡人散：親密關系一旦破碎就難重圓。有時不僅是生離，還要面臨死別。你們當中有些人已然歷經刻骨的悲劇和苦難。去年大學獎章得主拉迪卡曾發表演講，動情講述了母親突然去世的悲痛。問題不是這些事情會不會發生，它們遲早都會來的。我想說的是發生之后怎么辦，不管什么困難也不管具體什么時候遭遇，關鍵是怎樣從困境中振作起來。其實只有經歷了真正難捱的日子，被逼到崩潰邊緣，你才能真正了解自己。要發掘真實的內心，不僅要看取得的成就，更要看逆境中如何奮起。戴夫去世幾個星期后，我和我的朋友菲爾談論一場要父親參加的親子活動。戴夫不在了，我們只好找別人代替他。我哭著對他說：“但我只想要戴夫。”菲爾摟住我說：“A計劃不行了，將就將就用B計劃吧?！?/p>

我們總會碰到不盡如人意只能用B計劃的時候，問題是：該怎么面對？

可能有點硅谷的職業病吧，我想說走出挫折也要科學對待。心理學家馬丁?塞利格曼（Martin Seligman）研究幾十年后發現，從苦難中振作起來關鍵是做到三點——不要過分自責（personalization）、不要過分解讀（pervasiveness）以及不要以為傷痛永遠不褪（permanence）。挺過生活中一次次打擊，才能慢慢磨煉出韌性。

不要過分自責，就是說不要把悲傷的原因攬到自己身上。承擔責任是應該的，但是痛苦時不要過分情緒化，要清楚一件事，并不是所有的壞事都是自己造成的。戴夫去世后我就忍不住責怪自己。他在幾秒鐘內死于心臟病突發。我翻遍他的病歷尋找線索，看看我要是做了什么，戴夫就不會死。明白這三條原則之后，我才慢慢接受不管怎樣都救不了他這個事實。他的醫生們沒發現他有心臟病，我一個學經濟的又怎么可能發現呢？

研究表明減少過分自責確實會讓人強大起來。學生掛科之后老師與其后悔沒盡力，不如努力改進教學方法幫助以后的學生取得好成績。大學里游泳運動員成績不理想，但是只要堅信可以游得更好，就能實現。只有走出過分自責的陰影，才能盡快恢復，甚至督促自己做得更好。第二條不要過分解讀，就是不要篤定壞事一定會影響生活中每個角落。有一首歌叫《一切都是極好的》，反過來就是《一切都是可怕的》。人們常常會以為悲傷大過天，根本無處可逃。

我跟兒童心理學家聊了之后，他讓我盡快恢復孩子們的日常習慣。戴夫去世十天后，他們回到學校，我則回到工作崗位。我記得回去上班后頭一次開會，精神都是恍惚的。我心里想的都是，“他們都在說什么，這些小事有什么好說的？”但后來我加入討論，說著說著突然有那么一瞬，我好像忘記了死亡的悲痛。

那短暫的一瞬讓我明白，生活中還有一些事沒那么糟糕。畢竟，我跟孩子們都很健康，親朋好友都那么關心支持我們，那段時間真的多虧他們撐著我才沒垮。失去伴侶往往會伴隨巨大的經濟打擊，女性更是如此。許多單身母親和父親都在非常努力工作，沒什么時間照看孩子。跟他們比我不用擔心經濟來源，能抽出時間照顧孩子，而且我有一份很好的工作。漸漸地，孩子們晚上能睡踏實了，哭鬧少了，又愿意玩了。

第三條是不要以為傷痛永遠不褪，就是相信痛苦會一直繼續。戴夫去世后有幾個月，無論我做什么都能感覺到令人窒息的悲傷，而且從來沒有減輕的跡象。我們總是覺得當前不好的感覺會無限延伸，而且不良情緒還會滋生副產品。我們感到焦慮，然后因為焦慮而焦慮；感到傷心，然后因為傷心而傷心。實際上，我們應該誠實面對自己的感覺，然后認清事實，其實所有感覺都不會永遠持續。我的拉比（猶太教里的精神導師——譯者注）說，時間會治愈一切，我也得學會“向前一步”。這是個好建議，不過我寫書時說的“向前一步”其實不完全是這個意思。其實還有第四個原則，就是美味的披薩，不用解釋了吧……

言歸正傳，我真的很希望在你們這個年齡就知道這三條原則。許多時候，這些經驗都很有用。

我大學畢業后做第一份工作時，老板發現我不會把數據錄入蓮花1-2-3（蓮花公司的電子表格軟件——譯者注）。蓮花1-2-3是個電子表格——你們的爸媽可能知道。他張大嘴說：“連這個都不會，真不知道你怎么進來公司的。” 然后就走出去了。晚上回家我覺得要被炒魷魚，然后覺得我什么事都做不好……但事實證明，我只是不會做電子表格而已。如果我當時就能明白不要過分解讀，沒必要一時難過就否定一切，當時就不會那么焦慮。我跟男朋友提出分手時，要是明白痛苦并不會一直持續就好了。如果我當時知道再難受也會慢慢緩解，如果我能誠實面對自己，就會安慰很多，不過我都沒做到。男朋友和我分手時，我要是懂得不要過分自責就好了。有時真的不是我的錯，錯的是他們。說了你可能都不信，這家伙從來不洗澡。

我20多歲時第一次婚姻以離婚告終，這三條原則一條都沒做到。當時的感覺是不管我做成過什么，最后還是一敗涂地。

這三條原則針對的是我們遇到許多事情后常見的反應，不管是事業上，個人生活里，還是人際關系中。沒準你現在就正在經歷一些挫折。不過，如果你能清醒地發現陷阱，還有自救的機會。我們的身體里都有免疫系統，其實大腦里也有精神免疫系統，只是要用點辦法才能啟動。有一天，我的心理學家朋友亞當?格蘭特建議我換個角度思考，想象事情可能會更糟糕。剛一聽讓人挺難接受的?！案?？”我說。“開玩笑嗎？都這樣了還能怎么糟。”我說。他回答道：“想象一下戴夫開車時突發心臟病，孩子們也都在車里。”天吶！那一刻，我突然很感激孩子們都沒事，還健康地活著。感激之后悲傷也減輕了一點。

常懷感激之情是走出悲傷的關鍵。多花點時間列出值得感恩的事，就會更快樂也更健康。事實證明，多數數身邊的好事，好事真的會越變越多。我今年的新年決心就是，每天晚上睡覺前寫下三件當天高興的事。做起來其實不難，但已經改變了我的生活。因為不管每天發生了什么，我睡覺的時候都在想著快樂的事。今晚開始試一下吧，今天肯定就有很多開心的事可以列。希望今晚你們臨睡前都還記得。

上個月有一天，我想到還有11天戴夫逝世就滿周年了，在一個朋友面前忍不住痛哭，當時我們還坐在浴室地板上。我說：“11天。一年前的今天，他的生命只剩下11天了，我們卻不知道?！蔽覀兺舜硕既滩蛔⊥纯?，然后問對方如果知道生命只剩下11天會如何生活。

你們畢業了，以后能像生命只剩下11天一樣去生活嗎？我的意思不是讓你們拋下一切，每天都去聚會狂歡，當然今晚例外。我的意思是要明白每天都很珍貴。每一天都要珍惜不能浪費。

幾年前，我母親做手術換了髖關節。她年輕時走路總是會疼，髖關節粉碎性骨折之后每一步都疼痛難忍。現在做完手術好幾年了，她還會經常感激走路不會疼，因為手術前根本無法想象。

如今我人生中最慘的一天過去已經一年了，我能確定兩件事情是真實的。第一，我心中巨大的悲傷會永遠揮之不去，就在這，我都能觸摸到。還有就是以前我從來沒想過我能天天哭，淚水能那么多。

但我也能確定我可以輕松走路，不用忍受疼痛。有生以來第一次，我感激每一次呼吸，感激自己的生命。過去我每五年過一次生日，朋友的生日只是偶爾慶?！，F在，每次我都不錯過。過去我睡覺前總是在想當天有多少事沒做好，其實經常搞砸很多。而現在我會集中精神想當天高興的事。說起來可能有點諷刺，我失去了丈夫，卻因此體會到更深的感激——感謝朋友們的好意、感謝家人的愛，感謝孩子們的歡笑。我希望你們也能學會感激，不僅是在好日子里感激，比方說今天，在艱難的日子里更要感激，到那時感激之情對你們的幫助更大。

你們的人生道路上還有許多快樂的時刻。比如一直想去的旅行，與你真正喜歡的人的初吻，一份真正熱愛的工作。還有擊敗斯坦福（加油金熊隊！）美好的事情都會到來，盡情享受吧。

希望你們今后的每一天都充滿快樂充實，希望你們的每一步都輕松自在沒有痛苦，希望你們會意識到這一切值得感激。面對挑戰時，希望你們記住最重要的是學習和成長的能力。你們面對挫折的韌性并非固定不變。像肌肉一樣，韌性是可以鍛煉的，需要時就可以發揮作用。成長過程中你會慢慢了解自我，而且可能已經變成最好的自己。2016的畢業生們，在你離開伯克利時，記得鍛煉韌性。

加強自身克服困難的韌性。悲劇或挫折來臨時，你會知道自己有能力挺過去。相信我，你們可以的。常言道，我們比想象中脆弱，但也比想象中強大。

打造堅韌的團體。別人能做到，你也可以，因為從伯克利走出去的都是想把世界變得更美好的人。董事會或許不太完善，校園也可能不太安全，但永遠不要放棄努力。大膽地說出意見，尤其是在伯克利這么難得的自由校園。辦公室里我最喜歡的一幅海報上寫著，“在Facebook任何事都不應該推給別人。”發現有什么事需要做，那就去做。建立強大的社區，人類都是通過與旁人的聯系找到自我認同的，在群體中人們才有生存的愿望，才能學會愛。要及時幫助家人朋友，一定要親自去，不要在手機上發條信息加個心形表情就算交差了。

互相扶持，幫助他人走出困境，慶祝每一個歡樂的時刻。整個世界就在你們面前。我真的很期待你們的成就！恭喜畢業，加油金熊隊！

第五篇：FACEBOOK COO桑德伯格2015清華畢業演講

Facebook COO桑德伯格清華畢業演講：命運偏愛勇者，向前一步

6月27日，清華大學經濟管理學院2015畢業典禮在清華大學綜合體育館舉行。畢業典禮由錢穎一院長主持。Facebook公司首席運營官謝麗爾桑德伯格(Sheryl Sandberg)作畢業典禮演講。

桑德伯格曾任克林頓政府財政部長辦公廳主任、谷歌全球在線銷售和運營部門副總裁?，F任Facebook首席運營官，被媒體稱為Facebook的第一夫人，她也是第一位進入Facebook董事會的女性成員。同時，她還是福布斯上榜的前50名最有力量 的商業女精英之一，女權主義者，2013年曾登上《時代周刊》雜志封面，并被《時代》雜志評為全球最具影響力的人物。

Facebook公司首席運營官謝麗爾桑德伯格(Sheryl Sandberg)在清華大學經濟管理學院畢業典禮的演講(全文如下)

錢穎一院長、杰出的清華經管學院的教師們、自豪的畢業生親屬、鼎力支持他們的朋友們，以及更重要的是，清華經管學院2015屆的畢業生們：

我很榮幸今天來到這里為你們做畢業典禮演講。同我的老板馬克扎克伯格不一樣的是，我不會講中文。為此我感到抱歉。但是，他請我用中文轉達他對大家的問候——祝賀。今天能在這里祝賀優秀的同學們畢業，我感到非常興奮。

當錢穎一院長邀請我今天來做演講時，我想，來給遠比我年輕比我酷的人演講?這事兒我能做。我在Facebook每天都要做這樣的事情。因為扎克伯格比我小15歲，并且我們的大多數員工是他的同齡人，而不是我這個年齡的。我喜歡和年輕人在一起，除非他們問我你在大學時沒有手機用是怎樣的日子?甚至更糟糕的問題是，謝麗爾，你能過來一下嗎?我們想知道歲數大的人對這個新功能有什么看法。

我1991年從哈佛大學本科畢業，獲得經濟學學士學位;1995年從哈佛商學院畢業，獲得MBA學位——所以可以說，我上了美國的清華大學。其實這并不是那么久遠的事情。但是我能告訴你的是，這個世界在這短短的25年當中發生了翻天覆地的變化。在哈佛商學院時，我所在的班級曾嘗試進行學院的第一次在線課程。我們當時必須給每人發一張寫有我們網名的列表，因為那時在網上使用真名是件讓人難以想象的事。但是最后還是沒有搞成，因為電腦系統不斷崩潰——當時根本無法實現90人同時在線交流。

不過在系統崩潰之間的幾個短暫瞬間里，我們窺見了未來——一個技術可以實現我們和同事、家人、朋友連接在一起的未來?，F在的世界已經是我坐在你們這個位置時難以想象的世界了。而從現在起的未來25年，你們將幫助塑造屬于你們這一代人的世界。

作為清華的畢業生，你們不僅將成為中國的領袖，還將成為全球的領袖。中國在教育程度及經濟增長方面都已是世界的領先者。不僅是政界和商界的領袖們認識到中國的重要性，許多美國的父母也認識到了這一點。在我所居住的舊金山灣區，最難進的中小學校正是那些教漢語的學校。

但事實是，國家不能領導，要靠人來領導。

從你們今天畢業起，你們就開啟了成為領導者的征程。你會成為什么樣的領導者?你會對他人產生多大的影響?你將會在世界上留下什么樣的印記?

在Facebook公司里，我們的墻上貼著提醒我們要有遠大目標的海報——挑戰自我每一天都要做得更多。這些海報中蘊含了一些重要的有關領導力的經驗——今天，我想分享其中我認為會對你們有意義的四點。

第一，命運偏愛勇者(Fortune favors the bold)。

Facebook公司之所以存在，是因為扎克伯格相信，通過科技實現個人之間的互聯，可以使這個世界變得更美好。他深信于此，以至于從哈佛大學本科輟學去追求自己的理想，并且這些年來他一直為此奮斗不止。扎克伯格靠的不是運氣，而是勇氣。

能像扎克伯格那樣這么早就發現自己的熱情所在，是一件不同尋常的事。我花了長得多的時間才發現自己到底想做什么。在我穿著學位服參加畢業典禮時，我無論如何也想不到自己會到Facebook工作，因為那時互聯網還不存在——并且扎克伯格當時只有11歲。我當時想我只會在政府或者非營利組織工作，因為我相信這些機構或組織可以讓世界變得更美好，而公司是以盈利為導向的。但是，當我在美國財政部工作的時候，我看到了科技公司在很大程度上影響著世界，于是我改變了自己的想法。因此，當我結束了在政府部門的工作后，我決定搬到硅谷去。

回過頭看，這似乎是一個明智的舉動。但是在2001年，這是個可被質疑的決定，因為那時科技泡沫剛剛破滅。大公司都在大規模裁員，小公司倒閉如潮。我給自己4個月的期限要找到一份工作，但是我足足花了將近一年的時間。在我最初接受的某次面試當中，有一個公司的首席執行官對我說：我之所以面試你，完全是受朋友所托，但是我根本不會考慮聘用像你這樣的人——在政府工作過的人無法勝任科技公司的工作。

最終，我還是說服了某個公司雇傭了我。14年過去了，我仍然熱愛在科技公司工作。這雖然不是我的初衷，但是我最終還是找到了我的熱情所在。

我希望，如果你在一條道路上前行，卻發現自己的心另有所屬，那么就請你去獨辟蹊徑，以到達理想的彼岸。如果一次沒有成功，請繼續鍥而不舍地嘗試。直到找到能點燃你激情的，對自己、對他人都有意義的工作。能將激情和奉獻完美結合是一種奢侈。一旦達成，幸福將至。

第二，反饋是一種本領(Feedback is a gift)。

在Facebook，我知道決定我工作績效的最重要的因素是我與扎克伯格的關系。當我剛加入Facebook公司時，我就讓他做出承諾，每星期都要給我工作反饋，這樣任何困擾他的事情都可以盡快討論。他不僅爽快地答應了，并且立即說他也希望我也對他做反饋。在最初的幾年當中，我們都堅持這樣的慣例，每周五下午見面談論我們所關心的事情，事無巨細。幾年下來，分享真實的意見已經成為我們關系當中很自然的一部分，我們現在隨時會這么做，而不必再等到周五了。

從自己老板那里獲得反饋很重要，但是從自己的下屬那里獲得反饋也同樣至關重要。這絕非易事，因為員工總是太過于渴望去取悅他們的上司，而不去批評或質疑他們的上司。

我最喜歡的一個例子是來自華爾街的。1990年，鮑勃魯賓成為高盛公司的首席執行官。上任滿第一周，在查看公司賬目時，他發現有一大筆在黃金上的投資。他問為什么會投資黃金?結果答案是，因為您，先生。我?他迷惑了。顯然是因為在頭一天他在交易所視察時曾經說過一句黃金看起來有點意思，結果這句話就被傳成了魯賓喜歡黃金，然后就有人花了幾百萬美元來討老板的歡心。

我也遇到過類似的挑戰，當然比這事的影響要在小一些的量級上。我剛加入Facebook時，我的職責之一是建立公司的商業運作——但與此同時還不能破壞成就Facebook的那種工程技術驅動的文化。所以我嘗試做的一件事就是鼓勵人們在和我開會時不要做正式的電子演示文稿。最開始我講得很客氣，結果所有人都無視我的要求，仍然在做電子演示文稿。大概過了兩年吧，我就說，好了，我通常不喜歡立規矩，但我現在必須定個規矩，和我開會時誰也不能再做電子演示文稿了。

大約一個月之后，當我正要對我們的全球銷售團隊講話時，一個同事對我說，在你上臺之前，有件事你應該知道，大家對你規定的‘和客戶會面不做電子演示文稿’的規定很有意見。我感到很震驚，我從來沒有禁止過給客戶做電子演示文稿!我只是不希望他們在和我開會的時候用電子演示文稿。和客戶展示產品時怎么能不做電子演示文稿?所以我上臺就說，首先，我說的是和我開會時不用電子演示文稿。其次，下次你們再聽到壞點子——就像和客戶會面不做電子演示文稿這類——請大聲說出來。哪怕你知道那話是我說的，請告訴我這是錯誤的!

一個好的領導者知道大部分雇員不愿意挑戰權威，所以領導者就有義務主動要求反饋。我從電子演示文稿事件中吸取了教訓。我現在經常問我的同事有哪些地方我還能做得更好?我總是對那些敢于對我說實話的人心懷感激，并且當眾表揚他們。我深信只有你和你的同事并肩做戰，只有當你不僅指揮而且也聆聽時，你才能成為最好的領導。