第一篇：TED演講：如何成為一個更好的（共）

TED演講

《如何成為一個更好的交談者》

All right, I want to see a show of hands how many of you have unfriended someone on Facebook because they said something offensive about politics or religion, childcare, food? And how many of you know at least one person that you avoid because you just don’t want to talk to them?

好的，我想讓大家舉手示意一下，有多少人曾經在Facebook上拉黑過好友，因為他們發表過關于政治，宗教，兒童權益，或者食物等，不恰當的言論，有多少人至少有一個不想見的人，因為你就是不想和對方說話？

You know, it used to be that in order to have a polite conversation, we just had to follow the advice of Henry Higgins in “My Fair Lady”: Stick to the weather and your health.But these days, with climate change and anti-vaxxing, those subjects—are not safe either.So this world that we live in, this world in which every conversation has the potential to devolve into an argument, where our politicians can’t speak to one another, and where even the most trivial of issues have someone fighting both passionately for it and against it, it’s not normal.Pew Research did a study of 10,000 American adults, and t hey found that at this moment, we are more polarized;we are more divided than we ever have been in history.要知道，在過去想要一段禮貌的交談我們只要遵循亨利﹒希金斯在《窈窕淑女》中的忠告，只談論天氣和你的健康狀況就行了。但這些年隨著氣候變化以及反對疫苗運動的開展——這招不怎么管用了。因此，在我們生活的這個世界，這個每一次交談，都有可能發展為爭論的世界，政客無法彼此交談，甚至為那些雞毛蒜皮的事情。都有人群情緒激昂地贊成或者反對，這太不正常了。皮尤研究中心對一萬名美國成年人做了一次調查，發現此刻我們的偏激程度，我們立場鮮明的程度，比歷史上任何時期都要高。

We are less likely to compromise, which means we’re not listening to each other.And we make decisions about where to live, who to marry and even who our friends are going to be based on what we already believe.Again, that means we’re not listening to each other.A conversation requires a balance between talking and listing, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance.Now, part of that is due to technology.The smartphones that you all either have in your hands or close enough that you could grab them really quickly.我們更不傾向于妥協，這意味著我們沒有傾聽彼此。我們做的各種決定，選擇生活在何處，與誰結婚甚至和誰交朋友，都只基于我們已有的信念。再重復一遍，這只說明我們沒有傾訴彼此。交談需要平靜講述和傾聽，而不知怎么的，我們卻偏偏失去了這種平衡。技術進步是部分原因，比如智能手機，現在就在你們手里，或者就在旁邊，隨手就能拿到。

According to the Pew Research, About a third of American teenagers send more than a hundred texts a day.And many of them, almost most of them, are more likely to text their friends than they are to talk to them face to face.There’s this great piece in The Atlantic.It was written by a high school teacher named Paul Barnwell.And he gave his kids a communication project.He wanted to teach them how to speak on a specific subject without using notes.And he said this:” I came to realize…”“I came to realize that conversational competence might be the single most overlooked skill we fail to teach.Kids spend hours each day engaging with ideas and each other through screens, but rarely do they have an opportunity to hone their interpersonal communications skills.It might sound like a funny question, but we have to ask ourselves.Is there any 21st-century skill more important than being able to sustain coherent, confident conversation?”

根據皮尤的研究，大約三分之一的美國青少年每天發送超過一百條短信。而著中間很多人，幾乎是所有人，更傾向于給朋友發短信，而不是面對面的交談。《大西洋》雜志等過一篇很棒的文章，作者是高中教室保羅﹒巴恩維爾。他給自己的學生一項交流任務，希望教會他們如何不借助筆記針對某一懷胎發表演講。然后他說：“我開始意識到…我開始意識到交流能力，可能是最被我們忽視的，沒有好好教授的技能。孩子每天花費數小時通過屏幕接觸創意和其他伙伴，但很少有機會去發覺自己的人際交往技能。”著聽起來很好笑，但我們必須問問自己：“21實際，有什么技能會比維持一段連貫，自信的談話更為重要？”

Now, I make my living talking to people: Nobel Prize winners, truck drivers, billionaires, kindergarten teachers, heads of state, plumbers.I talk to people that I like.I talk to people that I don’t like.I talk to some people that I disagree with deeply on a personal level.But I still have a great conversation with them.So I’d like to spend the next 10 minutes or so teaching you how to talk and how to listen.Many of you have already heard a lot of advice on this, things like look the person in the eye, things of interesting topics to discuss in advance, look, nod and smile to show that you’re paying attention, repeat back what you just heard or summarize it.So I want you to forget all of that.It is crap.There is no reason to learn how to show you’re paying attention, if you are in fact paying attention.Now, I actually use the exact same skills as a professional interviewer that I do in regular life.So, I’m going to teach you how to interview people, and that’s actually going to help you learn how to be better conversationalists.現在，我的職業就是跟別人談話。諾貝爾獎獲得者、卡車司機、億萬富翁、幼兒園老師、州長、水管工。我和我喜歡的人交談，也和我不喜歡的人交談。我和在個人層面非常不同的人交談。但我人就和他們有很好的交流。所以我希望接下來的10分鐘教你們如何談話，以及如何傾聽。你們中間很多人以及聽過無數建議，比如看著對方的眼睛，提前想好可以討論的有趣話題，注視，點頭并且微笑來表明你的專注，重復你剛才聽到的，或者做總結。我想讓你們忘掉所有這些，全部沒用。根本沒有必要去學習如何表現你的很專心，如果你確實很專心。我其實是把作為職業訪談者一模一樣的技巧，用在了日常生活中。好，我要來教你們如何采訪他人，這其實會幫助你們學習如何成為更好的溝通者。

Learn to have a conversation without wasting your time, without getting bored, and, please God, without offending anybody.We’ve all had really great conversations.We’ve had them before.We know what it’s like.The kind of conversation where you walk away feeling engaged and inspired, or where you feel like you’ve made a real connection or you’ve been perfectly understood.There is no reason why most of your interactions can’t be like that.So I have 10 basic rules.I’m going to walk you through all of them, but honestly, if you just choose one of them and master it, you’ll already enjoy better conversations.學習開始一段交談，不浪費時間，不感到無聊，以及最重要的是，不冒犯任何人。我們都曾有過很棒的交談。我們曾有過，我們知道那是什么感覺，那種結束之后令你感到很享受，很受鼓舞的交談，或者令你覺得你和別人建立了真實的連接，或者讓你完全得到了他人的理解。沒有理由說，你大部分人際互動不能成為那樣，我有10條基本規則，我會一條條給你們解釋，但說真的，如果你選擇一條并且熟練掌握，你就已經可以享受更愉快的交談了。

Number one: Don't multitask.And I don't mean just set down your cell phone or your tablet or your car keys or whatever is in your hand.I mean, be present.Be in that moment.Don't think about your argument you had with your boss.Don't think about what you're going to have for dinner.If you want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation, but don't be half in it and half out of it.第一條：不要三心二意。我不是說單純放下你的手機、平板電腦、車鑰匙，或者隨便什么握在手里的東西。我的意思是，處在當下。進入那個情境中去。不要想著你之前和老板的爭吵。不要想著你晚飯吃什么。如果你想退出交談，就退出交談。但不要身在曹營心在漢。

Number two: Don't pontificate.If you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, write a blog.Now, there's a really good reason why I don't allow pundits on my show: Because they're really boring.If they're conservative, they're going to hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.If they’re liberal, they're going to hate big banks and oil corporations and Dick Cheney.Totally predictable.And you don't want to be like that.You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn.The famed therapist M.Scott Peck said that true listening requires a setting aside of oneself.And sometimes that means setting aside your personal opinion.He said that sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less and less vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener.Again, assume that you have something to learn.Bill Nye: 'Everyone you will ever meet knows somethingthat you don't.' I put it this way: Everybody is an expert in something.第二條：不要好為人師。如果你想要表達自己的看法，又不想留下任何機會讓人回應、爭論、反駁或闡發，寫博客去。有個很好的理由來說明我的談話里為什么不允許有“專家說教”：因為真的很無聊。如果對方是個保守派，那一定討厭奧巴馬、食品券和墮胎。如果對方是個自由派，那一定會討厭大銀行、石油公司和迪克·切尼。完全可以預測的。你肯定不希望那樣。你需要在進入每一次交流時都假定自己可以學習到一些東西。著名的治療師M.斯科特·派克說過，真正的傾聽需要把自己放在一邊。有時候，這意味著把你的個人觀點放在一邊。他說感受到這種接納，說話的人會變得越來越不脆弱敏感，因而越來越有可能打開自己的內心世界，呈現給傾聽者。再強調一遍，假定你需要學習新東西。比爾·奈伊說：“每一個你將要見到的人都有你不知道的東西。”我來復述一下：每個人都是某方面的專家。

Number three: Use open-ended questions.In this case, take a cue from journalists.Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or how.If you put in a complicated question, you’re going to get a simple answer out.If I ask you 'Were you terrified?' you're going to respond to the most powerful word in that sentence, which is 'terrified and the answer is 'Yes, I was' or 'No, I wasn’t.' 'Were you angry?' 'Yes, I was very angry.' Let them describe it.They're the ones that know.Try asking them things like, 'What was that like?' 'How did that feel?' Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you're going to get a much more interesting response.第三點：使用開放式問題。關于這一點，請參考記者采訪的提問方式。以“誰”、“ 什么”、“ 何時”、“ 何地”、“ 為什么”或“如何”開始提問。如果你詢問一個復雜的問題將會得到一個簡單的回答。如果我問你：“你當時恐懼嗎？”你會回應那句話中最有力的詞，即“恐懼”，而答案將是 “是的”或者“不是”。“你當時氣憤嗎？”“是的，我當時氣得很。”讓對方去描述，對方才是了解情境的人。試著這樣問對方：“那是什么樣子？”，“你感覺怎么樣？”因為這樣一來，對方可能需要停下來想一想，而你會得到更有意思的回答。

Number four: Go with the flow.That means thoughts will come into your mind and you need to let them go out of your mind.We've heard interviews often in which a guest is talking for several minutes and then the host comes back in and asks a question which seems like it comes out of nowhere, or it's already been answered.That means the host probably stopped listening two minutes ago because he thought of this really clever question, and he was just bound and determined to say that.And we do the exact same thing.We're sitting there having a conversation with someone, and then we remember that time that we met Hugh Jack man in a coffee shop.第四點：順其自然。也就是說，想法會自然流入你的頭腦，而你需要將它們表達出來。我們常聽到采訪中嘉賓說了幾分鐘，然后主持人回過來問問題，這問題好像不知道從何而來或者已經被回答過了。這說明主持人可能兩分鐘前就沒在聽，因為他想到了這個非常機智的問題，于是就心心念念想著問這個問題。我們同樣也會這么干。當我們和某人坐在一起交談時，我們突然想起那次和休·杰克曼在咖啡店的偶遇。

Number five: If you don't know, say that you don't know.Now, people on the radio, especially on NPR, are much more aware that they're going on the record, and so they're more careful about what they claim to be an expert in and what they claim to know for sure.Do that.Err on the side of caution.Talk should not be cheap.第五點：如果你不知道，就說你不知道。廣播節目里的人，尤其在全國公共廣播電臺（NPR）中，非常明白他們的談話會被播放出去。所以他們對自己聲稱專業的地方以及言之鑿鑿的東西會更加小心。要學著這樣做，謹言慎行，談話應該是負責任的行為。

Number six: Don’t equate your experience with theirs.If they're talking about having lost a family member, don't start talking about the time you lost a family member.If they're talking about the trouble they're having at work, don't tell them about how much you hate your job.It's not the same.It is never the same.All experiences are individual.And, more importantly, it is not about you.You don’t need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you’ve suffered.Somebody asked Stephen Hawking once what his IQ was, and he said, 'I have no idea.People who brag about their IQs are losers.' 第六條：不要把自己的經歷和他人比較。如果對方談論失去了家人，不要就勢開始說你失去家人的事情。如果對方在說工作上的困擾，不要告訴他們你多么討厭你的工作。這不一樣的，永遠不可能一樣。任何經歷都是獨一無二的。而且，更重要的是，這不是在談論你的事。你不需要在此刻證明你多么能干，或者你經受了多少痛苦。有人曾問史蒂芬·霍金他的智商是多少，他回答道：“我不知道。拿智商吹牛的人都是屌絲。”

Number seven: Try not to repeat yourself.It's condescending, and it's really boring, and we tend to do it a lot.Especially in work conversations or in conversations with our kids, we have a point to make, so we just keep rephrasing it over and over.Don't do that.第七條：盡量別重復自己的話。這很咄咄逼人，也很無聊。但我們很容易這樣做。尤其是在工作交談中，或者和孩子的交談中。我們想聲明一個觀點，于是換著方式不停地說，別這樣。

Number eight: Stay out of the weeds.Frankly, people don't care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you're struggling to comeup with in your mind.They don't care.What they care about is you.They care about what you're like, what you have in common.So forget the details.Leave them out.第八條：少說廢話。說白了，沒人在乎那些年份、名字、日期等等這些你努力試圖在腦中回想的種種細節，別人不在乎，他們關注的是你，對方關心你是什么樣的人，和你有什么共同點。所以忘掉細節吧，別管它們。

Number nine: This is not the last one, but it is the most important one.Listen.I cannot tell you how many really important people have said that listening is perhaps the most, the number one most important skill that you could develop.Buddha said, and I'm paraphrasing, 'If your mouth is open, you’re not learning.' And Calvin Coolidge said, 'No man ever listened his way out of a job.' 第九條：這不是最后一條，但是最重要的一條。認真傾聽。我說不上來到底有多少重要人士都說過傾聽可能是最重要的，第一重要的你可以提升的技能。佛曰——我轉述一下，“如果你嘴不停，你就學不到東西。”卡爾文·柯立芝曾說：“從沒有人是因為聽太多而被開除的。”

One more rule, number 10, and it's this one: Be brief.[A good conversation is like a miniskirt;short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.--My Sister] All of this boils down tothe same basic concept, and it is this one: Be interested in other people.You know, I grew up with a very famous grandfather, and there was kind of a ritual in my home.People would come over to talk to my grandparents, and after they would leave, my mother would come over to us, and she'd say, 'Do you know who that was? She was the runner-up to Miss America.He was the mayor of Sacramento.She won a Pulitzer Prize.He's a Russian ballet dancer.' And I kind of grew up assuming everyone has some hidden, amazing thing about them.And honestly, I think it's what makes me a better host.I keep my mouth shut as often as I possibly can, I keep my mind open, and I'm always prepared to be amazed, and I'm never disappointed.You do the same thing.Go out, talk to people, listen to people, and, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed.最后一條，第十條：簡明扼要。“好的交談就像恰到好處的迷你裙；足夠短，能夠吸引人，又足夠長，能夠包納（蓋住）主體——我妹妹的比喻”所有這些都濃縮成同一個概念，那就是：對他人產生興趣。我在一個名人外公的身邊長大，我家里賓客絡繹不絕。訪客會前來和我的外祖父母交談，而那些人離開后，我母親會過來對我們說：“你們知道那是誰嗎？她是美國小姐的亞軍。他是薩克拉門托市長。她拿過普利策獎。他是俄羅斯芭蕾舞蹈家。”我在成長中默認了每個人都有不為人知的精彩。說真的，我想是這一切讓我成為了更好的主持人。我盡量少說話，但開放自己的思想，永遠準備著大吃一驚，而我從不會感到失望。你們也可以這樣。走出門去，和別人交談，聽別人說，以及最重要的，準備好大吃一驚。

第二篇：ted演講：如何成為一個更好的交談者(中英對照)

TED演講：如何成為一個更好的交談者？（中英對照）

Celeste Headlee 是一個靠交談吃飯的人，她的工作是電臺主持人。在幾十年的工作中，她學到了很多溝通技巧，同時也發現居然有如此多的人真的很不會聊天。

下面是她在 TED 上分享的 10 條提高談話質量的方法。全是干貨，來一起學習：【視頻請在wifi情況下觀看，文字為中英對照】如何成為一個更好的交談者格魯吉亞公共廣播節目主持人：Celeste Headlee 首先，我想讓大家舉手示意一下，有多少人曾經在 Facebook 上拉黑過好友，因為他們發表過關于政治，宗教，兒童權益，或者食物等不恰當的言論，有多少人至少有一個不想見的人，因為你就是不想和對方說話？

All right, I want to see a show of hands how many of you have unfriended someone on Facebook because they said something offensive about politics or religion, childcare, food? And how many of you know at least one person that you avoid because you just don’t want to talk to them? 要知道，在過去想要一段禮貌的交談我們只要遵循亨利﹒希金斯在《窈窕淑女》中的忠告，只談論天氣和你的健康狀況就行了。但這些年隨著氣候變化以及反對疫苗運動的開展——這招不怎么管用了。因此，在我們生活的這個世界，這個每一次交談都有可能發展為爭論的世界，政客無法彼此交談。甚至為那些雞毛蒜皮的事情，都有人群情緒激昂地贊成或者反對，這太不正常了。皮尤研究中心對一萬名美國成年人做了一次調查，發現此刻我們的偏激程度，我們立場鮮明的程度，比歷史上任何時期都要高。

You know, it used to be that in order to have a polite conversation, we just had to follow the advice of Henry Higgins in “My Fair Lady”: Stick to the weather and your health.But these days, with climate change and anti-vaxxing, those subjects—are not safe either.So this world that we live in, this world in which every conversation has the potential to devolve into an argument, where our politicians can’t speak to one another, and where even the most trivial of issues have someone fighting both passionately for it and against it, it’s not normal.Pew Research did a study of 10,000 American adults, and they found that at this moment, we are more polarized;we are more divided than we ever have been in history.我們更不傾向于妥協，這意味著我們沒有傾聽彼此。我們做的各種決定，選擇生活在何處，與誰結婚甚至和誰交朋友，都只基于我們已有的信念。再重復一遍，這只說明我們沒有傾訴彼此。

交談需要平靜講述和傾聽，而不知怎么的，我們卻偏偏失去了這種平衡。技術進步是部分原因，比如智能手機，現在就在你們手里，或者就在旁邊，隨手就能拿到。

We are less likely to compromise, which means we’re not listening to each other.And we make decisions about where to live, who to marry and even who our friends are going to be based on what we already believe.Again, that means we’re not listening to each other.A conversation requires a balance between talking and listing, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance.Now, part of that is due to technology.The smartphones that you all either have in your hands or close enough that you could grab them really quickly.根據皮尤的研究，大約三分之一的美國青少年每天發送超過一百條短信。而這中間很多人，幾乎是所有人，更傾向于給朋友發短信，而不是面對面的交談。

《大西洋》雜志等過一篇很棒的文章，作者是高中教室保羅﹒巴恩維爾。他給自己的學生一項交流任務，希望教會他們如何不借助筆記針對某一話題發表演講。然后他說：“我開始意識到…我開始意識到交流能力，可能是最被我們忽視的，沒有好好教授的技能。孩子每天花費數小時通過屏幕接觸創意和其他伙伴，但很少有機會去發覺自己的人際交往技能。” 這聽起來很好笑，但我們必須問問自己：“21世紀，有什么技能會比維持一段連貫、自信的談話更為重要？”

According to the Pew Research, About a third of American teenagers send more than a hundred texts a day.And many of them, almost most of them, are more likely to text their friends than they are to talk to them face to face.There’s this great piece in The Atlantic.It was written by a high school teacher named Paul Barnwell.And he gave his kids a communication project.He wanted to teach them how to speak on a specific subject without using notes.And he said this:” I came to realize…”“I came to realize that conversational competence might be the single most overlooked skill we fail to teach.Kids spend hours each day engaging with ideas and each other through screens, but rarely do they have an opportunity to hone their interpersonal communications skills.It might sound like a funny question, but we have to ask ourselves.Is there any 21st-century skill more important than being able to sustain coherent, confident conversation?” 現在，我的職業就是跟別人談話。諾貝爾獎獲得者、卡車司機、億萬富翁、幼兒園老師、州長、水管工。我和我喜歡的人交談，也和我不喜歡的人交談。我和在個人層面非常不同的人交談。但我仍舊和他們有很好的交流。所以，我希望接下來的 10 分鐘教你們如何談話，以及如何傾聽。

你們中間很多人以及聽過無數建議，比如看著對方的眼睛，提前想好可以討論的有趣話題，注視，點頭并且微笑來表明你的專注，重復你剛才聽到的，或者做總結。

我想讓你們忘掉所有這些，全部沒用。根本沒有必要去學習如何表現你的很專心，如果你確實很專心。我其實是把作為職業訪談者一模一樣的技巧，用在了日常生活中。Now, I make my living talking to people: Nobel Prize winners, truck drivers, billionaires, kindergarten teachers, heads of state, plumbers.I talk to people that I like.I talk to people that I don’t like.I talk to some people that I disagree with deeply on a personal level.But I still have a great conversation with them.So I’d like to spend the next 10 minutes or so teaching you how to talk and how to listen.Many of you have already heard a lot of advice on this, things like look the person in the eye, things of interesting topics to discuss in advance, look, nod and smile to show that you’re paying attention, repeat back what you just heard or summarize it.So I want you to forget all of that.It is crap.There is no reason to learn how to show you’re paying attention, if you are in fact paying attention.Now, I actually use the exact same skills as a professional interviewer that I do in regular life.好，我要來教你們如何采訪他人，這其實會幫助你們學習如何成為更好的溝通者。

學習開始一段交談，不浪費時間，不感到無聊，以及最重要的是，不冒犯任何人。我們都曾有過很棒的交談。我們曾有過，我們知道那是什么感覺，那種結束之后令你感到很享受，很受鼓舞的交談，或者令你覺得你和別人建立了真實的連接，或者讓你完全得到了他人的理解。沒有理由說，你大部分人際互動不能成為那樣，我有 10 條基本規則，我會一條條給你們解釋，但說真的，如果你選擇一條并且熟練掌握，你就已經可以享受更愉快的交談了。

So, I’m going to teach you how to interview people, and that’s actually going to help you learn how to be better conversationalists.Learn to have a conversation without wasting your time, without getting bored, and, please God, without offending anybody.We’ve all had really great conversations.We’ve had them before.We know what it’s like.The kind of conversation where you walk away feeling engaged and inspired, or where you feel like you’ve made a real connection or you’ve been perfectly understood.There is no reason why most of your interactions can’t be like that.So I have 10 basic rules.I’m going to walk you through all of them, but honestly, if you just choose one of them and master it, you’ll already enjoy better conversations.第一條：不要三心二意。

我不是說單純放下你的手機、平板電腦、車鑰匙，或者隨便什么握在手里的東西。我的意思是，處在當下。進入那個情境中去。不要想著你之前和老板的爭吵。不要想著你晚飯吃什么。如果你想退出交談，就退出交談，但不要身在曹營心在漢。

Number one: Don't multitask.And I don't mean just set down your cell phone or your tablet or your car keys or whatever is in your hand.I mean, be present.Be in that moment.Don't think about your argument you had with your boss.Don't think about what you're going to have for dinner.If you want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation, but don't be half in it and half out of it.第二條：不要好為人師。

如果你想要表達自己的看法，又不想留下任何機會讓人回應、爭論、反駁或闡發，寫博客去。有個很好的理由來說明我的談話里為什么不允許有“專家說教”：因為真的很無聊。如果對方是個保守派，那一定討厭奧巴馬、食品券和墮胎。如果對方是個自由派，那一定會討厭大銀行、石油公司和迪克·切尼。完全可以預測的。你肯定不希望那樣。

你需要在進入每一次交流時都假定自己可以學習到一些東西。著名的治療師M.斯科特·派克說過，真正的傾聽需要把自己放在一邊。有時候，這意味著把你的個人觀點放在一邊。他說感受到這種接納，說話的人會變得越來越不脆弱敏感，因而越來越有可能打開自己的內心世界，呈現給傾聽者。

再強調一遍，假定你需要學習新東西。比爾·奈伊說：“每一個你將要見到的人都有你不知道的東西。”我來復述一下：每個人都是某方面的專家。Number two: Don't pontificate.If you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, write a blog.Now, there's a really good reason why I don't allow pundits on my show: Because they're really boring.If they're conservative, they're going to hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.If they’re liberal, they're going to hate big banks and oil corporations and Dick Cheney.Totally predictable.And you don't want to be like that.You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn.The famed therapist M.Scott Peck said that true listening requires a setting aside of oneself.And sometimes that means setting aside your personal opinion.He said that sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less and less vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener.Again, assume that you have something to learn.Bill Nye: 'Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don't.' I put it this way: Everybody is an expert in something.第三條：使用開放式問題。

關于這一點，請參考記者采訪的提問方式。以“誰”、“ 什么”、“ 何時”、“ 何地”、“ 為什么”或“如何”開始提問。

如果你詢問一個復雜的問題將會得到一個簡單的回答。如果我問你：“你當時恐懼嗎？”你會回應那句話中最有力的詞，即“恐懼”，而答案將是 “是的”或者“不是”。“你當時氣憤嗎？”“是的，我當時氣得很。”

讓對方去描述，對方才是了解情境的人。試著這樣問對方：“那是什么樣子？”，“你感覺怎么樣？”因為這樣一來，對方可能需要停下來想一想，而你會得到更有意思的回答。Number three: Use open-ended questions.In this case, take a cue from journalists.Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or how.If you put in a complicated question, you’re going to get a simple answer out.If I ask you 'Were you terrified?' you're going to respond to the most powerful word in that sentence, which is 'terrified and the answer is 'Yes, I was' or 'No, I wasn’t.' 'Were you angry?' 'Yes, I was very angry.' Let them describe it.They're the ones that know.Try asking them things like, 'What was that like?' 'How did that feel?' Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you're going to get a much more interesting response.第四條：順其自然。

也就是說，想法會自然流入你的頭腦，而你需要將它們表達出來。我們常聽到采訪中嘉賓說了幾分鐘，然后主持人回過來問問題，這問題好像不知道從何而來或者已經被回答過了。這說明主持人可能兩分鐘前就沒在聽，因為他想到了這個非常機智的問題，于是就心心念念想著問這個問題。我們同樣也會這么干。當我們和某人坐在一起交談時，我們突然想起那次和休·杰克曼在咖啡店的偶遇。Number four: Go with the flow.That means thoughts will come into your mind and you need to let them go out of your mind.We've heard interviews often in which a guest is talking for several minutes and then the host comes back in and asks a question which seems like it comes out of nowhere, or it's already been answered.That means the host probably stopped listening two minutes ago because he thought of this really clever question, and he was just bound and determined to say that.And we do the exact same thing.We're sitting there having a conversation with someone, and then we remember that time that we met Hugh Jack man in a coffee shop.第五條：如果你不知道，就說你不知道。

廣播節目里的人，尤其在全國公共廣播電臺（NPR）中，非常明白他們的談話會被播放出去。所以他們對自己聲稱專業的地方以及言之鑿鑿的東西會更加小心。要學著這樣做，謹言慎行，談話應該是負責任的行為。

Number five: If you don't know, say that you don't know.Now, people on the radio, especially on NPR, are much more aware that they're going on the record, and so they're more careful about what they claim to be an expert in and what they claim to know for sure.Do that.Err on the side of caution.Talk should not be cheap.第六條：不要把自己的經歷和他人比較。

如果對方談論失去了家人，不要就勢開始說你失去家人的事情。如果對方在說工作上的困擾，不要告訴他們你多么討厭你的工作。這不一樣的，永遠不可能一樣。任何經歷都是獨一無二的。而且，更重要的是，這不是在談論你的事。你不需要在此刻證明你多么能干，或者你經受了多少痛苦。有人曾問史蒂芬·霍金他的智商是多少，他回答道：“我不知道。拿智商吹牛的人都是屌絲。”

Number six: Don’t equate your experience with theirs.If they're talking about having lost a family member, don't start talking about the time you lost a family member.If they're talking about the trouble they're having at work, don't tell them about how much you hate your job.It's not the same.It is never the same.All experiences are individual.And, more importantly, it is not about you.You don’t need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you’ve suffered.Somebody asked Stephen Hawking once what his IQ was, and he said, 'I have no idea.People who brag about their IQs are losers.' 第七條：盡量別重復自己的話。

這很咄咄逼人，也很無聊。但我們很容易這樣做。尤其是在工作交談中，或者和孩子的交談中。我們想聲明一個觀點，于是換著方式不停地說，別這樣。Number seven: Try not to repeat yourself.It's condescending, and it's really boring, and we tend to do it a lot.Especially in work conversations or in conversations with our kids, we have a point to make, so we just keep rephrasing it over and over.Don't do that.第八條：少說廢話。

說白了，沒人在乎那些年份、名字、日期等等這些你努力試圖在腦中回想的種種細節，別人不在乎，他們關注的是你，對方關心你是什么樣的人，和你有什么共同點。所以忘掉細節吧，別管它們。

Number eight: Stay out of the weeds.Frankly, people don't care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you're struggling to come up with in your mind.They don't care.What they care about is you.They care about what you're like, what you have in common.So forget the details.Leave them out.第九條：這不是最后一條，但是最重要的一條。認真傾聽。我說不上來到底有多少重要人士都說過傾聽可能是最重要的，第一重要的你可以提升的技能。佛曰——我轉述一下，“如果你嘴不停，你就學不到東西。”卡爾文·柯立芝曾說：“從沒有人是因為聽太多而被開除的。”

Number nine: This is not the last one, but it is the most important one.Listen.I cannot tell you how many really important people have said that listening is perhaps the most, the number one most important skill that you could develop.Buddha said, and I'm paraphrasing, 'If your mouth is open, you’re not learning.' And Calvin Coolidge said, 'No man ever listened his way out of a job.' 第十條：簡明扼要。

“好的交談就像恰到好處的迷你裙；足夠短，能夠吸引人，又足夠長，能夠包納（蓋住）主體——我妹妹的比喻”，所有這些都濃縮成同一個概念，那就是：對他人產生興趣。我在一個名人外公身邊長大，我家里賓客絡繹不絕。訪客會前來和我的外祖父母交談，而那些人離開后，我母親會過來對我們說：“你們知道那是誰嗎？她是美國小姐的亞軍。他是薩克拉門托市長。她拿過普利策獎。他是俄羅斯芭蕾舞蹈家。”

我在成長中默認了每個人都有不為人知的精彩。說真的，我想是這一切讓我成為了更好的主持人。我盡量少說話，但開放自己的思想，永遠準備著大吃一驚，而我從不會感到失望。你們也可以這樣。走出門去，和別人交談，聽別人說，以及最重要的，準備好大吃一驚。

One more rule, number 10, and it's this one: Be brief.[A good conversation is like a miniskirt;short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.--My Sister] All of this boils down to the same basic concept, and it is this one: Be interested in other people.You know, I grew up with a very famous grandfather, and there was kind of a ritual in my home.People would come over to talk to my grandparents, and after they would leave, my mother would come over to us, and she'd say, 'Do you know who that was? She was the runner-up to Miss America.He was the mayor of Sacramento.She won a Pulitzer Prize.He's a Russian ballet dancer.' And I kind of grew up assuming everyone has some hidden, amazing thing about them.And honestly, I think it's what makes me a better host.I keep my mouth shut as often as I possibly can, I keep my mind open, and I'm always prepared to be amazed, and I'm never disappointed.You do the same thing.Go out, talk to people, listen to people, and, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed.以上就是今天分享的全部內容。不冒犯任何人，不三心二意，不好為人師，不要把自己的經歷和他人比較，認真傾聽，謹言慎行，但開放自己的思想，永遠準備著大吃一驚。希望 Celeste Headlee 幾十年工作總結出的 10 條交談心得能幫助大家在與人溝通上更游刃有余。

-END-“設計”是商業工具，“設計力”則是創造性的商業思維和方法，未來所有公司都將是設計公司。新物種方法論下，“設計力” 如何從商品附加功能轉變為商品核心價值？為什么“設計力”是每個組織、品牌、個人最應該掌握的跨領域科學思維？以用戶情緒流動為核心，融合場景、用戶行為的“設計力”商業應用方法是什么？新物種學院一期一會之“設計力”報名中，詳情請點擊??▼關注場景實驗室第一時間獲取場景、超級IP、新物種的干貨內容有任何想法、問題與建議，歡迎留言與我們互動

第三篇：TED演講如何成為一個更好的交談者

TED演講:如何成為一個更好的交談者?

如何成為一個好的交談者?我們一定聽過很多這方面的建議，例如：要看著對方的眼睛，提前想好可以討論的有趣話題，注視和點頭并且微笑來表明你的專注，重復你剛才聽到的，或者做總結等。本次TED演講者Celeste Headlee女士認為這些技巧完全沒用，我們可以將它們丟在一邊，因為如果你交談時確實很專心的話，就根本沒必要去學習如何表現你很專心的技巧。讓我們洗耳聆聽她這次給大家帶來的最新也是最實用關于如何成為更好交談者的十條建議吧。

When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to haveconversations — and that most of us don't converse very well.Celeste Headlee has worked as aradio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity,clarity and a healthy amount of listening.In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules forhaving better conversations.“Go out, talk to people, listen to people,” she says.“And, mostimportantly, be prepared to be amazed.” TED演講英文文稿: TED演講中文文稿:

00:11All right, I want to see a show of hands: how many of you have unfriended someone onFacebookbecause they said something offensive about politics or religion, childcare, food? 00:22(Laughter)00:24And how many of you know at least one person that you avoid because you just don't want to talkto them? 00:29(Laughter)00:31You know, it used to be that in order to have a polite conversation, we just had to follow the adviceof Henry Higgins in “My Fair Lady”: Stick to the weather and your health.But these days, withclimate change and anti-vaxxing, those subjects--00:43(Laughter)00:45are not safe either.So this world that we live in, this world in which every conversation has thepotential to devolve into an argument, where our politicians can't speak to one another and whereeven the most trivial of issues have someone fighting both passionately for it and against it, it's notnormal.Pew Research did a study of 10,000 American adults, and they found that at this moment,we are more polarized, we are more divided, than we ever have been in history.We're less likelyto compromise,which means we're not listening to each other.And we make decisions aboutwhere to live, who to marry and even who our friends are going to be, based on what we alreadybelieve.Again, that means we're not listening to each other.A conversation requires a balancebetween talking and listening, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance.01:34Now, part of that is due to technology.The smartphones that you all either have in your hands orclose enough that you could grab them really quickly.According to Pew Research, about a third ofAmerican teenagers send more than a hundred texts a day.And many of them, almost most ofthem, are more likely to text their friends than they are to talk to them face to face.There's thisgreat piece in The Atlantic.It was written by a high school teacher named Paul Barnwell.And hegave his kids a communication project.He wanted to teach them how to speak on a specificsubject without using notes.And he said this: “I came to realize...” 02:07(Laughter)02:11“I came to realize that conversational competence might be the single most overlooked skill we failto teach.Kids spend hours each day engaging with ideas and each other through screens, butrarely do they have an opportunity to hone their interpersonal communications skills.It mightsound like a funny question, but we have to ask ourselves: Is there any 21st-century skill moreimportant than being able to sustain coherent, confident conversation?” 02:38Now, I make my living talking to people: Nobel Prize winners, truck drivers, billionaires,kindergarten teachers, heads of state, plumbers.I talk to people that I like.I talk to people that Idon't like.I talk to some people that I disagree with deeply on a personal level.But I still have agreat conversation with them.So I'd like to spend the next 10 minutes or so teaching you how totalk and how to listen.03:03Many of you have already heard a lot of advice on this, things like look the person in the eye, thinkof interesting topics to discuss in advance, look, nod and smile to show that you're payingattention,repeat back what you just heard or summarize it.So I want you to forget all of that.It iscrap.03:23(Laughter)03:26There is no reason to learn how to show you're paying attention if you are in fact paying attention.03:34(Laughter)03:35(Applause)03:38Now, I actually use the exact same skills as a professional interviewer that I do in regular life.So,I'm going to teach you how to interview people, and that's actually going to help you learn how tobe better conversationalists.Learn to have a conversation without wasting your time, withoutgetting bored, and, please God, without offending anybody.03:59We've all had really great conversations.We've had them before.We know what it's like.The kindof conversation where you walk away feeling engaged and inspired, or where you feel like you'vemade a real connection or you've been perfectly understood.There is no reason why most of yourinteractions can't be like that.04:17So I have 10 basic rules.I'm going to walk you through all of them, but honestly, if you just chooseone of them and master it, you'll already enjoy better conversations.04:26Number one: Don't multitask.And I don't mean just set down your cell phone or your tablet or yourcar keys or whatever is in your hand.I mean, be present.Be in that moment.Don't think aboutyour argument you had with your boss.Don't think about what you're going to have for dinner.Ifyou want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation, but don't be half in it and halfout of it.04:49Number two: Don't pontificate.If you want to state your opinion without any opportunity forresponse or argument or pushback or growth, write a blog.05:01(Laughter)05:04Now, there's a really good reason why I don't allow pundits on my show: Because they're reallyboring.If they're conservative, they're going to hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.Ifthey're liberal, they're going to hate big banks and oil corporations and Dick Cheney.Totallypredictable.And you don't want to be like that.You need to enter every conversation assumingthat you have something to learn.The famed therapist M.Scott Peck said that true listeningrequires a setting aside of oneself.And sometimes that means setting aside your personalopinion.He said that sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less and lessvulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recessesof his or her mind to thelistener.Again, assume that you have something to learn.05:51Bill Nye: “Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don't.” I put it thisway: Everybody is an expert in something.06:02Number three: Use open-ended questions.In this case, take a cue from journalists.Start yourquestions with who, what, when, where, why or how.If you put in a complicated question, you'regoing to get a simple answer out.If I ask you, “Were you terrified?” you're going to respond to themost powerful word in that sentence, which is “terrified,” and the answer is “Yes, I was” or “No, Iwasn't.” “Were you angry?” “Yes, I was very angry.” Let them describe it.They're the ones thatknow.Try asking them things like, “What was that like?” “How did that feel?” Because then theymight have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you're going to get a much moreinteresting response.06:39Number four: Go with the flow.That means thoughts will come into your mind and you need to letthem go out of your mind.We've heard interviews often in which a guest is talking for severalminutes and then the host comes back in and asks a question which seems like it comes out ofnowhere, or it's already been answered.That means the host probably stopped listening twominutes ago because he thought of this really clever question, and he was just bound anddetermined to say that.And we do the exact same thing.We're sitting there having a conversationwith someone, and then we remember that time that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.07:16(Laughter)07:17And we stop listening.Stories and ideas are going to come to you.You need to let them come andlet them go.07:25Number five: If you don't know, say that you don't know.Now, people on the radio, especially onNPR,are much more aware that they're going on the record, and so they're more careful aboutwhat they claim to be an expert in and what they claim to know for sure.Do that.Err on the side ofcaution.Talk should not be cheap.07:45Number six: Don't equate your experience with theirs.If they're talking about having lost a familymember, don't start talking about the time you lost a family member.If they're talking about thetrouble they're having at work, don't tell them about how much you hate your job.It's not the same.It is never the same.All experiences are individual.And, more importantly, it is not about you.Youdon't need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you'vesuffered.Somebody asked Stephen Hawking once what his IQ was, and he said, “I have no idea.People who brag about their IQs are losers.” 08:20(Laughter)08:22Conversations are not a promotional opportunity.08:27Number seven: Try not to repeat yourself.It's condescending, and it's really boring, and we tend todo it a lot.Especially in work conversations or in conversations with our kids, we have a point tomake, so we just keep rephrasing it over and over.Don't do that.08:45Number eight: Stay out of the weeds.Frankly, people don't care about the years, the names, thedates, all those details that you're struggling to come up with in your mind.They don't care.Whatthey care about is you.They care about what you're like, what you have in common.So forget thedetails.Leave them out.09:07Number nine: This is not the last one, but it is the most important one.Listen.I cannot tell you howmany really important people have said that listening is perhaps the most, the number one mostimportant skill that you could develop.Buddha said, and I'm paraphrasing, “If your mouth is open,you're not learning.” And Calvin Coolidge said, “No man ever listened his way out of a job.” 09:31(Laughter)09:33Why do we not listen to each other? Number one, we'd rather talk.When I'm talking, I'm incontrol.I don't have to hear anything I'm not interested in.I'm the center of attention.I can bolstermy own identity.But there's another reason: We get distracted.The average person talks at about225 word per minute, but we can listen at up to 500 words per minute.So our minds are filling inthose other 275 words.And look, I know, it takes effort and energy to actually pay attention tosomeone, but if you can't do that, you're not in a conversation.You're just two people shouting outbarely related sentences in the same place.10:13(Laughter)10:15You have to listen to one another.Stephen Covey said it very beautifully.He said, “Most of us don'tlisten with the intent to understand.We listen with the intent to reply.” 10:27One more rule, number 10, and it's this one: Be brief.10:31[A good conversation is like a miniskirt;short enough to retain interest, but long enough to coverthe subject.--My Sister] 10:37(Laughter)10:39(Applause)All of this boils down to the same basic concept, and it is this one: Be interested inother people.10:49You know, I grew up with a very famous grandfather, and there was kind of a ritual in myhome.People would come over to talk to my grandparents, and after they would leave, my motherwould come over to us, and she'd say, “Do you know who that was? She was the runner-up toMiss America.He was the mayor of Sacramento.She won a Pulitzer Prize.He's a Russian balletdancer.” And I kind of grew up assuming everyone has some hidden, amazing thing aboutthem.And honestly, I think it's what makes me a better host.I keep my mouth shut as often as Ipossibly can, I keep my mind open, and I'm always prepared to be amazed, and I'm neverdisappointed.11:27You do the same thing.Go out, talk to people, listen to people, and, most importantly, be preparedto be amazed.11:37Thanks.

第四篇：10步準備一個TED演講

【演講技巧】10步準備一個TED演講

這些18分鐘的演講很難去做。滔滔不絕說1個小時很容易，但18分鐘的演講需要知道你是否超時，是否在中間卡住。

通常我給的演講是45分鐘，但我需要18分鐘將我的見識表達出來。這個精選過程要求你傳播你想法的時候只傳達最重要的信息。練習的時間和演講長度成反比。演講越短，需要練習的時間也越多。在這種情況下，18分鐘的演講，我們需要大約18個小時的練習時間。一分鐘要練習一個小時？這大概只適合于像我一樣的專業人士，還不太老練的演講者需要更多的時間。

我在TEDxEast做了一個演講，我很興奮的看著時間不多了，最終還剩6秒。勝利！后來我在印度的INK conference做了一個類似的演講，但是只有15分鐘。盡管我瘋狂地練習，并且練習時達到14分半鐘，因為嚴重的支氣管炎我吃了藥，之后我的時間某種程度上蔓延了，我尷尬了，因為我超了一分鐘，但如果我說了第十點將會超過2分鐘。

以下是我準備演講的十步：

1.打印你的幻燈片為一頁9格作為講義材料。這種一頁9格的幻燈片大小正好和便利貼一樣。我組織再組織我的信息，然后添加便利貼直到我感到滿意為止。并且確保減少我為40分鐘演講準備的至少一半的幻燈片。

我平衡再平衡，再平衡，直到我覺得它已經接近18分鐘。在這期間，我認識到我的思想可以比過去傳達的更有效。

2.征求反饋。召集一些你值得信任的人，讓他們對你的修改過的幻燈片打印材料提些反饋。只需要讓他們口頭說一下。目的是讓他們一次看完所有的幻燈片，你想要得到關于“整體：的反饋，而不是部分。然他們給你選擇的內容提反饋，并問問他們是否覺得TED的聽眾會得到共鳴。當他們添加完他們的意見，我就開始將它們做成電子版。

3.再次將它分享給一個好的交流者。在我的例子里，我將它分享給我的ExComm經理 Krystin。她很擅長幫我排練，并成為我值得信賴的教練。她會說：”當你這么說時，會和你打算解釋的效果不同。”，“當你使用這個術語，你將遭到貶損”，“我想當你最后這么說時會更好”。她認真的幫我分析每個詞如何用、怎么說。誠實是最好的原則。確保你的指導者不要害怕說不出來。18分鐘里，你想要將你喜歡的材料都說出來，想要包括所有東西，但作為TED的演講，你需要一個值得信任的人幫你刪掉些你喜愛的內容。

4.Close the loop。許多時候，作為推薦者，你清楚的知道你的材料以至于你認為你把每一點都搞清楚了。你可能還沒有。你的指導者需要保證你在告訴人們為什么。圍繞在你思想的“為什么”使內容展開，而不是“如何...”。明確的表達為什么，那么你的聽眾可以明白你的宏大思想是什么。

5.在計時的情況下練習。在最初的時候，在計時的時候排練。這是因為如果你超時了，你要知道自己超了多少。在這個時候不要看著時間。讓你的指導者看著，因為你不想在腦海里記住任何時間印記。一分鐘，三分鐘。一直的練習，直到你可以保持在18分鐘里。你的指導者應該可以告訴你在這剪掉30秒或在那加上15秒，以便你內容可以承載最重要的信息。

6.在倒計時的情況下練習。一旦你有了時間表就可以在倒計時的情況下練習。你需要在你演講的一些位置設置計時基準。計算以下你6分鐘的演講會到什么位置。你應該大概知道6、12、18分鐘的時候，你會演講到什么地方。你應該知道幻燈片應到什么位置，以及你在說些什么內容，那么你在臺上就可立即知道自己是否按時或已經超時。

7.顯著標記。你的指導者應該記下你什么內容說的好，什么內容說的不好。他們應該從打印的幻燈片開始，寫下你用的好的短語，那么你可以將它們添加到你的講義里。他們應該幫助捕找些短語，那么你可以打到你的注釋里。

8.不要不喜被拍。錄下一些你最后的練習。這不需要用最好的設置，像我們使用Flip攝像機時放在三腳架上。它幫你習慣于看著攝像機，并且你可以回放視頻，看看你在臺上的表現、目光的注視、手勢，確定你需要修改的表現。當然，如果你想使練習做的相當好，你可以倒

回去，聽音頻，在幻燈片筆記上添上你認為最好的一段。

9.在上臺之前做一個完整的排練。這就是我在印度搞砸的地方，在那天早晨我完全的練習了幾次，但我沒有感到需要計時。我承認我一周里沒有計時，但是發了瘋的練習。如果我通過Skype和我的教練Krystin練習就更好了。我本將避免一場災難。

10.準備兩個自然的結束點。我想要控告印度展的組織者沒有真正的給我滿15分鐘。但是是我搞砸了。這可能是因為我的支氣管炎導致的，在我演講完后我還感到時間充足。幸運的是，我準備了兩個地方來結束我的演講。我有一個結束的地方來完整的結束演講，于是我在那個地方結束了。我沒有時間做到的是我沒有帶來一個鼓舞人心的結尾，可以令在場的人站起來、驚聲尖叫。

第五篇：(TED英文演講)如何做得更好——觀后感

“Ways to get better.”--------Feedback Key words：deliberate study, analysis, reflections.Many people always express their complaints to others that they didn’t obtain enough improvements with so much work.To be frank, if only one man just keep working continuously who is satisfied with himself, he won't be much better.Why? Do our performances really matter?

The answer is definitely “No!”.Surely the performances we have done is important, but something else can be vital.It’s what the speaker called “deliberate study”.That means a straddle between doing and analyzing.We can apply what we have learned to practice, which in turn can reflect where to improve and where to adjust.However, as many people think, our diligence and achievements are focused, not reflection.In my view, practice is of great significance but lack of use without introspection.Because introspection may sometimes lead us to breakthrough.In conclusion, never lose your reflective mind.Instead of repetitive and mechanical work, do more exploration, experiments and deep thoughts.Only in this way can we turn our best to better.