第一篇：2015白宮記者協(xié)會晚宴奧巴馬演講全文

任期將盡的奧巴馬在今年White House Correspondents Dinner(白宮記者協(xié)會晚宴)上火力全開，不僅吐槽了老冤家共和黨各路人馬，連民主黨的希拉里和O’Malley等戰(zhàn)友他也沒放過。CNN, Fox News和MSNBC更是被黑的體無完膚。

Good evening everybody.Welcome to the white house correspondents' dinner.The night when Washington.Celebrates itself.Somebody's got to doit.And welcome to the fourth quarter of my presidency.It's true iron.Those were sheltering.Factors that film moreloose and relaxed whenever.Those.Joseph Biden shoulder massages theirlike magic.Well you have.I am determined to makethe most.Every moment.Have left.After the midterm electionsmy advisor let me Mr.President you have a bucketlist.And I served well.Something the lions would bucketlist.Take executive action on immigration.Bucket.This woman look.My new.But in my Cuba policy.The Castro Brothersare here tonight.The fulfill.What.If for capsules fromTexas.All.Iowa scream.Hi Leon.Anyway.Big Brother isnever easy and I still have to fix a brokenimmigration system.Issue veto threats to negotiate with the Ron.All while finding time to pray five times a day.Wonder that people keep pointing out how the president CNamazement.Alex old John Maynard Carter invited Netanyahu speaking myfuneral.Meanwhile Michelle has amazed today.Have to order figuredshe just says.Fresh fruits and vegetables.It's aggravated.Factis though at this point my legacy is finally beginningdetection.Their economy is getting better.Mind that in tenAmericans now have health coverage.It's.Good.No longer haveto worry about losing your insurance if you lose yourjob.You're welcome senate Democrats.Not look it is trueI have not managed to make everybody happy.Six yearsand in my presidency some people still say I'm arrogant.And aloof.Condescending.Some people are so don't.They wouldn't.And that's not all people say about.A few weeksago Dick Cheney says he thinks I'm the worst presidentof his lifetime.What is interesting because I think DickCheney is the worst president in my lifetime.What appointments.America got some of them say these days.Mike Huckabeerecently said people should enjoy our military until a trueconservative is elected president.Think about that.It was sooutrageous 47 Ayatollah wrote us a letter.Trying to explainto Huckabee how our system works.They get worse.Doesthis week Michelle Bachmann.Ash.Actually predicted.That I wouldbring about the biblical and debates.How about the legacy.I'm in Lincoln Washington and let them do that.Okay.But you know I just have to put this stuffoutside I'm gonna stay focused on my job.Because formany Americans this is still time of deep uncertainty.Forexample I have I have one friend just a fewweeks ago.She was making millions of dollars a yearand she's now living out of abandoned Iowa.Meanwhile.Backhere our nation's capital we're always dealing with a newchallenge us and I'm happy to report that.The SecretService thanks to some excellent reporting by a White Housecorrespondents.They're relieved.Focusing on.Some of the issues thatcome up and they finally figured out a full proofway to keep people off my lawn.That works.Asnot just fence jumpers.Some you know a few monthsago drone crash landed.Back that was pretty serious butdon't worry.We've installed a new state of the artsecurity system.You know what.Let me set the recordstraight if I tease Joseph sometimes but he has beenat my side.For seven years I loved that man.Not good to great vice president he has a greatfriend.We got so close in some places and Indianathey want service pizza anymore.I want to thank ourhosts for the men Chicago girl an incredibly talented it.Syphilis around.Bond the Saturday Night Live Sicily impersonate CNN64.anchor Brooke Baldwin.Which is surprising because usually the onlypeople impersonate journalists on CNN.Are journalists on CNN.ABCis there was some of the stars from their bignew comedy black fish.I.As a great show whetherto give ABC fair warning.Being black issue only makesyou popular for so long trust.There's a shelf lifecommitment.As all us.The reporters here have a lotto cover over the last year here on the EastCoast.One big story with the brutal winner.The polarvortex because so many record lows they renamed it.MSNBC.But of course.Let's face it there is one issueon every reporters' minds matters points sixteen.Already we've seensome missteps.Turns out Jeb Bush identified himself as Hispanicback in 2009.Which annoyed look I understand there's anit was a mistake.Reminds me of when I identifiedmyself as American Bakken.1961.Ted Cruz says they're denyingthe existence of climate change.Maybe there.Mayhem like Galileo.That's not really an apt.Compare us.Galileo believed theearth revolves around the sun.Ted Cruz believes the earthrevolves around Ted Cruz.I and handel's messiah don't wantone out when a guy.Who have this based ona hope poster called you self centered.You know you'vegot a problem.Most of the men veterans.Creeping upall through high.Meanwhile Rick Santorum announced that he wouldnot attend the same sex wedding of a friendor a loved one.Towards gays and lesbians across thecountry responded that's not going to be a problem.Don'tlet them.And Donald Trump is it.Still.Anyway.It'samazing how time flies.Soon the first presidential contest willtake place.And I for one cannot wait to seewhom the Coen Brothers crack.But the plan.Marco Rubioand Rand Paul that crews Jeb Bush Scott Walker.Whowill finally get that red ropes.The winner gets abillion dollar war chest.Runner up gets to be.Thebachelor on the next season of the bachelor.Mention thislike a billion dollars.From death to guy.It's justme or does that feel a little excessive.Ms.Almostinsulting to the candidates.Both that could cope Brothers think they need to spend a billion dollars to get folksto like one of these people.Gotta hurt their feelingswell it.And look I'm drivers lot of money tobut.The offense my middle name is Hussein.The trailhasn't been easy for my fellow Democrats either.As weall know Hillary's brother emails that are in trouble.Franklinup I was going to be your private instead Grahamaccount that was gonna cause a bigger problems.Hillary thingsoff by going completely unrecognized.And it's a poll what.Not to be outdone.Martin O'Malley kicked things off bygoing completely unrecognized that it Martin O'Malley campaign.And BernieSanders might run.I'm Mike Vernon birds bears and apparentlysome folks really wanna see a pot smoking socialist inthe White House.We could get a third Obama terminalpro.And where is always on a close up moreserious note.I often joke about tensions between me inthe press but.Honestly what they say doesn't bother meI understand we've gotten adversarial system.I'm mellow sort ofgod.And that's why I invited.Looper my anger translator.The American.Paul dollar to yen nearly Y book.Inour fast changing world traditions like the white house correspondents'dinner are important.Us.Because despite our differences we counton the press to shed light on the most importantissues of the day.They're not on behalf all whileHaiti with.I.We want only.There is much littleball while he bona but the whole way we don'tstep.Yeah.Probably what did you notice.And now.ButI felt physically.Appreciate the work that you do.All in the bottom of Mexico.It's strictly know whenthat woman.That night being.While what was it whatit looked at all to them.Protecting our democracy.Ismore important than ever.For example Supreme Court ruled thatthe donor who gave Ted Cruz six million dollars wasjust exercising free speech yet.That's the kind of speechlike this I just waste is six million dollars.TheRepublicans.Hillary will have to raise huge sums of moneyto Lowell he.So don't get that money.Sealed andArnold about it.Tell me it's tough and so wasmorale.And nonstop focus on billionaire donors creates real problemsfor our democracy and.Yeah.Whitman.We do need tostay focused on the big challenges like climate thing.I'vegot opponents.Did and Iraq.Yeah that's what happened thatwill be up and Ned.Bradley Cooper.It does hewants the appointment but not.The player nine.Out ofthe ten hottest years ever came in last Beckett.Doesand an audit candidate.Rising seas.More violent storms gottenus.Don't sweat it people on the trains bank inand out.Business is now that's it.I meant whatlittle what.Look at what's happening right now.Every seriousscientist says we need.The Pentagon says it's the nationalsecurity risk.Miami was gonna funny event.Instead doing everythingabout it we got elected official points not club inthe sun it's.Got a bright and has quietly.Whatabout our kids what kind of stupid short sighted airliftbond above all.I.Good.Out all the respect her.You'll need an Internet that.Unit got us.I'm alot of him.Trying to get an audit.I havefriends whether.Now that I got that off my chest.You know investigative journalism.Explanatory.Journalism.Journalism that exposed corruption.And injustice.And gives voice to the different and themarginalized.The voiceless.That's power.It's a privilege.It's asimportant to America's trajectory.To our values or ideals thananything we could do in elected office.We remember journalistwe lost over the past year.Journalists like Steve and166.saw Lofton James Foley.Murder for nothing more than trying167.to shine light into some of the world's darkest corners.The journalists unjustly imprisoned around the world including.Our ownJason.Raising.Jason has been imprisoned and Tehran heard nothingmore than write about the hopes and fears of Iranand people.During their stories to the readers of theWashington Post in an effort to bridge our common humanity.As was already mentioned Jason's brother Ali is here tonightand I have told him personally we will not restuntil we bring him home.Whose family sick so.He'sjournalists and so many others do their work is morethan just profession.But as a public good.An indispensablepillar of our society.Are giving the toast of raiseyour glass to them and all of you.The wordsof the American foreign correspondent north of Toms.It isnow the fact of liberty.But the way in whichliberty is exercise that ultimately determines.Whether liberty itself survives.Thank you through devotion exercising our liberty and the tellingour American story god bless you.God bless the UnitedStates of America.

第二篇：奧巴馬在2012年白宮記者協(xié)會晚宴的演講

奧巴馬在2012年白宮記者協(xié)會晚宴的演講

Remarks by the President at the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner

Washington Hilton Hotel

April 29, 2012 Thank you.(Applause.)Good evening, everybody.Good evening.I could not be more thrilled to be here tonight--(laughter)--at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.This is great crowd.They’re already laughing.It’s terrific.Chuck Todd--love you, brother.(Laughter.)I’m delighted to see some of the cast members of Glee are here.(Laughter.)And Jimmy Kimmel, it’s an honor, man.(Laughter.)What’s so funny? My fellow Americans, we gather during a historic anniversary.Last year at this time--in fact, on this very weekend--we finally delivered justice to one of the world’s most notorious individuals.(Applause.)Now, this year, we gather in the midst of a heated election season.And Axelrod tells me I should never miss a chance to reintroduce myself to the American people.So tonight, this is how I’d like to begin: My name is Barack Obama.My mother was born in Kansas.My father was born in Kenya.And I was born, of course, in Hawaii.(Laughter and applause.)In 2009, I took office in the face of some enormous challenges.Now, some have said I blame too many problems on my predecessor, but let’s not forget that’s a practice that was initiated by George W.Bush.(Laughter.)Since then, Congress and I have certainly had our differences;yet, I’ve tried to be civil, to not take any cheap shots.And that’s why I want to especially thank all the members who took a break from their exhausting schedule of not passing any laws to be here tonight.(Laughter.)Let’s give them a big round of applause.(Applause.)Despite many obstacles, much has changed during my time in office.Four years ago, I was locked in a brutal primary battle with Hillary Clinton.Four years later, she won’t stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena.(Laughter.)

Four years ago, I was a Washington outsider.Four years later, I’m at this dinner.Four years ago, I looked like this.Today, I look like this.(Laughter.)And four years from now, I will look like this.(Laughter and applause.)That’s not even funny.(Laughter.)Anyway, it’s great to be here this evening in the vast, magnificent Hilton ballroom--or what Mitt Romney would call a little fixer-upper.(Laughter and applause.)I mean, look at this party.We’ve got men in tuxes, women in gowns, fine wine, first-class entertainment.I was just relieved to learn this was not a GSA conference.(Laughter.)Unbelievable.Not even the mind reader knew what they were thinking.(Laughter.)Of course, the White House Correspondents’ Dinner is known as the prom of Washington D.C.--a term coined by political reporters who clearly never had the chance to go to an actual prom.(Laughter.)Our chaperone for the evening is Jimmy Kimmel--(applause)--who is perfect for the job since most of tonight’s audience is in his key demographic--people who fall asleep during Nightline.(Laughter.)Jimmy got his start years ago on The Man Show.In Washington, that’s what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.(Laughter and applause.)

And plenty of journalists are here tonight.I'd be remiss if I didn’t congratulate the Huffington Post on their Pulitzer Prize.(Applause.)You deserve it, Arianna.There's no one else out there linking to the kinds of hard-hitting journalism that HuffPo is linking to every single day.(Laughter and applause.)Give them a round of applause.And you don’t pay them--it's a great business model.(Laughter.)

Even Sarah Palin is getting back into the game, guest hosting on The Today Show--which reminds me of an old saying: What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious.(Laughter and applause.)A little soy sauce.(Laughter.)Now, I know at this point many of you are expecting me to go after my likely opponent, Newt Gingrich.(Laughter.)Newt, there's still time, man.(Laughter.)But I'm not going to do that--I'm not going to attack any of the Republican candidates.Take Mitt Romney--he and I actually have a lot in common.We both think of our wives as our better halves, and polls show, to a alarmingly insulting extent, the American people agree.(Laughter.)We also both have degrees from Harvard;I have one, he has two.What a snob.(Laughter and applause.)

Of course, we've also had our differences.Recently, his campaign criticized me for slow jamming the news with Jimmy Fallon.In fact, I understand Governor Romney was so incensed he asked his staff if he could get some equal time on The Merv Griffin Show.(Laughter.)Still, I guess Governor Romney is feeling pretty good about things because he took a few hours off the other day to see The Hunger Games--some of you have seen it.It's a movie about people who court wealthy sponsors and then brutally savage each other until only one contestant is left standing.I'm sure this was a really good change of pace for him.(Laughter.)I have not seen The Hunger Games;not enough class warfare for me.(Laughter.)

Of course, I know everybody is predicting a nasty election, and thankfully, we've all agreed that families are off limits.Dogs, however, are apparently fair game.(Laughter.)And while both campaigns have had some fun with this, the other day I saw a new ad from one of these outside groups that, frankly, I think crossed the line.I know Governor Romney says he has no control over what his super PACs do, but can we show the ad real quick?(Video is played.)(Applause.)That’s pretty rough--(laughter)--but I can take it, because my stepfather always told me, it's a boy-eat-dog world out there.(Laughter.)

Now, if I do win a second term as President, let me just say something to all the--(applause)--let me just say something to all my conspiracy-oriented friends on the right who think I'm planning to unleash some secret agenda: You're absolutely right.(Laughter.)So allow me to close with a quick preview of the secret agenda you can expect in a second Obama administration.In my first term, I sang Al Green;in my second term, I'm going with Young Jeezy.(Laughter.)Michelle said, yeah.(Laughter.)I sing that to her sometimes.(Laughter.)In my first term, we ended the war in Iraq;in my second term, I will win the war on Christmas.(Laughter.)In my first term, we repealed the policy known as “don't ask, don't tell”--(applause)--wait, though;in my second term, we will replace it with a policy known as, it's raining men.(Laughter.)In my first term, we passed health care reform;in my second term, I guess I'll pass it again.(Applause.)

I do want to end tonight on a slightly more serious note--whoever takes the oath of office next January will face some great challenges, but he will also inherit traditions that make us greater than the challenges we face.And one of those traditions is represented here tonight: a free press that isn't afraid to ask questions, to examine and to criticize.And in service of that mission, all of you make sacrifices.Tonight, we remember journalists such as Anthony Shadid and Marie Colvin--(applause)--who made the ultimate sacrifice as they sought to shine a light on some of the most important stories of our time.So whether you are a blogger or a broadcaster, whether you take on powerful interests here at home or put yourself in harm's way overseas, I have the greatest respect and admiration for what you do.I know sometimes you like to give me a hard time--and I certainly like to return the favor--(laughter)--but I never forget that our country depends on you.You help protect our freedom, our democracy, and our way of life.And just to set the record straight, I really do enjoy attending these dinners.In fact, I had a lot more material prepared, but I have to get the Secret Service home in time for their new curfew.(Laughter.)

Thank you very much, everybody.Thank you.(Applause.)

第三篇：奧巴馬在白宮記者協(xié)會晚宴上的講話

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you.Thank you, everybody.Good evening.You know, I had an entire speech prepared for this wonderful occasion, but now that I'm here I think I'm going to try something a little different.Tonight I want to speak from the heart.I'm going to speak off the cuff.(Teleprompters rise.)(Laughter and applause.)

Good evening.(Laughter.)Pause for laughter.(Laughter.)Wait a minute, this may not be working as well as I--(laughter.)Let me try that again.Good evening, everybody.(Applause.)I would like to welcome you all to the 10-day anniversary of my first 100 days.(Laughter.)I am Barack Obama.Most of you covered me.All of you voted for me.(Laughter and applause.)Apologies to the Fox table.(Laughter.)They're--where are they? I have to confess I really did not want to be here tonight, but I knew I had to come--just one more problem that I've inherited from George W.Bush.(Laughter.)

But now that I'm here, it's great to be here.It's great to see all of you.Michelle Obama is here, the First Lady of the United States.(Applause.)Hasn't she been an outstanding First Lady?(Applause.)She's even begun to bridge the differences that have divided us for so long, because no matter which party you belong to we can all agree that Michelle has the right to bare arms.(Laughter and applause.)

Now Sasha and Malia aren't here tonight because they're grounded.You can't just take Air Force One on a joy ride to Manhattan.(Laughter.)I don't care whose kids you are.(Laughter.)We've been setting some ground rules here.They're starting to get a little carried away.Now, speaking--when I think about children obviously I think about Michelle and it reminds me that tomorrow is Mother's Day.Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers in the audience.(Applause.)I do have to say, though, that this is a tough holiday for Rahm Emanuel because he's not used to saying the word “day” after “mother.”(Laughter.)That's true.(Laughter.)

David Axelrod is here.You know, David and I have been together for a long time.I can still remember--I got to sort of--I tear up a little bit when I think back to that day that I called Ax so many years ago and said, you and I can do wonderful things together.And he said to me the same thing that partners all across America are saying to one another right now: Let's go to Iowa and make it official.(Laughter and applause.)

Michael Steele is in the house tonight.(Applause.)Or as he would say, “in the heezy.”(Laughter.)What's up?(Laughter.)Where is Michael? Michael, for the last time, the Republican Party does not qualify for a bailout.(Laughter.)Rush Limbaugh does not count as a troubled asset, I'm sorry.(Laughter.)

Dick Cheney was supposed to be here but he is very busy working on his memoirs, tentatively titled, “How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People.”(Laughter.)

You know, it's been a whirlwind of activity these first hundred days.We've enacted a major economic recovery package, we passed a budget, we forged a new path in Iraq, and no President in history has ever named three Commerce Secretaries this quickly.(Laughter.)Which reminds me, if Judd Gregg is here, your business cards are ready now.(Laughter.)

On top of that, I've also reversed the ban on stem cell research, signed an expansion--(applause)--signed an expansion of the children's health insurance.Just last week, Car and Driver named me auto executive of the year.(Laughter.)Something I'm very proud of.We've also begun to change the culture in Washington.We've even made the White House a place where people can learn and can grow.Just recently, Larry Summers asked if he could chair the White House Council on Women and Girls.(Laughter.)And I do appreciate that Larry is here tonight because it is seven hours past his bedtime.(Laughter.)Gibbs liked that one.(Laughter.)

In the last hundred days, we've also grown the Democratic Party by infusing it with new energy and bringing in fresh, young faces like Arlen Specter.(Laughter.)Now, Joe Biden rightly deserves a lot of credit for convincing Arlen to make the switch, but Secretary Clinton actually had a lot to do with it too.One day she just pulled him aside and she said, Arlen, you know what I always say--“if you can't beat them, join them.”(Laughter.)

Which brings me to another thing that's changed in this new, warmer, fuzzier White House, and that's my relationship with Hillary.You know, we had been rivals during the campaign, but these days we could not be closer.In fact, the second she got back from Mexico she pulled into a hug and gave me a big kiss.(Laughter.)Told me I'd better get down there myself.(Laughter.)Which I really appreciated.I mean, it was--it was nice.(Laughter.)

And of course we've also begun to change America's image in the world.We talked about this during this campaign and we're starting to execute.We've renewed alliances with important partners and friends.If you look on the screen there, there I am with Japanese Prime Minister Taro Aso.There I am with Gordon Brown.But as I said during the campaign, we can't just talk to our friends.As hard as it is, we also have to talk to our enemies, and I've begun to do exactly that.Take a look at the monitor there.(Laughter.)Now, let me be clear, just because he handed me a copy of Peter Pan does not mean that I'm going to read it--(laughter)--but it's good diplomatic practice to just accept these gifts.All this change hasn't been easy.Change never is.So I've cut the tension by bringing a new friend to the White House.He's warm, he's cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic.You just have to keep him on a tight leash.Every once in a while he goes charging off in the wrong direction and gets himself into trouble.But enough about Joe Biden.(Laughter.)

All in all, we're proud of the change we've brought to Washington in these first hundred days but we've got a lot of work left to do, as all of you know.So I'd like to talk a little bit about what my administration plans to achieve in the next hundred days.During the second hundred days, we will design, build and open a library dedicated to my first hundred days.(Laughter.)It's going to be big, folks.(Laughter.)In the next hundred days, I will learn to go off the prompter and Joe Biden will learn to stay on the prompter.(Laughter.)

In the next hundred days, our bipartisan outreach will be so successful that even John Boehner will consider becoming a Democrat.After all, we have a lot in common.He is a person of color.(Laughter.)Although not a color that appears in the natural world.(Laughter.)What's up, John?(Laughter.)

In the next hundred days, I will meet with a leader who rules over millions with an iron fist, who owns the airwaves and uses his power to crush all who would challenge his authority at the ballot box.It's good to see you, Mayor Bloomberg.(Laughter.)

In the next hundred days, we will housetrain our dog, Bo, because the last thing Tim Geithner needs is someone else treating him like a fire hydrant.(Laughter.)In the next hundred days, I will strongly consider losing my cool.(Laughter.)

Finally, I believe that my next hundred days will be so successful I will be able to complete them in 72 days.(Laughter.)And on the 73rd day, I will rest.(Laughter.)

I just--I want to end by saying a few words about the men and women in this room whose job it is to inform the public and pursue the truth.You know, we meet tonight at a moment of extraordinary challenge for this nation and for the world, but it's also a time of real hardship for the field of journalism.And like so many other businesses in this global age, you've seen sweeping changes and technology and communications that lead to a sense of uncertainty and anxiety about what the future will hold.Across the country, there are extraordinary, hardworking journalists who have lost their jobs in recent days, recent weeks, recent months.And I know that each newspaper and media outlet is wrestling with how to respond to these changes, and some are struggling simply to stay open.And it won't be easy.Not every ending will be a happy one.But it's also true that your ultimate success as an industry is essential to the success of our democracy.It's what makes this thing work.You know, Thomas Jefferson once said that if he had the choice between a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, he would not hesitate to choose the latter.Clearly, Thomas Jefferson never had cable news to contend with--(laughter)--but his central point remains: A government without newspapers, a government without a tough and vibrant media of all sorts, is not an option for the United States of America.(Applause.)

So I may not--I may not agree with everything you write or report.I may even complain, or more likely Gibbs will complain, from time to time about how you do your jobs, but I do so with the knowledge that when you are at your best, then you help me be at my best.You help all of us who serve at the pleasure of the American people do our jobs better by holding us accountable, by demanding honesty, by preventing us from taking shortcuts and falling into easy political games that people are so desperately weary of.And that kind of reporting is worth preserving--not just for your sake, but for the public's.We count on you to help us make sense of a complex world and tell the stories of our lives the way they happen, and we look for you for truth, even if it's always an approximation, even if--(laughter.)

This is a season of renewal and reinvention.That is what government must learn to do, that's what businesses must learn to do, and that's what journalism is in the process of doing.And when I look out at this room and think about the dedicated men and women whose questions I've answered over the last few years, I know that for all the challenges this industry faces, it's not short on talent or creativity or passion or commitment.It's not short of young people who are eager to break news or the not-so-young who still manage to ask the tough ones time and time again.These qualities alone will not solve all your problems, but they certainly prove that the problems are worth solving.And that is a good place as any to begin.So I offer you my thanks, I offer you my support, and I look forward to working with you and answering to you and the American people as we seek a more perfect union in the months and years ahead.Thank you very much, everybody.Thank you.(Applause.)

第四篇：奧巴馬2014白宮記者協(xié)會晚宴演講稿中英文全文

奧巴馬2014白宮記者協(xié)會晚宴演講稿中英文全

文 2014年5月3日，美國總統(tǒng)奧巴馬在華盛頓希爾頓酒店出席一年一度的白宮記者協(xié)會晚宴（White House Correspondents Dinner, WHCD），這是奧巴馬第六次出席白宮記者協(xié)會晚宴。Remarks by the President at White House Correspondents' Dinner 10:21 P.M.EDT THE PRESIDENT: Thank you so much, everybody.Have a seat, have a seat.Before I get started, can we get the new presidential setup out here?(Aides bring out two ferns.)It was worked before.(Laughter and applause.)That’s more like it.It is great to be back.What a year, huh? I usually start these dinners with a few self-deprecating jokes.After my stellar 2013, what could I possibly talk about?(Laughter.)I admit it--last year was rough.Sheesh.(Laughter.)At one point things got so bad, the 47 percent called Mitt Romney to apologize.(Laughter.)Of course, we rolled out healthcare.gov.That could have gone better.(Laughter.)In 2008 my slogan was, “Yes We Can.” In 2013 my slogan was, “Control-Alt-Delete.”(Laughter.)On the plus side, they did turn the launch of healthcare.gov into one of the year’s biggest movies.(Laughter.)But rather than dwell on the past, I would like to pivot to this dinner.Let’s welcome our headliner this evening, Joel McHale.(Applause.)On “Community,” Joel plays a preening, self-obsessed narcissist.So this dinner must be a real change of pace for you.(Laughter.)I want to thank the White House Correspondents Association for hosting us here tonight.I am happy to be here, even though I am a little jet-lagged from my trip to Malaysia.The lengths we have to go to get CNN coverage these days.(Laughter and applause.)I think they’re still searching for their table.(Laughter and applause.)MSNBC is here.They’re a little overwhelmed.(Laughter.)They’ve never seen an audience this big before.(Laughter.)But, look, everybody is trying to keep up with this incredibly fast-changing media landscape.For example, I got a lot of grief on cable news for promoting Obamacare to young people on Between Two Ferns.But that’s what young people like to watch.And to be fair, I am not the first person on television between two potted plants.(Laughter and applause.)Sometimes I do feel disrespected by you reporters.But that’s okay.Seattle Seahawk cornerback Richard Sherman is here tonight.(Applause.)And he gave me some great tips on how to handle it.Jake Tapper, don’t you ever talk about me like that!(Laughter.)I’m the best President in the game!(Laughter.)What do you think, Richard? Was that good? A little more feeling next time? While we’re talking sports, just last month, a wonderful story--an American won the Boston Marathon for first time in 30 years.(Applause.)Which was inspiring and only fair, since a Kenyan has been president for the last six.(Laughter and applause.)Had to even things out.(Laughter.)We have some other athletes here tonight, including Olympic snowboarding gold medalist Jamie Anderson is here.We’re proud of her.(Applause.)Incredibly talented young lady.Michelle and I watched the Olympics--we cannot believe what these folks do--death-defying feats--haven’t seen somebody pull a “180” that fast since Rand Paul disinvited that Nevada rancher from this dinner.(Laughter.)As a general rule, things don’t like end well if the sentence starts, “Let me tell you something I know about the negro.”(Laughter.)You don’t really need to hear the rest of it.(Laughter and applause.)Just a tip for you--don’t start your sentence that way.(Laughter.)Speaking of Rand Paul--(laughter)--Colorado legalized marijuana this year, an interesting social experiment.I do hope it doesn’t lead to a whole lot of paranoid people who think that the federal government is out to get them and listening to their phone calls.(Laughter.)That would be a problem.(Laughter.)And speaking of conservative heroes, the Koch brothers bought a table here tonight.But as usual, they used a shadowy right-wing organization as a front.Hello, Fox News.(Laughter and applause.)I’m just kidding.Let’s face it, Fox, you’ll miss me when I’m gone.(Laughter.)It will be harder to convince the American people that Hillary was born in Kenya.(Laughter and applause.)A lot of us really are concerned about the way big money is influencing our politics.I remember when a Super PAC was just me buying Marlboro 100s instead of regulars.(Laughter.)Of course, now that it’s 2014, Washington is obsessed on the midterms.Folks are saying that with my sagging poll numbers, my fellow Democrats don’t really want me campaigning with them.And I don’t think that’s true--although I did notice the other day that Sasha needed a speaker at career day, and she invited Bill Clinton.(Laughter.)I was a little hurt by that.(Laughter.)Both sides are doing whatever it takes to win the ruthless game.Republicans--this is a true story--Republicans actually brought in a group of consultants to teach their candidates how to speak to women.This is true.And I don’t know if it will work with women, but I understand that America’s teenage boys are signing up to run for the Senate in droves.(Laughter.)Anyway, while you guys focus on the horserace, I’m going to do what I do--I’m going to be focused on everyday Americans.Just yesterday, I read a heartbreaking letter--you know I get letters from folks from around the country;every day I get 10 that I read--this one got to me.A Virginia man who’s been stuck in the same part-time job for years;no respect from his boss;no chance to get ahead.I really wish Eric Cantor would stop writing me.(Laughter.)You can just pick up the phone, Eric.(Laughter.)And I’m feeling sorry--believe it or not--for the Speaker of the House, as well.These days, the House Republicans actually give John Boehner a harder time than they give me, which means orange really is the new black.(Laughter and applause.)But I have not given up the idea of working with Congress.In fact, two weeks ago, Senator Ted Cruz and I, we got a bill done together.And I have to say, the signing ceremony was something special.We’ve got a picture of it I think.(Laughter.)Look, I know, Washington seems more dysfunctional than ever.Gridlock has gotten so bad in this town you have to wonder: What did we do to piss off Chris Christie so bad?(Laughter and applause.)One issue, for example, we haven’t been able to agree on is unemployment insurance.Republicans continue to refuse to extend it.And you know what, I am beginning to think they’ve got a point.If you want to get paid while not working, you should have to run for Congress just like everybody else.(Laughter and applause.)Of course, there is one thing that keeps Republicans busy.They have tried more than 50 times to repeal Obamacare.Despite that, 8 million people signed up for health care in the first open enrollment.(Applause.)Which does lead one to ask, how well does Obamacare have to work before you don’t want to repeal it? What if everybody’s cholesterol drops to 120?(Laughter.)What if your yearly checkup came with tickets to a Clippers game?(Laughter.)Not the old, Donald Sterling Clippers--the new Oprah Clippers.Would that be good enough?(Laughter.)What if they gave Mitch McConnell a pulse?(Laughter.)What is it going to take?(Laughter.)Anyway, this year, I’ve promised to use more executive actions to get things done without Congress.My critics call this the “imperial presidency.” The truth is, I just show up every day in my office and do my job.I’ve got a picture of this I think.(Laughter and applause.)You would think they’d appreciate a more assertive approach, considering that the new conservative darling is none other than Vladimir Putin.(Laughter.)Last year, Pat Buchanan said Putin is “headed straight for the Nobel Peace Prize.” He said this.Now I know it sounds crazy but to be fair, they give those to just about anybody these days.(Laughter.)So it could happen.But it’s not just Pat--Rudy Giuliani said Putin is “what you call a leader.” Mike Huckabee and Sean Hannity keep talking about his bare chest, which is kind of weird.(Laughter.)Look it up--they talk about it a lot.(Laughter.)It is strange to think that I have just two and a half years left in this office.Everywhere I look, there are reminders that I only hold this job temporarily.(Laughter.)But it’s a long time between now and 2016, and anything can happen.You may have heard the other day, Hillary had to dodge a flying shoe at a press conference.(Laughter and applause.)I love that picture.(Laughter.)Regardless of what happens, I’ve run my last campaign and I’m beginning to think about my legacy.Some of you know--Mayor Rahm Emanuel recently announced he is naming a high school in Chicago after me, which is extremely humbling.I was even more flattered to hear Rick Perry, who is here tonigh, is doing the same thing in Texas.Take a look.(Laughter.)Thank you, Rick.It means a lot to me.(Laughter and applause.)And I intend to enjoy all the free time that I will have.George W.Bush took up painting after he left office, which inspired me to take up my own artistic side.(Laughter.)I’m sure we’ve got a shot of this.(Laughter.)Maybe not.The joke doesn’t work without the slide.(Laughter.)Oh well.Assume that it was funny.(Laughter.)Does this happen to you, Joel? It does? Okay.On a more serious note, tonight reminds us that we really are lucky to live in a country where reporters get to give a head of state a hard time on a daily basis--and then, once a year, give him or her the chance, at least, to try to return the favor.But we also know that not every journalist, or photographer, or crewmember is so fortunate, because even as we celebrate the free press tonight, our thoughts are with those in places around the globe like Ukraine, and Afghanistan, and Syria, and Egypt, who risk everything--in some cases, even give their lives--to report the news.And what tonight also reminds us is that the fight for full and fair access goes beyond the chance to ask a question.As Steve mentioned, decades ago, an African American who wanted to cover his or her President might be barred from journalism school, burdened by Jim Crow, and, once in Washington, banned from press conferences.But after years of effort, black editors and publishers began meeting with FDR’s press secretary, Steve Early.And then they met with the President himself, who declared that a black reporter would get a credential.And even when Harry McAlpin made history as the first African American to attend a presidential news conference, he wasn’t always welcomed by the other reporters.But he was welcomed by the President, who told him, I’m glad to see you, McAlpin, and I’mvery happy to have you here.Now, that sentiment might have worn off once Harry asked him a question or two--(laughter)--and Harry’s battles continued.But he made history.And we’re s proud of Sherman and his family for being here tonight, and the White House Correspondents Association for creating a scholarship in Harry’s name.(Applause.)For over 100 years, even as the White House Correspondents Association has told the story of America’s progress, you’ve lived it, too--gradually allowing equal access to women, and minorities, and gays, and Americans with disabilities.And, yes, radio, and television, and Internet reporters, aswell.And through it all, you’ve helped make sure that even as societies change, our fundamental commitment to the interaction between those who govern and those who ask questions doesn’t change.And as Jay will attest, it’s a legacy you carry on enthusiastically every single day.And because this is the 100th anniversary of the Correspondents’ Association, I actually recorded an additional brief video thanking all of you for your hard work.Can we run the video?(Video fails to play.)THE PRESIDENT: What’s going on?(Laughter.)I was told this would work.Does anybody know how to fix this?(Laughter.)(Secretary Sebelius enters from backstage.)THE PRESIDENT: Oh, thank you.(Laughter and applause.)You got it? SECRETARY SEBELIUS: I got this--I see it all the time.There, that should work.(Video plays.)THE PRESIDENT: Thank you very much, everybody.God bless you.And God bless America, and thank you, Kathleen Sebelius.(Applause.)

我要感謝白宮記者協(xié)會舉辦今晚的活動。來到這里我很高興。雖說我還沒從馬來西亞之旅中倒過時差。如今不這么干，CNN都不報道你啊【谷大白話注：吐槽CNN對馬航的長期連續(xù)報道】 我覺得他們還在“搜尋”自己的座位呢？MSNBC也來了，他們有點(diǎn)太激動了，他們從來沒見過這么多的觀眾。不過你看大家都在試圖跟上媒體飛速變革的腳步。比如說，做客“蕨間訪談”向年輕人宣傳奧氏醫(yī)保的事被有線新聞臺指責(zé)。但這是年輕人喜歡看的節(jié)目。公平來講，我不是首位在電視上坐在兩株盆栽植物之間的人。

有時候我確實覺得你們記者不大尊重我，不過沒關(guān)系。西雅圖海鷹四分衛(wèi)Richard Sherman今晚也到場了。他給了我對付媒體的妙計：

Jake Tapper不許你這樣說我！【谷大白話注：Tapper是CNN記者】我是天下最棒的總統(tǒng)！！【谷大白話注：這兩句都是Sherman的經(jīng)典怒吼】 Richard你覺得如何？夠霸氣不？下回感情再激烈點(diǎn)。

說到體育，就在上個月，很贊的故事。30年來，美國人首次在波士頓馬拉松中奪冠。多么勵志啊。肯尼亞人都做了六年總統(tǒng)，這樣才公平嘛，我們就扯平了。【谷大白話注：自嘲出生地問題，善于長跑的肯尼亞人當(dāng)了美國總統(tǒng)，那美國人就該拿個長跑冠軍】

今晚在場的還有其他體育運(yùn)動員，包括冬奧會滑雪板金牌得主杰米?安德森。我們?yōu)樗湴粒瑯O有天賦的年輕女士，我跟米歇爾看奧運(yùn)比賽時，我們簡直不敢相信他們的動作。挑戰(zhàn)生死極限的壯舉啊。很久沒見過誰能如此迅速地180度轉(zhuǎn)身了。上次是Rand Paul拒絕那位內(nèi)華達(dá)農(nóng)場主出席今天的晚宴。【谷大白話注：武裝對抗政府的農(nóng)場主Bundy在發(fā)表種族言論后，Rand Paul等右派跟他翻臉劃清界限】

一般來說，你一句話的開頭要是這樣說肯定會出事的：“我跟你們講講我對黑鬼的了解”【谷大白話注：農(nóng)場主Bundy的名言】后面的話就不用聽了。給大家的溫馨提示哦，說話是千萬別這樣開頭。說到Rand Paul，今年科羅拉多州將大麻合法化，有趣的社會實驗，我希望這不會讓很多人出現(xiàn)妄想，認(rèn)為聯(lián)邦政府要迫害他們，竊聽他們的電話什么的那就麻煩了。【谷大白話注：自嘲NSA竊聽門事件】

說到保守派的英雄，Koch兄弟今晚買了張臺子【谷大白話注：Koch兄弟是共和黨金主，石油大亨】但跟以往一樣，他們用神秘的右翼組織來打掩護(hù)，福克斯新聞，你們好啊，我是開玩笑啦。【谷大白話注：吐槽福克斯新聞是右翼喉舌】承認(rèn)吧福克斯新聞，我卸任后你們會想念我的，要讓國人相信希拉里出生在肯尼亞可要困難的多啊【谷大白話注：出生地的梗，并暗示希拉里能拿下2016】。

2014奧巴馬演講中文全文

很多人在擔(dān)憂巨額獻(xiàn)金對政治的影響，我記得在過去“Super PAC”只是我買的萬寶路100s裝而不是普通裝而已。【谷大白話注：超級政治行動委員會可無限捐款，pac諧音pack】 當(dāng)然了，現(xiàn)在是2014年，華府政客滿腦子都是中期選舉。人們說，我的支持率如此萎靡，民主黨同仁都不愿意讓我為他們助選。我覺得不是這樣，但我確實注意到，有天我女兒的學(xué)校“職業(yè)日”需要演講者，結(jié)果她邀請了比爾?克林頓，這事讓我有點(diǎn)受傷啊。

兩黨都竭盡全力要在這場無情的比拼中獲勝，共和黨——這是真事啊——共和黨找來一群顧問來教導(dǎo)候選人，如何對女性說話，這是真事。我不知道這樣對女性是否奏效，不過我發(fā)現(xiàn)全國的少男們都成群結(jié)隊來申請競選參議員了。【谷大白話注：調(diào)侃少男不會泡妞】

總之，在你們?nèi)娜饷χ鴮?zhàn)時，我要去做我該做的事，我會專注于普通美國人的生活。昨天我看到一封令人心碎的信。每天我都會收到全國各地人民的來信，我會閱讀10封。這一封是說弗吉尼亞男子一份兼職工作干了好多年，老板不尊重他，前途沒有希望，我真希望Eric Cantor以后別再給我寫信了，Eric 你直接打電話就好了啊。【谷大白話注：Eric Cantor共和黨大佬，奧巴馬在這里吐槽他被共和黨人士抨擊】

而且我也……信不信由你，為議長而感到遺憾，如今，眾議院的共和黨人對博納比對我還兇殘，這說明“橘色”如今真的算是“黑色”了。【吐槽博納曬成橘色，且博納如今被當(dāng)成奧黑一樣被噴】 但我還沒有放棄跟國會合作的愿望。實際上兩周前，Ted Cruz參議員和我合力通過了一項法案。我得說，簽署儀式真是與眾不同。你看，我知道，華府正處于史上最癱瘓的時期，這里的堵塞如此之嚴(yán)重，你不禁會想，我們到底做了什么克里斯蒂會如此生氣啊？【谷大白話注：此處吐槽克里斯蒂濫用權(quán)力堵塞大橋的事件】

我們無法達(dá)成一致的問題之一是：失業(yè)保險。共和黨一直反對延長這項保險。你猜怎樣，我開始覺得他們有道理。如果你想又不干活又能拿錢，那你就該跟其他人一樣通過競選進(jìn)入國會啊。當(dāng)然了，有一件事讓奧巴馬醫(yī)保很頭疼。他們進(jìn)行了50多次推翻奧氏醫(yī)保的嘗試。盡管如此，800萬人在首輪公開申請中注冊了醫(yī)保。這就讓人不禁要問，醫(yī)保要做到多么好你們才不想廢除呢？讓所有人的膽固醇指標(biāo)都降到120如何？體檢贈送快船球票如何？不是過去斯特林的快船隊啦，是奧普拉新買的快船隊【谷大白話：吐槽近期斯特林的種族主義言論，而NBA聯(lián)盟最近在呼吁斯特林賣掉快船隊，奧巴馬順便又吐槽了下美國著名主持人奧普拉是土豪】

這樣夠好了嗎？給Mitch McConnel來點(diǎn)脈搏如何？【谷大白話注釋：這里奧巴馬吐槽共和黨大佬McConnel半死不活】要怎么樣你們才滿意啊？ 反正吧，今年我承諾要更多利用行政手段來繞開國會處理問題。批評者稱，這是帝國主義總統(tǒng)，實際情況是，我只是每天到辦公室上班而已。本以為，他們會喜歡更獨(dú)斷的做法，因為保守派的新男神是普京啊。

去年P(guān)at Buchanan說，普京是直奔諾貝爾和平獎而去啊。【谷大白話注：Pat Buchanan是美國保守派政客】他是這么說的，我知道聽起來很瘋狂，不過實事是，如今和平獎是見人就給的，所以，這是可能的。不過，不只是Pat，Rudy Giuliani說普京那才叫真正的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人呢，Mike Huckabee和Sean Hannity總提起他裸露的胸膛。【谷大白話注：三者分別是前紐約市長、08年總統(tǒng)候選人、福克斯名嘴】你去搜搜，他們說過很多次的，嘿嘿嘿。

想到我只剩兩年半的任期，感覺很奇怪，身邊的一切都在提醒，我只是臨時工。不過，從現(xiàn)在到2016年大選期間，什么事情都有可能發(fā)生。你們可能聽說了，希拉里前幾天在新聞發(fā)布會上被人扔鞋。

不管會發(fā)生什么，我是已經(jīng)選完最后一次了。我開始考慮自己給后人留點(diǎn)什么了。芝加哥市長Rahm Emanuel最近宣布要用我的名字命名一所高中【谷大白話注：Rahm曾是奧巴馬幕僚長】，這事讓我很受寵若驚，更讓我感到開心的是Rich Perry他今晚也來了【此人是得州州長】，在得州也要這樣做，瞧瞧吧，這對我來說太重要了。我打算享受我卸任后所有的自由時間，小布什卸任后開始作畫，此事激勵我也去發(fā)掘自己的藝術(shù)天賦，我們肯定有圖片的吧，或者沒有，沒有幻燈片這段子就講不了啊。哦，那好，大家就假設(shè)這段子很好笑吧。

Joel你也遇到過這樣的情況嗎？你也是嗎？好吧，我們來說點(diǎn)正經(jīng)的。

今晚提醒我們，我們有幸能生活在這樣的國家。在我國，記者們可以每天抨擊國家領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人，然后每年一次，領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人能有機(jī)會以其人之道還治其人之身。但我們也知道，并非所有的記者、攝影師或團(tuán)隊人員都如此幸運(yùn)，因為就在今晚歡慶新聞自由的同時，我們?nèi)匀恍南等蚋鞯氐男侣勅耍热缭跒蹩颂m、阿富汗、敘利亞、埃及，他們奮不顧身，為了新聞報道，他們有時甚至要犧牲生命。

今晚還提醒我們，為全面而公平的采訪權(quán)的戰(zhàn)斗，不只是提問的機(jī)會而已。正如Steve所說，幾十年前，黑人記者若想報道總統(tǒng)新聞，可能會被新聞學(xué)校開除。受到吉姆?克勞法的壓迫【谷大白話注：種族隔離的法規(guī)】，還曾經(jīng)被華府禁止出席新聞發(fā)布會，但是經(jīng)過多年努力，黑人編輯和出版人接觸，羅斯福的新聞秘書Stephen Early，之后他們跟總統(tǒng)本人會面，總統(tǒng)宣布授予黑人記者報道的權(quán)力。雖然Harry McAlpin創(chuàng)造歷史，成為首位出席總統(tǒng)新聞發(fā)布會的黑人記者，但其他同行對他并不歡迎。

不過總統(tǒng)歡迎了他，總統(tǒng)告訴他“McAlpin見到你我很高興”，“很高興你能到這里來”，當(dāng)然在Harry向他提了幾個問題之后，他高興的感覺就會消散，Harry的抗?fàn)庍€在繼續(xù)，但他成就了歷史。我們也很自豪，Sherman和家人今晚出席。

白宮記者協(xié)會以Harry的名義創(chuàng)立了獎學(xué)金，一百多年來，在白宮記者協(xié)會講述美國的進(jìn)步之時，你們也同樣在經(jīng)歷著進(jìn)步，逐漸給予女性、少數(shù)族裔、同性戀和殘障人同等權(quán)利。是的，不論是廣播、電視、還是網(wǎng)絡(luò)記者都是一樣。你們的努力確保了即便社會改變，我們對領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者和提問者之間互動的基本承諾是不會改變的。

Jay可以作證，這是你們?nèi)諒?fù)一日充滿激情傳承下去的遺產(chǎn)，因為這是記者協(xié)會的百年慶典。我額外錄了一段小視頻來感謝大家的辛勤工作，請放視頻……怎么回事啊？不是告訴我說能播的嗎？！誰知道怎么修好它？

（此處插入設(shè)計橋段：前衛(wèi)生部長Sebelius走上舞臺幫助奧巴馬解決問題，她因醫(yī)保網(wǎng)站癱瘓備受抨擊）

Sebelius說：我會弄，遇到無數(shù)次這樣的故障了【谷大白話注：還是醫(yī)保網(wǎng)站故障的梗】。奧巴馬：好了，向白宮記者協(xié)會表示祝賀，希望你們能把精彩的報道再堅持一百年。非常感謝大家，上帝保佑你們。

第五篇：奧巴馬在白宮記者協(xié)會晚宴上的講話

Remarks at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner

奧巴馬在白宮記者協(xié)會晚宴上的講話

May 9, 2009

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you.Thank you, everybody.Good evening.You know, I had an entire speech prepared for this wonderful occasion, but now that I'm here I think I'm going to try something a little different.Tonight I want to speak from the heart.I'm going to speak off the cuff.(Teleprompters rise.)(Laughter and applause.)Good evening.(Laughter.)Pause for laughter.(Laughter.)Wait a minute, this may not be working as well as I--(laughter.)Let me try that again.Good evening, everybody.(Applause.)I would like to welcome you all to the 10-day anniversary of my first 100 days.(Laughter.)I am Barack Obama.Most of you covered me.All of you voted for me.(Laughter and applause.)Apologies to the Fox table.(Laughter.)They're--where are they? I have to confess I really did not want to be here tonight, but I knew I had to come--just one more problem that I've inherited from George W.Bush.(Laughter.)

But now that I'm here, it's great to be here.It's great to see all of you.Michelle Obama is here, the First Lady of the United States.(Applause.)Hasn't she been an outstanding First Lady?(Applause.)She's even begun to bridge the differences that have divided us for so long, because no matter which party you belong to we can all agree that Michelle has the right to bare arms.(Laughter and applause.)

Now Sasha and Malia aren't here tonight because they're grounded.You can't just take Air Force One on a joy ride to Manhattan.(Laughter.)I don't care whose kids you are.(Laughter.)We've been setting some ground rules here.They're starting to get a little carried away.Now, speaking--when I think about children obviously I think about Michelle and it reminds me that tomorrow is Mother's Day.Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers in the audience.(Applause.)I do have to say, though, that this is a tough holiday for Rahm Emanuel because he's not used to saying the word “day” after “mother.”(Laughter.)That's true.(Laughter.)

David Axelrod is here.You know, David and I have been together for a long time.I can still remember--I got to sort of--I tear up a little bit when I think back to that day that I called Ax so many years ago and said, you and I can do wonderful things together.And he said to me the same thing that partners all across America are saying to one another right now: Let's go to Iowa and make it official.(Laughter and applause.)

Michael Steele is in the house tonight.(Applause.)Or as he would say, “in the heezy.”(Laughter.)What's up?(Laughter.)Where is Michael? Michael, for the last time, the Republican Party does not qualify for a bailout.(Laughter.)Rush Limbaugh does not count as a troubled asset, I'm sorry.(Laughter.)

Dick Cheney was supposed to be here but he is very busy working on his memoirs, tentatively titled, “How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People.”(Laughter.)

You know, it's been a whirlwind of activity these first hundred days.We've enacted a major economic recovery package, we passed a budget, we forged a new path in Iraq, and no President in history has ever named three Commerce Secretaries this quickly.(Laughter.)Which reminds me, if Judd Gregg is here, your business cards are ready now.(Laughter.)

On top of that, I've also reversed the ban on stem cell research, signed an expansion--(applause)--signed an expansion of the children's health insurance.Just last week, Car and Driver named me auto executive of the year.(Laughter.)Something I'm very proud of.We've also begun to change the culture in Washington.We've even made the White House a place where people can learn and can grow.Just recently, Larry Summers asked if he could chair the White House Council on Women and Girls.(Laughter.)And I do appreciate that Larry is here tonight because it is seven hours past his bedtime.(Laughter.)Gibbs liked that one.(Laughter.)In the last hundred days, we've also grown the Democratic Party by infusing it with new energy and bringing in fresh, young faces like Arlen Specter.(Laughter.)Now, Joe Biden rightly deserves a lot of credit for convincing Arlen to make the switch, but Secretary Clinton actually had a lot to do with it too.One day she just pulled him aside and she said, Arlen, you know what I always say--“if you can't beat them, join them.”(Laughter.)

Which brings me to another thing that's changed in this new, warmer, fuzzier White House, and that's my relationship with Hillary.You know, we had been rivals during the campaign, but these days we could not be closer.In fact, the second she got back from Mexico she pulled into a hug and gave me a big kiss.(Laughter.)Told me I'd better get down there myself.(Laughter.)Which I really appreciated.I mean, it was--it was nice.(Laughter.)And of course we've also begun to change America's image in the world.We talked about this during this campaign and we're starting to execute.We've renewed alliances with important partners and friends.If you look on the screen there, there I am with Japanese Prime Minister Taro Aso.There I am with Gordon Brown.But as I said during the campaign, we can't just talk to our friends.As hard as it is, we also have to talk to our enemies, and I've begun to do exactly that.Take a look at the monitor there.(Laughter.)Now, let me be clear, just because he handed me a copy of Peter Pan does not mean that I'm going to read it--(laughter)--but it's good diplomatic practice to just accept these gifts.All this change hasn't been easy.Change never is.So I've cut the tension by bringing a new friend to the White House.He's warm, he's cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic.You just have to keep him on a tight leash.Every once in a while he goes charging off in the wrong direction and gets himself into trouble.But enough about Joe Biden.(Laughter.)

All in all, we're proud of the change we've brought to Washington in these first hundred days but we've got a lot of work left to do, as all of you know.So I'd like to talk a little bit about what my administration plans to achieve in the next hundred days.During the second hundred days, we will design, build and open a library dedicated to my first hundred days.(Laughter.)It's going to be big, folks.(Laughter.)In the next hundred days, I will learn to go off the prompter and Joe Biden will learn to stay on the prompter.(Laughter.)

In the next hundred days, our bipartisan outreach will be so successful that even John Boehner will consider becoming a Democrat.After all, we have a lot in common.He is a person of color.(Laughter.)Although not a color that appears in the natural world.(Laughter.)What's up, John?(Laughter.)In the next hundred days, I will meet with a leader who rules over millions with an iron fist, who owns the airwaves and uses his power to crush all who would challenge his authority at the ballot box.It's good to see you, Mayor Bloomberg.(Laughter.)

In the next hundred days, we will housetrain our dog, Bo, because the last thing Tim Geithner needs is someone else treating him like a fire hydrant.(Laughter.)In the next hundred days, I will strongly consider losing my cool.(Laughter.)

Finally, I believe that my next hundred days will be so successful I will be able to complete them in 72 days.(Laughter.)And on the 73rd day, I will rest.(Laughter.)I just--I want to end by saying a few words about the men and women in this room whose job it is to inform the public and pursue the truth.You know, we meet tonight at a moment of extraordinary challenge for this nation and for the world, but it's also a time of real hardship for the field of journalism.And like so many other businesses in this global age, you've seen sweeping changes and technology and communications that lead to a sense of uncertainty and anxiety about what the future will hold.Across the country, there are extraordinary, hardworking journalists who have lost their jobs in recent days, recent weeks, recent months.And I know that each newspaper and media outlet is wrestling with how to respond to these changes, and some are struggling simply to stay open.And it won't be easy.Not every ending will be a happy one.But it's also true that your ultimate success as an industry is essential to the success of our democracy.It's what makes this thing work.You know, Thomas Jefferson once said that if he had the choice between a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, he would not hesitate to choose the latter.Clearly, Thomas Jefferson never had cable news to contend with--(laughter)--but his central point remains: A government without newspapers, a government without a tough and vibrant media of all sorts, is not an option for the United States of America.(Applause.)

So I may not--I may not agree with everything you write or report.I may even complain, or more likely Gibbs will complain, from time to time about how you do your jobs, but I do so with the knowledge that when you are at your best, then you help me be at my best.You help all of us who serve at the pleasure of the American people do our jobs better by holding us accountable, by demanding honesty, by preventing us from taking shortcuts and falling into easy political games that people are so desperately weary of.And that kind of reporting is worth preserving--not just for your sake, but for the public's.We count on you to help us make sense of a complex world and tell the stories of our lives the way they happen, and we look for you for truth, even if it's always an approximation, even if--(laughter.)This is a season of renewal and reinvention.That is what government must learn to do, that's what businesses must learn to do, and that's what journalism is in the process of doing.And when I look out at this room and think about the dedicated men and women whose questions I've answered over the last few years, I know that for all the challenges this industry faces, it's not short on talent or creativity or passion or commitment.It's not short of young people who are eager to break news or the not-so-young who still manage to ask the tough ones time and time again.These qualities alone will not solve all your problems, but they certainly prove that the problems are worth solving.And that is a good place as any to begin.So I offer you my thanks, I offer you my support, and I look forward to working with you and answering to you and the American people as we seek a more perfect union in the months and years ahead.Thank you very much, everybody.Thank you.(Applause.)