第一篇：英語笑話

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.He gasps, “My friend is dead!What can I do?”.The operator says “Calm down.I can help.First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”

簡單翻譯:

兩個獵人在森林里打獵,突然甲倒下了.并且看上去不再呼吸了,眼睛也變得呆滯.乙趕緊拿起電話打給救護中心,上氣不接下氣的說:“我的朋友死了,怎么辦?.”

服務(wù)人員說:“淡定,我有辦法.首先,我們嘚確保他是死了.” 安靜了一會兒,電話里響起了一陣槍聲,電話那頭乙說道:“好了,那接下來怎么辦.”

下面是被評選世界第二搞笑的笑話：

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping.They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there.And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

簡單翻譯:甲乙一起去野營.他倆在星光下搭好帳篷然后睡去.半夜的某時,甲叫醒乙:“抬頭看看那些星星,然后告訴我你發(fā)現(xiàn)了什么?”乙:“我看見好多好多的星星.”

甲:“如此你能推斷出什么結(jié)論?”

乙回答道:“嗯...假如天上有無數(shù)的恒星,而且其中一些有自己的行星,那么很有可能就會有像地球一樣的星球存在.假如有像地球一樣的星球存在,那里還可能存在生物.”

甲無語:“你個SB.這說明有人偷了我們的帳篷.”

第二篇：英語笑話

英語笑話

笑話一：A woman gets on a bus with her baby.The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”(某女士帶著寶寶坐公交車。司機說：“這是我見過最丑的寶寶。噢!”該女走到車廂后部坐下來，正惱怒得七竅生煙。她對鄰座的男子說：“那司機剛才辱罵我!”男子說：“你過去讓他滾——去吧，我會幫你把這猴子看好的。”)

笑話二：Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping.They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see.” Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.” Holmes said: “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there.And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.” And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”(福爾摩斯和華生出去露營。他們在星空下支起帳篷然后入睡了。半夜時分，福爾摩斯叫醒華生，說：“華生，抬頭看看天空，然后告訴我你看到了什么。”華生答道：“我看見了數(shù)以百萬計的星星。”福爾摩斯說：“那你從這可以推斷出什么結(jié)果呢?”華生又答：“哦，如果有幾百萬顆星星的話，即使里面只有少數(shù)的一些行星，那么就有可能存在像地球那樣的行星。如果有像地球那樣的行星，那上面就可能會有生命存在。”福爾摩斯：“華生你這個白癡，這意味著有人偷了俺們的帳篷。”

笑話三：Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.He gasps, “My friend is dead!What can I do?” The operator says “Calm down.I can help.First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”(兩個獵人在樹林里，這時其中一人倒下地。這人似乎已經(jīng)沒有呼吸，眼睛也呆滯無神。另一個家伙拿出電話呼叫應(yīng)急服務(wù)。他氣喘吁吁地說：“我的朋友掛了!我該怎么辦?”話務(wù)員說：“冷靜點，我可以幫你。首先，要確認他死了。”對方在電話里安靜下來，然后聽到一聲槍響。那廝拿回電話：“搞定了，現(xiàn)在該干嘛了?”)

第三篇：英語笑話

1.A boy swore to a girl: 'Honey, do please marry me, otherwise I'll die'

The girl refused.Sixty years later, the boy died.一男生向一女生發(fā)誓：親愛的，請你一定要嫁給我，不然我會死掉的女孩拒絕了。六十年后，那個男生死掉了。

2.Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?

Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost（路牌，路標）says, 'School--Go Slow' 老師：約翰，為什么你每天早上都遲到呢？

約翰：每次我走到街角的時候，都有一塊路牌寫著：“學(xué)校-小心慢行”

3.Teacher: Tom, why are you so late for school tdoay? And where is your homework book? Tom: Sorry, Miss.I met a robber on my way to school this morning...Teachse: Oh, My Gosh!So terrible!Did he robber anything from you?

Tom: He...he robbed my homework book....老師：湯姆，你今天為什么遲到這么久？還有你的家庭作業(yè)本呢？

湯姆：對不起，老師，我今天在上學(xué)的路上遇上了一個搶劫犯……

老師：噢，天哪！太糟糕了！他搶了你什么東西沒有？

湯姆：他……他搶走了我的家庭作業(yè)本……

4.A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him.She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways.Wow, she thought, this crab is really special.I can't let him get away.So they got married immediately.The next day she noticed her new husband waking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset.“What happened?” she asked.“ You used to walk straight before we were married.”

“Oh, honey, ” he replied, “I can't drink that much every day.一只雄蟹遇到一只雌蟹，便要娶她為妻。她注意到他走路是直著走，而不是橫著走。哇！她想，這只雄蟹可真特別，我可不能讓他跑了。因此他們立刻結(jié)婚了。

第二天，她又發(fā)現(xiàn)她的新郎像其他蟹一樣橫著走路了。她深感不安。“你怎么了？”她問，“我們結(jié)婚前你可是直著走路的。”

“哦，寶貝，”他回答說，“我不可能每天都喝那么多Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member.One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency.I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me.”You'll get that degree, dear,“ she whispered.”Perseverance is a virtue.“美 德

獲取研究生學(xué)位多年以后，我回到位于賓翰頓的紐約州立大學(xué)當教員。一天，電梯里很擁擠，有人抱怨電梯效率太低。我說自我在那里當學(xué)生起，20年來電梯一直沒有換過。

最后當電梯門打開時，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回過頭來我看到一位年長的修女正在朝我微笑。“你會拿到學(xué)位的，親愛的，”她低聲說道：“堅持不懈是一種美德。”

1.和買驢的人

A man wanted to buy an ass.He went to the market, and saw a likely one.But he wanted totest him first.So he took the ass home, and put him into the stable with the other asses.The new ass looked around, and immediately went to choose a place next to the laziest ass inthe stable.When the man saw this he put a halter on the ass at once, and gave him back to

his owner.The owner felt quite surprised.He asked the man, ”Why are you back so soon? Haveyou tested him already?“ ”I don't want to test him any more,“ replied the man, ”From thecompanion he chose for himself, I could see what sort of animal he is.“

中文：一個買主到市場上去買驢，他看中一頭外表不錯的驢，但是他想要牽走試一試。他把驢牽回家，放

在自己其他的驢之間，這驢四處看看，立即走向一頭好吃懶做的驢旁邊。于是，買驢的人立刻給那頭驢套

上轡頭，牽去還給驢的賣主。賣主感到很奇怪，他問買主：“你怎么這么快就回來了？”買主說：“不必

再試了，從他所選擇什么樣的朋友來看，我已經(jīng)知道他是什么樣了。”

2.The Looney Bin

瘋?cè)嗽?/p>

Late one night at the insane asylum(瘋?cè)嗽海﹐ne inmate shouted, ”I am Napoleon!“

Another one said, ”How do you know?“

The first inmate said, ”God told me!“

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, ”I did not!“

一天晚上，在瘋?cè)嗽豪铮粋€病人說：”我是拿破侖！“另一個說：”你怎么知道？“第一個人說：”上帝對

我說的！“一會兒，一個聲音從另一個房間傳來：”我沒說！“

Notes:

（1）Looney(俚語）瘋子

（2）inmate（n.同住者,同室者(特指在醫(yī)院、監(jiān)獄)）

（3）insane asylum(瘋?cè)嗽海?/p>

3.A mother mouse

老鼠的第二語言也重要

A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she

spotted a cat crouched behind a bush.She watched the cat, and

the cat watched the mice.Mother mouse barked fiercely, ”Woof, woof, woof!“ The cat

was so terrified that it ran for it's life.Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, ”Now, do you

understand the value of a second language?“

一只母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一只貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。

母老鼠向著貓叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，貓聽了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。

母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：“現(xiàn)在你知道外語的重要性了吧。”

1、Life after death死后重生

”Do you believe in life after death?“ the boss asked one of his employees.”Yes, Sir.“ the new recruit replied.”Well, then, that makes everything just fine,“ the boss went on.”After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.“你相信人能死后重生嗎？”老板問他的一個員工。

“我相信，先生”。這位剛上班不久的員工回答。

“哦，那還好”。老板接著說。

“你昨天提早下班去參加你祖母的葬禮后，她老人家到這兒看你來了。”

2、Talking clock

會說話的鐘

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.“What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked.“That is the talking clock,” the man replied.“How's it work?”

“Watch,” the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “Knock it off, you idiot!It's two o'clock in the morning!”

一個學(xué)生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那個大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的？”他的一個朋友問他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鐘”，學(xué)生回答。“這鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問。“看著，別眨眼了”，那學(xué)生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡！現(xiàn)在是凌晨兩點鐘了！”

3、Pig or Witch

豬還是女巫

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.A woman is driving down the same road.As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells “PIG！” The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, “WITCH(女巫)！” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.If only men would listen.一個男人在一條陡峭狹窄的山路上駕車，一個女人相向駕車而來。他們相遇時，那個女的從窗中伸出頭來叫到：“豬！”那個男的立即從窗中伸出頭來回敬道：“女巫！”他們繼續(xù)前行。這個男的在下一個路口轉(zhuǎn)彎時，撞上了路中間的一頭豬。要是這個男的能聽懂那個女人的意思就好了。

4、Blind Date

相親（笑話）

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, “I have some bad news.My grandfather just died.”“Thank heavens,” his date replied.“If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!”

和相親對象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了個朋友給他打電話，這樣他就能借故先離開了。當他回到桌邊，他垂下眼睛，裝出一副陰沉的表情，說：“有個不幸的消息，我的祖父剛剛?cè)ナ懒恕！薄爸x天謝地！”他的約會對象說，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了！”

5、The Mean Man's Party

吝嗇鬼的聚會

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, “Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow.When the door open, push with your foot.”

“Why use my elbow and foot?”

“Well, gosh,” was the reply, “You're not coming empty-handed, are you?”

一個聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開。”

“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢？”

“天哪！” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會空著手來吧？”

一、我們什么也沒留下We Left Nothing

Mrs Brown was going out for the day.She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door: “NOBODY HOME.DON?T LEAVE ANYTHING.” When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked.On the note she had left, she found the following message added:“THANKS!WE HAVEN?T LEFT ANYTHING!” 我們什么也沒留下

布朗太太要外出一天。她鎖好了房門，在門上給送牛奶的人釘了一張便條：“家里沒人，請不要留下任何東西！” 她當天晚上回家后發(fā)現(xiàn)房間門被撞開，房子被洗劫一空。在她留給送奶人的便條上，她發(fā)現(xiàn)被補充了一句：“謝謝！我們什么也沒留下！”

我去應(yīng)聘時，考官是一漂亮小姐，一緊張我說了如下內(nèi)容：

二、“My name is ?old five wang?”（我叫王老五）

“I boom（炸出）at 1971year！”（我生于1971年）※born我念成了boom，反正很像。“My toyear is 28year”（今年28歲）※事后才知today是今天，但今年不是toyear。“My home have a papa and a mama and a didi”（家里有爸媽跟一個弟弟）※其實我知道弟弟要用brother，但因念太順了，所以念成didi。

“and a uncle and a young watch sister and a old watch sister live with us”（還有一個叔叔與一個表妹一個表姐跟我們住在一起）※事后才知表姐表妹都錯了，watch是表沒錯，但是watch是指手表。可是我發(fā)誓讀書時英文沒教過表姐妹的英文。

“my interest is sing song、see movie、xxxx do computer and push horse road”（我的興趣是唱歌、看電影、操作電腦和壓馬路）※我念到操作電腦時，她有咦的一聲，這小姐會不會聽不懂。后來我才知道英文罵人的“操”字跟“操作”的字是不同的。

“my special long is up internet、sales、play power move

game and beat word”（我的專長是上網(wǎng)、業(yè)務(wù)、玩電動玩具和打字）

“In the future I hope can go round travel world and help everybody all very happy”（在未來我希望能去環(huán)游世界和能幫助每一個人都很快樂）

“thank you and over！”（謝謝！完了！）

那小姐整整愣了一分鐘。

三、Next time that you think you?re having a bad day

The average cost of rehabilitate one seal after the Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively-saved animals were released into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.A minute later, a killer whale ate them both.阿拉斯加瓦爾迪茲發(fā)生石油泄漏以后，救援每只海豹的平均費用達到8萬美元。在一個特別的儀式上面，有兩只花巨款拯救回來的海豹，在人們的歡呼和掌聲中被放回大自然。一分鐘后，它們雙雙被一頭殺人鯨吞入肚中。

四、Blind Date(相親）

After being with her all evening, the man couldnt take another minute with his blind date.Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said,“I have some bad news.My grandfather just died.”“Thank heavens,” his date replied.“If yours hadnt, mine would have had to!”

和相親對象呆了一晚上后,男人再也受不了了.他事先安排了個朋友給他打電話,這樣他就能借故先離開了.當他回到桌邊,他垂下眼睛,裝出一副陰沉的表情,說：“有個不幸的消息,我的祖父剛剛?cè)ナ懒?”

“謝天謝地！”他的約會對象說,“如果你的祖父不死,我的祖父就得死了！”

...五、小男孩與驢子 A Small Boy and a Donkey

A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp.A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad.What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny? asked one of them.So he wont join the army,英語笑話帶翻譯 the youngster replied without blinking an eye.一個小男孩牽著頭驢子穿過部隊營房.兩名士兵想跟小家伙開個玩笑：小孩,你把你哥哥牽得這么緊干什么？

這樣,他就不會去參軍了.小家伙眼都不眨地回答道.

第四篇：英語笑話

英語外來詞的不斷壯大，逐漸成為漢語中的外來詞中不可忽視的一部分，如日常生活中的沙發(fā)、撲克、模特、沙拉、維他命、卡通等，另外隨著網(wǎng)絡(luò)的深人人心，越來越多的網(wǎng) 絡(luò)詞語，像因特網(wǎng)、下載、菜鳥、黑客、博客等正在被越來越多的人們所接受

在生活中這樣的詞語比比皆是，例如，沙發(fā)(sofa)、模特(mode1)、基因(gene)、比基尼（bikini）、馬拉松（Marathon）、高爾夫（golf）、沙龍（salon）、色拉（salad）、布丁（pudding）、三明治（sandwich）、漢堡包（hamburger）、比薩（pizza）、巧克力（chocolate）、檸檬（lemon）白蘭地（brandy）、威士忌（whisky）雪茄（cigar）等。

需要在音譯部分后附加一些能指明其類別和屬性的成分，從而成為一個意思完整的新漢語語素。例如，艾滋病(AIDS)、芭蕾舞（ballet）、桑那浴(sauna)、多米諾骨牌(domino)等

仿譯(或者可稱為合譯)。即把原詞組按照語義逐字翻譯成漢字，再組合起來，如熱狗(hot dog)、代溝(generation gap)、軟飲料(soft drink)。

漢語中的英語外來詞也不例外，它反映了當今社會的方方面面，已經(jīng)遍及我們生活的角角落落：在吃穿用度方面，如可口可樂(coca-cola)，肯德基(Kentucky)，耐克(Nike)，T恤(rr—shirt)，沙發(fā)(sofa)，mp3等；在休閑娛樂領(lǐng)域，如高爾夫(golf)，迪斯科(disco)等，在科技教育領(lǐng)域，如因特網(wǎng)(Intemet)。克隆(clone)，MBA(工商管理碩士)，托福(TOFEL)等；在醫(yī)療衛(wèi)生領(lǐng)域，如B超，CT(計算機斷層掃描)等；在經(jīng)濟貿(mào)易領(lǐng)域，如WTO(世界貿(mào)易組織)，GDP(國內(nèi)生產(chǎn)總值)，OPEC(歐洲石油輸出國組織)等

如UF0(不明飛行物)，ATM機(自動取款機)，CE0(首席執(zhí)行官)，GPS(全球定位系統(tǒng))，CAD(計算機輔助設(shè)計)，CPU(中央處理器)，DNA(脫氧核糖核酸)等。

漢語中有關(guān)文化、體育、日常生活的詞匯也迅速增加。如迪斯科(Disco)，比薩餅(Pizza)，卡拉OK，SOHO一族，脫口秀(Talk show)等。

以英語字母為序

2.Beijing 北京

5.Canton 廣東

9.chi 或 qi 氣（功）

11.China 或china“中國”或“瓷器”

15.chopsticks 筷子

21.Confucius來自“孔子”

22.coolie（koolie)）來自“苦力”

25.Dim sum 來自“點心”，現(xiàn)廣泛用作“小吃”，“早點”

28.egg foo young 蛋芙蓉

29.Feng shui 來自“風(fēng)水”

34.Ginseng來自“人參”

37.Han 漢族

38.Hanoi 河內(nèi)（越南城市）

39.hanzi 漢字

40.Ho Chi Minh 胡志明

41.Hong Kong 香港

42.IChing來自《易經(jīng)》

45.Kaolin 來自“高嶺”

48.Kowtow來自“磕頭”

50.Kung fu 來自“功夫”

51.Kung Hei Fat Choy 恭喜發(fā)財

52.Kung Pao chicken 宮保雞丁

53.Kuomintang 國民黨

54.Kylin 麒麟

55.Lao-tzu來自“老子”

60.lose face 丟臉，丟面子

61.Lychee或litche來自“荔枝”

62.Mahjong或Mah-jong來自“麻將”

64.Maoism(毛主義，毛澤東思想)

5.Maotai（茅臺酒）

66.Mencius(孟子)67.Mulan 木蘭

71.oolong 烏龍茶

78.pinyin 拼音

80.qigong 氣功

87.Shanzhai山寨（版）

88.Shaolin 少林

90.Shi Ching 詩經(jīng)

97.Suan-pan來自“算盤”

Tai chi（chuan）來自“太極（拳）”

109.Tofu 來自“豆腐”，日語發(fā)音

114.Typhoon 來自“臺風(fēng)”

118.Wonton 來自“云吞”,也叫“混沌”

125.Yin yang 來自“陰陽”

在英語中還有一些表達方式與漢語十分接近，但是否來源于漢語沒有定論。這些詞 語包括：

1.Long time no see：可能來自19世紀中國移民對“很久不見”字對字翻譯，也可能來自于北美土著印第安人。于1901年出版的《31 Years on Plain》（W.F.Drannan著）有這樣一句：When we rode up to him(an American Indian), he said: “Good mornin.Long time no see you當我們走向他（指一印第安人）時，他說“早上好，很久不見了”）。于1924 出版的Harry C.Witwer的著作《Love and Learn》也出現(xiàn)這種用法。

2.look-see：看看，調(diào)查。《牛津英語詞典》（Oxford English Dctionary）認為這個詞來自于漢語。舉例： we are just about to take a little look-see around the hotel（我們只是想在旅館四周簡單的看）

3.No can do或 no can：不能做，不可能。這個詞最早出現(xiàn)在美國幽默作家Charles Godfrey Leland(August 15, 1824 March 20, 1903)1876年編輯出版的Pidgin English Sing-Song一書，之后，有多位作家在作品中提到或者用到了這個詞。《牛津英語詞典》在1976年正式將該詞收入。舉例：When Bill asked me to write a speech, I told him bluntly no can do（當Bill要求我寫一個發(fā)言稿時，我明確地告訴他，絕對不信）。

4.Lose face 丟臉。該詞最早出現(xiàn)于1876, 英國駐清朝領(lǐng)事官員Robert Hart爵士所寫的一篇文章，文章寫到： The country [China] begins to feel that Government consented to arrangements by which China has lost face;the officials have long been conscious that they are becoming ridiculous in the eyes of the people（全中國開始感到政府接受了這個使中國蒙羞的安排，官員們也感覺到在人民的眼里他們變得非常可笑）。

5.Save face：與lose face 意思相反，但與漢語似乎沒有任何關(guān)系。

6.no-go 不行

7.No-go area 禁區(qū)

8.where-to 哪兒去

9.Pingpong 乒乓球，既不起源于中國，也與中文無關(guān)。乒乓球又稱為“桌上網(wǎng)球”（table tennis），它其實是是由網(wǎng)球發(fā)展而來。19世紀末起源于英國。

英語笑話

一

老

師在黑板上寫了一句： Time is money.并讓同學(xué)們翻譯有名學(xué)生答道： ” 湯姆是瑪麗 “(二)

小

明上英文課時跟老師說： May Igo to the toilet? 老師說： Go ahead.小明就坐了下來過了

一會兒，小明又跟老師說： May Igo to the toilet? 老師說： Go ahead.小明又坐了下來他旁

邊的同學(xué)于是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎 ? 怎么不去 ? 小明說：你沒聽老師說 「去你個頭」啊！

(三)某

日劉洪濤碰到外賓，上前搭話曰： I am hongtao liu，外賓曰：我 TM 還是方片七呢！

(四)江

青會見外賓，要求翻譯要嚴格按她的意思翻，不許走樣外賓一見到江青，馬上拍馬屁

道： ”Miss Jiang,you are very beautif.“ 翻譯照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上還要謙虛一下： ” 哪里，哪里 “" 江青更高興了，但總是要客氣一下： ” 不見得，不見得 “ 翻譯趕快翻成英文：

”You are not allowed to see,you are not allowed to see.“(五)

話

說某年某月的某一天，叁個神箭手約在一起比箭，目標是十尺外仆人頭上的蘋果 A 神

箭手挽弓長射，咻一聲，利箭正中蘋果 A 高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道： 「 I AM 后羿！」 B 神箭手照本宣科，射中蘋果，這往返他自大的喊了一句： 「 I AM 丘比特！」輪 到 C 了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！

結(jié)果正中仆人的關(guān)于愛情的文章心臟就聽他結(jié)結(jié)巴巴好 久才吐出一句： 「

I.I.I.AM.SORRY.」

(六)某

人刻苦學(xué)習(xí)英語，終有小成一日上街不慎與一老外相撞，忙說： I am sorry.老外應(yīng)道：

I am sorry too.某人聽后又道： I am sorry three.老外不解，問：

What are you sorry for? 某人

無奈，道： I am sorry five.(七)

.八)

英

語老師問一個學(xué)生，”How are you 是什么意思 “ 學(xué)生想 how 是怎么，you 是你，于是來

回答 ” 怎么是你 ?“ 老師生氣又問另一個同學(xué)： ”How old are you? 是什么意思 ?“ 這個同學(xué)想 了想說： ” 怎么老是你 “(九)某 男，粗通英文，至使館，有表要填，有一欄是 sex 該男思之久已，毅然下筆： ”O(jiān)nce aweek“

簽證官看后暴笑，曰：

”This item shod be filled in with male or female.“ 該男頓時赧顏，思 之，填下 ”female“，官楞之，曰：

”shodn't it be male?“ 男急釋曰：

”I am anormal man,so Ihave sex with female.“(十)

一

位在美的留學(xué)生，想要考國際駕照在考試時因為過于緊張，觀到地上標線是向左轉(zhuǎn)他

不放心的問道： turn left? 監(jiān)考官來回答： right.于是他馬上向右轉(zhuǎn)很抱歉他只有下次再

和外國人拼英語

一人在公交車上不小心踏了外國人的腳，心想咱不能給中國人丟臉，于是卯 足了勁說了句英文： “ I ’

m sorry ”

外國人一想：在人家國土上咱不能不禮貌。于是忙點頭： “ I ’

m sorry too ”

此人一聽急了： Two? 以為我不會數(shù)數(shù)？咬牙道： “ I ’

m sorry three ”

外國人大惑不

解： “

What are you sorry for ？”

此人心想好啊 , 連 FOUR 也出來了，我和你拼了!: “ I ’

m sorry five！！”

追車

早上上班趕公共汽車，到站臺的時候，汽車已經(jīng)啟動了。我只好邊追邊 喊： ” 師傅，等等我！師傅，等等我呀！“ 這時一乘客從車窗探出頭來沖我說 了一句： ” 悟空你就別追了。"

讓狗狗羞愧死

一樓住戶不知從哪兒弄來一只大狗。初來乍到，它警惕性非常高，一有 點響動就狂吠不已。我家在六樓，盡管每天上下樓躡手躡腳，但十有八九還 是要被狂吠一通。我膽子小，狗一叫我就拼命跑，生怕它突然沖出來。

周日，我去接正在上英語培訓(xùn)班的小侄子到家里吃飯。剛進一樓，大狗 照舊“汪汪汪”地叫起來，叫得我心驚肉跳。小侄子卻一點也不害怕，扯起 嗓子對著喊： “吐吐吐”。奇怪的是，“吐吐”幾聲后，大狗居然偃旗息鼓，不叫了，并且發(fā)出可憐的“哼哼”聲。

回到家，我問小侄子用什么辦法，居然能鎮(zhèn)住這么兇猛的狗。小侄子洋 洋得意地說：“當狗對你汪汪叫時，它其實是在說 one，你就回 two，這時

狗因為無法回你 three，非常慚愧，就不叫了。”

搞笑中式英語．

we two who and who ？

咱倆誰跟誰阿

．

how are you ? how old are you? 怎么是你，怎么老是你？．

you don’t bird me,I don’t bird you 你不鳥我，我也不鳥你．

you have seed，I will give you some color to see see 你有種，我要給你點顏色看看

．

Government abuse chicken 宮暴雞丁． At KFC, We do Chichen Right 在肯德基，我們做雞是對的．

You Give Me Stop!你給我站住！．

Chop the strange fish 生魚塊

．

watch sister 表妹

．

take iron coffee 拿鐵咖啡．

American Chinese not enough 美中不足

．

Where cool where you stay！哪涼快上哪呆著．

heart flower angry open 心花怒放

．

colour wolf 色狼．

dry goods 干貨．

want money no;

want life one!要錢沒有，要命一條．

People mountain and people sea.人山人海．

you have two down son。

你有兩下子。．

let the horse come on 放馬過來．

I give you face you don’t wanna face 給你臉你不要臉

．

red face know me

紅顏知己

．

seven up eight down 七上八下

．

no three no four 不三不四．

do morning *** 做早操；

do class between *** 做課間操

．

you try try see！你試試看！

．

love who who 愛誰誰．

look through autumn water 望穿秋水

．

go you mother's 去你媽．

May I borrow your light ？

借光．

Handsome Year, Morning Die 英年早逝

．

dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse’son can make hole!龍生龍，鳳生鳳，老鼠 的兒子會打洞

．

morning three night four 朝三暮四

．

king eight eggs

王八蛋

．

no care three seven twenty one 不管三七二十一

．

go and look 走著瞧

．

poor light egg 窮光蛋

．

ice snow clever 冰雪聰明

．

first see you，i shit love you

第一次見你，我便愛上了你

第五篇：英語小笑話!~

搞笑英語短文

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.“You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly.“Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.” 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”

“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。“你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。”

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

“Are we poisonous?” the young snake asked his mother.“Yes, dear,” she repliedflunked all courses.Kicked out of school.Prepare Pop.“ Two days later he received a response: ”Pop prepared.Prepare yourself." 自己做好準備

校園里流傳著這樣的故事：一個學(xué)生一次給父母拍了一份電報，上面寫著：“媽媽－我所有功課都不及格，被學(xué)校開除。讓爸爸做好準備。” 兩天以后，他收到了回電：“爸爸已準備好。你自己做好準備吧!”