第一篇：話劇前半部分是荊珂刺秦王搞笑英語話劇劇本

話劇前半部分是荊珂刺秦王搞笑英語話劇劇本

（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：

Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高興狀)Thank u mirror!（面對觀眾）

I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? 阿三(畢恭畢敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世紀最需要的是什么，人才！這句話要跟觀眾交流，最好由觀眾來回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做贊許狀）Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中劉德華&金成武決斗時的音樂）荊軻Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荊軻OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me? 荊軻Off course!聳聳肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音樂起兩人沖上前來“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊。。”李莫愁倒地荊軻大笑李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（贏一個人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荊軻再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荊柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?

（鄙人找不到后半部分，特來求救）

其他回答 共3條

荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹暈倒

荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please? 荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著：

To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荊柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荊柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? 荊柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上場的美女，激動狀): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荊柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM? 觀眾甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荊柯（激動）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎……

（《No matter》音樂起，荊軻先與阿三跳探戈，擁入懷中，又甩出去，阿三做嘔吐狀。然后荊軻與太子丹跳倫巴，最后太子丹擺一個女性化的造型，向后彎腰并抬其中一條腿，荊軻做調戲狀。）

荊柯(誠懇狀)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!

Action Ш

（《大話西游》主題曲響起）荊珂挽著妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荊珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號》主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經典造型，忽然荊軻看到一個美女——此時一個中國古典美女經過，向荊軻拋媚眼，并拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看，妻子發覺不對，扭過頭來。）

荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）

荊珂(流淚)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你，選自《飄》)妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荊珂（欲走還留，執子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時，Jack對Rose的傾訴）.妻子:“I promise.” 荊軻:“Never let go.“

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荊軻的發音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號》的臺詞。）妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，荊珂上船，漸漸遠去

妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……

妻子(掏出手機撥號，阿三接手機)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.The End

第二篇：荊珂刺秦王搞笑英語話劇劇本

荊珂刺秦王搞笑英語話劇劇本

Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror,on the wall, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高興狀)Thank u mirror!（面對觀眾）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? 阿三(畢恭畢敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? 阿三:Talent!Johann Goth said.“If you cherish your value of your own life, you will create something valuable for the world.” Einstein said.“The life value should be judged from his contribution rather than his profession.” Einstein said.And Marx said…！！！!nana 太子：STOP!STOP！and you are the talent.i have to say it is a good idea!But who is the right candidate? Who is the hero? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan.Action II（《十面埋伏》）荊軻

Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁

Yes.荊軻

OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁

Are you challenging me? 荊軻

Off course!聳聳肩表示同意

李莫愁

Come on!音樂起

兩人開打 李莫愁倒地

荊軻大笑

李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt? 荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（贏一個人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.（死去）荊軻再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：Oh my god.Miss LiMoChou is dead！you you you are the king of the killer’s world!How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you?

太子丹：Oh shit.Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荊柯：Sure!So easy.太子丹：so smart!How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹暈倒 oh my god…… 荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）I need your help.you know I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying zheng envy me so deeply that he want to kill me.so it always advantageous to make the first move.荊軻:To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.Our country need your help!help us!please… 荊柯：I am busy now!

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荊柯：I am very busy now!

阿三：you can taste all the delicious food in our country.荊柯：I am very very busy now!

阿三(手指上場的美女，激動狀): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荊柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.you are out!阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM? TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of China.荊柯（激動）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎……

（《No matter》音樂起，荊軻先與阿三跳探戈，擁入懷中，又甩出去，阿三做嘔吐狀。然后荊軻與太子丹跳倫巴，最后太子丹擺一個女性化的造型，向后彎腰并抬其中一條腿，荊軻做調戲狀。）

荊柯(誠懇狀)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!Action Ш

（《大話西游》主題曲響起）

荊珂挽著妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.Look at the beautiful scenery.We would have some very mellow,warming red wine in sparking glasses twinking in the candlelights,the hues and aroma filling us.Our senses heightened,breathing deeply to the point of silent sighs,we would enjoy…

荊珂：Just stop here, please.Otherwise I will kill you first.Farewell, my friends

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號》主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經典造型，忽然荊軻看到一個美女——此時一個中國古典美女經過，向荊軻拋媚眼，并拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看，妻子發覺不對，扭過頭來。）

荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）I love not because who you are,but because who I am when I am with you.荊珂(流淚)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你，選自《飄》)

妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!you are my hero.I will be right here waiting for you.I wll miss you forever.荊珂（欲走還留，執子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時，Jack對Rose的傾訴）.妻子:“I promise.” 荊軻:“Never let go.“

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荊軻的發音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號》的臺詞。）

妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，荊珂上船，漸漸遠去

妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……

妻子(掏出手機撥號，阿三接手機)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!With pleasant cooperation!

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng

第三篇：荊珂刺秦王搞笑英語話劇劇本

介紹（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高興狀)Thank u mirror!（面對觀眾）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?

阿三(畢恭畢敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世紀最需要的是什么，人才！這句話要跟觀眾交流，最好由觀眾來回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做贊許狀）Good idea!But who is the right candidate?

阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?

阿三：Yes.Action II

（《十面埋伏》中劉德華&金成武決斗時的音樂）

荊軻Are you Li mochou?

李莫愁Yes.荊軻OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me?

荊軻Of course!聳聳肩表示同意

李莫愁Come on!

音樂起

兩人沖上前來，“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊。。”

李莫愁倒地，荊軻大笑

李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（贏一個人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荊軻再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?

荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you?

太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?

荊柯：Sure!

太子丹：How are you?

荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?

太子丹暈倒

荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please?

荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著：To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荊柯：I am busy now!

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荊柯：I am very busy now!

阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?

荊柯：I am very very busy now!

阿三(手指上場的美女，激動狀): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荊柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?

觀眾甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荊柯（激動）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎……

（《No matter》音樂起，荊軻先與阿三跳探戈，擁入懷中，又甩出去，阿三做嘔吐狀。然后荊軻與太子丹跳倫巴，最后太子丹擺一個女性化的造型，向后彎腰并抬其中一條腿，荊軻做調戲狀。）

荊柯(誠懇狀)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!

Action Ш

（《大話西游》主題曲響起）。荊珂挽著妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荊珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號》主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經典造型，忽然荊軻看到一個美女——此時一個中國古典美女經過，向荊軻拋媚眼，并拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看，妻子發覺不對，扭過頭來。）

荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）

荊珂(流淚)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你，選自《飄》)

妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荊珂（欲走還留，執子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時，Jack對Rose的傾訴）.妻子:“I promise.”

荊軻:“Never let go.“

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."

（荊軻的發音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號》的臺詞。）

妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，荊珂上船，漸漸遠去

妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……

妻子(掏出手機撥號，阿三接手機)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.

第四篇：荊珂刺秦王搞笑英語話劇劇本

荊珂刺秦王

1Hero_Revised.mp3 旁白(Aside)/介紹（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.2 flashbesRevised.mp3 Action I（清早，雞鳴聲起……）

太子丹（清晨初醒，打個哈欠，哼起小調，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高興狀)

Thank u mirror!（面對觀眾）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? 阿三(畢恭畢敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀，奸笑……）

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世紀最需要的是什么，人才！這句話要跟觀眾交流，最好由觀眾來回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做贊許狀）Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II 十面埋伏劉德華與金城武打斗的音樂Revised 荊軻

Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荊軻

OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁

Are you challenging me? 荊軻 Off course!聳聳肩表示同意 李莫愁 Come on!音樂起（人在江湖飄）兩人沖上前來

“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荊軻大笑

李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（贏一個人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荊軻再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荊柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹暈倒 荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please? 荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著： To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荊柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荊柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? 荊柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上場的美女，激動狀): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荊柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM? 觀眾甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荊柯（激動）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎…… 3拉丁動感倫巴聲響起

（《No matter》音樂起，荊軻先與阿三跳探戈，擁入懷中，又甩出去，阿三（啊……）做嘔吐狀。然后荊軻與太子丹跳倫巴，最后太子丹擺一個女性化的造型，向后彎腰并抬其中一條腿，荊軻做調戲狀。）荊柯(跳的很high邊跳邊做誠懇狀的說)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.（吵雜的環境中）太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!Action Ш

（大話西游》主題曲《響起）only you 荊珂挽著妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荊珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號》主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經典造型，忽然荊軻看到一個美女——此時一個中國古典美女經過，向荊軻拋媚眼，并拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看(流口水，并吹口哨)，妻子發覺不對，扭過頭來。）荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）

荊珂(流淚)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你，選自《飄》)妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荊珂（欲走還留，執子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時，Jack對Rose的傾訴）.妻子:“I promise.” 荊軻:“Never let go.“

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荊軻的發音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號》的臺詞。）妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，（假裝輕輕的抽泣）荊珂上船，漸漸遠去

妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never…… 妻子(掏出手機撥號，阿三接手機，音樂手機按鍵的聲音)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.

第五篇：荊珂刺秦王搞笑英語話劇劇本

荊珂刺秦王搞笑英語話劇劇本

旁白(Aside a crazy countrytrying to show)/介紹（Introduction）： Long ago there was , in this crazy country there were some crazy people, the crazy history

swordsman

by crazy ways.Mr Jingke

and was sent

he failed.was the most famous to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.（從前，有個瘋狂的國家，在這個瘋狂的國家里誕生了很多瘋狂的人們，竭力用瘋狂的方式去上演瘋狂的歷史。荊軻先生是出了名的劍客被派送去刺殺秦王，“Yingzheng”。但是最后他失敗了。你想知道在那個時候究竟發生了什么嗎？那么，接下來的表演將會為你揭幕！）Action I(情節1)

太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高興狀)Thank u mirror!（面對觀眾）

I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractivejealous

man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?

（鏡子、鏡子、告訴我，誰是這個世界上最漂亮的男人？【是你，太子丹！】 謝謝你，鏡子。我就是太子丹，魔鏡說我是世界上最具魅力的男人，但是Ying Zheng是個愛妒忌的人，我覺得如果魔鏡告訴了他真相他會殺了我。我好害怕。我該怎么辦？我的大臣在哪兒。。？）阿三(畢恭畢敬): Honey, I am coming.（親愛的，我來了。）

太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、gracefulcute、smart

、handsome、charming、and dearest Prince Dan”!（我再三地警告你，你應該稱我為“我最漂亮的、最優雅的、最帥氣的、最具魅力的、最可愛的、最聰明的、最親愛的太子丹！”）阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero

to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）（遵命，親愛的！我有個好主意，我們可以找一個英雄去殺死Ying Zheng）

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity

in this century

? Talent!（二十一世紀最需要的是什么，人才！這句話要跟觀眾交流，最好由觀眾來回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做贊許狀）Good idea!But who is the right candidate

?（耶！是啊！在這個世紀什么是最具價值的？人才！太棒了！但是誰才是合適的候選人呢？）

阿三：I have two promising

persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.（在幕后，我手頭上有兩個非常有潛質的人。一個是李莫愁小姐，一個是荊軻先生。明天他們將pk誰將成為世界上第一流的殺手。）太子：Well, show me the winner（好，最快讓我知曉勝出者。）阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中劉德華&金成武決斗時的音樂）荊軻:Are you Li mochou?（你是你莫愁？）李莫愁:Yes.荊軻:OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.（我是荊軻，你知道否？我將讓你見識到我就是殺手國度中的老大！）李莫愁:Are you challengingDo you want a piece of me ？

荊軻：Of course!聳聳肩表示同意（當然！）李莫愁：Come on!（來吧！）音樂起 兩人沖上前來

“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荊軻大笑

me?（你在挑戰我嗎？）as soon as possible, OK?李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?（怎么會這樣？你怎么安然無恙？）荊軻: We don't need any reason

to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（贏一個人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolatesgonna, Mochou.You never know what you're get.” I got it, Momma is right.（媽媽總是說：“人生就是一盒巧克力糖，莫愁，你永遠都不知道你將會得到什么。” 我懂！媽媽是對的。）荊軻再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?（你好嗎？）

荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you?（挺好，謝謝，你呢？）太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me a different answer to “How are you”?（噢！天哪！你就不能對“你好嗎”給個創新點的回答嗎？）

荊柯：Sure!（可以）

太子丹：How are you?（你好嗎？）

荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?（好，謝謝，你老婆好嗎？）太子丹暈倒

荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!（嗨！伙計，我開玩笑罷了！）太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please?（我也是開玩笑的，能讓我看下你的名片嗎？）荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著：

To be or not to be, that's a question.（生還是死，這是個問題！）阿三：Hero，we need your help.（英雄，我們需要你的幫助。）荊柯：I am busy now!（我現在沒空。）

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.(你將會得到一大筆錢的。)荊柯：I am very busy now!（我現在很忙！）阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?（智能卡、身份證、智商卡？）荊柯：I am very very busy now!（我現在特別忙！！）

阿三(手指上場的美女，激動狀): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.（看！她是世界上最美的女孩。如果你點頭，她就是你的。）

荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy

and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!（我不得不說他是很性感很漂亮，但TCM才是我唯一的“菜”！）

阿三：What? What’s the TCM?（什么？什么是TCM？）荊柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.（嗨！家伙！你看起來挺聰明怎么連TCM都不曉得呢？他們當中的任何人都可以給你這個答案。）

阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?（打擾！什么是TCM？）觀眾甲：TCM-Traditional 國美眉！）

Chinese MM.（傳統的中太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimmingproduct

tea.It is a brand new of Unilever China.（我必須給你看下將牌！女士們先生們，這是利普頓瘦身茶。這是中國的一種全新的產品。）荊柯（激動）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens

to leave me if I couldn’t lose my weight.（減肥茶!我都夢想了千萬遍。我老婆總是威脅我如果我不減肥她就離開我。）

阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although

your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎……（你要嗎？你要就大聲說！你為什么保持沉默？你為什么看著我？雖然你的眼里充滿了誠意，我很高興，但你還是得必須大聲說出來！確定？！你真的喜歡?真的？）

（《No matter》音樂起，荊軻先與阿三跳探戈，擁入懷中，又甩出去，阿三做嘔吐狀。然后荊軻與太子丹跳倫巴，最后太子丹擺一個女性化的造型，向后彎腰并抬其中一條腿，荊軻做調戲狀。）荊柯(誠懇狀)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.（只要告訴我我到底該怎么做？我會為你做一切。）太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!Action Ш

（《大話西游》主題曲響起）荊珂挽著妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already 雄，我們已經到了Yishui河了。）荊珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell此罷別，再見，我的朋友。）

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（寶貝，我會想你的。）

（太子丹，阿三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號》主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經典造型，忽然荊軻看到一個美女——此時一個中國古典美女經過，向荊軻拋媚眼，并拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看，妻子發覺不對，扭過頭來。）荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.（親愛的，我愛你！）妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）（我愛你！對我來說你比這整個世界的一切都更重要。）

荊珂(流淚)：I love you more.In spite of the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你，選自《飄》)（我更愛你。盡管這個可笑迂腐的的世界天崩地裂，我依然愛你！）

妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.（恩，像個男人，放手去做！我會在此一直等你！）, my friends（請就

reached Yishui River.（英荊珂（欲走還留，執子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor

...promise

me

you

will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what

...promise me now, happens...no matter how hopelessand never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時，Jack對Rose的傾訴）.（心肝寶貝兒！你必須幫我這個忙，答應我你會好好活著。。永遠都不要放棄。。不管發生什么。。不管多么的絕忚。。答應我，永遠不要忘了那個誓言。。）妻子:“I promise.”（我答應你）

荊軻:“Never let go.“（永遠不要輕毀諾言。）

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荊軻的發音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號》的臺詞。）妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，荊珂上船，漸漸遠去

妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……（這個時候死不錯，永遠不要回來，永遠。。永遠。。）妻子(掏出手機撥號，阿三接手機)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance transfer

$1000, 000, I will

.half of it, $500,000 to your account（非常感謝你。只要我能得到1百萬人生保險，我將轉一半到你的賬戶。）

阿三：Okay okay!（好！好！）旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally

killed by Yingzheng.（那時荊軻已被派遣到秦國，最后被Yingzheng殺害！）