第一篇：灰姑娘搞笑話劇劇本

灰姑娘（劇本）

人物：灰姑娘，王子,繼母，繼妹，小精靈，禮儀小姐，旁白，小卓子,宮女。

旁白：故事像時間一樣久遠，孤苦伶仃的灰姑娘從小就備受她同父異母的妹妹和她那母夜叉一樣的后母的欺辱。妹（從灰手中搶過一個鉛筆盒）：給我！灰：這是我的！（母上）

母：你想要的話就跟我說嘛，你要是不說我怎么知道你想要呢，你想要的話我又怎么會不給你呢，你不說的話，我是不會知道你想要的，這樣不就冤枉了為母嗎？所以說，以后你想要的話，就一定要對我說，我是不會不給你的，如果你想要?? 灰：什么亂七八糟的，聽不懂。

母：好吧，我再給你說一遍，你想要的話就跟我說嘛，你要是不說我怎么知道你想要呢，你想要的話我又怎么會不給你呢，你不說的話，我是不會知道你想要的，這樣不就冤枉了為母嗎？所以說，以后你想要的話，就一定要對我說，我是不會不給你的，如果你想要??

灰（捂耳朵）：啊，我受不了了。（跑開）（下）旁白：這一天，母親收到了一條來自皇室的短信。（母站著，邊看手機邊念）

母：西元2012年12月25號，皇室將召開隆重的Party,地點：萬秀園四層。

（妹上）

妹：mother,說不定還會選妃呦。

母：哎呀媽呀，俺咋沒想到呢，小樣兒，I’m proud of you！（下）旁白：這一切都被躲在一旁的灰姑娘聽到了，她深知自己不能參加party，于是心情超級無敵郁悶。（王子在一旁做洗澡狀）灰：今夜我又來到你的窗外，窗簾兒上你的影子多么可愛。王子（打了一個噴嚏）：討厭了啦，誰又在想人家了啦。（王子下）旁白：這時，一個小精靈出現了。

（小精靈上場蹦蹦跳跳走兩圈，走到場中央再轉一圈）小精靈：come on,baby,you love him,don’t you? 灰姑娘：小樣兒，你就不能說中文啊。

小精靈：在思維的盲角，我們撞在奇跡上，除去不可能的事，剩下的即使再不可能，但那也是真相，因為有標準答案的通常都不是問題??

灰姑娘：stop，你就不能說句人話啊！

小精靈：要想過得好，必須吃得飽；要想心情好，分數必考好；要想成績高，各科別忘掉；要想在落寞的繁華中找尋自己的方向，就必須??

灰姑娘：oh，no！你就說你想說什么吧！小精靈：想與王子在一起嗎？

灰姑娘：廢話，若是不想，哀家來這兒干嘛？

小精靈：移動用戶請編輯短信“王子王子我愛你，就像老鼠愛大米”至110,聯通用戶請編輯短信 ?? 灰姑娘：打住，我這么窮，哪來的手機啊。

小精靈：OK，Let’s make it a deal！我借給你法寶三件，有請我們的禮儀小姐上場！

（禮儀小姐上）

禮儀小姐：NO.1，張靚穎牌迷死人假睫毛一雙，NO.2，金光星牌不顯胖苗條晚禮服一套，NO.3，也是我們今天的重頭戲哦！陳水扁牌踩貶你水晶鞋一雙！灰姑娘：這么少啊？

小精靈：別急，還有李登輝牌你等會兒手紙一卷大奉送！灰姑娘：我暈！

小精靈：記住，12點之前必須回來，否則?? 灰姑娘：怎樣？

小精靈： 12點之后，所有這些都會消失，除了水晶鞋以外，所以??（向左右看看），我告訴你一條密計（悄悄說著什么）！（下）旁白：激動人心的一天終于來到了，灰姑娘戴著張靚穎牌迷死人假睫毛，穿著金光星牌不顯胖苗條晚禮服，蹬上陳水扁牌踩貶你水晶鞋，兜里揣著李登輝牌你等會兒手紙上路了。而這一切，她同父異母的妹妹和她那母夜叉一樣的后母還全然不知。

（妹，媽，上）

妹：媽咪，我們就這樣把她丟在家里，是不是有點?? 媽：這很公平啊。妹：做人要厚道。媽：如果你再這樣說，那么我要告訴你，媽咪很生氣，后果很嚴重。吾意已決，毋庸贅言！

旁白：激動人心的時刻終于來臨了，在party上，英俊的王子和美麗的灰姑娘邂逅了。

（王子和小卓子上）

王子：唉，小卓子，今天到場的姑娘怎么都長得比你還難看呢？一個個的豬腰子臉。

小卓子：真不會審美，這哪叫豬腰子臉啊，這是正宗的鞋拔子臉！我跟著王后娘娘那幾年，見的世面可多了！

宮女：王子，門外有一姑娘求見！坐馬車的，穿禮服的，是接見還是不見？

王子（見到灰）：妹子，我們是不是見過？ 灰姑娘：也許吧。

妹：媽咪你看！那不是??（指向灰）媽：怎么會呢！別管她！

旁白：王子和灰姑娘跳了很久很久，直到12點??

灰：oh my god！王子，雖然我很舍不得你，但我得走了，886！王：嘿，你還沒吃東西！（追向跑走的灰）（禮儀小姐把一張寫著水晶鞋的紙放在地上）

王（拾起水晶鞋）：啊，這是那姑娘的水晶鞋！我一定要找到她！（全下）

旁白：經過千山萬水（假走好久），王子終于找到了灰姑娘，把她帶回了皇宮。（全體手拉手：故事到此結束，謝謝大家！）

第二篇：英語灰姑娘話劇劇本

《灰姑娘》劇本

白 : long long ago, there lived a girl.Her mother had died and her father had married again,His new wife had two daugters.They are so bad as their mother.The poor girl had to work day and night.She must sleep in the kitchen.She weared drity clothes.All of them called her cinders for Cinderella.However, we’ll show you a different play today.(灰姑娘昂首挺胸帥氣十足地上場)

旁白 ：She is so strong, and smart.Especially she is good at sport.Now, she is running for the 100 meter race.(灰姑娘沖刺,旁邊老師讀秒:11’9)

Now, she is playing basketball.(灰姑娘以一敵眾,輕松灌籃)

Now,she is practicing Chinese gongfu(灰姑娘打拳,對手倒)

This is her----Cinderella

灰姑娘(怒,看旁白):Do you finish?

旁白 :Ok(結巴)continue, even she is perfect, she still can’t escape the poor life, Why? That is-----

繼母(假裝洗衣服):How cold the water!I’m too old to do anything, My leg is so painful.(灰姑娘默,從繼母手中拿過洗衣盆)

(一姐將盆碗碰得亂響.灰姑娘默,從姐手中拿過盆碗)

(一姐手持針線縫衣,刺手,尖叫—灰姑娘默,從姐手中拿過衣服)

第一幕

(灰姑娘在幫后母按摩肩膀)

二姐(奔入,揚動手中傳單):Mom, Mom, Look!There are some leaflets.I got them on the street.The King is having a party.The Prince will look for a wife.一姐(托腮):I must be choosen, I am the most beautiful girl in the world.二姐(憑空跳舞):No, Not you.I have the charming shape, I am the Queen.(兩姐爭吵起來,繼母從女兒手中拿過傳單,親吻)

繼母 :Oh, baby.Stop.You two are the most beautiful girls in our country.He will probably choose one of you.Come on , make up yourself.We haven’t enough time!(瞪灰姑娘)Cinderella, what are you doing? Come here, help your sisters!

灰姑娘 :OK, I will.But, mom, can I go to the party tonight? I want to------

(三人斂神)

一姐 :Oh, my God!I forgot Tim’s homework.He gave us a lot of homework..I can’t finish, what should I do ?

二姐(拿書,指,附和):Oh, Yes, Yes.Look, execise A, excise B, excise C, excise D, excise E, Oh, planning tree, essay, study plan------(偷瞄灰姑娘,哭)Oh, my God!Oh, my party!My Prince!My happyness!and the country’s future!

灰姑娘(慌亂,安慰):My sisters, don't cry!I always do the homework for you, of course tonight!(母女三人一通忙亂后): Goodbye, our lively girl!

第二幕

(魔女騎著一把幾乎掉光了的掃把登場)

旁白 :Oh, 哈里波特!

(魔女撞到灰姑娘)

灰姑娘(怒):Who are you ?

魔女(得意):I am the best witch, and the most beautiful witch.I can give you all the thing you

wish.灰姑娘 : Really? Do you kown King’s party? I want to go, but------(低頭看自己的破衣服)魔女(大笑):Don’t worry.It is easy for me!Look, clothes, shose,car-----

灰姑娘(面露欣喜,撲向鞋子):Oh, how beautiful glass shoses!

魔女 :Wear it, and go!

第三幕

(富麗堂皇的大廳里,音樂飄揚,人聲鼎沸.女士們翹首以待)

侍衛(擊杖):Welcome the Prince.(鼓掌,歡呼)

國王(嚴肅): Please be quiet!As everybody knows, today I will chooes a beautiful, slim, homorous, and long hair girl for my son----(轉身,指向王子),handsome, strong, tall, and brave!(王子做害羞狀)

眾女士 :How lively!How handsome!(做陶醉狀,沖向前,將王子團團圍住)

(此時,飛出一女,持扇 “殺出一條血路”)

(王子與灰姑娘共舞,突然手機鈴聲響起)

王子 :Who’s phone?

灰姑娘 :Oh, it’s my phone!(掏手機邊跳舞,邊接電話)This is Cinderella, speaking!

魔女 :It 12’clock, game will be over, come back quickly!Or you’ll change back!(開始敲鐘)灰姑娘 :Oh, I must go!(慌忙中跑,掉了一只鞋)

王子(檢起鞋,追):Wait!You forget give me you name, and you phone number!

王子(注視姑娘遠去,悲情):I’ve lost her!

第四幕

旁白 : Since the party, Prince fall in love with Cinderella, the Prince decided to look for the mysterious girl.He issued a proclamation, “Whoever the glass shoe fits, shall be wife to the Prince!”

(王子帶著士兵到處找人試鞋)

士兵 :Please try the shoe!(女士甲試鞋)Oh, your foot is too big!

士兵 :Please try the shoe!(女士乙試鞋)Oh, my God, what a terrible smell!Of coures not you!旁白 :A t lat, the Prince come to Cinderella ‘s home.(兩姐站在門口,花癡狀):Oh, the Prince is coming, he is so handsome!He is so cool!士兵(拿著鞋):Please try the galss shoe.(兩姐妹正搶): Oh, it is my shoe!------Oh, it is my shoe!

(士兵奪過鞋,遞給大姐): You first!(大姐拿過鞋,卻怎么也穿不進去)

士兵 : Stop doing that.You foot is too long, you will break the shoe!

二姐(得意):I said, it is my shoe.(搶過鞋,試穿,費了九牛二虎之力終于穿上,走開來)二姐 : ****, too small!(甩掉鞋,蹲下揉腳,鞋飛到灰姑娘身上)

繼母(怒吼): Why are you here? Back to kitchen!Wash the dishes!

士兵 : Wait!Every girl must try!

繼母 : She is drity!It is couldn’t be her!(灰姑娘默,輕松的穿上了鞋)

王子(歡呼):Oh, it fits!I found you!(王子和灰姑娘擁在一起)

旁白 :The Prince was delighted to found her, and on a bright sunny day, he and Cinderella were merried.They lived happily ever after!

第三篇：灰姑娘英語話劇劇本

灰姑娘Cinderella 英文表演劇本

第一場 國王KING 和公爵DUKE King: Duke!公爵

Duke : your majesty 陛下

King : I ?m worried about the princes marriage 我非常擔擾王子的婚事。

Duke : But, but ,but ….但是。

King: No ,”buts” my son has been avoiding his responsibilities long enough.It”s high time he married and settled down.沒有但是，我的兒子躲避他的責任已經很久了，該到他成婚安家的時候了。

Duke : Of course ,your majesty ,But you must be patient.當然，陛下，但是你必須要有耐心。

King :I am patient!But I?m not getting any younger ,I want to see my grandchildren before I go 我己經很耐心了！但是我不再年輕了，我想在臨死之前看到我的孫子。

Duke: I understand sir.我明白

King: No ,no you don?t know what it means to see your only child grow farther and farther ,and farther away from you I?m …I ?m.lonely in this old palace.不，不，你不明白，我的意思是如果看著你唯一的孩子慢慢的長大然后離你越來越遠，只有我一個人孤單的呆在宮里。

Duke : Now ,now your majesty ,perhaps if we just let him alone… 現在，陛下，也許我們應該讓他獨立起來

King :let him alone? With his silly romantic ideas? 讓他獨立？就他那些愚蠢的不切合實際的浪漫想法？

Duke : But ,but sir ,in matters of love..但是，但是，與愛有關……

King :love? Ha ,just a boy meeting a girl under the right conditions.So we are arranging the “conditions” 愛？那只是一個男孩兒在某個特殊的條件下遇見到一個女孩，所以我們要制造一個所謂的條件

Duke : Yes ,sir ,very well, I?ll arrange a ball for the prince.是的陛下，我這就去安排一個舞會。

King: Tonight!今晚如何

Duke: Yes sir tonight!是的陛下，就今晚。

二場（信使，灰姑娘，繼母，兩位繼姐姐Gina,Amy。兩只老鼠。Jack , Gus）

Courier信使 : Open!Open!Open the door,please!in name of the king, an urgent message from his majesty.開門，這有從宮里傳來的圣旨。

Cinderella :Thank you.謝謝 Jack: From the king what does it say ,Cinderella? 從宮里來的。寫著什么。

Gus :what does it say? 看看說什么？

Cinderella: I don?t know ,he said it?s urgent, this just arrived from the palace.我不知道，他說很急是從宮里來的。

Gina and Amy: From the palace? 從宮里的

Gina: give it here!Cinderella,give me that 把它給我。

Amy: Give me.把它給我Stepmother：Give me!I ?ll read it ,well.給我，我看看。There ?s to be a ball..? a palace ball?將會有一個宮里辦的舞會。

G&A: A ball? A palace ball? I can?t believe it, 一個舞會，我真不敢相信

G: how wonderful.，太好了

A: that?s dream,這是在做夢嗎

Sm: In honor of his highness ,the prince, 為慶祝那至高無上的王子

Together: oh ,the prince, 王子

Sm: By,rayal command ,every single girl is to attend ,國王的旨意，每一個單身女子都有要出席。

G: why ,that?s us!那不就是我們

A: I ?m just the right one, 我是最合適一個。

Cin:why, that meams I can go,too, 為什么，意思是我也可以去。

G:ha!Her dancing with the prince? 和王子跳舞。

A:I ?d be honored ,your highness ,would you mind holding my broom? 我很榮幸，殿下，你介意拿著我的掃帚嗎？

Cin:why not? After all, I ?m still a member of the family 為什么不能，畢竟我仍是這個家的一員啊.Sm: Yes, so it does ,well, I see no reason,why you can?t go ,if you get all your work done and if you can find something to wear.是的，我看沒什么理由你不能去，如果你把活全做完，如果你能找到什么能穿的衣服。

Cin: I ?m sure , I can ,oh, thank you , stepmother, 我保證，我能做完，謝謝媽媽 G&A:Monther ,do you really promise her?媽媽，你真的承諾她？

Sm: of course, I said”if” 當然，我是說：如果“ G&A:oh “if”如果

Cin: Isn?t it lovely? It was my mother?s.多可愛啊，她就是我的媽媽

Gus:but the dress is old.但是裙子太舊了，Jack: maybe it is a little old fashioned, 大概，有點過時了

Gus and jack: we can change it ,shorten the sleeves, make something for the collar and there are… 我們可以改變它，把袖子變短，給領子加點東西，再改改。。

A:Cinderella，Cin:oh ,now what they want? 他們想要什么？

A: Cinderella,take my dress ,here, mend the buttonholes.把我的裙子拿來，改改扣眼，G:Cinderella, wash my clothes.把我衣服洗了。

Stmon: Cinderella when you?re through, you should iron these clothes.你都做完的時候把這些衣服燙好。

Cin: Yes stepmother, 是的媽媽

Gus&jack: Cinderella look!Try it on oh how pretty you are!灰姑娘，看，多漂亮

G&A: mother we are ready!媽媽我們準備好了

Stmo: Now remember if the prince….現在記住，如果王子。。

Cin: wait ,please wait for me, 等下我。

G&A;?cinderella?

G: oh ,mother ,look!She?s wearing mine, it?s mine, you witch,媽媽，看她穿的是我的，我的，你是巫女嗎

Cin: don?t please!不要

A: this is mine ,you kitchen wench!這是我的，你這個廚娘 Stemo: girls,girls,that?s quite enough, both of you ,I won?t have you upsetting yourselves, good night,Cinderella孩子們，安靜，我要求你們不要繞亂自己，再見，CINDERLLA 三 灰 蓋GUS，杰JACK，教母GODMOTHER

Cinderella: no no ,it isn?t true ,it?s just no use no use at all, I can?t believe ,ont anymore,there is nothing left to believe in nothing,不，不，不是真的，我真不敢相信，現在沒有什么可能穿的出去了。

Godmother: nothing my dear? Oh,now you don?t really mean that ,dry those tears,you can?t go to the ball looking like that.沒什么我的孩子，那不是真的，擦掉眼淚，你不能那樣去舞會。

Cin: the ball? But I ?m not…舞會但是，我不能 Gm: of course, you are ,but you have to hurry, miracles take a little time,當然，你可以，但是你必須快，奇跡般的利用這點時間，Cin: miracle?奇跡

Gm: wait and look!Bibbidi bobbidi… 等一下，看

G&A: oh a beautiful dress,一件漂亮的裙子

Gm: bibbidi….And look!Glass slippers!看，玻璃鞋。

Cin: why, it?s like a dream ,a wonderfull ,dream come true,為什么，像夢一樣，非常美的夢，夢是真實的，Gm:Yes ,my child ,but like all dreams, well, this can?t last forever, you?ll have it only till midnight,and then…是的我孩子，但是這不是永遠的，你只能在牛夜之前擁有他，Cin: midnight,? Oh thank you.牛夜，謝謝，星沙英語

Gm: no no , no just a minute ,you must understand, my dear, on the stroke of 12 everything will be as it was , before,不，不，只是一分鐘，你必須明白，我親愛的，當敲響12點鐘時，一切都會還原的。

Cin: oh ,I underst and, good night,我明白，再見

Gm: good night, my child.再見我的孩子

四 午會上，衛士 貴族小姐，王子，國王，Prince: oh the girl of my dreams, who she is ,where”s she from? When she came…?我夢中的姑娘在哪，從哪里來，什么時候來

G&A :but who is she ,mother ? do we know her?她是誰，媽媽，我們認識她嗎？

G: the prince certainly seems to…王子當然會

A: but I know I have never seem her.但是我從沒見過她。

Stepm: nor do I , but ,she certainly is … Wait!There is something familiar about her 我也是，但是她應該是，等等，有些地方和她很像。.Prince: so this is love , so this is love ,so this is what life worthwhile and now I know …the key to a Heaven is mine ,my heart has wings, and I can fly ,I?ll touch every star in the sky,.I ?ve been dreaming of…so thiS is love 這就是愛，所以這就是愛，這就是生命的真正價值，現在我知道了……我已經擁有了通往天堂的鑰匙，我的心有了翅膀，我能夠飛翔，我即將觸摸到天空中的每顆星星，我一直都夢想象現在這樣……這就是愛

Cin: oh my goodness我的天 Prince: what?s the matter?什么事 Cin: it?s midnight.到牛夜 Prince,: no no ,wait!You can?t go now, it?s only不不，等等，你不能走，Cin: oh I must please ,please , I must!我必須走，馬上離開

Prince: but why?但是為什么？ Cin: well， I … I … oh the prince, I haven?t met the prince,我，我，王子，我還沒見過王子。Prince: a prince? But didn?t you know…王子，但是你不知道。。.Cin: goodbye!再見 Prince: no wait!Come back!Please,come back!I don?t even know your name!how will I find you? Wait!please wait!不等等，回來，請回來，我還不知道你的名字，我怎么找到你，請等等。

五，DUKE，KING Duke: your majesty, I see no point in beating about the bush ,the young lady disappeared ,leaving behind only this glass slipper.陛下，別做無用功了，那個女士已經不見了，留下的只有這只玻璃鞋。

King: who is she? Where did she live? 她是誰，住哪？

Duke: but I didn?t get a chance…但是我沒有機會知道

King: what did you say? You mean you know onthing about the lady? 你說什么，你的意思是關于她的你什么都有不知道。

Duke: Yes ,it?s true, sir ,all we could find was this glass slipper , the prince swears he?ll marry none but the girl who fits this slipper.是的，我們要找到鞋的主人，王子只娶能穿這只鞋的人

Cin?s home:灰姑娘的家

Stepm: Cinderella , Cinderella ,where is that，東西在哪？ CINDERELLA Cin: Yes? Here I am.什么事，我在這

Stepm: don?t stand there!Brings up the breakfast trays at once!and hurry!別站著那把盤子擺好，快

Stepm: oh hurry now, he?ll be here any minute 快點，我沒時間了。

A: who will?誰要來，Sm: the grand duke ,he?s been hunting all night, 公爵要尋找一晚上，G: hunting?尋找

Sm: for that girl ,the one who lost her slipper at the ball last night, they say the prince is madly in love with her, the glass slipper is their only clue , now the duke has been ordered to try it on every girl in the kingdom ,there is still a chance,尋找在昨天晚會上丟失玻璃鞋的女孩，他們說王子要娶她，玻璃鞋是唯一的線索，公爵要讓王國里的每個女孩子都試穿這雙鞋，這是一個機會，G&A: We know ,mother,我明白媽媽

Jack and gus: he?s h ere , he?s here, duke? 在這，公爵。

Sm: girls , now ,remember, this is your last chance, don?t fail me,孩子們，記住，這是你們最后的機會，Guards: announcing , his imperial grace , the grand duke, 報……尊貴的大臣駕到！

Sm: you honor our humble home, may I present my daughters….是您另我們家熠熠生輝，我可以讓我的女兒們出來了嗎？

G: why, that?s my slipper!為什么，那是我的鞋

A: well, I like that!It?s my slipper!我喜歡這是我的鞋

Gus&jack: no no, no,cinderella?s slipper.不不是灰姑娘的

Sm: girls,girls, your manner, a thousand pardons ,your grace.孩子人注意你們的舉止

G&A: mother ,help….Help…媽媽幫幫我

Duke: you are the only ladies in the house here, 你們是這座房子就僅僅你們幾位女士，Sm: there is no one else, your grace.沒有了

Duke: quite so, good day, good day,那好，打擾了

Cin: your Grace, your Grace, please wait, may I try it on?等等到，我可以試試嗎

Sm: oh ,pay no attention to her, it?s only Cinderella, our maid , from the kitchen.不必在意他，他只是一個干活的丫頭

G&A: she is out of her mind, 她腦袋不清楚

Sm: Yes, just an imaginative chilD是的，只是一個愛做白日夢的女孩

Duke: madam, my orders were:every maiden” come ,my child , oh on , it?s impossible,女士們，我的任務是讓城里的第個女士都試穿。

Cin: but you see, I have the other slipper,但是你看我有另外一只，Duke: my child ,follow me我的孩子跟我來.第七場 Duke: your majesty ,we find her, we find her,陛下，我找到這個姑娘了，King: oh it?s not a dream 是吧，這不是一個夢吧, Prince: have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through ，no matter how your heart is grieving ,if you keep on believing , the dream that you wish will come true….要對你的夢想有信心，這樣你就會見到彩虹，不論你的心有多么無助，只要堅信，夢想就會實現。

Cin&prince: so this is love ,this is true love 所以這就是愛，這就是真愛

第四篇：英語話劇劇本《灰姑娘》

<<灰姑娘>>劇本英漢對照版：

Once there lived a kind and lovely girl.After her father's death, her stepmother became cruel to her.Her two step-sisters teased her, asking her to do all the housework.從前有一位可愛善良的姑娘，她父親很早就去世了。她的繼母經常虐待她，繼母帶來的兩個孩子也經常欺負她，她們把灰姑娘當女擁一樣使喚。

stepmother: Do the laundry and get on with your duties.Clean the floors right away.And what's more,bring me my breakfast.把這些衣服拿到洗衣房做你的事情。把地板趕快給我擦干凈。另外，把我的早飯帶來。

stepsister1: Cinderella!Get me my sweater, I feel a little cold.灰姑娘，把我的衣服拿來，我感到有點冷。

stepsister2: Hurry up!Prepare the carriage for me, hand me my gloves.I'm to be late for my date.You're so, you're always so sluggish.快點！把馬車給我準備好，遞我手套。我約會要晚了，你總是那么慢慢騰騰的。Cruel as her stepmother was to her, Cinderella still lived an optimistic life.She had a lot of animal friends.雖然繼母這樣對她，可灰姑娘還是樂觀地活著，另外她還有許多小動物做她的朋友。

One day, the king held a party for the prince to choose the girl he loved.Every maid in the town was invited to the party.一天，國王要讓王子自己選擇心愛的人，為王子舉辦了一個宮廷舞會，邀請城里所有的姑娘參加。

The stepmother took her two daughters to the party, leaving Cinderella at home, because she was jealous of Cinderella's beauty.可繼母嫉妒灰姑娘的美貌，讓灰姑娘在家干活，獨自帶著女兒去了。Cinderella was broken-hearted.At that time, her fairy godmother appeared.灰姑娘非常地傷心，這時，教母出現了。Cinderella: There's nothing left to believe in.Nothing!沒有什么我相信的事情，什么也沒有！

Godmother: Nothing, my dear? Oh, now you don't really mean that.親愛的，什么也沒有嗎？但現在你的意思并不是這樣。Cinderella: Oh, but I do.噢，但我確實是這樣想的。

Godmother: Nonsense, child!If you'd lost all your faith, I couldn't be here.And here I am!Oh, come now, Dry those tears!胡說，孩子。如果你失去了你的信仰，我就不會在這里了。但現在我在這，噢，過來，擦干眼淚。

Cinderella: Why then, you must be...為什么你一定在。。

Godmother: Your fairy godmother? Of course.Now let's see, hmm...now...the magic words.Bibbidi-boddidi-boo.Put them together and what have you got.你傳說中的教母？當然，現在讓我看看。。現在，這些魔力的話，Bibbidi-boddidi-boo。把它們放在一起，看你得到了什么。

Cinderella: Oh, it's beautiful!It's like a dream, a wonderful dream come true.噢，它太美麗了！象一個夢，一個美好的夢想變成了現實。

Godmother: Yes, my child, but like all dreams, well, I'm afraid this can't last forever.You'll have only till night and...是的，我的孩子，象所有的夢一樣。恐怕它不能永遠延續下去。你僅僅能在午夜和。。擁有它。

Cinderella: Midnight?Oh, thank you.午夜？噢，謝謝你。

Godmother: Oh, just a minute.Remember, on the stroke of twelve, the spell will be broken and everything will be as it was before.噢，等一會兒。記住，當時鐘敲響到12點的時候，鐘將會打破，一切事情又恢復了從前。

Cinderella: Oh, I understand, but...it's more than I ever hoped for.哦，我懂了。但它比我期望的要多地多。

Godmother: Bless you, my child.Enjoy yourself.祝福你，我的孩子，玩得開心。

At the party, Cinderella danced with the prince all the time.Time passed quickly.All of a sudden, Cinderella caught sight of the clock on the wall.Oh, it is almost twelve o'clock-five to twelve!舞會上，灰姑娘成了王子唯一選中的舞伴，灰姑娘與王子高興地跳舞，旁人都很羨慕地看著他們，議論他們。時間在美妙的歌舞中過去，墻上的大鐘突然映入灰姑娘的眼里，差5分鐘12點。Cinderella: Oh, my goodness!噢，天啊！

Prince: What's the matter? 什么事？

Cinderella: It's midnight.It's almost midnight.午夜了，快到午夜了。

Prince: Yes, so it is.But why? 是的，但又怎樣呢？ Cinderella: Goodbye.再見。

Prince: No, no,wait, you can't go now.不，等等，你現在不能走。

Cinderella: Oh, I must, please, I must.噢，我必須走。Prince: But why? 但為什么呢？

Cinderella: goodbye.再見。

Prince: No, wait, come back.Please come back!I don't even know your name.How will I find you? Wait, please wait!Wait!不，等等，回來，請回來！我連你的名字都不知道呢。我怎么能找到你呢？等等，等等，等等！

Cinderella: Goodbye.再見。

The next day, every maid in the town was ordered to try the glass shoe.Whoever the shoes fitted well would be the bride of the princel.No one could put on the shoe, nor could the two step-sisters.When the officials were going to leave, Cinderella appeared and asked to have a try.第二天，國王命令城中每一位女孩必須史穿玻璃鞋，穿上鞋子最合適的姑娘將成為王子的新娘。但城中沒有一個女孩能穿著合適。最后來到灰姑娘的家中，繼母的女兒們當然也不能穿上那雙玻璃鞋，正當國王的大臣要離開時，灰姑娘出現在樓梯上，她要求試一試鞋。

Cinderella: Please wait!May I try it on? 請等等！我可以試一下嗎？

Stepmother: Oh, pay no attention to her.噢，別理她。

stepsister1: It's only Cinderella!她僅僅是灰姑娘！stepsister2:Impossible.不可能。

stepsister1: She's out of her mind.她瘋了。

stepmother: Yes, yes.Just an imaginative child.是的，是的，只是一個愛想象的孩子。

Duke:Of course, you can have a try, my fair lady.當然你可以試試，我的女士。

Duke: Oh, no!No!This is terrible.The king!What shall I do? 噢，不！不！這很糟糕。國王！我該做什么呢？ Cinderella: But perhaps this would help...但這或許有點幫助。。

Duke: No, no.Nothing can help now, nothing.不，不。現在什么都幫不了。<<灰姑娘>>劇本英文版： 第一場：

旁白：Long, long ago, there was a cute girl, her name is Alice, her mother was dead, her father loved her very much.Father: Dear daughter!These presents are for you!Do you like them? Alice: Yeah, thank you, Dad.Father: My lovely daughter, I hope you are happy forever!旁白：But one day, her father married a new wife.Look, her step mother and her new sisters are coming.Stepmother: Helen, Jenny, look, how beautiful the house is!mso-charHelen: Yes, and so many fruits.Apples，bananas, mangoes and lychee.Wow, I like them.(吃水果)Jerry: Mum, look, so many beautiful clothes.I like this dress.(往身上穿)Alice： Oh, no, that’s my dress.It’s a new dress my father bought for me.Jerry： Who are you? Mum, who is she? Stepmother: She is your little sister.But it doesn’t matter.Look!Alice, go, clean the room and then cook for us.Alice: Why? I’m not your servant.Stepmother: Yeah.But from now on you are our servant.Alice and Jerry: Mum, I like her dress.(拽衣服)Jenny：I like her necklace.(搶項鏈戴在脖子上)旁白：After that, Alice had been their servant.She worked and worked from morning to night.She had no room to live, she had no good food to eat and good clothes to wear.She was more and more dirty, so people called her Cinderella.第二場：

Stepmother: Who is it? Soldier: It’s me.I’m the soldier of the palace.(打開門)Good morning, madam, this is for you and your daughters.mso-charStepmother: What is it?(打開信看)（歡呼）Helen, Jerry, good news!There will be a big dancing party in the palace.The prince will select a queen among the young girls.mso-charTwo daughters: Hooray!I’ll be the queen!mso-charStepmother: Come on, daughters.You must put on your most beautiful dress and make up!mso-charAlice: Mum, I want to go ,too.mso-charThree: You? Look at yourself, so dirty and so ugly.mso-charStepmother: Daughters, are you ready? Let’s go.mso-charAlice: Oh, my friends.I really want to go.What shall I do? mso-charCat, Peagion, Dog: Don’t be so sad, Alice.At least, we are with you.mso-charFairy: Poor girl, let me help you.mso-charAnimals: Wow, how beautiful!mso-charCat: You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve seen.mso-charDog: Yes!You will be the most beautiful girl in the party!mso-charPeagion: Yes!And the prince will love you at once!mso-charFairy: Alice, go to the party and dance.But remember you 第三場

mso-charMinister1: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the prince dancing ball.This night, our prince will select the most beautiful and kindest girl to be his queen.Now, young girls, come to the front,please!Minister2：How are they?Which one do you like? Prince: No, I don’t like anyone.(Alice come in)Ministers: Wow, how beautiful!(She’s like a fairy.She’s like a Angel.She’s so lovely.She’s like a princess.How pretty the girl is!)Prince: Pretty princess, may I dance with you? Alice: I’d like to.(music and dance)(one person pick up a clock)Alice: Oh, it’s time to go back.I must go now.Prince: Wait, princess, wait!Alice(跑，掉一只鞋)Prince:(拿起鞋)Pretty princess!Why are you leaving? I must find you!Soldiers!Soldiers: Yes!Prince: Take the shoe to every house.You must find the girl for me.Soldiers: Yes, your highnesss!第四場：（士兵敲門）

Stepmother: What’s the matter, soldiers? Soldier1: Are there any young girls in your family, madam? Soldier2: The pretty princess lost her shoe in the palace.Soldier3: The prince wants to find her and marry her.Helen: Let me try.The shoe is mine.Soldier1: No,it’s not yours.It’s too small for you.Jenny: It’s mine.Let me try it.Soldier2: No, it’s not yours, it’s too small for you.Stepmother: Hi, come on, maybe it’s mine.Let me try it.mso-charSoldier3:Oh, my god, it couldn’t be yours.Do you have another daughter? Alice: Hello, gentlemen, may I try it? Stepmother :You? Go away!Helen: Look at yourself!Jenny: So dirty and so ugly!mso-charHead Soldier: No, ladies, let her try!Come, little girl, try it on,please!mso-charAlice: Thank you!(試鞋)mso-charSoldiers: Wonderful!It’s yours!It fits for you very well!mso-charSoldier1:（Call prince）5535240 mso-charPrince: Hello, this is prince speaking!mso-charSoldier1: Good news, your highnesss!We have found the beautiful girl.mso-charPrince: Really? That’s wonderfull!I’ll come at once.mso-charFairy: My child, happy time is coming.Let me help you the 1last time.(變美麗)mso-charPrince: Oh, my deariest princess, I love you, go with me and be my queen, OK? mso-charAlice: OK!mso-charStepmother and sisters: How did it happen?(昏倒)mso-char旁白：The story finished.Alice found her happiness.Alice and the prince lived happily ever after!And that brings us to the end of the play.(善有善報，惡有惡報，善良的人終會有好報，灰姑娘最終找到了自己的幸福，與王子幸福地生活在一起！

天出租車司機Tommy遇到了很多奇怪的事情。煩人的女孩、孕婦、搶匪、不管事的警察，甚至還遇到了鬼。。

Cast

Erin Chang: Robber Debby Tsai: Police officer Serrin Lee: Betel nut girl Alec Zhao: Ghost student Leo Lee: Taxi driver Yi-ling Chen: Pregnant woman------------------Summary This story talks about a poor taxi driver, Tommy, who meets many strange things in one day.First, he carries a Betel Nut Girl who wants to harass him.Second, a pregnant woman makes him feel nervous.Third, he carries a robber and meets a police officer who only manages traffic.At last, he carries a ghost student.Tommy: Hello, my name is Tommy.Serving you is my honor.Where would you like to go? Betel nut girl: Hi!Tommy.I?m going to Chong-Shan North Road, please.Tommy: Ok, Chong-Shan North Road, no problem.Um? I remember there?s only a Chong-Shan East Road.Miss, are you sure you?re going to Chong-Shan North Road? Betel nut girl: Um, I?m not sure.You just drive.Maybe I will remember where it is later.Betel nut girl: How old are you? Are you married? You?re probably not married since you?re so young.Do you have a girlfriend?

Tommy: Um…miss, we are almost at Chong-Shan East Road.Do you want to have a look? Betel nut girl: Oh!Not here.By the way, don?t you feel tired after driving all day long? Maybe I can help you relax.Tommy: What…what do you want to do? Take your hands off me or I?ll scream!Betel nut girl: I did nothing!You just missed a nice chance.Stop the car, I want to get off.Tommy:(Relived)Great!The total is 155 dollars, Thank you.Betel nut girl: Um!Take it!Pregnant woman: Hey!Taxi!Pregnant woman: Thanks.You are real a very kind man.Tommy: Where are you going? Pregnant woman: Hospital, please.Tommy: You?re going to the prenatal checkup, right? It must be very tiring carrying a baby.Pregnant woman: Yeah.It?s almost nine months.Tommy: Woo.Congratulations.Pregnant woman: Thank you.Pregnant woman:(screaming)Tommy: Are you ok? Pregnant woman:(screaming)Tommy: Is it time now? Are you going to deliver your baby now? I will drive as fast as I can.Stay down.Pregnant woman:(screaming)Tommy: We?re almost there.Pregnant woman:(screaming)Tommy: Here we are.Pregnant woman: Are we at the hospital? Well, how much is it? Tommy: Aren?t you going into labor?

Pregnant woman: Me? Are you kidding? It?s still a long time before the expected date of childbirth.Tommy: What? Well, what were you just doing? Pregnant woman: Oh, I was just practicing!This is my first time to have a baby, you know.Practice makes perfect!I need to be ready so it will go smoothly.Tommy: Practice!All right… well, the total is one hundred twenty dollars.Tommy: This woman was so strange!I thought she was going to deliver the baby in my car!Robber: Get out of here, quickly!Tommy: A strange pregnant woman just got off my car and now here comes a robber.Tommy: Where do you want to go? Robber: Shut up!Just drive!Tommy: Hey…Hey.Be careful, there?s no eye in bullets.Robber: Shut up!Just drive your car.Tommy: Ok!Ok!You are the boss.Robber: Hum…your gold necklace is very good looking.If it were on my neck, that would be nice.Tommy: Oh…com…come on, don?t do this to me.This is a fake one.I just try to look tough by wearing it.Robber: STOP nonsense！Don?t treat me like a fool, I warn you!I will shoot you!Tommy: OK!OK!Take it easy.My mouth is sealed.Robber:....I don?t want to do this …really… but I have 6 brothers, 7 sisters and 8 kids to feed.I even have to sell chewing gums, raise pigs.The worse of all, my husband just got out of the jail…I really have no choice.Tommy: Don?t be so sad….Here is tissue.Robber: Thank you.Now give me your gold necklace!Hurry up!Do you want to eat bullets！Tommy: But…but…but….Robber: Just hand it to me or I?ll become a really bad guy！

Tommy: I don?t want to die yet.The police: Beep~Beep~ stop the car.Tommy: OH!Thank God!I am safe now!Hey, cop, a robber wants to rob me and….Police officer: Show me your license and registration.Tommy: But…sir.…I got a robber in my back….Police officer: I only watch out for traffic!The public security is not my business.Tommy: Not your business? But…

Police officer: Here?s your ticket.You were speeding.Tommy: But I got a robber in my car!She told me if I couldn?t drive fast enough, she?d shoot me.Police officer: And where is the robber?

Tommy: Just right over….what！She?s gone;she was here just now….Police officer: See….your lie is stupid… Remember to take the ticket.Tommy: Sir!Sir!Tommy: I?m so unlucky.Today is not my day!Oh, no!How did I come to this middle-of-nowhere? Someone?s waving at me.Who would take a taxi in this strange place? Tommy: Hello!Serving you is my honor.Where do you want to go? Ghost student: To my home, please.Tommy: Um…can you say it more clearly? I don?t know where your home is.Ghost student: Oh, my home is located on Ta-Du Mountain.Tommy: No problem.Um… it?s an unusual place to live.Ghost student: Yes.It?s very special.My ancestors all lived here.Tommy: Oh!You?ve lived here for a long time, right?

Ghost student: That?s right.Tommy: Here we are, but I don?t see any houses around.By the way, it?s so dark here.Ghost student: Don?t be so surprised.We?re in the mountain.Tommy: Are you sure your home is here? Ghost student: Yes.How much is it? Tommy: Um…The total is 100 dollars.Ghost student: I only have a 500 dollars bill.Tommy: That?s OK, I can give you change.Ghost student: There you go.Tommy: Um...What?s this? Ghost student: Money.Tommy: But...where did he go? Oh, no!…This is…ghost money…(screaming)Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs----音樂起，旁白：A long time ago, there was a queen.She had a pretty daughter named Snow White.Soon after the child was born, the queen died.The queen married another queen.The stepmother didn?t like her very much.She made Snow White do the housework all day and all night.----白雪出場(掃地,做清潔.)白雪：My name is Snow White , I am a beautiful princess, I miss my mother so much, Where is my mother? Where is my mother?----音樂起，皇后出場

皇后：I?m the new queen.I?m very beautiful.you see.If anyone is more beautiful than me, I?ll kill her.I have a magic mirror.If I want to know something, It will tell me.Now, mirror, mirror, come here!魔鏡：Yes, I?m coming.What do you want to know? 皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the most beautiful? 魔鏡：You are beautiful, I think.But there is a young lady.She is as white as snow, as red as rose.She is much more beautiful than you.皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.魔鏡：Yes.She is Snow White.皇后：Snow White? No, I?m the most beautiful in the world.Oh, hunter,come here, come here!獵人：Yes.I?m here now.皇后：Hunter!Take Snow White far away to pick some flowers.Find a place and kill her.獵人：But she is the princess.…

皇后：No, Kill her.Bring her heart to me.I don?t want to see her again.獵人：Yes!

皇后：Here is a box.You must put her heart in it and bring it to me.獵人：Yes!----音樂起

白雪：(高興地摘花)One flower,two flowers,three flowers….How many flowers!How beautiful!獵人：(慢慢地拔出刀,但猶豫著說)Oh!My God!She is so lovely and pretty!I can?t!I can?t kill her!

白雪：(看到后大聲哭叫)What are you doing? What?s the matter? Why do you kill me? 獵人： I?m very sorry.Someone wants me to kill you.白雪：But who? 獵人：The queen.白雪： But why? 獵人：You are more beautiful than her.So she wants to kill you.白雪：My dear hunter.Don?t kill me.I will runfar away and never come back again.獵人：Ok.Run away, the poor child.白雪：Thank you, my dear hunter.旁白：At this time, a young bear was running by.The hunter shot it and took the heart to the queen.Snow White began to run into the wild forest until it was almost evening.She saw a little house.白雪：Oh, my God!The queen can?t find me now, I think.How I am tired!How I want to have a rest!Ah, here is a house, there are seven small beds.They must be the beds of seven children.Oh, how I want to sleep!旁白：When it was dark, the owners of the house came back.They were seven dwarfs.They were looking for gold in the mountain.①老學究：Look, the lamp in our house is on!②開心果：Who is it? ③噴嚏精：Maybe it?s the ghost!

④瞌睡蟲：Let?s go into our house quietly.⑤害羞鬼：Oh, someone has cleaned our house.⑥老頑固：Maybe it?s the witch.⑦手拿燭光照到白雪的臉.①~⑦他們都驚叫起來 老學究：What a lovely child!開心果：How beautiful!噴嚏精：Who is she? 瞌睡蟲：Don?t wake her up.害羞鬼：Why is she coming here? 老頑固：Kill her.白雪：(醒來)What a nice sleep!Oh, who are you? Oh, I know.You are senven dwarfs.七矮人：(齊說)Yes,But why are you in our house? 白雪：The queen wants to kill me.So I ran to your house.Don?t drive me away.Let me stay with you.老學究：If you look after our house.開心果：If you do some cooking for us.噴嚏精：If you make the beds for us.瞌睡蟲：If you do some washing, you can stay with us.害羞鬼：But you must be careful.老頑固：Don?t go out.Don?t let anyone come in.Your stepmother will find you and kill you.白雪：I know.I know.Thank you.旁白：From then on, Snow White kept the house.On the other hand, when the bad queen ate the heart, she took out the mirror and asked.皇后：Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most beautiful? 魔鏡： You are beautiful.But Snow White is still alive and well.She lives with the seven dwarfs.No one is more beautiful than she.皇后：What? Snow White is not dead?……Haha,I got a good idear.旁白：The queen made a poisonous apple and dressed herself like an old woman.She came to the house.皇后：Good things to sell.Pretty apples to sell.Cheap.Very cheap.白雪：Hi, good day, my good grandmother.皇后：Apples.Very delicious apples!Could you have a taste.This one, please!白雪：OK!Thank you!(咬了一小口,死了)皇后：Hahaha….Now I?m the most beautiful in the world.旁白：When the seven dwarfs came from work.They were greatly surprised to see Snow White dead 七矮人：What?s the matter?

老學究：Snow White is dead.七矮人：Oh, my God!Who did it? It must be the bad queen.(哭著揀一些花放在白雪身上)旁白：Although Snow White had been dead a long, long time.She looked as if she was living.She looked as white as snow, as red as rose.One day, it happened a prince came to the seven dwarfs? house.When he saw Snow White, he fell in love with her.王子：Please, let me have Snow White.I love her.I want her to be my wife.七矮人：Ok!Carry Snow White with you to your palace.Be kind to her,please.王子：Yes, I will.I will love her forever!(吻白雪手)旁白：As soon as the prince kissed Snow White, Snow White came to her life 白雪：Oh, my god!Where am I? What happened? 王子：You are with me, my dear.I love you.I love you more than everything in the world.Please be my queen, will you? 白雪：Yes, I will, my dear!

七矮人：Oh!Congratulations!Congratulations!----音樂起,旁白：The prince took Snow White to the palace.Their wedding was held with great show

白雪：Good Bye!七矮人：Bye-bye!May you Happy Forever!白雪、王子：Thank you.Good Bye.See you later.Cinderella 第一場：

旁白：Long, long ago, there was a cute girl, her name is Alice, her mother was dead, her father loved her very much.But one day, her father married a new wife.Look, her step mother and her new sister are coming.（繼母與姐姐上場）

Stepmother: Jenny, look, how beautiful the house is!Helen: Yes, and so many fruits.Apples，bananas, mangoes and lychee.Wow, I like them.(吃水果)（Alice上場，站在一邊疑惑地看著她們）

Mum, look, so many beautiful clothes.I like this dress.(往身上穿)Alice： Oh, no,（驚叫著撲向Jenny，搶過衣服）that?s my dress.It?s a new dress my father bought for me.Jerry：（轉向繼母）Who are you? Mum, who is she? Stepmother: She is your little sister.But it doesn?t matter.（停頓）Look！（轉向Alice）（搶過裙子）（趾高氣昂地）Alice, go,（手伸向遠處指指點點）clean the room and then cook for us.Alice: Why? I?m not your servant.Stepmother: Yeah.But from now on you are（強調are）our servant.(粗魯地)Get out!Now!(Alice 委屈地走下場)Stepmother：（看著Alice下場后，滿意地點頭，把裙子遞給Jenny）Jenny, this dress is so beautiful, is it? Why not try it on right now? It must be very suitable for you!（得意地帶著Jenny下場）

旁白：After that, Alice had been their servant.She worked and worked from morning to night.She had no room to live, she had no good food to eat and good clothes to wear.She was more and more dirty, so people called her Cinderella.第二場：

（Cinderella 在掃地，Soldier上場，敲門）Cinderella：Who is it? Soldier: It?s me.I?m the soldier of the palace.（Cinderella打開門）：Good morning，Sir.Soldier ：Good morning,……（被打斷）

Stepmother：（在場下喊道）Who are you talking with，Alice？ Alice：（轉頭喊道）It?s the soldier of the palace!Stepmother:(依舊在場下喊)Palace?!（繼母奔跑著上場，一把推開Alice，微笑著轉向了士兵）Stepmother：Good morning, Handsome boy.What?s the matter? Soldier: madam, this is for you and your daughters.(遞上信)Stepmother:（驚奇地一邊拆信一邊問）what?s it?(Alice 靠近了想看，被繼母一把推開)Stepmother:(拆開信后無聲地念了兩句，臉上突然出現驚喜的表情)Jenny！（臉微微偏側，但眼神始終不離開信紙）Jerry, good news!There will be a big dancing party in the palace tonight.The prince will select a queen among the young girls.Jenny：（奔跑著上場）What?(搶過信來看)Hooray!I?ll be the queen!

Stepmother: Come on, my daughter.You must put on your most beautiful dress and make up!Jenny: Yes, I will.Alice: Mum, I want to go ,too.Jenny:(鄙夷地)You? Look at yourself, so dirty and so ugly.Alice：I….Stepmother:(哼了一聲，帶著Jenny下場)Let?s go.Alice:(半跪在地上，抽泣)Oh, my friends.I really want to go.What shall I do? Fairy:（從場下響起）Oh, little Alice , why are you crying? You look so blue.Alice（驚恐地）Who is it? Who are you? Fairy:(舉著魔法棒從臺下旋轉著上臺)Don?t be afraid.I?m the luck fairy, I?m coming to help you.Alice:(難過地)Dear fairy, I want to go to the dance ball in the palace, but my stepmother doesn?t allowed me.And..(神情低落)I?m really dirty.What shall I do? Fairy: That?s all right.Poor girl, let me help you.(舉起魔法棒，在Alice頭上繞幾圈)Alice:（驚喜地低頭）Oh，what a beautiful dress!

Fairy:(滿意地)Alice, how pretty you are!You can now go to the party and dance.The prince must fall in love with you.But remember youmust come back before 12 o?clock.Or you will change back.Good lucky！（旋轉著下臺）

Alice:（微笑著看著仙女下場的方向，輕聲低喃）Thank you , Fairy.(提起裙子，跑)第三場:（大廳，放著聲音極輕的舞曲）

Minister: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the prince dancing ball.This night, our prince will select the most beautiful and kindest girl to be his queen.Now, young girls, come to the front,please!

Minister：(推推prince)How are they? Which one do you like? Prince:（失望地）No, I don?t like anyone.(Alice come in)

Prince:（盯著Alice喃喃自語）Wow, how beautiful!She?s like a Angel.Minister：（靠近王子想要說些什么）But……

（王子眼神始終沒有離開過Alice，一把推開大臣，向Alice走去）

Prince:（彎腰優雅地邀請）Pretty princess, may I dance with you? Alice:（提裙回禮）I?d like to.(music and dance)Prince：（深情地）Will you marry me?(響起鐘聲)Alice: Oh, it?s time to go back.I must go now.（推開王子向外跑）Prince: Wait, princess, wait!（追出去）(Alice跑下場，掉一只鞋在場上)Prince:（跑到場邊，手向外伸出，停在了鞋前。緩緩蹲下身，拿起鞋，失落地喃喃自語)Pretty princess!Why are you leaving? I must find you!（迅速起身，向場內走）Prince:（面朝觀眾喊）Soldiers!Soldiers:（上場，單膝跪在王子面前，忠誠地）Yes!My prince!Prince:（交給士兵）Take this shoe to every house.You must find the girl for me.Soldiers: Yes, your highness!第四場：（士兵敲門）

Stepmother: What?s the matter, soldiers? Soldier：Are there any young girls in your family, madam? The pretty princess lost her shoe in the palace.The prince wants to find her and marry her.Jenny: Let me try.The shoe is mine.（試鞋）Soldier1: No,it?s not yours.It?s too small for you.Stepmother: Hi, come on, maybe it?s mine.Let me try it.Soldier: Oh, my god, it couldn?t be yours.Do you have another daughter? Stepmother：No, I haven?t.Alice:（在旁向前一步，怯生生地說）Hello, gentlemen, may I try it? Stepmother : You? Go away!Head Soldier: No, ladies, let her try!Come, little girl, try it on, please!Alice: Thank you!(試鞋)Soldier: Wonderful!It?s yours!It fits for you very well!You must be the pretty princess!Miss, I?m afraid you must wait for a moment, I will inform the prince and then pick you up from here.(尊敬地鞠躬)Alice：Thanks.See you.Three Times? Beating Monster 人物：T唐僧S：孫悟空 E：豬八戒

J：沙僧

B：白骨精（何平）B1：B變成的村姑 B2：B變成的太婆B3：B變化成的老頭 T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now? S: Bajie,map!E:(摸出，遞給S)S: Look,boss(湊近T)………（T、S一齊轉向E）

T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don?t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)T:(縮手)I?ll keep it for you until we reach the west E: But……

T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing!Map? E:(遞)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can?t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn?t allow So.S: Fat Pig!E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….S: You will what(兇相)? E:(軟禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).S: Hm!T:（輕咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food? E: You see , boss is hungry,too!T: Baijie!Don?t forget who ate my last meal!J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? S: No problem!(安裝)（B已躲在一旁偷看）J: This is…..?

S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss?s books.So I made this.No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific!Emitofo, knowledge is power!S: Bye!(走)T: Let?s play cards!(三人開始打牌)音樂《斗地主》 B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(變成B1)B1:(接近三人，望著)Can I join you? J: I?m sorry,lady.We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.B1:(在一旁觀看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)B1: Double King!T: Oh….I win!Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand.Come in and teach me!(準備開電網門)S:(回來，看見B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)B1:（倒)Ah……

T:(氣憤)Wukong!Look what have done!She is my teacher!S: She is a monster!T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)S: Oh,please don?t……

T:It?s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主題曲，走音離譜)S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱頭)T:(嗆住，咳)Wukong,I?m disappointed with you!B:(真身出現)Hm!Sun Wukong, I?ll teach you a lesson!(變成太婆)B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter? T: Daughter?...(連忙擋住地尸體)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T擋)S:（咬牙切齒）You monster, I?ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T頭，T暈，S再打死B2)E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)J: Look,(伸食指)how many? T:Two…..(暈乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(變成B3)B3:(看到B1,B2尸體)Oh….,my daughter, my wife!Who did it?！(哭喊)S: I?ll kill you, monster!(打)T:（想阻止，未及）You,you.....(險些暈，E,J扶住)You have killed three lives!S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go！S:(悲，離去)（音樂，營造 “假”悲傷氣氛）《人鬼情未了》 J: boss, brother Monkey is.......T: Don't mention that guy any more!B:(出現)Ha,ha,ha!(三尸體B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飄”走)T:（驚）You are......B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被擊退)B:(抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......S:(悄悄走到B后，打B,B暈)A thousand years later.T: Wukong? E: Oh,Brother Monkey!J: Our hero is back!T: I,I can't understand......What happened? S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing!This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!T: How,how did you find out? S:(沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直覺)T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小聲)S: What? T: I'm sorry.S: Em? Louder,please? T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音樂響）《敢問路在何方》（這個放伴奏）(謝幕)

幕拉開，燈光不開，同時我們的Storyteller 開始道來] Storyteller: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls，now come along and enjoy my show.Today I?m going to tell you a story--A story about Diao-chan, a marvelous beauty;a story about love;a story about hate, and a story about loyalty and betrayal.[說到這里，幕已全開。然后后燈打開，從觀眾角度來看可以看到黑色 的人影] Some 1500 years ago, it was the last regime of the Han Dynasty.At a quiet late midnight, Wang-yun, the Prime Minister of the time, was worrying about the future of his country.Act 1 地點：王允家

人物：王允，貂禪

SCENE 前燈打開，觀眾角度可以看到舞臺上的一切。音樂響起，伴隨著《三國演義》的主題歌，王允在來回踱著步哀嘆。

Wang-yun: 心理獨白 Now those ambitious courtiers started to scramble for power, profit and influence.Wang-yun: But there?s nothing I can do because of Dong-zhou?s adopted son, Lyu-bu.He is the greatest fighter ever since and will protect his father!Oh my lord, what am I going to do?(說完王很心痛得走，貂禪出現，雙手合十，默默祈禱）Diao-chan:(Sigh)[My lord, please help my father out.[王允聽到了聲音,循聲而去.] Diao-chan: since I was three my father Wang-yun had treated me just like his own daughter!It?s time for me to repay

his kindness.And, and…

Wang-yun:(王允走了一圈，發現貂）What are you doing ,my dear?

Diao-chan: Well… I have an idea about how to kill Dong-zhou.Wang-yun: Oh, That?s great!But……

Diao-chan: But Daddy, that is the only way!Wang-yun: But……

Diao-chan: [Diao-chan nods her head, with a firm and determined expression on her face.] Don't worry!Just trust me.Dad.Let?s get the whole thing started.Wang-yun：[深深吐了一口氣，緩緩地道出]O---K(燈光暗后復亮，表示場景的轉換)

Act 2 地點：王允家

人物：王允，貂蟬，呂布，董卓，士兵

Storyteller: And according to Diao-chan?s plan, Wang-yun has invited both Lyu-bu and Dong-zhou separately to his house.SCENE 燈光亮起。At Wang-yun?s home.A wooden Chinese table is set in the middle of the stage;some Chinese wine pots and

small wine cups are on it.Also, two wooden chairs are placed next to it.Wang-yun talking to the servant with anxious Wang-yun: What time is it? Servant: It's eight.Wang-yun: It 's time for his coming.Have a look!Servant: Yes sir.Oh, Sir, General Lyu is at the door.Wang-yun: Hurry, my dear.Lyu-bu is already here.Diao-chan: Don?t worry about me.Let me go inside and prepare myself, OK? [She walks in.] [她進去了。同時，響起butterfly樂曲，貂跳起了跳舞毯, 作為熱身準備的交代。] Wang-yun: [To the servant] Let him in.servant: Yes, sir.[The servant goes out and leads Lyu-bu in] Wang-yun : [覺得BUTTERFLY的聲音太響，不堪忍受回頭說了句]Oh, My dear, turn down a bit.[音樂轉輕至停止] Lyu-bu: [Walk towards Wang-yun and hug him] Long time no see, Mr.Wang.How have you been these days? Wang-yun: Fine, thank you.Please take a seat.In fact，the main reason why I invited you today is that my daughter, Diao-chan, has been an admirer of you long time ago.She would really love to see her hero.I was wondering weather you would like to meet her? Lyu-bu: Definitely!I?m delighted to do so.Wang-yun: Diao-chan, Diao-chan…

Diao-chan: [Walks out from the painted screen.Using her sleeves to cover her face, pretending to be shy.] Yes, Daddy.[Diao-chan 以一個漂亮地步子走上前，看到Lyu-bu 害羞地低下頭。王允開始介紹] Wang-yun: This is my daughter, Diao-chan.And this is General Lu, the greatest fighter in the world!Diao-chan: [Putting her sleeves down.] Nice to meet you, General!I?ve admired you for a long time, a man full of

power and grandeur!Lyu-bu: [Shocked by her beauty.] Uh…Wang-yun, this is your…your daughter? Of course，you see.How lovely she is!And how deep I am in love with her just at the first sight!Diao-chan: [躲到父親的身后] Thank you for your compliment, General Lu.Wang-yun: Lyu-bu, since you are in love with Diao-chan, then I now betroth my daughter to you!What do you think? Lyu-bu: [心不在焉]Pardon? Wang-yun: Marry.Lyu-bu:(激動萬分)Oh,Really? That would be my greatest pleasure!Thank you so much!I will go and prepare for the wedding, and will be back soon!

[He looks at Diao-chan and reluctantly left from the right.] [呂布回去，王允和貂禪對話] Wang-yun: [Making sure that Lyu-bu has left, looking very relieve.] Thanks God that things are going fine!Diao-chan: [Smiles at her father.] Yeah…So far so good!Wang-yun: But dear, I can?t stop worrying about you.Here you are.In case you are in dangerous.[給刀子] Diao-chan: [突然聽到有人來了]Hush…I heard someone coming.I shall stay behind the painted screen right now.[She walked behind the screen.] Soldier: His highness Dong-zhou enters [Dong-zhou 抬著頭。傲慢地走進來。王允被嚇倒地] Wang-yun: Welcome!Welcome!Almighty Mr.Dong!It?s my greatest honor to invite you to my humble house!Please come in and take a seat.Dong-zhou: No.This is my name card.Please call me Dr.Richard Dong.I have graduated in School of Business and Economic in ECUST，received Doctor degree [拿出畢業文憑，大笑] Wang-yun: Oh…yes!So great!By the way, Mr.Dong，my daughter Diao-chan would like to perform a dance for you.What do you think? Dong-zhou: Sure!Why not![Diao-chan跳舞而出，響起?至少還有你?，然后演貂禪的演員跳起一段民族舞蹈，相信可以讓大家心曠神怡。] [舞罷] Dong-zhou: [Applauds happily] Charming!Absolutely charming!Diao-chan: Thank you, Mr.Dong.I am glad that you enjoy my performance.[迎上，董卓贈于她一塊玉佩] Thank you.You have always been a hero in my heart.Dong-zhou: [Very glad] Really? Come here![Diao-chan approaches him and Dong-zhou gives her a closer look.] Dong-zhou: You are such a beauty, my dear.Wang-yun: Do you really think so? What if I dedicate her to you as a token of our respect? I believe that it must be her dream to be at your side and to serve you.Dong-zhou: Wonderful![Turns to the soldiers] Soldiers take

Diao-chan back to my residence and provide her whatever she needs.Her beauty deserves all the best![倒上桂林三花酒]

[Turns to Wang-yun] Cheers!For your beautiful daughter!Wang-yun: Cheers![Diao-chan walks away with the soldiers while Dong-zhou and Wang-yun keep chatting and drinking.]

(燈光暗后復亮，表示場景的轉換。背景道具變化，表示場景的較大變化)

Act3 地點：董卓安置貂禪的別院

人物：呂布，士兵，貂禪，董卓 Storyteller: Filling himself with anger and fury, Lyu-bu goes directly to his father?s residence, searching for Diao-chan.燈光亮起

SCENE At Dong-zhou?s residence.A huge pavilion is at the right of the stage, with a horizontal inscribed board saying “Dong?s Pavilion” hanging on it.Around the pavilion are some plants and Chinese garden settings.A soldier stands at the right of the stage.Diao-chan sits in the pavilion, reading peacefully.[Lyu-bu rushes out of the stage.] Soldier: Sorry, General Lu.Miss Diao is now in the garden.No one can go in to disturb her.It is Mr.Dong?s order.Lyu-bu: Get out of my way!I need to see Diao-chan![拿出一包銀子] Soldier: Ok.[呂布進]

[士兵走到一旁滿足的笑笑。呂布氣勢洶洶沖到貂房里。貂哭] Lyu-bu： My dear.Don?t cry.Tell me.What had your father done to you? Diao : He forced me to stay here with him.A soldier is always out there to prevent me from escaping.[呂布憤怒的看看士兵，走上前，一推] 士兵[倒地]：ahh.You have destroyed me.Lyu-bu: shut![拿出了又一包銀子給他]

Soldier： I must see my doctor at once.[走開] 貂[哭著]：I know that he is your father, and I know that I shouldn?t tell you about his terrible acts.But ……

Lyu-bu [火冒三丈]：It?s all right.Don?t blame yourself.In fact I never know that man whom I called father is such a brutal animal!Dong-zhou已在身后，冷笑：Who is such a brutal animal?!Lyu-bu退后三步

(燈光漸漸變暗直到看不見為止.Lyu-bu walks out slowly from the right of the stage, 燈光只打在他身上)Lyu-bu：（心里）[Looking troubled, with a sword on his hand] To be or not to be, that is always the question.On one side, it is my own father, but the other, my dearest lady.(響起“左右為難”高潮段音樂，“一邊是友情，一邊是愛情”)Oh, Lord!What should I do? Dong-zhou is so brutal and heartless, but he is my father after all!I can?t kill him.[Puts down the sword] But, what about Diao-chan? I can?t live without her!She is so helpless under Dong-zhou?s control.I must save her.Yes, I must save her, despite of anythingLyu-bu: Father, I want Diao-chan back.Dong-zhou: No way.She belongs to me.Lyu-bu: But I love her!I want her to be with me, despite of anything!Dong-zhou: Never.She is mine!Lyu-bu: [Charges Dong-zhou with the sword] Then, this is what you deserve![刀刺向董卓] Dong-zhou: What are you doing, my son? Don?t be foolish… Auh…(Be killed by Lyu-bu.)Lyu-bu: [His hands shaking] I…I have killed my own father!I have killed my own father.…What have I done? [ 他重重地蹲了下去，垂頭喪氣。燈光變得很昏暗，只有追光燈打在他身上] Diao-chan： General Lyu.[Lyu-bu聽到Diao-chan的聲音，突然抬起頭。] Diao-chan： Let?s go.Leave away from here.Lyu[沉思片刻,使他此感中走了出來]: Yes, my dear.[Lyu-bu走到Dong-zhuo跟前重重地踢上一腳，然后和Diao-chan 慢慢地小步離去，舞臺上剩下Dong-zhuo的尸體和Lyu-bu & Diao-chan 的背影。Introducer(背景音樂起)：After Dong Zhou?s death, the turbulent

country had restored into a peaceful lank.Diao Chan, the matchless beauty, the plain slave-girl.She sacrificed her own happiness for the best of her country.And gained her position in the Man-controlled era.Today, we still remember the love story of Lyubu and Diao-Chan, not for its sincerity, its heartbreak effect.But for its

concern with the future of the country.We extol Diao-Chan , noras much she was one of the 4-beauties of Ancient China as she was a real heroine.The end

《 荊珂刺秦王》

旁白(Aside)/介紹（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman劍客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫外音：It?s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高興狀)Thank u mirror!（面對觀眾）I?m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?

阿三(畢恭畢敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I?ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世紀最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做贊許狀）Good idea!But who is the right candidate?

阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?

阿三：Yes.Action II

（《十面埋伏》中劉德華&金成武決斗時的音樂）

荊軻

Are you Li mochou?

李莫愁 Yes.荊軻

OK.I?m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers? world.李莫愁

Are you challenging me?

荊軻

Off course!聳聳肩表示同意

李莫愁 Come on!

音樂起

兩人沖上前來

“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荊軻大笑

李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren?t you hurt?

荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（贏一個人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荊軻再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?

荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you?

太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?

荊柯：Sure!

太子丹：How are you?

荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?

太子丹暈倒

荊柯：Hey, man, I?m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I?m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please?

荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著： To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荊柯：I am busy now!

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荊柯：I am very busy now!

阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?

荊柯：I am very very busy now!

阿三(手指上場的美女，激動狀): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!

阿三：What? What?s the TCM?

荊柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn?t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What?s the TCM?

觀眾甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荊柯（激動）：Slimming減食療法 tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn?t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I?m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎……

荊柯(誠懇狀)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!

Action Ш

（《大話西游》主題曲響起）

荊珂挽著妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荊珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號》主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經典造型，忽然荊軻看到一個美女——此時一個中國古典美女經過，向荊軻拋媚眼，并拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看，妻子發覺不對，扭過頭來。）

荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）荊珂(流淚)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你，選自《飄》)

妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荊珂（欲走還留，執子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時，Jack對Rose的傾訴）.妻子:“I promise.”

荊軻:“Never let go.“

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."

（荊軻的發音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號》的臺詞。）

妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，荊珂上船，漸漸遠去

妻子：It?s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……

妻子(掏出手機撥號，阿三接手機)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.結束！

第五篇：搞笑話劇劇本

話劇：《金庸群俠鬧物管》

第一幕

（常經理、助手同時上場）

常經理：各位領導、各位老師、各位業主、各位同學，大家晚上好！

（二人鞠躬，等待掌聲結束。）

常經理：我是麗都花園的物業經理，我姓常。

助手：我是經理助理，我姓趙。

同時：竭誠為您服務！

（助手回到桌前做工作狀，常經理留在舞臺中央）

常經理：都說物業工作不好做，每天忙得要死要活。一千個人心里有一千個哈姆雷特，那一千個業主就會帶來一千種痛苦折磨。但是我并不這么看，雖然我每天都會遇到很多棘手的問題，但是我很享受這個排憂解難的過程。你們不相信嗎？那就看看我這一天的工作吧！

（常經理坐回桌前，楊過、小龍女上，走到舞臺中間執手轉半圈，深情對望。背景音樂《問世間情為何物》響起。）

楊過：（對著常經理和助手）敢問二位女俠，這里可是物管？

常經理：（起身）您好，蜀信物業，請問有什么可以幫您？

楊過：我不叫“蜀信物業”。（面對觀眾）我姓楊，單名一個過，過而改之的過。

常經理：好的，那么請問楊大俠，有什么需要幫助的呢？

楊過：在下有一事不明，還望指教。小區公約里明文規定可以養寵，而且家家戶戶的陽臺都置有鐵籠，養有愛寵，為什么我家的寵物一到陽臺，就會引起所有人的不滿和指責？

助手：（忙起身解釋）不可能的呀，只要是文明養寵，咱們小區是從來不會限制的！

常經理：請問楊大俠，您養的是什么寵物呢？

楊過：（面向觀眾）江湖中無人不知，無人不曉，我的寵物--乃是一只雕。

常經理：請問是多大的雕？

楊過：身高一米八，體重三百斤，三圍分別是100，200，300。

（常經理和助手一邊聽一邊用手比劃大雕的身形，面露驚訝。）

常經理：這么大的寵物……還真有點超出我們的視覺容量，也許在您看來這么大一只雕，只是一個寵物；但是在其他鄰居看來，那就是一個怪物了，所以您把它養在陽臺真的會嚇到其他鄰居哦。

楊過：（深情回頭望著小龍女）姑姑，你怎么看？

小龍女：（上前一步）如今來到新時代，知己也能成真愛。雕兄對你恩重如山，你就不該為你的好基友單獨買個小戶型嗎？

楊過：姑姑，你難道忘了我們是外地戶口，被限購了嗎？

小龍女：那就換一套大房子便是。

楊過：姑姑，我們的小套一還在按揭呢……

小龍女：過兒，我們的日子已經這么拮據了嗎？我們的盤纏呢？

楊過：（面向觀眾，上前一步）自從終南山變成旅游區，我們的古墓也被征收，改造成連鎖酒店，八百年來我們顛沛流離，到處找尋安居之地，直到如今我們才找到，被稱作西南世外桃源的麗都花園，我們終于停下了腳步，我們要留在這里，我們要尋回那神仙眷侶般的逍遙生活！

小龍女：不要轉移話題，我們的盤纏到底哪去了？

楊過：姑姑，你可知這里是什么地方？這里又盛產什么？（面向觀眾，從身后掏出快板）中餐火鍋街邊店、毛肚脆嫩鵝腸鮮；冒菜串串芋兒雞、熱辣香甜滋味全；川菜一哥回鍋肉、肥而不膩很講究；賴湯圓和龍抄手、吃了一碗不想走；要問美食哪里有、成都遍地辣歡天、辣歡天！

小龍女：原來盤纏都被你們吃掉了？難怪你最近胖了，胖得越來越像你那只雕了。

楊過：姑姑！你知道作為一個胖子，最大的痛苦是什么嗎？

小龍女：是什么？

楊過：我們最大的痛苦是--想問題的時候，都不知道該托哪個下巴。

小龍女：不用你想這個問題，我早有安排。（面向觀眾）過了八百年，男人還是靠嘴甜；過了八百年，社會文明大變遷。過兒，我們的刀劍在這個時代已經淪為廢鐵，我們的武功也失去了意義。社會不會因我們而變，只能由我們去適應，江湖恩仇已成過往，和諧生活才是主流！

楊過：那我們需要什么？

小龍女：Money、Money、還是Money！這個時代的商人地位不再卑賤，朝廷也鼓勵創業，殘疾人還有稅收優惠，過兒，你為什么不去開一個店呢？

楊過：開什么店？

小龍女：你的黯然銷魂掌招式繁多，千變萬化，輕輕一拍就能擊碎巨石，在鐵砂中也能運用自如，對嗎？

楊過：那是當然！（開始比劃掌法）

小龍女：那你可以去炒板栗！什么糖炒栗子、奶油栗子、醬香栗子，個個好吃又好賣！以你的內力，一天可以炒五百斤，如果每斤賺兩塊錢，一天就可以賺一千，一個月賺三萬，一年我們就可以換大房子了！

楊過：姑姑，你什么時候學會的經商之術？

小龍女：（得意的轉一圈）作為新時代的女性，要學會自我蛻變。

楊過：可是我一天只能炒250斤。

小龍女：為什么？

楊過：（舉起獨臂）因為我只有一只手。

小龍女：（受傷狀）Oh my ladygaga！千算萬算，竟然這個沒算……難道我們注定要永遠掙扎在貧困線之下嗎？

楊過：姑姑，我對不起你！

常經理：（上前一步）二位不要著急，我剛才聽了龍姑娘的想法，覺得非常可行。如果楊大俠工作不便，其實可以出資租個門面，聘請一個師傅，按產量結算酬勞，同樣也可以順利經營。

楊過：此計甚妙！可是我該去哪兒聘請師傅？

常經理：我們視業主為上帝，既然您問了我這個問題，蜀信物業就一定會幫您解決。等有了合適人選一定會通知您的，好嗎？

楊過：（抱拳）就此謝過！

（楊過、小龍女離場。）

第二幕

（喬峰、虛竹、段譽上，氣勢洶洶狀。）

助手：常經理，來者不善！

常經理：沒事，我來應付。（忙起身相迎）你們好，蜀信物業，請問有什么可以為您服務？

喬峰：面對西山千古秀，門朝大海萬年流。行走江湖抬個手，人人都是好朋友！敢問二位，為何要做事這么絕，將我兄弟三人逼入死地？

常經理：請問發生了什么事？如果我們有做得不對的地方，還請多多指出！

虛竹：哈利路亞！我兄弟三人也曾是一代豪杰，只是厭倦了江湖情仇，看淡了功名利祿，這才脫下官帽，相約隱居于此，也是看中了貴寶地深厚的文化底蘊，以及悠閑自得的人文情懷。如今只是暫時的囊中羞澀，就抽走我們的氧氣，剝奪我們生活的權利！這真是--

段譽：虎落平陽被犬欺，落毛鳳凰不如雞。

（三人同時嘆息。）

常經理：請問三位的尊姓大名？

喬峰：我--（右掌拍胸）喬峰！

虛竹：（雙手合十）貧僧法號虛竹。

段譽：（合起扇子作揖）兩位姐姐好，在下段譽。

（背景音樂《難念的經》響起。）

（助手拿起筆記本給常經理看了一下，悄悄說了句什么。）

常經理：我明白了，三位是因為沒交房租，所以被斷了水電是嗎？

喬峰：（一字一句）你可以別說這么大聲嗎？

常經理：實在是很抱歉，這一點我也幫不了你們。

助手：按照規定房租是一個月都不能落的，念在三位都是大英雄、大豪杰，三個月才斷水電，已經是非常的照顧你們了。

虛竹：哈利路亞！大哥，兩位施主宅心仁厚，已經對我們有大恩大德，不能再索取更多，我們還是設法湊錢吧。

喬峰：二弟，你知道我的職業是什么嗎？

虛竹：大哥，您是本朝最大民間組織的領導者和最高決策者！只要您一聲令下，大街小巷、漫山遍野的成員都會唯您馬首是瞻！

喬峰：三弟，你知道這個民間組織是什么嗎？

段譽：是丐幫。

虛竹：大哥！作為天下第一幫的老大，您可是乞丐中的霸主！

喬峰：乞丐中的霸主，那還是乞丐！（一聲長嘆）我喬峰一生光明磊落，行俠仗義，一手指揮萬千幫眾，一身武功天下無敵，到頭來卻連老婆也娶不起。天地之大，竟無我喬峰容身之所！究竟是我拋棄了社會，還是社會拋棄了我？

虛竹：哈利路亞！大哥不必妄自菲薄，小弟比你更凄慘。從小師父就教導，佛祖接納一切有緣人，也會原諒一切破戒之人，只要心中有佛，萬物皆佛。可是當我離開靈鷲宮，想重歸佛門的時候，他們說現在應聘和尚，必須滿足碩士學歷，英語六級，還要多年管理資歷。如今我俗非俗，佛非佛，連阿彌陀佛都不能說，也沒有化緣的法定資格。三弟，湊錢的任務還是交給你了。

段譽：二位哥哥要搞清楚，最慘之人非我莫屬。想我大理國山清水秀、人杰地靈，卻慘遭蒙古鐵騎涂炭生靈。如今大理國成了云南省，我官二代也變成了亡國奴。復國之心不曾有，生存之術又尚無。平日只會念經讀書，養花種草，實在是一個累贅，對不住二位哥哥啊！

（三人抱頭痛哭）

常經理：三位不用太悲觀，現在是一個開放的社會，只要依靠自己的雙手，人人有錢賺。我們公司雖然制度嚴明，但也有人性的光輝。不管租戶還是業主，住進麗都花園我們就是一家人，你們的事就是我的事，我一定會幫你們找到合適崗位的，好嗎？

喬峰：那就拜托閣下了！二弟、三弟，走！

（三人離場）

第三幕

（郭靖攙扶著黃蓉上，背景音樂《鐵血丹心》響起。）

常經理：你們好，蜀信物業，請問有什么可以為您服務？

黃蓉：我要投訴！

常經理：是我們有什么工作沒做到位嗎？

黃蓉：何止是不到位，簡直有罪！

常經理/助手：（同時鞠躬）請您指教！

黃蓉：你們知不知道女人睡眠不足的話新陳代謝會紊亂？你們知不知道被吵醒的話要死多少個腦細胞？你們知不知道每天生活在嘈雜的環境中會引發內分泌失調，導致上吐下瀉、全身紅腫、口吐白沫？

郭靖：蓉兒，別說的這么夸張！

黃蓉：一點兒都不夸張！你可知對于生病休養的人來說，任何噪音都是雙倍傷害？

助手：不應該呀，咱們小區被花園包圍，不僅遠離吵鬧的街道，而且休息時間也不準室內施工，哪里來的噪音呢？

常經理：給您休息帶來的困擾我先表示深深的歉意，可以告訴我們您聽到的是什么聲音嗎？

黃蓉：我每天都會聽到一個琴聲一個簫聲，琴不像琴，蕭不像蕭，合奏出一個令人噴血的曲調，然后兩個老男人扯破喉嚨的嚎叫--（指向郭靖）

郭靖：（粵語）滄海一聲笑，滔滔兩岸潮！浮沉隨浪只記今宵--

黃蓉：你們聽！連普通話都不說，他們也不怕被教官扣個人操行分！

常經理：原來你們說的是曲老師和劉老師合奏的《笑傲江湖曲》，這個曲子激昂振奮、朗朗上口，應該是人人都喜歡的呀？

黃蓉：就是因為太激昂了，我躺在床上睡覺雙手都要跟著劃拍子。

助手：可是為什么從來沒有其他鄰居來投訴這個事呢？

黃蓉：我不管別人聽不聽得到！反正影響到我休息我就要投訴！

郭靖：（將黃蓉支到一邊）二位莫怪！蓉兒不是不講道理的人，只不過身受重傷，一直在家休養，每天要睡滿23個小時才能活命。樓上兩位前輩的聲音其實并不大，但在蓉兒聽來就有如山崩地裂，再悅耳的歌聲只要打擾了她睡覺，就有如催命符。唉……

常經理：那要怎樣才能治好她的病呢？

郭靖：蓉兒受了嚴重的內傷，五臟俱損，我們幾百年來遍尋名醫，但是連華西醫院最好的外科大夫都束手無策。

助手：難道就沒有任何辦法可以醫治了嗎？

郭靖：辦法是有的，治內傷還得靠內家功夫。比如江湖有史以來療效最顯著、功能最完善、手法最嫻熟的第一按摩神技--

黃蓉：（搶話）一陽指！

郭靖：可惜自一燈大師之后，再沒有大理段氏子孫能學會這個技能了……

常經理：（眼前一亮）您是說，只要是在一燈大師之前的大理段氏，就可以治好黃姑娘的內傷？

郭靖：是的。

常經理：（輕輕拍手，雙眼發光）太好了！小趙，你快去把剛才那三兄弟請來，還有楊大俠和龍姑娘！

助手：好的！（下場）

常經理：（對郭靖黃蓉）二位請稍等。

（其他五人依次登場）

常經理：（對段譽）段公子，請問您跟一燈大師是什么關系？

段譽：（搖扇子）從歷史發展的角度來看，我應該是他的祖父。

常經理：那您會一陽指嗎？

段譽：你是說……我從小用來撓癢癢的那個一陽指嗎？

常經理：那您可以給這位黃姑娘撓癢癢嗎？

（黃蓉很配合的轉過身，背對段譽）

段譽：那就多有得罪了！（比劃指法）急急如律令！

（黃蓉渾身一顫，立刻精神大振）

郭靖：蓉兒，你怎么樣？

黃蓉：（活動四肢）腰不酸了，腿不痛了！上樓也有勁了！靖哥哥，我好了！

郭靖：（走到段譽面前）多謝段公子！救了我家蓉兒一命！我要還您這個人情，有什么要求請盡管提出來，我郭某一定滿足！

段譽：（看了一眼喬峰和虛竹）那郭大俠……能不能幫我們把房租交了？

郭靖：這有何難？包在我身上！（從懷里掏出一個金元寶遞上）

段譽：（雙手捧著金元寶）我終于掙到人生的第一桶金了！大哥，二哥，我不用啃老了！我實現人生價值了！

常經理：段公子，這僅僅只是一個開始。既然你身懷絕技，為什么不抓住這個商機，開拓一個更大的市場呢？我給你出個主意--（拿出一副畫卷遞上）

（段譽展開畫卷，上面寫著四個大字：盲人按摩。）

段譽：主意是挺好，可是盲人哪里找？

虛竹：（突然出聲）哈利路亞！只要你想要，沒有找不到。（走上前一步，換上一副墨鏡，開始模仿盲人給段譽按摩）客官，小人的大力金剛指，力度還夠嗎？

段譽：夠！非常夠！二哥，咱們這就去開店創業吧！

虛竹：好！

（二人后退）

常經理：請問這位喬大俠，是不是以掌法著稱？

喬峰：哈哈，那是當然！我的降龍十八掌已經練得爐火純青，每一掌出去都能附帶攝氏100度的高溫，純天然生火，低碳，環保，無污染！

常經理：那您有沒有興趣跟這位楊大俠合伙做一番事業呢？

楊過：（眼前一亮）這位大哥，我看你骨骼奇異，一定是練武奇才！有沒有興趣跟我合伙，一起用雙手發家致富？

喬峰：好啊，我的雙手有用武之地了！你要讓我做什么？

楊過：炒-板-栗！

喬峰：（兇神惡煞）你讓我喬峰去炒板栗，實在是--（轉為笑臉）太合適了！（面向觀眾，打廣告狀）用降龍十八掌炒出來的板栗，健康，營養，純綠色食品，你值得擁有！

常經理：而且還可以分渠道銷售，二位大俠負責門店的生產和零售，由龍姑娘負責線上銷售，在淘寶、京東、亞馬遜分別建立直營店，買十斤包郵！一百斤就由神雕親自送貨上門！不出一年保證升到五個皇冠！不出三年，門店火爆春熙路！不出五年，企業包裝上市，楊大俠再把股份賣掉，換得大筆現金，就可以跟龍姑娘繼續過神仙眷侶的日子了！

（楊過和小龍女攜手對視，做幸福憧憬狀）

常經理：我連店名都幫你們想好了！

（眾人齊問：叫什么？）

常經理：楊過和喬峰開的板栗店，那就叫--過橋板栗！

（眾人叫好）

常經理：黃姑娘，您現在還需要投訴嗎？

黃蓉：不投訴了，不投訴了！我現在簡直像重獲新生一樣，這一切都要感謝你啊！

眾人：我們都要感謝你，請問你叫什么名字？

常經理：我的名字不重要，大家只需要知道我是蜀信物業的一名普通員工！其實我啊什么都沒做，俗話說遠親不如近鄰，不管是鄰里之間、同事之間還是朋友之間，只要互幫互助、共享資源，所有的難題都可以迎刃而解！正所謂讓一讓秋高氣爽，退一步海闊天空，和諧美好的生活要靠我們共同創造！在這里祝大家--

眾人：（一起抱拳鞠躬）中秋快樂，生活美滿！

--結束--