第一篇：荊軻刺秦王(搞笑英語小話劇,英語及翻譯)

《荊珂刺秦王》

旁白：Long long ago, there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.很久以前，有一個瘋狂的國家，在這個瘋狂的國家有一些瘋狂的人，試圖用瘋狂的方式展示瘋狂的歷史。荊軻是最有名的劍客并被派去殺清王，嬴政。但最后他失敗了。你想知道當時發生了什么事？好吧，下面將會告訴你真相。

Action I 太子丹：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!)Thank u mirror!I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do? Where is my minister? 鏡子，鏡子，告訴我，這個世界上最漂亮的人是誰？(畫外音：是你，太子丹！)謝謝你的鏡子！我是太子丹，魔鏡說我是世界上最有吸引力的男人。但嬴政是一個嫉妒的家伙，我覺得如果鏡子告訴他真相他會殺了我。我很害怕。我該怎么辦呢？我大臣在哪里？

阿三: Honey, I am coming.親愛的，我來了。

太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

我告訴過你一次又一次，你應該叫我“我最美麗的、優雅、英俊、迷人、可愛、聰明和最親愛的太子丹”！

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~ 當然，親愛的！我有一個好主意。我們可以找一個英雄去殺嬴政~

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 歐耶！二十一世紀最需要的是什么，人才！好主意！但誰是合適的人選？ 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JingKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.經過篩選后我手上有兩個有前途的人。一是李莫愁小姐，另一個是荊軻先生。明天他們將PK為世界頭號殺手。

太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 好的，給我盡快得主，好嗎？ 阿三：Yes.Action II 荊軻：Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁：Yes.荊軻：OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.好的。我是荊軻，你知道，我會讓你知道我是世界頭號殺手之王。李莫愁：Are you challenging me? 你想挑戰我嗎？ 荊軻：Off course!

李莫愁：Come on!李莫愁：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

發生了什么？你為什么不疼？

荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we? 贏一個人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.媽媽常說：“生活就像一盒巧克力，莫愁。你永遠不知道你會得到什么。“我明白了，媽媽是對的。太子丹：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?

哦，天哪！你能給我一個創新的回答“你好嗎？”？ 荊柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!May I have your name card, please? 哦，我也是在開玩笑呢！我可以要一張你的名片嗎？ 阿三：Hero，we need your help.荊柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荊柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? IC、ID、IQ卡？

荊柯：I am very very busy now!阿三: Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.看！她是世界上最漂亮的女孩。如果你說好的，她就是你的。

荊柯：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!我不得不說她是一個非常性感美麗的女孩，但中醫是我唯一的愛！阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荊柯：Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.嘿，兄弟！你這么聰明，但為什么你不知道中醫？任何人都可以給你答案。阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM? 觀眾甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.傳統的中國美眉

太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.我必須告訴你的王牌。女士們，先生們，這是立頓減肥茶。這是一個全新的聯合利華中國產品。

荊柯：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.減肥茶！我夢想它數千次。我的妻子總是威脅說要離開我，如果我不能減輕我的體重。

阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really? 你想得倒好？假如你想要！你為什么保持沉默？你為什么看著我？雖然你很有誠意，我很高興，你還是要說出來。你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要？ 荊柯：Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.告訴我，我應該做什么？我會為你做任何事。

Action III

阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.英雄，我們已經達到了沂水河。

荊珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 就停在這里。再見，我的朋友 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.荊珂：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!我愛你。對我而言，你比這個世界上的任何東西都更有意義。荊珂：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.我更愛你。哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你。

妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.怎么樣。作為一個男人，就去做！我會一直在這里等你。

荊珂：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise 親愛的！你一定要幫我這個忙?答應我你會活下去?你絕不會放棄?不管發生什么事?無論多么的絕望?現在就答應我，永遠不要忘記你的承諾 妻子：“I promise.” 荊軻：“Never let go.“

永不放棄

妻子：”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go." 妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never…… 這是一個去死的好日子。再也回不來了。不......從未......妻子：Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.謝謝你.當我得到人壽保險1000000美元，我將把它的一半，500000美元到您的帳戶。

阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.然后荊軻送往秦，最終被嬴政殺了。

第二篇：搞笑英語話劇劇荊軻刺秦王(正文及翻譯)

《荊珂刺秦王》

旁白：Long long ago, there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.很久以前，有一個瘋狂的國家，在這個瘋狂的國家有一些瘋狂的人，試圖用瘋狂的方式展示瘋狂的歷史。荊軻是最有名的劍客并被派去殺清王，嬴政。但最后他失敗了。你想知道當時發生了什么事？好吧，下面將會告訴你真相。

Action I 太子丹：(上，掏出乒乓球拍梳頭，做自戀狀)Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高興狀)Thank u mirror!I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?（向幕里大叫）Where is my minister? 鏡子，鏡子，告訴我，這個世界上最漂亮的人是誰？(畫外音：是你，太子丹！)謝謝你的鏡子！我是太子丹，魔鏡說我是世界上最有吸引力的男人。但嬴政是一個嫉妒的家伙，我覺得如果鏡子告訴他真相他會殺了我。我很害怕。我該怎么辦呢？我大臣在哪里？

阿三:（畢恭畢敬）Honey, I am coming.親愛的，我來了。

太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!（極快速的說，邊說邊指點數落阿三）

我告訴過你一次又一次，你應該叫我“我最美麗的、優雅、英俊、迷人、可愛、聰明和最親愛的太子丹”！

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~（作殺狀）

當然，親愛的！我有一個好主意。我們可以找一個英雄去殺嬴政~

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 歐耶！二十一世紀最需要的是什么，人才！好主意！但誰是合適的人選？ 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JingKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.經過篩選后我手上有兩個有前途的人。一是李莫愁小姐，另一個是荊軻先生。明天他們將PK為世界頭號殺手。太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 好的，給我盡快得主，好嗎？ 阿三：Yes.Action II 荊軻：（滑太空步上場）Are you Li mochou?（荊軻先上場，李莫愁隨后，上場后慢慢圍繞場地轉）李莫愁：Yes.荊軻：OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.好的。我是荊軻，你知道，我會讓你知道我是世界頭號殺手之王。李莫愁：Are you challenging me? 你想挑戰我嗎？

荊軻：Off course!（聳聳肩表示同意，耍酷）李莫愁：Come on!（音樂起《DJ重金屬純音樂》）兩人沖上前來

荊軻：Look！帥哥！看！，帥哥

李莫愁回頭看太子丹，太子丹做自戀狀 荊軻揮刀砍中李莫愁

李莫愁倒地（李莫愁以單膝倒地的姿勢倒下，兩人保持背對）荊軻大笑（曾小賢的笑聲）

李莫愁：What happened? Are you 使詐？（向后看）發生了什么？你使詐？

荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（華麗轉身加甩頭發）

贏一個人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.（上來兩個人把李莫愁扛走）

媽媽常說：“生活就像一盒巧克力，莫愁。你永遠不知道你會得到什么。“我明白了，媽媽是對的。

荊軻再次大笑（假裝笑嗆著了，咳嗽~）太子丹：How are you?

荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you?（微笑）太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?（伸出手，準備和荊軻握手）

哦，天哪！你能給我一個創新的回答“你好嗎？” 荊柯：Sure!（扣了下鼻孔，然后向太子丹伸出手）

太子丹：How are you?（很不情愿，且很惡心，但還是握了手，收回手，并用力的甩了兩下）

荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?（正經的說）太子丹吐血（阿三接住，荊軻從前面拉住）荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!May I have your name card, please?（重新站起）哦，我也是在開玩笑呢！我可以要一張你的名片嗎？ 阿三：Hero，we need your help.荊柯：UFO!(荊軻手指天上，阿三望指的方向看)I am busy now!（快速的說）太子丹：You can get a lot of money.（太子丹跳到荊軻面前說）

荊柯：UFO!（荊軻手指另一邊，太子丹望指的方向看）I am very busy now!（再次快速的說）

阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? IC、ID、IQ卡？

荊柯：I am very very busy now!（指向另一邊的方向）太子丹響指一打，手一揮

音樂起《Nobody-Wonder片段》

阿三：（手指上場的美女，激動狀）Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.（雙手指向荊軻）

看！她是世界上最漂亮的女孩。如果你說好的，她就是你的。

荊柯：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!我不得不說她是一個非常性感美麗的女孩，但中醫是我唯一的愛！阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荊柯：Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? TCM is Traditional Chinese MM 嘿，兄弟！你這么聰明，但為什么你不知道中醫？TCM就是中國傳統美眉

太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is doudou tea It can kill your doudou！（手指向荊軻的臉，荊軻捂住臉）if you help us doudou tea is yours（手敲了敲痘痘茶，然后遞給荊軻）

我必須告訴你的王牌。女士們，先生們，這是痘痘茶。他可以治好你的痘痘 荊柯：doudou tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.（把痘痘茶裝進懷里）

痘痘茶！我夢想它數千次。

阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Why don’t you close it up Although your eyes are full of sincerity（抱住荊軻用力的指了指他的腦門）,（荊軻地道的說了一句“讓我看看值不值啊”，然后拿出手掐指開始算）I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really? 你想得倒好？假如你想要！你為什么保持沉默？你為什么看著我？你為什么把它收起來？雖然你很有誠意，我很高興，你還是要說出來。你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要？

音樂起《豬八戒背媳婦片段》

荊軻與阿三開始跳舞，最后把阿三甩飛 音樂起《千年等一回片段》 荊軻與太子丹開始跳舞

荊柯：Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.告訴我，我應該做什么？我會為你做任何事。太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）：Yeah！

Action III 音樂起

荊軻挽著妻子，太子丹，阿三在后

阿三：（跑到荊軻面前）Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.英雄，我們已經達到了沂水河。

荊珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 就停在這里。再見，我的朋友

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹上前和荊軻擁抱，太子丹假裝荊軻身上很臭，剛抱到立馬離開，然后拍拍自己的衣服）音樂起《你是風兒我是沙片段》 荊珂：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!我愛你。對我而言，你比這個世界上的任何東西都更有意義。

荊珂：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.我更愛你。哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你。

妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.怎么樣。作為一個男人，就去做！我會一直在這里等你。

荊珂：Sweetheart!You must promise me…you must promise you will survive...you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...never let go…never let go…never let go go go~~寶貝！你一定不能背叛我?你一定不能背叛我?你不要放棄?不管發生什么事?無論多么的絕望?現在就答應我，永遠不要忘記…永遠不要忘記…永遠不要忘記~~ 妻子：“I promise.” 音樂起《纖夫的愛》

荊軻拿著劍走出場，又繞了一圈，再走出場，歌曲唱完留給荊軻場一句“哥哥我岸上走”

妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never…… 這是一個去死的好日子。再也回不來了。不......從未......妻子：Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.謝謝你.當我得到人壽保險1000000美元，我將把它的一半，500000美元到您的帳戶。

阿三：Okay okay!

Action IV

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.然后荊軻送往秦，最終被嬴政殺了。

荊軻(一個人上場拿著劍用地道的方言)：你敗跑啊，你敗跑啊你！音樂起《槍聲》 荊軻倒在地上 音樂起《秘密》

END

第三篇：大學生英語話劇--荊軻刺秦王

?旁白： Long long ago, there was a crazy country, in this crazy country，there were some crazy

people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qin,“Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? OK, next show will tell you the truth.? ? Part one 太子丹 : Yingzheng,that bad guy ,treats me even worse than before.Resorts to lots of persons

in his hand,he never cares about me---the most sensible prince under the sun.Recently,he has got much more cities from my hands.How can I live if these things happen againHey！I must think out a good idea.I must make him know who I am.嬴政,那個壞家伙,對待我比以前更糟了。仰仗著他手里人多,他從不顧忌我---太陽下最明智的王子。最近,他從我手里奪去了更多的城池。,如果這些事發生，我如何生活嘿！我得想出一個好主意。我要讓他知道我是誰。

? 太子丹:Indeed, tell me what shall we do now? 事實上,告訴我,我們應該做些什么呢?

? 阿三:Just keep calm,please!Let me see!只是保持鎮靜,請!讓我看看!

Ok get one,we can sent a hero to put Ying Zheng to~~~好的,我找到了,我們可以送一個英雄,把嬴政~ ~? Then, all the beauties,jewelries and cities in Qin is ours~~~ 那么,所有的美女、首飾和城市在秦代是?

? 我們的~ ~ ~太子:Ha, ha~~~.Good idea,Good idea!But do you think who we can sent? 哈哈~ ~ ~。好主意,好主意!但你認為誰是可以送到呢? 阿三：I have thought about it, we can send Xi Men Chui Xue.He is traveling in our country these

days.I think we can’t lose the chance.We must employ him quickly.我認為,我們可以派遣西門吹雪。他這些日子在我國旅游。我認為我們不能失去這個機會。我們必須雇用他

太子:Well, deal with the things as soon as possible.嗯,處理事情盡快。

? Part two

西門吹雪 :Today I came here for the fighting, who is the unwanted-life guy.Stand out.今天我來戰斗,誰是unwanted-life的家伙。站出來

荊軻站在一邊，不敢出大氣。

旁白：Competition begins.荊軻Are you really Xi Men Chui Xue?

西門吹雪：Just come on.荊軻：Are you sure you are really the Xi Men Chui Xue in the story

西門吹雪： what a boring man!How dare you ask me such a stupid question? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

荊軻My hero, I admire you just like the yellow river, never endless.I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down.Please don’t kill me.Give me the life, please!

? 西門吹雪I thought Jingke is a hero.But you beg for life.How can I forgive you ,Give you your

life.(我認為荊軻是一個英雄。但你求手下留情。我怎么能原諒你給你留一條命呢 Maybe I ate too much this morning, Maybe there is something wrong with the rice.(抬頭)where is the toilet?也許?

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? 我吃了太多的今天早上,也許有大米毛病了。廁所在哪里? 荊軻：T-o-i-l-e-t-? 西門吹雪：WC.荊軻：W-C-? 西門吹雪：茅廁！Are you happy to hear such rude words?你很高興聽到這樣粗魯的話? 荊軻：I know, I know.Turn left, left and left.我知道,我知道。向左拐,左拐再左拐.西門吹雪下。太子丹與阿三上，看見荊軻，大吃一驚，太子丹給阿三一個眼色，阿三會意。走至荊軻前。阿三: What’s your name, please? Hero.請問你叫什么名字?英雄.荊軻不屑一顧。太子丹May I have your name, please?我可以知道你的名字嗎? 荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著Even dying under the flower, Also happy as a ghost.---Happy prince

of the gostjingke：寧 在 花 下 死，作 鬼 也 風 流 —快活魔王荊軻是也

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? 太子丹：I am glad to meet you 荊柯：Me too 荊柯突欲走，太子丹給阿三一個眼色。阿三：Hero, wait for a moment.I have a problem needs your help。英雄,稍等片刻。我有一個問題,需要你的幫助． 太子丹：You can gain a lot of things.荊柯欲走又止。太子丹: Here is a card for traveling all over the world for free, please accept it please, hero.這是一張卡片,周游世界免費,請接受吧,英雄。荊柯正準備拿，但馬上又止，轉身又欲走 太子丹：I must use the last way.Ladies and gentlemen.This is Miss Huang!我一定要用過去的方式。女士們,先生們。這是黃小姐。有一妖艷女子走上，走到荊柯面前，給荊柯拋了一個眉眼。荊柯兩眼發直。太子丹與阿三Yeah!荊柯：Great man, both born and die for his motherland.I am not the guy who just wants money and beauty.What shall I do? Prince, just say it out.But this lady?? 偉大的人,出生和死亡都為他的祖國。我不是那個人只是想要錢和美麗。我該做什么呢?王子,就說出來。但是這個女人?? 太子丹：No problem.沒問題。? Part three 挽著那女子，太子丹在后，阿三一手拿著地圖，一手提頭上。阿三：We have already reached Yishui River.我們已經達到沂水河。荊珂：Please just stop here.Goodbye.請在這里停車。再見。太子丹：Hero, Let me see you off a little further英雄,讓我送你一些 荊珂：What a boring guy.If you walk a little further, then you will go to Qin instead of me 多么無聊的一場的家伙。如果你再走一段,然后你會代替我去秦 太子丹：Well.Goodbye.Hero.Here is the map and the head of Fan Yuqi, so as to get trust of the king 好。再見。英雄。這是地圖和樊于期的頭部,從而獲得信任,盡顯王者風范 荊珂 ：How can I express my feeling now? I don’t want to leave because I love you.Once I think

I will kill Yingzheng.I can’t help rushing into W.C.you known.I don’t want to go.I don’t want to go.我怎樣才能表達我現在的感受嗎?我不想離開,因為我愛你。只要想到我會殺了Yingzheng。我不能自己的沖進了廁所。我不想去。我不想去。

女子：Don’t worry.Do you still love me?別擔心。你還愛著我嗎?

荊珂：Sure.I love you just like the mouse likes the rice.I love you more than my own life, more than my wife, more than the whole world.You are the one I first kissed, and I hope you will be the last one.當然。我愛你,就像老鼠愛大米。我愛你勝過我的生命,超過我的妻子,超過整個世? 界。你就是我的第一次接吻,我希望你將會是最后一個。女子：Well.If you are still loving me.You should not make me sad Stand up like a man.Don’

t be fearful.I will be right here waiting for you.好。如果你仍然愛我。你不應該讓我傷心站起來像一個人。別無所畏懼。我將在這里等著你。

荊珂：You must wait for me.你必須等我。

女子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，旁白”I will be right here waiting for you”(我將在這里等著你)響起

荊珂上船，漸漸遠去，女子：Hey！You want to come back, use your pig head, if you come back, the assurance that I bought for you will have no use.Go to your doom.Never come back.嘿!你想回來,用你的豬頭,如果你回來,我買的保險就沒有用了。去你的末日。永遠都不會回來了。? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

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? 一大臣跑在前，一大臣緊隨其后，跑了一圈，便上氣不接下氣。大臣甲（掏出手機一看）：Hey, bad luck.I am late.The bonus of this month has been lost.嘿,壞運氣。我來晚了。這個月的獎金已經失去。大臣乙：I am tired.I had been chatting on QQ until 1 o’ clock last night.我累了。我在QQ上聊天,直到昨晚1點鐘。大臣乙（看了一下大臣甲）：Good.Good.Your skin is fine.好。好。你的皮膚很好 大臣甲：I use “ Da Bao” everyday.我用“大寶”每一天 大臣乙：I have heardthe emperor of Yan again give our king some good things.Be quick, to have a look。我的心的皇帝再給我們的王燕一些好東西。快點,看了一下。大臣甲：Come on 秦王上座，兩個大臣各坐一邊。衛兵丙：“Can we begin？” 秦王“begin” 衛兵丙：“Let the people of Yan Jingke come in”讓人們燕國,荊軻進來 荊柯上。跪下，嚇得直發抖。秦王：“Jingke.What’s wrong with you？”荊柯,你有什么不舒服嗎? 荊柯：“Nothing.Nothing.May be there are lots of fleas on my body “.沒有。沒有。可能有許多跳蚤在我身上 秦王（不煩）：What’s the good things，quickly！”有什么好東西,快!荊柯獻圖，圖窮匕首見，荊柯舉刀刺秦，（旁白：Go Go Go Only Only響起）秦王摔倒，轉身逃跑，其他人抱頭趴在地上。兩個人圍著大臣兜圈，過了一會兒?? 大臣甲喊道：“ King, drink the milk quickly!”（國王，快喝牛奶）扔了一奶壺，秦王接住，咂了一下，頓時，力大無比，立刻將荊柯打倒在地。秦王:Super rubbish, how dare you kill me?超級垃圾,你怎么敢殺我? 荊柯:I'm sorry I'm wrong But it is the prince of Yan told me to do that。Please forgive me!對不起,我錯了,但燕國國王指使我。請您原諒我吧!秦王：You will never live again.What would you like to say?你將永遠不會再活。你想說什么? 荊柯：My lovely lady，Once there was a truest love put before my eyes ,but I didn't cherish

it.Only after losing it.I found myself regretting.No pains in the world comes near this, if God Could give me another chance, I would say to the girl “I love you!“If there had to be a limit of time before the end of love.I hope it would be ten thousand years.我的可愛的女人,曾經有一份真誠的愛情放在我面前的眼睛,但是我沒有珍惜。只有在失去它。我發現自己后悔了。世界上沒有痛苦來到附近,如果上天能再給我一次機會,我想說的是,這個女孩說“我愛你!“如果有在這份愛上加上一個期限結束前的愛。我希望它會是一萬年。

秦王（吼道）：Soldiers ,drag him out and put the pig head on the wall！士兵,拖出去并把這頭豬的頭掛在墻上！?

第四篇：英語話劇劇本——荊軻刺秦王修改版

5-9人劇本（男版），短小搞笑

Roles: 太子丹；荊軻；母氏；謀士阿二，三；莫愁；旁白等 旁白(Aside)/介紹（Introduction）： Long long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高興狀)Thank u mirror!（面對觀眾）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where are my ministers? 阿二 阿三: Honey, we are coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿二：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? 二十一世紀最需要的是什么（這句話要跟觀眾交流）阿二 阿三：Talent!人才！

太子丹：Great!Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿二：After screening I have one promising persons on hand.阿三：I have one too!太子丹：What are they? 阿二：His name is JinKe.阿三：Her name is LiMoChou，my lord!太子丹：but who should I choose ? 阿二：Tomorrow let them PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿二 阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中劉德華&金成武決斗時的音樂）荊軻 ：Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁：Yes.荊軻：OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁：Are you challenging me? 荊軻 ：Off course!聳聳肩表示同意 李莫愁：Come on!。。。。。。。。Look，帥哥！

（李莫愁扭頭，荊軻打到李莫愁）荊軻大笑

李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why？you are 使詐

荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（贏一個人需要理由么，不

需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荊軻再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荊柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹暈倒

荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please? 荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著：

To be or not to be, that's a question.阿二：Hero，we need your help.荊柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荊柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? 荊柯：I am very very busy now!阿二(手指上場的美女，激動狀): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荊柯： Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? TCM is Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：Ok!I will 忍痛割愛！母氏 come here!（《No matter》音樂起，荊軻先與母氏跳探戈，擁入懷中）

荊柯： You are so cute, I believe that I have fallen in love with you.That may be the love at first sight!(一見鐘情)（將母氏甩出去!拋媚眼)太子丹：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take them and her!Do you really like? Really? 荊柯(誠懇狀)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.Action Ш

荊珂挽著母氏，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荊珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿二，三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號》主題曲起 荊珂：Darling, I love you.母氏：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）荊珂(流淚)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.。。音樂停(哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你，選自《飄》)力拔山兮氣蓋世，時不利兮騅不適，騅不適兮可奈何，母姬，母姬，奈若何！母氏：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荊珂（欲走還留，執子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時，Jack對Rose的傾訴）.母氏:“I promise.” 荊軻:“Never let go.“

母氏:”I promise.I will never let go, Jingke.I'll never let go."（《泰坦尼克號》的臺詞。）母氏努力擠出幾滴眼淚，荊珂上船，漸漸遠去（霸王別姬音樂起）第四幕：murdering(刺秦).一大臣跑在前，一大臣緊隨其后，跑了一圈，便上氣不接下氣。

大臣甲（掏出手機一看）：Hey, bad luck.I am late.The bonus of this month has been lost.大臣乙：I am tired.I had been chatting on QQ until 1 o’ clock last night.大臣乙（看了一下大臣甲）：Good.Good.Your skin is fine.大臣甲：I use “ Da Bao” everyday.大臣乙：I have heart the emperor of Yan again give our king some good things.Be quick, to have a look.大臣甲：Come on 秦王上座，兩個大臣各坐一邊。衛兵甲：“Can we begin？” 秦王“begin”

衛兵甲：“Let the people of Yan Jingke come in” 秦王：“Jingke.What’s wrong with you？”

荊柯：“Nothing.Nothing.May be there are lots of fleas on my body “.秦王（不煩）：What’s the good things，quickly！”

荊柯獻圖，圖窮匕首見，荊柯舉刀刺秦，（旁白：Go Go Go Only Only響起）秦王摔倒，轉身逃跑，其他人抱頭趴在地上。

兩個人圍著大臣兜圈，過了一會兒……

大臣甲喊道：“Mr King, drink the milk quickly!”扔了一奶壺，秦王接住，咂了一下，頓時，力大無比，立刻將荊柯打倒在地。

秦王:Super rubbish, how dare you kill me? 荊柯:I'm sorry I'm wrong But the prince of Yan told me to。Please forgive me!秦王：You will never live again.What would you like to say?（《大話西游》主題曲響起）

荊柯：My lovely lady，Once there was a truest love put before my eyes ,but I didn't cherish it.Only after losing it.I found myself regretting.No pain in the world comes near this, if God could give me another chance, I would say to the girl “I love you!“If there had to be a limit of time

before the end of love.I hope it would be ten thousand years.秦王（吼道）：Soldiers carry out and put the pig head on the wall！

第五幕：Escape（逃跑）

二個衛兵拖著荊柯上，（手腳以被綁）將荊柯扔到一邊。二人氣喘吁吁，甲搜身。衛兵甲：Bad luck.He has no money.衛兵乙：Money?? You are joking!I have searched all his body, just two socks.衛兵甲:What?? Two socks? 衛兵乙:Nothing.Nothing.(回頭)Too dangerous.衛兵甲:Put the socks out.衛兵乙L極不情愿，拿出了一雙大小不一的襪子

衛兵甲看了看，比了比。將長的裝進了自己兜里，短的扔給了衛兵乙。衛兵乙：Too dirty.(兩人互看)Oh,no.It’s fair.荊柯（抬起頭）：I will give you much more money if you set me free.二衛兵：Really? Where is the money? 荊柯指了指腳上的繩子。二衛兵會意，解開了繩子。

荊柯（站起來）：My brothers, I have a good idea.If you do it, you will get lots of money.二衛兵：Oh, please tell it to us!荊柯:You can tie another person instead of me to put to death.Only the king recognizes me but he won’t watch my death.So no one will find out the secret.二衛兵：Good idea！(豎指)荊柯去一邊的樹林里，拿出兩袋錢，扔給二衛兵便大步而去。二衛兵正指著錢，忽路人出現。二衛兵（雙目相視，大笑，同聲）：Good！兩人一把抓住路人

路人：What have I done? I haven’t done anything wrong.Oh, no no！!Have I crime? 二衛兵（異口同聲）：Maybe.大笑.(Yesterday once more 起)劇情可自行改動，根據人數可將某些角色的臺詞化為一人！或一人多個角色！

第五篇：英語話劇劇本——荊軻刺秦王

4-5人劇本，短小搞笑

Roles: 太子丹；荊軻；荊軻妻；謀士阿三；莫愁；旁白 旁白(Aside)/介紹（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高興狀)Thank u mirror!（面對觀眾）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?

阿三(畢恭畢敬): Honey, I am coming.I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世紀最需要的是什么，人才！這句話要跟觀眾交流，最好由觀眾來回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做贊許狀）Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中劉德華&金成武決斗時的音樂）荊軻

Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荊軻

OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁

Are you challenging me? 荊軻

Of course!聳聳肩表示同意 李莫愁 Come on!音樂起

兩人沖上前來

“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荊軻大笑

李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（贏一個人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荊軻再次大笑

太子丹：（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please? 荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著：

To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荊柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荊柯：I am very busy now!阿三(手指上場的美女，激動狀): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

觀眾甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.荊柯(誠懇狀)If you give me a TCM, I will do anything for you.太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!

Action Ш（《大話西游》主題曲響起）（太子丹，阿三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號》主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經典造型，荊珂：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）荊珂(流淚)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你，選自《飄》)妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荊珂（欲走還留，執子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時，Jack對Rose的傾訴）.妻子:“I promise.” 荊軻:“Never let go.“

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荊軻的發音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號》的臺詞。）荊珂上船，漸漸遠去

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.The End