第一篇：搞笑英語(yǔ)話劇劇荊軻刺秦王(正文及翻譯)

《荊珂刺秦王》

旁白：Long long ago, there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.很久以前，有一個(gè)瘋狂的國(guó)家，在這個(gè)瘋狂的國(guó)家有一些瘋狂的人，試圖用瘋狂的方式展示瘋狂的歷史。荊軻是最有名的劍客并被派去殺清王，嬴政。但最后他失敗了。你想知道當(dāng)時(shí)發(fā)生了什么事？好吧，下面將會(huì)告訴你真相。

Action I 太子丹：(上，掏出乒乓球拍梳頭，做自戀狀)Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫(huà)外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高興狀)Thank u mirror!I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?（向幕里大叫）Where is my minister? 鏡子，鏡子，告訴我，這個(gè)世界上最漂亮的人是誰(shuí)？(畫(huà)外音：是你，太子丹！)謝謝你的鏡子！我是太子丹，魔鏡說(shuō)我是世界上最有吸引力的男人。但嬴政是一個(gè)嫉妒的家伙，我覺(jué)得如果鏡子告訴他真相他會(huì)殺了我。我很害怕。我該怎么辦呢？我大臣在哪里？

阿三:（畢恭畢敬）Honey, I am coming.親愛(ài)的，我來(lái)了。

太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!（極快速的說(shuō)，邊說(shuō)邊指點(diǎn)數(shù)落阿三）

我告訴過(guò)你一次又一次，你應(yīng)該叫我“我最美麗的、優(yōu)雅、英俊、迷人、可愛(ài)、聰明和最親愛(ài)的太子丹”！

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~（作殺狀）

當(dāng)然，親愛(ài)的！我有一個(gè)好主意。我們可以找一個(gè)英雄去殺嬴政~

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 歐耶！二十一世紀(jì)最需要的是什么，人才！好主意！但誰(shuí)是合適的人選？ 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JingKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.經(jīng)過(guò)篩選后我手上有兩個(gè)有前途的人。一是李莫愁小姐，另一個(gè)是荊軻先生。明天他們將PK為世界頭號(hào)殺手。太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 好的，給我盡快得主，好嗎？ 阿三：Yes.Action II 荊軻：（滑太空步上場(chǎng)）Are you Li mochou?（荊軻先上場(chǎng)，李莫愁隨后，上場(chǎng)后慢慢圍繞場(chǎng)地轉(zhuǎn)）李莫愁：Yes.荊軻：OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.好的。我是荊軻，你知道，我會(huì)讓你知道我是世界頭號(hào)殺手之王。李莫愁：Are you challenging me? 你想挑戰(zhàn)我嗎？

荊軻：Off course!（聳聳肩表示同意，耍酷）李莫愁：Come on!（音樂(lè)起《DJ重金屬純音樂(lè)》）兩人沖上前來(lái)

荊軻：Look！帥哥！看！，帥哥

李莫愁回頭看太子丹，太子丹做自戀狀 荊軻揮刀砍中李莫愁

李莫愁倒地（李莫愁以單膝倒地的姿勢(shì)倒下，兩人保持背對(duì)）荊軻大笑（曾小賢的笑聲）

李莫愁：What happened? Are you 使詐？（向后看）發(fā)生了什么？你使詐？

荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（華麗轉(zhuǎn)身加甩頭發(fā)）

贏一個(gè)人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.（上來(lái)兩個(gè)人把李莫愁扛走）

媽媽常說(shuō)：“生活就像一盒巧克力，莫愁。你永遠(yuǎn)不知道你會(huì)得到什么。“我明白了，媽媽是對(duì)的。

荊軻再次大笑（假裝笑嗆著了，咳嗽~）太子丹：How are you?

荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you?（微笑）太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?（伸出手，準(zhǔn)備和荊軻握手）

哦，天哪！你能給我一個(gè)創(chuàng)新的回答“你好嗎？” 荊柯：Sure!（扣了下鼻孔，然后向太子丹伸出手）

太子丹：How are you?（很不情愿，且很惡心，但還是握了手，收回手，并用力的甩了兩下）

荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?（正經(jīng)的說(shuō)）太子丹吐血（阿三接住，荊軻從前面拉住）荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!May I have your name card, please?（重新站起）哦，我也是在開(kāi)玩笑呢！我可以要一張你的名片嗎？ 阿三：Hero，we need your help.荊柯：UFO!(荊軻手指天上，阿三望指的方向看)I am busy now!（快速的說(shuō)）太子丹：You can get a lot of money.（太子丹跳到荊軻面前說(shuō)）

荊柯：UFO!（荊軻手指另一邊，太子丹望指的方向看）I am very busy now!（再次快速的說(shuō)）

阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? IC、ID、IQ卡？

荊柯：I am very very busy now!（指向另一邊的方向）太子丹響指一打，手一揮

音樂(lè)起《Nobody-Wonder片段》

阿三：（手指上場(chǎng)的美女，激動(dòng)狀）Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.（雙手指向荊軻）

看！她是世界上最漂亮的女孩。如果你說(shuō)好的，她就是你的。

荊柯：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!我不得不說(shuō)她是一個(gè)非常性感美麗的女孩，但中醫(yī)是我唯一的愛(ài)！阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荊柯：Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? TCM is Traditional Chinese MM 嘿，兄弟！你這么聰明，但為什么你不知道中醫(yī)？TCM就是中國(guó)傳統(tǒng)美眉

太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is doudou tea It can kill your doudou！（手指向荊軻的臉，荊軻捂住臉）if you help us doudou tea is yours（手敲了敲痘痘茶，然后遞給荊軻）

我必須告訴你的王牌。女士們，先生們，這是痘痘茶。他可以治好你的痘痘 荊柯：doudou tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.（把痘痘茶裝進(jìn)懷里）

痘痘茶！我夢(mèng)想它數(shù)千次。

阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Why don’t you close it up Although your eyes are full of sincerity（抱住荊軻用力的指了指他的腦門(mén)）,（荊軻地道的說(shuō)了一句“讓我看看值不值啊”，然后拿出手掐指開(kāi)始算）I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really? 你想得倒好？假如你想要！你為什么保持沉默？你為什么看著我？你為什么把它收起來(lái)？雖然你很有誠(chéng)意，我很高興，你還是要說(shuō)出來(lái)。你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要？

音樂(lè)起《豬八戒背媳婦片段》

荊軻與阿三開(kāi)始跳舞，最后把阿三甩飛 音樂(lè)起《千年等一回片段》 荊軻與太子丹開(kāi)始跳舞

荊柯：Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.告訴我，我應(yīng)該做什么？我會(huì)為你做任何事。太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）：Yeah！

Action III 音樂(lè)起

荊軻挽著妻子，太子丹，阿三在后

阿三：（跑到荊軻面前）Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.英雄，我們已經(jīng)達(dá)到了沂水河。

荊珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 就停在這里。再見(jiàn)，我的朋友

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹上前和荊軻擁抱，太子丹假裝荊軻身上很臭，剛抱到立馬離開(kāi)，然后拍拍自己的衣服）音樂(lè)起《你是風(fēng)兒我是沙片段》 荊珂：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!我愛(ài)你。對(duì)我而言，你比這個(gè)世界上的任何東西都更有意義。

荊珂：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.我更愛(ài)你。哪怕是世界末日我都會(huì)愛(ài)著你。

妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.怎么樣。作為一個(gè)男人，就去做！我會(huì)一直在這里等你。

荊珂：Sweetheart!You must promise me…you must promise you will survive...you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...never let go…never let go…never let go go go~~寶貝！你一定不能背叛我?你一定不能背叛我?你不要放棄?不管發(fā)生什么事?無(wú)論多么的絕望?現(xiàn)在就答應(yīng)我，永遠(yuǎn)不要忘記…永遠(yuǎn)不要忘記…永遠(yuǎn)不要忘記~~ 妻子：“I promise.” 音樂(lè)起《纖夫的愛(ài)》

荊軻拿著劍走出場(chǎng)，又繞了一圈，再走出場(chǎng)，歌曲唱完留給荊軻場(chǎng)一句“哥哥我岸上走”

妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never…… 這是一個(gè)去死的好日子。再也回不來(lái)了。不......從未......妻子：Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.謝謝你.當(dāng)我得到人壽保險(xiǎn)1000000美元，我將把它的一半，500000美元到您的帳戶(hù)。

阿三：Okay okay!

Action IV

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.然后荊軻送往秦，最終被嬴政殺了。

荊軻(一個(gè)人上場(chǎng)拿著劍用地道的方言)：你敗跑啊，你敗跑啊你！音樂(lè)起《槍聲》 荊軻倒在地上 音樂(lè)起《秘密》

END

第二篇：荊軻刺秦王(搞笑英語(yǔ)小話劇,英語(yǔ)及翻譯)

《荊珂刺秦王》

旁白：Long long ago, there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.很久以前，有一個(gè)瘋狂的國(guó)家，在這個(gè)瘋狂的國(guó)家有一些瘋狂的人，試圖用瘋狂的方式展示瘋狂的歷史。荊軻是最有名的劍客并被派去殺清王，嬴政。但最后他失敗了。你想知道當(dāng)時(shí)發(fā)生了什么事？好吧，下面將會(huì)告訴你真相。

Action I 太子丹：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫(huà)外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!)Thank u mirror!I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do? Where is my minister? 鏡子，鏡子，告訴我，這個(gè)世界上最漂亮的人是誰(shuí)？(畫(huà)外音：是你，太子丹！)謝謝你的鏡子！我是太子丹，魔鏡說(shuō)我是世界上最有吸引力的男人。但嬴政是一個(gè)嫉妒的家伙，我覺(jué)得如果鏡子告訴他真相他會(huì)殺了我。我很害怕。我該怎么辦呢？我大臣在哪里？

阿三: Honey, I am coming.親愛(ài)的，我來(lái)了。

太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

我告訴過(guò)你一次又一次，你應(yīng)該叫我“我最美麗的、優(yōu)雅、英俊、迷人、可愛(ài)、聰明和最親愛(ài)的太子丹”！

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~ 當(dāng)然，親愛(ài)的！我有一個(gè)好主意。我們可以找一個(gè)英雄去殺嬴政~

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 歐耶！二十一世紀(jì)最需要的是什么，人才！好主意！但誰(shuí)是合適的人選？ 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JingKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.經(jīng)過(guò)篩選后我手上有兩個(gè)有前途的人。一是李莫愁小姐，另一個(gè)是荊軻先生。明天他們將PK為世界頭號(hào)殺手。

太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 好的，給我盡快得主，好嗎？ 阿三：Yes.Action II 荊軻：Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁：Yes.荊軻：OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.好的。我是荊軻，你知道，我會(huì)讓你知道我是世界頭號(hào)殺手之王。李莫愁：Are you challenging me? 你想挑戰(zhàn)我嗎？ 荊軻：Off course!

李莫愁：Come on!李莫愁：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

發(fā)生了什么？你為什么不疼？

荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we? 贏一個(gè)人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.媽媽常說(shuō)：“生活就像一盒巧克力，莫愁。你永遠(yuǎn)不知道你會(huì)得到什么。“我明白了，媽媽是對(duì)的。太子丹：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?

哦，天哪！你能給我一個(gè)創(chuàng)新的回答“你好嗎？”？ 荊柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!May I have your name card, please? 哦，我也是在開(kāi)玩笑呢！我可以要一張你的名片嗎？ 阿三：Hero，we need your help.荊柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荊柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? IC、ID、IQ卡？

荊柯：I am very very busy now!阿三: Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.看！她是世界上最漂亮的女孩。如果你說(shuō)好的，她就是你的。

荊柯：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!我不得不說(shuō)她是一個(gè)非常性感美麗的女孩，但中醫(yī)是我唯一的愛(ài)！阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荊柯：Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.嘿，兄弟！你這么聰明，但為什么你不知道中醫(yī)？任何人都可以給你答案。阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM? 觀眾甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.傳統(tǒng)的中國(guó)美眉

太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.我必須告訴你的王牌。女士們，先生們，這是立頓減肥茶。這是一個(gè)全新的聯(lián)合利華中國(guó)產(chǎn)品。

荊柯：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.減肥茶！我夢(mèng)想它數(shù)千次。我的妻子總是威脅說(shuō)要離開(kāi)我，如果我不能減輕我的體重。

阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really? 你想得倒好？假如你想要！你為什么保持沉默？你為什么看著我？雖然你很有誠(chéng)意，我很高興，你還是要說(shuō)出來(lái)。你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要？ 荊柯：Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.告訴我，我應(yīng)該做什么？我會(huì)為你做任何事。

Action III

阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.英雄，我們已經(jīng)達(dá)到了沂水河。

荊珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 就停在這里。再見(jiàn)，我的朋友 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.荊珂：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!我愛(ài)你。對(duì)我而言，你比這個(gè)世界上的任何東西都更有意義。荊珂：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.我更愛(ài)你。哪怕是世界末日我都會(huì)愛(ài)著你。

妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.怎么樣。作為一個(gè)男人，就去做！我會(huì)一直在這里等你。

荊珂：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise 親愛(ài)的！你一定要幫我這個(gè)忙?答應(yīng)我你會(huì)活下去?你絕不會(huì)放棄?不管發(fā)生什么事?無(wú)論多么的絕望?現(xiàn)在就答應(yīng)我，永遠(yuǎn)不要忘記你的承諾 妻子：“I promise.” 荊軻：“Never let go.“

永不放棄

妻子：”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go." 妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never…… 這是一個(gè)去死的好日子。再也回不來(lái)了。不......從未......妻子：Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.謝謝你.當(dāng)我得到人壽保險(xiǎn)1000000美元，我將把它的一半，500000美元到您的帳戶(hù)。

阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.然后荊軻送往秦，最終被嬴政殺了。

第三篇：英語(yǔ)話劇劇本——荊軻刺秦王

4-5人劇本，短小搞笑

Roles: 太子丹；荊軻；荊軻妻；謀士阿三；莫愁；旁白 旁白(Aside)/介紹（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫(huà)外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高興狀)Thank u mirror!（面對(duì)觀眾）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?

阿三(畢恭畢敬): Honey, I am coming.I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世紀(jì)最需要的是什么，人才！這句話要跟觀眾交流，最好由觀眾來(lái)回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做贊許狀）Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中劉德華&金成武決斗時(shí)的音樂(lè)）荊軻

Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荊軻

OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁

Are you challenging me? 荊軻

Of course!聳聳肩表示同意 李莫愁 Come on!音樂(lè)起

兩人沖上前來(lái)

“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荊軻大笑

李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（贏一個(gè)人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荊軻再次大笑

太子丹：（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please? 荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫(xiě)著：

To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荊柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荊柯：I am very busy now!阿三(手指上場(chǎng)的美女，激動(dòng)狀): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

觀眾甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.荊柯(誠(chéng)懇狀)If you give me a TCM, I will do anything for you.太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!

Action Ш（《大話西游》主題曲響起）（太子丹，阿三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號(hào)》主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經(jīng)典造型，荊珂：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）荊珂(流淚)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都會(huì)愛(ài)著你，選自《飄》)妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荊珂（欲走還留，執(zhí)子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號(hào)沉船時(shí)，Jack對(duì)Rose的傾訴）.妻子:“I promise.” 荊軻:“Never let go.“

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荊軻的發(fā)音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號(hào)》的臺(tái)詞。）荊珂上船，漸漸遠(yuǎn)去

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.The End

第四篇：英語(yǔ)話劇劇本——荊軻刺秦王

4-5人劇本，短小搞笑

Roles: 太子丹；荊軻；荊軻妻；謀士阿三；莫愁；旁白 旁白(Aside)/介紹（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(畫(huà)外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高興狀)Thank u mirror!（面對(duì)觀眾）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?

阿三(畢恭畢敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世紀(jì)最需要的是什么，人才！這句話要跟觀眾交流，最好由觀眾來(lái)回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做贊許狀）Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中劉德華&金成武決斗時(shí)的音樂(lè)）荊軻

Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荊軻

OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁

Are you challenging me? 荊軻

Off course!聳聳肩表示同意 李莫愁 Come on!音樂(lè)起

兩人沖上前來(lái)

“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荊軻大笑 李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（贏一個(gè)人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荊軻再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荊柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹暈倒

荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please? 荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫(xiě)著：

To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荊柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荊柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? 荊柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上場(chǎng)的美女，激動(dòng)狀): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荊柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?

觀眾甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荊柯（激動(dòng)）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎……（《No matter》音樂(lè)起，荊軻先與阿三跳探戈，擁入懷中，又甩出去，阿三做嘔吐?tīng)睢Ｈ缓笄G軻與太子丹跳倫巴，最后太子丹擺一個(gè)女性化的造型，向后彎腰并抬其中一條腿，荊軻做調(diào)戲狀。）

荊柯(誠(chéng)懇狀)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!

Action Ш（《大話西游》主題曲響起）

荊珂挽著妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荊珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號(hào)》主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經(jīng)典造型，忽然荊軻看到一個(gè)美女——此時(shí)一個(gè)中國(guó)古典美女經(jīng)過(guò)，向荊軻拋媚眼，并拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看，妻子發(fā)覺(jué)不對(duì)，扭過(guò)頭來(lái)。）荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）荊珂(流淚)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都會(huì)愛(ài)著你，選自《飄》)妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荊珂（欲走還留，執(zhí)子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號(hào)沉船時(shí)，Jack對(duì)Rose的傾訴）.妻子:“I promise.” 荊軻:“Never let go.“

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荊軻的發(fā)音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號(hào)》的臺(tái)詞。）妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，荊珂上船，漸漸遠(yuǎn)去

妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……

妻子(掏出手機(jī)撥號(hào)，阿三接手機(jī))： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.The End

第五篇：大學(xué)生英語(yǔ)話劇--荊軻刺秦王

?旁白： Long long ago, there was a crazy country, in this crazy country，there were some crazy

people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qin,“Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? OK, next show will tell you the truth.? ? Part one 太子丹 : Yingzheng,that bad guy ,treats me even worse than before.Resorts to lots of persons

in his hand,he never cares about me---the most sensible prince under the sun.Recently,he has got much more cities from my hands.How can I live if these things happen againHey！I must think out a good idea.I must make him know who I am.嬴政,那個(gè)壞家伙,對(duì)待我比以前更糟了。仰仗著他手里人多,他從不顧忌我---太陽(yáng)下最明智的王子。最近,他從我手里奪去了更多的城池。,如果這些事發(fā)生，我如何生活嘿！我得想出一個(gè)好主意。我要讓他知道我是誰(shuí)。

? 太子丹:Indeed, tell me what shall we do now? 事實(shí)上,告訴我,我們應(yīng)該做些什么呢?

? 阿三:Just keep calm,please!Let me see!只是保持鎮(zhèn)靜,請(qǐng)!讓我看看!

Ok get one,we can sent a hero to put Ying Zheng to~~~好的,我找到了,我們可以送一個(gè)英雄,把嬴政~ ~? Then, all the beauties,jewelries and cities in Qin is ours~~~ 那么,所有的美女、首飾和城市在秦代是?

? 我們的~ ~ ~太子:Ha, ha~~~.Good idea,Good idea!But do you think who we can sent? 哈哈~ ~ ~。好主意,好主意!但你認(rèn)為誰(shuí)是可以送到呢? 阿三：I have thought about it, we can send Xi Men Chui Xue.He is traveling in our country these

days.I think we can’t lose the chance.We must employ him quickly.我認(rèn)為,我們可以派遣西門(mén)吹雪。他這些日子在我國(guó)旅游。我認(rèn)為我們不能失去這個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)。我們必須雇用他

太子:Well, deal with the things as soon as possible.嗯,處理事情盡快。

? Part two

西門(mén)吹雪 :Today I came here for the fighting, who is the unwanted-life guy.Stand out.今天我來(lái)戰(zhàn)斗,誰(shuí)是unwanted-life的家伙。站出來(lái)

荊軻站在一邊，不敢出大氣。

旁白：Competition begins.荊軻Are you really Xi Men Chui Xue?

西門(mén)吹雪：Just come on.荊軻：Are you sure you are really the Xi Men Chui Xue in the story

西門(mén)吹雪： what a boring man!How dare you ask me such a stupid question? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

荊軻My hero, I admire you just like the yellow river, never endless.I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down.Please don’t kill me.Give me the life, please!

? 西門(mén)吹雪I thought Jingke is a hero.But you beg for life.How can I forgive you ,Give you your

life.(我認(rèn)為荊軻是一個(gè)英雄。但你求手下留情。我怎么能原諒你給你留一條命呢 Maybe I ate too much this morning, Maybe there is something wrong with the rice.(抬頭)where is the toilet?也許?

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? 我吃了太多的今天早上,也許有大米毛病了。廁所在哪里? 荊軻：T-o-i-l-e-t-? 西門(mén)吹雪：WC.荊軻：W-C-? 西門(mén)吹雪：茅廁！Are you happy to hear such rude words?你很高興聽(tīng)到這樣粗魯?shù)脑? 荊軻：I know, I know.Turn left, left and left.我知道,我知道。向左拐,左拐再左拐.西門(mén)吹雪下。太子丹與阿三上，看見(jiàn)荊軻，大吃一驚，太子丹給阿三一個(gè)眼色，阿三會(huì)意。走至荊軻前。阿三: What’s your name, please? Hero.請(qǐng)問(wèn)你叫什么名字?英雄.荊軻不屑一顧。太子丹May I have your name, please?我可以知道你的名字嗎? 荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫(xiě)著Even dying under the flower, Also happy as a ghost.---Happy prince

of the gostjingke：寧 在 花 下 死，作 鬼 也 風(fēng) 流 —快活魔王荊軻是也

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? 太子丹：I am glad to meet you 荊柯：Me too 荊柯突欲走，太子丹給阿三一個(gè)眼色。阿三：Hero, wait for a moment.I have a problem needs your help。英雄,稍等片刻。我有一個(gè)問(wèn)題,需要你的幫助． 太子丹：You can gain a lot of things.荊柯欲走又止。太子丹: Here is a card for traveling all over the world for free, please accept it please, hero.這是一張卡片,周游世界免費(fèi),請(qǐng)接受吧,英雄。荊柯正準(zhǔn)備拿，但馬上又止，轉(zhuǎn)身又欲走 太子丹：I must use the last way.Ladies and gentlemen.This is Miss Huang!我一定要用過(guò)去的方式。女士們,先生們。這是黃小姐。有一妖艷女子走上，走到荊柯面前，給荊柯拋了一個(gè)眉眼。荊柯兩眼發(fā)直。太子丹與阿三Yeah!荊柯：Great man, both born and die for his motherland.I am not the guy who just wants money and beauty.What shall I do? Prince, just say it out.But this lady?? 偉大的人,出生和死亡都為他的祖國(guó)。我不是那個(gè)人只是想要錢(qián)和美麗。我該做什么呢?王子,就說(shuō)出來(lái)。但是這個(gè)女人?? 太子丹：No problem.沒(méi)問(wèn)題。? Part three 挽著那女子，太子丹在后，阿三一手拿著地圖，一手提頭上。阿三：We have already reached Yishui River.我們已經(jīng)達(dá)到沂水河。荊珂：Please just stop here.Goodbye.請(qǐng)?jiān)谶@里停車(chē)。再見(jiàn)。太子丹：Hero, Let me see you off a little further英雄,讓我送你一些 荊珂：What a boring guy.If you walk a little further, then you will go to Qin instead of me 多么無(wú)聊的一場(chǎng)的家伙。如果你再走一段,然后你會(huì)代替我去秦 太子丹：Well.Goodbye.Hero.Here is the map and the head of Fan Yuqi, so as to get trust of the king 好。再見(jiàn)。英雄。這是地圖和樊于期的頭部,從而獲得信任,盡顯王者風(fēng)范 荊珂 ：How can I express my feeling now? I don’t want to leave because I love you.Once I think

I will kill Yingzheng.I can’t help rushing into W.C.you known.I don’t want to go.I don’t want to go.我怎樣才能表達(dá)我現(xiàn)在的感受嗎?我不想離開(kāi),因?yàn)槲覑?ài)你。只要想到我會(huì)殺了Yingzheng。我不能自己的沖進(jìn)了廁所。我不想去。我不想去。

女子：Don’t worry.Do you still love me?別擔(dān)心。你還愛(ài)著我嗎?

荊珂：Sure.I love you just like the mouse likes the rice.I love you more than my own life, more than my wife, more than the whole world.You are the one I first kissed, and I hope you will be the last one.當(dāng)然。我愛(ài)你,就像老鼠愛(ài)大米。我愛(ài)你勝過(guò)我的生命,超過(guò)我的妻子,超過(guò)整個(gè)世? 界。你就是我的第一次接吻,我希望你將會(huì)是最后一個(gè)。女子：Well.If you are still loving me.You should not make me sad Stand up like a man.Don’

t be fearful.I will be right here waiting for you.好。如果你仍然愛(ài)我。你不應(yīng)該讓我傷心站起來(lái)像一個(gè)人。別無(wú)所畏懼。我將在這里等著你。

荊珂：You must wait for me.你必須等我。

女子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，旁白”I will be right here waiting for you”(我將在這里等著你)響起

荊珂上船，漸漸遠(yuǎn)去，女子：Hey！You want to come back, use your pig head, if you come back, the assurance that I bought for you will have no use.Go to your doom.Never come back.嘿!你想回來(lái),用你的豬頭,如果你回來(lái),我買(mǎi)的保險(xiǎn)就沒(méi)有用了。去你的末日。永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)回來(lái)了。? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

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? 一大臣跑在前，一大臣緊隨其后，跑了一圈，便上氣不接下氣。大臣甲（掏出手機(jī)一看）：Hey, bad luck.I am late.The bonus of this month has been lost.嘿,壞運(yùn)氣。我來(lái)晚了。這個(gè)月的獎(jiǎng)金已經(jīng)失去。大臣乙：I am tired.I had been chatting on QQ until 1 o’ clock last night.我累了。我在QQ上聊天,直到昨晚1點(diǎn)鐘。大臣乙（看了一下大臣甲）：Good.Good.Your skin is fine.好。好。你的皮膚很好 大臣甲：I use “ Da Bao” everyday.我用“大寶”每一天 大臣乙：I have heardthe emperor of Yan again give our king some good things.Be quick, to have a look。我的心的皇帝再給我們的王燕一些好東西。快點(diǎn),看了一下。大臣甲：Come on 秦王上座，兩個(gè)大臣各坐一邊。衛(wèi)兵丙：“Can we begin？” 秦王“begin” 衛(wèi)兵丙：“Let the people of Yan Jingke come in”讓人們燕國(guó),荊軻進(jìn)來(lái) 荊柯上。跪下，嚇得直發(fā)抖。秦王：“Jingke.What’s wrong with you？”荊柯,你有什么不舒服嗎? 荊柯：“Nothing.Nothing.May be there are lots of fleas on my body “.沒(méi)有。沒(méi)有。可能有許多跳蚤在我身上 秦王（不煩）：What’s the good things，quickly！”有什么好東西,快!荊柯獻(xiàn)圖，圖窮匕首見(jiàn)，荊柯舉刀刺秦，（旁白：Go Go Go Only Only響起）秦王摔倒，轉(zhuǎn)身逃跑，其他人抱頭趴在地上。兩個(gè)人圍著大臣兜圈，過(guò)了一會(huì)兒?? 大臣甲喊道：“ King, drink the milk quickly!”（國(guó)王，快喝牛奶）扔了一奶壺，秦王接住，咂了一下，頓時(shí)，力大無(wú)比，立刻將荊柯打倒在地。秦王:Super rubbish, how dare you kill me?超級(jí)垃圾,你怎么敢殺我? 荊柯:I'm sorry I'm wrong But it is the prince of Yan told me to do that。Please forgive me!對(duì)不起,我錯(cuò)了,但燕國(guó)國(guó)王指使我。請(qǐng)您原諒我吧!秦王：You will never live again.What would you like to say?你將永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)再活。你想說(shuō)什么? 荊柯：My lovely lady，Once there was a truest love put before my eyes ,but I didn't cherish

it.Only after losing it.I found myself regretting.No pains in the world comes near this, if God Could give me another chance, I would say to the girl “I love you!“If there had to be a limit of time before the end of love.I hope it would be ten thousand years.我的可愛(ài)的女人,曾經(jīng)有一份真誠(chéng)的愛(ài)情放在我面前的眼睛,但是我沒(méi)有珍惜。只有在失去它。我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己后悔了。世界上沒(méi)有痛苦來(lái)到附近,如果上天能再給我一次機(jī)會(huì),我想說(shuō)的是,這個(gè)女孩說(shuō)“我愛(ài)你!“如果有在這份愛(ài)上加上一個(gè)期限結(jié)束前的愛(ài)。我希望它會(huì)是一萬(wàn)年。

秦王（吼道）：Soldiers ,drag him out and put the pig head on the wall！士兵,拖出去并把這頭豬的頭掛在墻上！?