第一篇:奧巴馬幽默拜年:山羊綿羊都要快樂
Michelle and I send our warmest wishes to everyone celebrating the Lunar New Year here in America and all around the world.I’ll always remember the parades, fireworks, and gatherings that surrounded the Lunar New Year when I was growing up in Hawaii.And now as President, this celebration is a perfect reminder of the many cultures and faiths that make us who we are as Americans.米歇爾和我要向在美國和世界各地慶祝農歷新年的人們致以最溫暖的祝福。我永遠記得,當我在夏威夷長大時,人們慶祝農歷新年時的游行、煙花、聚會的場景。現在,我當上了總統,當時的畫面提醒我,正是多元的文化和種族構成了今天的美國人民。
We are a nation of immigrants.Our vast array of traditions and perspectives and backgrounds – our melting pot – is what makes America unique.It’s what keeps us fresh and dynamic and entrepreneurial.That’s why last year, I took action to help fix our broken immigration system.But our work isn’t finished.We’ve still got to come together to pass a comprehensive immigration bill so that we can expand opportunities for more people to study, and serve, and contribute to our nation.Those are the aspirations that have attracted families to our shores for generations.And that story continues today.So whether you’re celebrating the Year of the Ram, the Year of the Goat, or the Year of the Sheep, may we all do our part to carry forward the work of perfecting this country that we love.我們的民族是移民者構成的。美國是一個大熔爐,正是我們多元的傳統、視角和背景,才讓美國人與眾不同。正是這一點讓我們永葆青春,活力無限,樂于創業。這也是為什么去年我采取行動,幫助修復美國支離破碎的移民體系。但我們的工作尚未結束,我們仍然需要團結起來,通過一項綜合性移民法案,這樣我們可以為更多的人提供來美學習、工作、做貢獻的機會。正是這樣的期待,吸引無數家庭一代又一代人移民美國,這樣的故事今日依舊在上演。不管你慶祝的是公羊年、山羊年還是綿羊年,衷心希望每個人都能貢獻自己的力量,推動這個我們深愛的國家變得更加完善。Happy New Year, everybody.再一次祝大家羊年快樂。
第二篇:奧巴馬白宮晚宴幽默演講上演單口相聲
奧巴馬白宮晚宴幽默演講上演單口相聲
自爆齊劉海搞怪照
美國總統奧巴馬4月27日晚上出席白宮記者協會晚宴,公布自己的齊劉海搞怪照片,爆猛料拿自己開涮。晚宴上,奧巴馬公布了一批修改的搞怪圖片。圖片中,第一夫人米歇爾的齊劉海發型轉移到了奧巴馬腦門上。奧巴馬說,希望在第二屆任期中做出改變,提升形象,不知道偷師米歇爾“換發型”算不算其中之一。奧巴馬當晚尺度大開,不斷自嘲。此前,他在復活節慶祝活動上,打籃球曾經22投2中,慘不忍睹的命中率是難得的笑料。總統先生也大方的主動提起,博得在場各位一笑。
Remarks by The President at The White House Correspondents' Association Dinner 英語演講稿:
Washington Hilton Hotel, Washington, D.C.10:14 P.M.EDT
THE PRESIDENT: Thank you.(Applause.)Thank you, everybody.(Laughter.)How do you like my new entrance music?(Applause.)Rush Limbaugh warned you about this--second term, baby.(Laughter and applause.)We're changing things around here a little bit.(Laughter.)
Actually, my advisors were a little worried about the new rap entrance music.(Laughter.)They are a little more traditional.They suggested that I should start with some jokes at my own expense, just take myself down a peg.I was like, guys, after four and a half years, how many pegs are there left?(Laughter.)
I want to thank the White House Correspondents.Ed, you're doing an outstanding job.We are grateful for--(applause)--the great work you've done.To all the dignitaries who are here, everybody on the dais--I especially want to say thank you to Ray Odierno, who does outstanding service on behalf of our country, and all our men and women in uniform every single day.(Applause.)
And of course, our extraordinary First Lady, Michelle Obama.(Applause.)Everybody loves Michelle.(Laughter.)She's on the cover of Vogue, high poll numbers.But don't worry--I recently got my own magazine cover.(Laughter.)
Now, look, I get it.These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I'm not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be.(Laughter.)Time passes.You get a little gray.(Laughter.)
And yet, even after all this time, I still make rookie mistakes.Like, I'm out in California, we're at a fundraiser, we're having a nice time.I happen to mention that Kamala Harris is the best-looking attorney general in the country.(Laughter.)As you might imagine, I got trouble when I got back home.(Laughter.)Who knew Eric Holder was so sensitive?(Laughter and applause.)
And then there's the Easter Egg Roll, which is supposed to be just a nice, fun event with the kids.I go out on the basketball court, took 22 shots--made two of them.(Laughter.)That's right: two hits, 20 misses.The executives at NBC asked, “What's your secret?”(Laughter and applause.)
So, yes, maybe I have lost a step.But some things are beyond my control.For example, this whole controversy about Jaz-Z going to Cuba--it's unbelievable.I've got 99 problems and now Jay-Z is one.(Laughter and applause.)That's another rap reference, Bill.(Laughter.)I'll let you know.(Applause.)
Of course, everybody has got plenty of advice.Maureen Dowd said I could solve all my problems if I were just more like Michael Douglas in “The American President.”(Laughter.)And I know Michael is here tonight.Michael, what's your secret, man?(Laughter.)Could it be that you were an actor in an Aaron Sorkin liberal fantasy?(Laughter.)Might that have something to do with it?(Applause.)I don't know.Check in with me.Maybe it's something else.(Laughter.)
Anyway, I recognize that this job can take a toll on you.I understand--second term, you need a burst of new energy, try some new things.And my team and I talked about it.We were willing to try anything.So we borrowed one of Michelle's tricks.(Laughter and applause.)I thought this looked pretty good, but no bounce.(Laughter.)
I want to give a shout-out to our headliner, Conan O'Brien.(Applause.)I was just talking to Ed, and I understand that when the Correspondents' Association was considering Conan for this gig, they were faced with that age-old dilemma: Do you offer it to him now, or wait for five years and then give it to Jimmy Fallon?(Laughter.)That was a little harsh.(Laughter.)I love Conan.And of course, the White House press corps is here.I know CNN has taken some knocks lately, but the fact is I admire their commitment to cover all sides of a story, just in case one of them happens to be accurate.(Laughter and applause.)
Some of my former advisors have switched over to the dark side.For example, David Axelrod now works for MSNBC, which is a nice change of pace since MSNBC used to work for David Axelrod.(Laughter.)
The History Channel is not here.I guess they were embarrassed about the whole Obama-is-a-devil thing.(Laughter.)Of course, that never kept Fox News from showing up.(Laughter.)They actually thought the comparison was not fair--to Satan.(Laughter and applause.)
But the problem is, is that the media landscape is changing so rapidly.You can't keep up with it.I mean, I remember when BuzzFeed was just something I did in college around 2:00 a.m.(Laughter.)It's true.(Laughter.)Recently, though, I found a new favorite source for political news--these guys are great.I think everybody here should check it out, they tell it like it is.It's called whitehouse.gov.(Laughter.)I cannot get enough of it.The fact is I really do respect the press.I recognize that the press and I have different jobs to do.My job is to be President;your job is to keep me humble.Frankly, I think I'm doing my job better.(Laughter and applause.)
But part of the problem is everybody is so cynical.I mean, we're constantly feeding cynicism, suspicion, conspiracies.You remember a few months ago, my administration put out a photograph of me going skeet shooting at Camp David? You remember that? And quite a number of people insisted that this had been photoshopped.But tonight I have something to confess: You were right.Guys, can we show them the actual photo?(Laughter.)We were just trying to tone it down a little bit.(Laughter.)That was an awesome day.(Laughter.)
There are other new players in the media landscape as well, like super PACs.Did you know that Sheldon Adelson spent $100 million of his own money last year on negative ads? You've got to really dislike me--(laughter)--to spend that kind of money.I mean, that's Oprah money.(Laughter.)You could buy an island and call it “Nobama” for that kind of money.(Laughter.)Sheldon would have been better off offering me $100 million to drop out of the race.(Laughter and applause.)I probably wouldn't have taken it, but I'd have thought about it.(Laughter.)Michelle would have taken it.(Laughter.)You think I'm joking?(Laughter.)
I know Republicans are still sorting out what happened in 2012, but one thing they all agree on is they need to do a better job reaching out to minorities.And look, call me self-centered, but I can think of one minority they could start with.(Laughter.)Hello? Think of me as a trial run, you know?(Laughter.)See how it goes.(Laughter.)
If they won't come to me, I will come to them.Recently, I had dinner--it's been well publicized--I had dinner with a number of the Republican senators.And I'll admit it wasn't easy.I proposed a toast--it died in committee.(Laughter.)
Of course, even after I've done all this, some folks still don't think I spend enough time with Congress.“Why don't you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?” they ask.Really?(Laughter.)Why don't you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?(Laughter and applause.)I'm sorry.I get frustrated sometimes.I am not giving up.In fact, I'm taking my charm offensive on the road--a Texas barbeque with Ted Cruz, a Kentucky bluegrass concert with Rand Paul, and a book-burning with Michele Bachmann.(Laughter and applause.)
My charm offensive has helped me learn some interesting things about what's going on in Congress--it turns out, absolutely nothing.(Laughter.)But the point of my charm offensive is simple: We need to make progress on some important issues.Take the sequester.Republicans fell in love with this thing, and now they can't stop talking about how much they hate it.It's like we're trapped in a Taylor Swift album.(Laughter.)
One senator who has reached across the aisle recently is Marco Rubio, but I don't know about 2016.I mean, the guy has not even finished a single term in the Senate and he thinks he's ready to be President.(Laughter and applause.)Kids these days.I, on the other hand, have run my last campaign.On Thursday, as Ed mentioned, I went to the opening of the Bush Presidential Library in Dallas.It was a wonderful event, and that inspired me to get started on my own legacy, which will actually begin by building another edifice right next to the Bush Library--can we show that, please?(Laughter.)
I'm also hard at work on plans for the Obama Library.And some have suggested that we put it in my birthplace, but I'd rather keep it in the United States.(Laughter.)Did anybody not see that joke coming?(Laughter.)Show of hands.Only Gallup? Maybe Dick Morris?(Laughter and applause.)
Now, speaking of presidents and their legacies, I want to acknowledge a wonderful friend, Steven Spielberg, and Daniel Day-Lewis, who are here tonight.(Applause.)We had a screening of their most recent film, Lincoln, which was an extraordinary film.I am a little nervous, though, about Steven's next project.I saw a behind-the-scenes look on HBO--well, let's just check it out.Roll the tape.(Video is shown.)(Laughter and applause.)
It's a remarkable transformation.Do I really sound like that, though, honey?(Laughter.)
Groucho Marx once said--and, Senator Cruz, that's Groucho Marx, not Karl.That's the other guy.(Laughter.)Groucho Marx once told an audience, “Before I speak, I have something important to say.”(Laughter.)And along those same lines, I want to close on a more serious note.Obviously, there has been no shortage of news to cover over these past few weeks.And these have been some very hard days for too many of our citizens.Even as we gather here tonight, our thoughts are not far from the people of Boston and the people of West, Texas.There are families in the Midwest who are coping with some terrible floods.So we've had some difficult days.But even when the days seemed darkest, we have seen humanity shine at its brightest.We've seen first responders and National Guardsmen who have dashed into danger, law enforcement officers who lived their oath to serve and to protect, and everyday Americans who are opening their homes and their hearts to perfect strangers.And we also saw journalists at their best--especially those who took the time to wade upstream through the torrent of digital rumors to chase down leads and verify facts and painstakingly put the pieces together to inform, and to educate, and to tell stories that demanded to be told.If anyone wonders, for example, whether newspapers are a thing of the past, all you needed to do was to pick up or log on to papers like the Boston Globe.(Applause.)When their communities and the wider world needed them most, they were there making sense of events that might at first blush seem beyond our comprehension.And that's what great journalism is, and that's what great journalists do.And that's why, for example, Pete Williams' new nickname around the NBC newsroom is “Big Papi.”(Applause.)
And in these past few weeks, as I've gotten a chance to meet many of the first responders and the police officers and volunteers who raced to help when hardship hits, I was reminded, as I'm always reminded when I meet our men and women in uniform, whether they're in war theater, or here back home, or at Walter Reed in Bethesda--I'm reminded that all these folks, they don't do it to be honored, they don't do it to be celebrated.They do it because they love their families and they love their neighborhoods and they love their country.And so, these men and women should inspire all of us in this room to live up to those same standards;to be worthy of their trust;to do our jobs with the same fidelity, and the same integrity, and the same sense of purpose, and the same love of country.Because if we're only focused on profits or ratings or polls, then we're contributing to the cynicism that so many people feel right now.(Applause.)
And so, those of us in this room tonight, we are incredibly lucky.And the fact is, we can do better--all of us.Those of us in public office, those of us in the press, those who produce entertainment for our kids, those with power, those with influence--all of us, including myself, we can strive to value those things that I suspect led most of us to do the work that we do in the first place--because we believed in something that was true, and we believed in service, and the idea that we can have a lasting, positive impact on the lives of the people around us.And that's our obligation.That's a task we should gladly embrace on behalf of all of those folks who are counting on us;on behalf of this country that's given us so much.So thank you all, to the White House Correspondents for the great work you do.God bless you all.May God bless the United States of America.END 10:36 P.M.EDT
第三篇:習近平幽默稱“轉達”米歇爾的問候 奧巴馬被逗笑(圖)
原標題:習近平在海牙會見奧巴馬時強調美應在東海南海問題上分清是非
國家主席習近平24日在海牙會見美國總統奧巴馬。習近平強調,今年是中美建交35周年。面對當前紛繁復雜的國際形勢,中美正在合作、需要合作和能夠合作的領域更加廣闊。中方愿同美方一道,始終堅持構建新型大國關系正確方向,推動兩國關系持續健康穩定向前發展。
習近平表示,去年以來,我們通過各種方式保持密切溝通,達成了一系列重要共識,推動中美關系取得了重要積極進展。你日前給我來信,表示始終致力于發展中美新型大國關系,我對此表示贊賞。雙方應該堅持不沖突不對抗、相互尊重、合作共贏原則,以更加積極的姿態、更加有力的行動,加強雙邊、地區、全球各層面協調合作,有效管控分歧和敏感問題。
希望美為中國企業提供公平競爭環境
習近平表示,今年中美各自國內都有重要議程,雙方將舉行一系列重要交往。希望雙方共同辦好新一輪中美戰略與經濟對話、人文交流高層磋商、商貿聯委會,力爭取得更多積極成果。希望雙方加快推進雙邊投資協定談判。希望美方高度重視并認真對待中方關切,切實放寬民用高技術物項對華出口,并為中國企業赴美投資提供公平競爭環境。
雙方加強打擊跨國犯罪等執法合作
習近平表示,中美雙方應繼續加強兩軍各領域各層級對話交流,不斷加深相互了解和信任,防止誤解誤判,開展更多聯演聯訓和務實合作。我贊賞你明確譴責各種形式的恐怖主義。中方愿同包括美方在內的世界各國繼續開展反恐合作。雙方還要加強在打擊跨國犯罪、追逃追贓等方面的執法合作。
習近平強調,在臺灣、涉藏問題上,美方應該恪守尊重中國主權和領土完整、不支持旨在分裂中國活動的承諾。東海、南海問題上,美方應該采取客觀公允態度,分清是非,多做有利于推動問題妥善解決和局勢緩和的事。
習近平表示,中方高度重視應對氣候變化挑戰,為此采取了一系列重大舉措。雙方要落實好商定的應對氣候變化合作項目,并在多邊領域加強政策協調以及同其他國家的溝通和交流,積極推動找到各方都能接受的解決方案。
奧巴馬談昆明暴恐表示加強反恐合作
奧巴馬表示,建交35年來,美中關系取得了長足進展,雙方交往日益密切,兩國利益緊密相關,美中關系已經成為當今最重要的雙邊關系之一。我愿繼續同習近平主席就一系列重大問題保持溝通,共同推動美中新型大國關系建設。美國無意破壞中國的穩定,無意遏制中國,支持中國改革進程。對雙方之間存在的分歧和摩擦,美方愿以建設性的方式處理。美方愿同中方一道,釋放雙方共同致力于發展美中關系的積極信息。
奧巴馬重申,在臺灣、涉藏問題上,美方尊重中國的主權和領土完整,這一立場沒有變化。近來美中兩軍關系取得穩步進展,我贊成兩軍深化實質性對話和務實合作。美方愿加快雙邊投資協定談判進程,為兩國帶來更多貿易、投資和就業機會。美方希望加強兩國在應對氣候變化領域的協調與合作,將其打造成美中積極合作新領域。
奧巴馬再次對前不久發生在昆明的嚴重暴力恐怖事件表示譴責,表示美方反對一切形式的恐怖主義,無論它們發生在何處,都要予以強烈譴責。美方愿同中方繼續加強合作。
雙方談到朝核問題和烏克蘭問題
關于朝鮮半島問題,習近平指出,解決朝核問題唯一正確途徑就是談起來、談出成果。當務之急是盡快重啟六方會談,切實落實“9·19”共同聲明確立的各項目標。中國在半島有重大利益關切,堅定致力于實現半島無核化,維護半島和平穩定。中方愿繼續同美方及其他有關各方保持密切溝通和協調。
奧巴馬介紹了美方立場,表示美方贊賞中方勸和促談的建設性努力,愿同中方保持溝通和協調。
習近平重申了中方對烏克蘭問題的看法和立場,強調中方一直秉持公正、客觀態度。推動政治解決烏克蘭問題符合各方利益。中方已提出了自己的建議主張,包括盡快設立國際協調機制,各方均不采取惡化局勢的行動。中方支持國際社會為緩和局勢所作的建設性努力,對一切有助于局勢緩和和推動政治解決的方案持開放態度。
奧巴馬介紹了美方看法,表示美方贊同中方立場和原則,重視中方作用,愿同中方保持溝通與合作。
雙方還就知識產權保護、人民幣匯率、網絡安全、伊朗核等問題交換了意見。文/新華社記者錢彤陳贄供圖/新華 “習奧會”取得十項成果
新華社電(記者潘治李斌)外交部發言人秦剛認為,兩國元首會晤深入坦誠,富有建設性,雙方達成的共識可歸納為以下10方面:
一、雙方積極評價中美建交35年來兩國關系取得的歷史性發展,愿繼續致力于構建中美新型大國關系,推動兩國關系持續健康穩定向前發展。
二、中美將于年中在華舉行中美第六輪戰略與經濟對話和第五輪人文交流高層磋商。
三、雙方同意加快雙邊投資協定談判進程。雙方支持彼此國內進行的改革議程。美方表示愿為中國企業赴美投資創造公平競爭環境。
四、雙方同意繼續加強兩軍對話與交往。雙方同意盡早建立兩軍重大軍事行動相互通報機制和制定公海海域海空軍事安全行為準則。
五、雙方將盡早啟動中國公安部與美國國土安全部部級會晤機制,加強打擊跨國犯罪、追逃追贓等方面的執法合作。
六、雙方將繼續加強在氣候變化、清潔能源、環境保護等領域對話與合作。
七、雙方愿本著相互尊重、平等相待的精神處理分歧和敏感問題。
八、雙方認為兩國在亞太地區擁有重要共同利益,共同維護地區和平、穩定與繁榮。
九、雙方表示堅定致力于推進朝鮮半島無核化、維護半島和平穩定,通過對話協商和平解決問題。雙方就推動早日重啟六方會談進行了深入溝通,同意共同為此創造積極條件。
十、核安全是兩國在國際安全領域的合作亮點。雙方同意穩步推進核安全示范中心建設、高濃鈾研究堆低濃化改造等重點合作項目,并進一步深化在核安全領域的雙邊合作。雙方將繼續在包括核安全峰會在內的國際核安全進程中保持溝通與協調。
習近平幽默調侃全場大笑
當地時間24日,習近平在荷蘭海牙會見了美國總統奧巴馬。會議期間,習近平幽默地說:“我在與米歇爾臨別時,她讓我正式轉達對總統先生的親切問候。”在聽到英文翻譯后,包括奧巴馬在內的全場人員都被逗笑了。
習近平表示:“在我來荷蘭之前,我和我的夫人與你的夫人米歇爾、你的岳母羅賓遜女士、你的兩個可愛的女兒瑪利亞和莎莎都見了面,我們進行了愉快的談話。我了解她們已經訪問了北京、訪問了西安,現在可能已經飛到成都去了。我相信這是親善之旅、友好交流之旅,她們也會留下難忘的印象。在我與米歇爾臨別時,她讓我正式向總統先生轉達她對你的親切問候。”
整理/本報記者鄒春霞